Cold Dead Fingers

[BadForm]

There are things that you remember about the most shocking times of your life, but they are not always the things you think would make the biggest impact. I remember that the sun was shining. I remember that the single cloud hovering over the horizon reminded me of the shape of a loveheart from a hallmark card. I remember I was taking an engagement ring over to my girlfriend's house to propose to her. We had been together for 14 months, and fallen deeply in love. Today I was going to see just how deeply. I had a whole speech prepared about how much I adored her, how I worshipped her like a goddess - a venus to my cupid, how much I longed to spend the rest of my life with her and grow old together. I probably wouldn't use it, but I had it typed out and kept in my trouser pocket just in case inspiration deserted me when it came to asking for her to marry me.

I don't remember the feeling of the knife at my throat. I don't remember the sensation of a blow from a baseball bat to the back of my skull. I don't even remember how many muggers there were. I vaguely remember them taking the ring and leaving the note.

I do remember the darkness closing in as I hoped my girlfriend would understand me being late for our date.

When I awoke I found it was dark. My head throbbed viciously and my body felt a pain unlike anything before. I wondered how long I'd been unconscious and suddenly recalled the theft of the ring. I reached my hand towards my pants pocket and realized I wasn't wearing dockers any more but something that felt more like my interview suit. That didn't make sense. I reached up towards my chest, my hand bumping to a vaulted and padded ceiling a few inchest over my head as I did so. I was confused, wondering what exactly was going on. Feeling around some more I discovered I was in an extremely small room, not even an inch larger than me in some parts. How had I gotten there? Had the muggers taken me? Outside a voice was speaking. It sounded like a priest talking about the special life somone had had. I assumed he was talking about Jesus, though as it wasn't my religion I really didn't recognize the speech. I had to escape.

I raised my hands up to the ceiling and began to apply pressure. Wood began to splinter and crack. Suddenly a woman screamed as light flooded into the tiny box of a room. I sat up and found that I was in what looked like a church and had I not known any better, I would have sworn I was sitting in the remains of a coffin. That freaked me out. None of this made any sense. I glanced around for reassurance and found I was staring down at a large group of people sitting in lines looking back at me. There, in the front, was my girlfriend. She was dressed in black and looked awful.

"I'm sorry I'm late, sweetheart." I said.

 

[papillon24]

Kara was shocked as she starred at him blankly. This couldn't be happening. She felt her face go blank.

A week ago she had gotten the call. It was the worst thing she could have ever imagined. She had felt horrible about the way she had felt. Mad...That was what had run though her mind till it happened. they were to go to dinner and then to the park.

His mom had called with a blank tone in her voice letting her know of his death.

the week had gone by in a blur. For days she had stayed with her family at their home. Kara had cooped herself up in her room crying.

Now it was all blank. there he sat in the coffing pale as a ghost looking back at her. she did not know what to feel. She was scared and confused.

 

[BadForm]

What was going on? Everyone was screaming now, except Kara, and even she was looking terrified. Several people had started to run down the aisles towards the door. I recognized my own parents among them. From the left, another woman screamed and when I looked I saw my mother faint. All the noise was making my headache worse and I reached behind me to the base of my skull. That was when I realized I had a piece of plastic covered in false hair stuck to my neck. I pulled at it and it came painfully away. When I put my hand back I found a hole in my head.

"Honey," I called out to Kara in desperation. "Help me! What's happened? What's going on?"

My hand continued to run at the hole in my head, feeling something soft beyond. Pressing it only made a shooting pain briefly replace the agonizing throb that pulsed through my mind. I looked at Kara and she remained immobile. Why wasn't she helping me? Perhaps she was as confused as I was. I stood from the dais on which I lay and approached her.

"Kara, you have to help me, I think I need a hospital!"

 

[papillon24]

"Kara, you have to help me, I think I need a hospital!"

"This can't be happening...y..you're dead" she whispered almost below levels in which a human could hear.

She watched as he began to move towards her. Fear ran though here mind. She jumped when she felt a hand grab a hold of her shoulder. She looked to see her father standing there.

"Come on Kara."He spoke and pulled her to her feet and began to drag her towards the door.

