Colly

[angela146]

I never posted to the official threads. It's been a year. Maybe now the words will come.

Part 1: the encouragement, the support.

She helped me learn how to write for women. That may seem odd. You might think I would already know how to do that. But she helped me to not edit myself, to leave the stuff in the first draft that I always cut out before posting.

When women fantasize, we often spend long hours thinking about texture, background, getting the motivation just exactly right, before we begin to put our hands down there.

She told me that it was OK to leave all of that stuff in a story. That women would like it. That she would like it.

I shared one with her - pages and pages of drivel setting the scene and ruminating about the why and wherefor before there was any action. She enjoyed it and said it was OK, to just post it.

I refined it and tried to gather my nerve.

Then she died, and the one person whom I knew would like the finished story was gone.

And now it's a private little thing that I have with her, a story that only she and I ever shared, and I treasure it.

 

[angela146]

Part 2: the stories, the understanding

Ironically, her stories helped me to understand why I'm not a lesbian - to understand where that point is along the bisexual continuum that tips a woman into the realm where women love women.

She communicated so well what it is to be aroused by a woman, to love a woman in the way that women love women, that I recognized it, saw it, smelled it, tasted it, could even feel it, but needed to step out of it.

For as much as I like women, can feel deep friendship, sisterhood, and love for a woman, for as much as I like having sex with women, I'm not there.

If ever a woman could get inside my head and heart and soul and light my fire, make me crave women the way I crave men, if ever a woman could make me hunger for women, it would have been Colly.

She gave me a mind-meld and showed me the passion - and it's not my passion.

And I love her for it.

And I wish I had told her how much I appreciated what she did for me, how content she made me, the serenity she added to my life.

But she died before I got around to it.

And that's no excuse. She deserved to hear it, to be thanked for it, to be appreciated, and I didn't do it.

 

[angela146]

Part 3: the fantasy

Sometimes I laid in bed and thought about her, thought about giving her the touch of friendship. I day-dreamt about using my hands on her, kissing her, making her happy, making her scream with pleasure - just to see her in the throws of it...

... as my way of thanking her, and showing her how I felt about her...

... then stepping back before she could return the pleasure.

Of course, I knew it would never happen and I'm not sure I would have told her of my fantasies, but then she probably already knew.

I was going to write a story for her, one that would turn her on and drive her to the frenzy of pleasure that my hands would if they could.

And then she died.

My only comfort is that there were those in this world who didn't wait, those who appreciated her, pleasured her, thanked her - those who actually did it when she was among us.

For all of you who didn't wait, thank you.

For Colly,

 

[Selena_Kitt]

 

[RebeccaLeah]

 

[angelicminx]

 

[Chantilyvamp]

She sounds like an amazing woman. I hear all of you talk about her and wish I'd have found the AH a little sooner.


Some People

By Flavia Weedn

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go...Some stay for a while
and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.

They help our hearts to see that
the only stairway to the stars
is woven with dreams...
and we find ourselves
unafraid to reach high.

They celebrate the true essence
of who we are...
and have faith in all
that we may become.

Some people awaken us
to new and deeper realizations...
for we gain insight
from the passing whisper of their wisdom.

Throughout our lives we are sent
precious souls...
meant to share our journey
however brief or lasting their stay
they remind us why we are here.

To learn...to teach...to nurture...to love.

Some people come into our lives
to cast a steady light
upon our path and guide our every step
their shining belief in us
helps us to believe in ourselves.

Some people come into our
lives to teach us about love...
The love that rests within ourselves.

Let us reach out to others
and feel the bliss of giving
for love is far richer in action
than it ever is in words.

Some people come into our lives
and they move our souls to sing
and make our spirits dance.

They help us to see that everything on earth
is part of the incredibility of life...
and that it is always there
for us to take of its joy.

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

 

[shereads]

Peace, Colleen.

 

[glynndah]

 

[elfin_odalisque]

She sounds like an amazing woman. I hear all of you talk about her and wish I'd have found the AH a little sooner.

Chantily, she was an amazing woman and the poem is so appropriate.

From her writing here you can appreciate her talent. Perhaps less obvious was her incredibly detailed research.

Given a load of personal problems, she still tried to help and befriend anyone here who approached her. Her acuity on the boards was a byword.

She also had one of the best AVs on Lit - track back and see an old thread.

She is sorely missed

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[rgraham666]

Her memory keeps me going at times as well.

 

[shereads]

Her memory keeps me going at times as well.

Whatever keeps you around is worth celebrating, Rob.

 

[angela146]

Damn it, Angela, you got into my mind and it makes me feel so happy and warm, and so sad and regretful too.

Thank you.

Goodness, how many of us thought of loving Colly, making love to her? But to walk away afterward and not let her return the pleasure? Blasphemy! She would have killed you, or worse, tongue raped you. She relished, so she said, giving her lover pleasure, and bragged of going for hours tormenting a lover, and making her love it more and more, and never want it to end. Change your fantasy, girl, and let her have her way as she loved to do. Mmm, it might make such a difference if you could really get into it, uh, let her get into you, your mind, that is.

OK, so here's the weird part.

If I had been with her for real, I would have enjoyed it - I would have laid back for her and opened myself to her. Whatever she would have done with me, I'm sure it would have been a mind-blowing experience of sexual friendship.

But as a *fantasy*, it doesn't work, because I don't know what magic she would have had up her sleeve. I don't know how she would have completed the puzzle.

When I've gotten off with a woman, it has usually involved some talk about what we would have our men do to us. And that's not how Colly would done it.

It's one of those cases where the reality would have been far better than the fantasy could ever be.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Colly was one of the best.

 

[Belegon]

I miss her.

I'm very glad we had as much interaction as we did. She was one of the first people I got to know here. She was pleased with the way I wrote about her in my Lit Olympics story and it led to a deeper relationship between us. I gave her a cameo in a story, she helped me with edits and proofs and I did the same for her. She made me one of the few male characters in the Furies and I'm almost as proud of that as I am of helping her with The Spy Wore Petticoats.

Mostly, I'm missing her right now because her beloved Cubs are playing my beloved Padres this week. How fitting. We would have been teasing each other throughout the last couple days, talking trash and laughing. We talked a lot of baseball and I really miss it.

She was a wonderful friend and I can't wait to see her again, although I don't know where that will be.

*HUSG*