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College application essay

Don't spell anything right; admissions boards think that's pretentious. What they're looking for is something the Hulk might have written.
 
Kirkrapine said:
Don't spell anything right; admissions boards think that's pretentious. What they're looking for is something the Hulk might have written.
Click to expand...

You can spell some things right, if they are very simple words. Spell phonetically whenever you can and avoid using capital letters or punctuating correctly.
 
Your main rule will be leaving enough time for this work, start early and always have extra time for editings and checkings of the ready work.
 
Last edited:
Kirkrapine said:
Don't spell anything right; admissions boards think that's pretentious. What they're looking for is something the Hulk might have written.
Click to expand...

Why do you want to attend Harvard?

Smash!

You're in.
 
Off topic but not really since Banner has multiple PhD's so obviously went to college but the Hulk really deserves his own GOOD movie.
Ragnarok kinda ruined it but maybe they could do a Planet Hulk movie. That would be awesome.
 
I didn't like essays when I was in college as well. But now I understand that it isn't hard at all, just right down your opinion and make a right structure. I always used online essay writing service, it helped me pretty much. You can just compare your work with professional essay and make your task much easier.
 
Enola25 said:
How to write a really good one? Can someone share with an experience please?
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I applied to college back in 89, when every school has its own application form that required a typewriter to complete.

Back then, your essay could make or break your application. Is that true nowadays?
 
Oblimo said:
I applied to college back in 89, when every school has its own application form that required a typewriter to complete.

Back then, your essay could make or break your application. Is that true nowadays?
Click to expand...

When I first went to school I was way more worried about the scholarship essays than the college essay. The admissions essay is just talking about yourself.

And like... I am KING of talking about myself.

Me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSwz4m6GQZI

Every college I applied to: WE MUST HAVE THIS YOUNG MAN.

Literally all you have to say is like, "I'm awesome and here's why. Here's the volunteer work I did, here's the clubs I was in, especially the ones I had leadership positions in, here's the jobs I held that I am now going to make sound way more important than they were, here are the skills I have."

It's like padding a resume. I'll never not be pissed that they want you to give them several hundred dollars for the privilege of reading the fucking thing.

Also I had to submit a portfolio and a bunch of research, because of the specific programs I was applying to, and I'm like 3000% sure that was more important than the essay.

College is so much easier than high school, like oh my GOD that was the biggest shock for me. College is a fucking breeze compared to high school, especially if you got most of your basics out of the way in high school.

I went to this prep class to learn how to do those essays and take the tests and shit, to CLEP out of stuff, and pretty much all they told me was to be an attention whore who likes themselves way too much and I didn't need to be told that. But for people who had trouble with that kind of thing, the teacher said to pretend that you were writing it about someone else, someone who had asked you to write a recommendation for them.

Basically take literally anything you've ever done and make it sound fancy. You don't play D&D, you "work cohesively in a group to promote creative problem-solving strategies". You don't work at a water park, you "worked within the community to promote health and safety standards among the youth, proven by the enclosed recommendation by my supervisor," you don't sing in the choir that sometimes goes to nursing homes and hospitals and shit you, "volunteer in a supervised peer group to provide moral support to the elderly of your community through youth-structure programs" you didn't get stuck all summer with your dad at his job as a politician you, "volunteered for several political campaigns active in the community for a variety of activist causes" you didn't take all your core classes at a high-school level to avoid having to pay for them, you "decided to supplement my education by taking the initiative to take advantages of all learning opportunities available to me because education is my top priority" you didn't fuck around on the internet making pokemon fan sites for other children to make Team Rocket porn on, you, "Independently developed and maintained computer literacy in both coding design using languages like html and css, using programs like the Adobe suite". Those are just examples, but the bullet point is to just take whatever boring teenage nonsense you did and slap some bullshit padding around it and they, for some fucking reason, can't see through it. Just take any random activity and ask yourself, "How would a pretentious asshole explain the activity I am right now engaging in?" And then write that down. That's pretty much it. That's all you have to do. And get like your boss or whoever to write something like, "Yeah he does work here" or "yeah he did spend the summer handing out balloons and campaign cards instead of getting to fuck off like someone who's dad wasn't an asshole who used child labor".

Also, I don't know if this helps or not but I pulled that race card HARD because I had an actual race card so you can totally say that you volunteered in the "native American community" because you worked on your aunt's farm on the boundary- they ain't gonna check. Or you can say you "volunteered in a low income community" because your whole damn community is broke as shit.

Seriously just take any nonsense and make it fancy. That's pretty much all I learned in that class about college prep. Whole class could have been an hour long. Thank god I didn't have to pay for it because other people who did have to pay for it said it was like $300, so there, I just saved your ass $300. Go buy a Switch and Breath of the Wild and then tell colleges that you "actively engage in the growing world of technology to advance both introspection and personal problem-solving ability".
 
Oblimo said:
I applied to college back in 89, when every school has its own application form that required a typewriter to complete.

Back then, your essay could make or break your application. Is that true nowadays?
Click to expand...

I typed on a typewriter once because I did often have to just go spend hours at a time in a jail when I stayed with my dad because he just like... didn't have anything to do with us and didn't want to actually watch us so we had to sit in his office and they had a typewriter AND a word processor for some reason.

Then things are crazy. You had to beat the SHIT out of them.

I mean, "I took an active interest in preserving traditions of the past in an independent environment."
 
I went to a rather ancient and prestigious university in the UK and I did not even apply. They rang me up and I was more or less instantly recruited on the understanding that I would play cricket for the university. ;)
 
Just do a science degree, you'll never have to write an essay again.
 
Unless I have something scheduled, I don't know (or care) which day of the week it is. No way I can remember what I wrote in a college application essay decades ago.
 
I went to a state school. I seriously don't remember if I wrote an essay, or if one was required. I was that 80s... its been a while.
 
Personally, I didn't have to write an essay until I took English.




They teach that when you get a Science or Math degree...
 
This is Lit. I thought you just sent a photo of your tits and slept with your professors? Isn't that how it works?
 
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