Come and play with me

[Jennifer C]

Wow it's dead in here tonight ~ What are you all doing?

Pls start a new discussion or write some poems or something ~ Plezzz...

 

[WickedEve]

Beneath His Table

Keep the second "plank" or drop it?

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred the red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over plank
and plank,
boards above.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

 

[Jennifer C]

Keep the second "plank" or drop it?

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred the red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over plank
and plank,
boards above.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

Thank you Eve...

You are a far more experienced poet than me but I don't think you need the second 'plank' it could be taken out without taking anything away from the poem ~ which I really like by the way.

Or I quite like the sound of this

skin over plank
over plank,

but that's just my opinion...

 

[WickedEve]

Thank you Eve...

You are a far more experienced poet than me but I don't think you need the second 'plank' it could be taken out without taking anything away from the poem ~ which I really like by the way.

Or I quite the sound of this

skin over plank
over plank,

but that's just my opinion...

Oh good grief. Of course! Over plank, over plank. I can't believe that didn't dawn on me.

 

[bluerains]

painted in red...

Keep the second "plank" or drop it?

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred the red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over plank
and plank,
boards above.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

why would such a lovely lady in red need permission?

 

[My Erotic Tale]

In order to reach the honey,
one must swat a few a Bees

I stand like the tall California Red Woods
from my bonsai bowl

okay, I came and knocked at your door,
"Can JC come out to play?"

 

[Angeline]

Keep the second "plank" or drop it?

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred the red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over plank
and plank,
boards above.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

This poem is alternatively violent and reflective. I said Wow out loud after I read it (I'm such a hippie). I agree that plank #2 should go, but I'm having trouble with the image. What is above? The body or the plank? I'm confused, lol. I like it, nay love it, but I'm confused on this one point.

 

[Jennifer C]

In order to reach the honey,
one must swat a few a Bees

I stand like the tall California Red Woods
from my bonsai bowl

okay, I came and knocked at your door,
"Can JC come out to play?"

Hey Art ~ i'm out and ready to play...

 

[bluerains]

a great pen from Sofie Cabot

Poems

INTERROGATION

When you have me as I'm standing
Against a wall, my sex becomes
Suddenly agnostic; strange new words
Slip out, your name mentioned twice.

This is not a careful time.
These bodies that have collected love,
That have closely followed the goals
Of line or curve, are becoming

Sentimental. We wander in and out
Of each other's mouths. I keep thinking
You're asking me something. Light
Pours in, hangs like a valuable stone above us.

I lose words remembering to speak.
You press into my skin for veins, finger
By finger, your eyes blank and glazed.
My eyes start to empty too, become

Exactly like yours, until all there is
Is a heart, each beat rendering the last silent.


something about the permission thing brought this to mind...

 

[WickedEve]

This poem is alternatively violent and reflective. I said Wow out loud after I read it (I'm such a hippie). I agree that plank #2 should go, but I'm having trouble with the image. What is above? The body or the plank? I'm confused, lol. I like it, nay love it, but I'm confused on this one point.

Beneath His Table. So, I'm thinking wood table and wood floors. The table is above. Should I make that clearer in the poem? I like the over plank, over plank, but it may not add anything to the poem. I just like repetition. I just like repetition. lol Anyway, it's something I jotted down awhile ago but it looks ready to submit after a tweak or two more. I dropped "the" before the first red.

Edit: This may clear it up.

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over planks,
and boards above me, warming
beneath his plate.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Keep the second "plank" or drop it?

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred the red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over plank
and plank,
boards above.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

I know, my words have no sound
but I like repetition too...

Jennifer C

what'll be, mud pies, sand castle or Dr. .........Suess

 

[Angeline]

Beneath His Table. So, I'm thinking wood table and wood floors. The table is above. Should I make that clearer in the poem? I like the over plank, over plank, but it may not add anything to the poem. I just like repetition. I just like repetition. lol Anyway, it's something I jotted down awhile ago but it looks ready to submit after a tweak or two more. I dropped "the" before the first red.

Edit: This may clear it up.

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over planks,
and boards above me, warming
beneath his plate.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

what if you said "warming the table beneath his plate"? What do you think about that? That's the least obtrusive way to clarify it for me, but maybe I'm the only one who uh missed it.

God it would have been perfect for Erosha, those bums.

 

[WickedEve]

I know, my words have no sound
but I like repetition too...

Jennifer C

what'll be, mud pies, sand castle or Dr. .........Suess

I have a few poems where repitition really works. And I do like to toss in a few lines of rhyme somewhere in the middle of a free verse. That can be a cool, poetic effect. Anyway, time for another poem while I'm in the mood. Actually, I need to edit my rabies poem that I wrote this morning. Never write about rabies.

 

[WickedEve]

what if you said "warming the table beneath his plate"? What do you think about that? That's the least obtrusive way to clarify it for me, but maybe I'm the only one who uh missed it.

God it would have been perfect for Erosha, those bums.

UH! Did they ever update? I sent them a load of poems last year and earlier this year and never heard a peep out of them.
Okay, let me try that line in the poem. I hate editing!

 

[Jennifer C]

I know, my words have no sound
but I like repetition too...

Jennifer C

what'll be, mud pies, sand castle or Dr. .........Suess

Lets start with the mud pies and see where that leads... lol

 

[WickedEve]

Okay, Mistress Angeline

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over planks,
and his plate warming
the table above me.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

Then I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

 

[flyguy69]

There is a dish--blue,
if blues knelt in cream,
that passive shade.
I preferred red, vital

and hot with release.
The red shattered
when he was brutal.
So, here I lie,

belly to wood,
skin over planks,
and his plate warming
the table above me.
I worship his fingers,
reaching down,

and taste
the sauce we simmered.

I lay my tongue,
with his permission,
against the blue.

Why are the colors the driving force behind this poem? They seem incidental to me. I would reorganize it to hit readers with passive, brutal, worship and permission.

Including the word "table" is an improvement because the earlier version read as a riddle.

Edited to add: the sauce makes this poem!

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Lets start with the mud pies and see where that leads... lol

That usually leads to mud-wrestling
you up for it <grin>

 

[Jennifer C]

That usually leads to mud-wrestling
you up for it <grin>

I'm game if you are... ...lol

 

[Angeline]

Why are the colors the driving force behind this poem? They seem incidental to me. I would reorganize it to hit readers with passive, brutal, worship and permission.

Including the word "table" is an improvement because the earlier version read as a riddle.

Edited to add: the sauce makes this poem!

She must keep the colors! This

The red shattered
when he was brutal.

is powerful, and the blues suggests peace, calm--but also cold. The justaposition of such a metaphoric suggestion and the earthiness of the sauce is wonderful. It's a balanced poem.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

I'm game if you are... ...lol

okay, but no mud-slinging
when push comes to shove
"Splat goes the Mud!"
dirty titties ...I love <grin>

 

[WickedEve]

Jen C. I forgot to thank you for the over plank, over plank suggestion. I decided to forget the repetition, but if I had gone with it, I would have used that. Sometimes, I get all bent out of shape over one line or phrase.

 

[champagne1982]

Jen C. I forgot to thank you for the over plank, over plank suggestion. I decided to forget the repetition, but if I had gone with it, I would have used that. Sometimes, I get all bent out of shape over one line or phrase.

I kinda liked when you had "board" in this poem earlier. That word alluded to "table" for in the kings' courts of old, did they not call sitting at dinner, at the board? Then too, in more recent times, the term "board" (as in room and board) means meals.

So for me, call it what you will. I got the plank/board/table metaphor fairly plainly. Maybe it's because I've drank myself under them a time or two?

 

[Jennifer C]

Jen C. I forgot to thank you for the over plank, over plank suggestion. I decided to forget the repetition, but if I had gone with it, I would have used that. Sometimes, I get all bent out of shape over one line or phrase.

Your welcome Eve, I think forgetting the repetition was the right choice for the poem but i'm pleased you liked my suggestion

 

[Jennifer C]

It's quiet in here again tonight ~ is no one coming out to play?...