She snapped from her shock and turned to follow her father out the door. She turned once more to face him. she could sense his fear and confusion. This was all too much. She knew he was dead. She had identified him in the morgue alongside his mother.

And now he stood in plain sight heading towards her.

She felt another jerk on her arm as her father pulled on her once again.

"I'm sorry" she mouthed to him him before turning to leave the church and him behind

 

[BadForm]

"Kara?"

I was even more confused as her father dragged her away. Why was he taking her from me? Why was she letting him? She had mouthed something that was lost in the commotion of the fleeing crowd. Beside me, I heard the priest start to vomit. I looked at my girlfriend being dragged away and slowly stepped forwards. When she cast a look back at me I knew she was being dragged off against her will. Whatever was wrong with her father, I had to stop him.

My legs ached as I began to move faster. For some reason I couldn't quite seem to break into a run, and that meant they were getting further away. They slammed the heavy church doors when they reached them and I tried to move faster. I pushed the doors open and...

...I stared in shock as the doors smashed into the walls at either side and were ripped from their hinges. I hadn't pushed them with that strength. Hell, I didn't even have that kind of strength. Then I recognized the words that Kara's mouth had formed.

"This can't be happening...y..you're dead."

But that didn't make any sense. How could I be dead? I was walking, talking. I was breathing...

...I wasn't breathing. I forced myself to inhale and felt assured I had simply forgotten to breath for a moment in shock, that sort of explained it. I had no idea what was happening to me, but I knew where Kara lived and all I could do was go there.

 

[papillon24]

"I'm taking you home and you are to stay there. Do You understand?"

Kara nodded as she followed behind him. Every once in a while she would look back wondering where he was and what was happening.

"This is a dream. This can't be real. Not a dream but a nightmare." She spoke aloud to herself.

Soon they stood in front of her apartment.

"Give Me Your Keys." she handed her father her purse and he dug out her keys and opened the door.

Kara waked in in a daze and sat on the couch.

"I have to go and check on your mother and the others. Will you be ok here for a bit?"

"Yes" the words barely escaped her lips.

He grabbed a glass and a bottle of wine from the fridge and set it on the coffee table in front of her.

"Just in case"

 

[BadForm]

Thankfully, when I left the church, I realized it was St. Matthews The Nearly Divine on Duke Street. Kara's home was very close. Even with my knees seeming to sieze up briefly as I walked, I would be there within twenty minutes. I plodded through the streets, surprised when a child saw me and screamed. Why was everyone screaming today? I could not understand.

I remembered the words I had seen Kara murmur, but they didn't make sense. I was not dead. Of course, that would explain why I was in a coffin, in a church, surrounded by people wearing black. But it couldn't be. Quite simply, dead people didn't talk and walk. I wondered if perhaps I had been sent into a coma for a brief spell and the doctors had made a mistake. Yes, that had to be it. A mistake.

I strode up to her door and gave it a sharp rap. The wood splintered beneath my knuckles and I stared at it in greater shock than ever before. I had only knocked as I normally did when I called on her, but that was the second time today that I had somehow managed to damage property without trying. I had to be more careful.

"Kara," I called and for a second my voice sounded strange, taking on a sort of gutteral growl. I coughed and called again, convincing myself I now sounded like my usual self. "Kara, let me in. Help me!"

 

[papillon24]

She had just finished pouring a glass of wine when the door crackled and splintered. She jumped and screamed as she backed away. She reached for the baseball bat that she kept behind the couch for protection, knocking over the wine in her attempt.

"Kara, let me in. Help me!"

This couldn't Be happening. She knew that this wasn't happening. Everything that was logical told her that this couldn't be happening. Her mind spun as her breathing sped up. She could feel her stomach tighten as she raised the baseball bat.

It was his voice, but is was altered in such a strange way. She shook her head. It couldn't be him

"Go away. This can't be happening. You've been dead a week." She screamed at the door.

she backed her way into the bedroom locking the door behind her. she turned and shoved a chair up against the door to block it. then she made her way to the window.

opening it quickly she stepped out onto the fire escape. Kara slammed the ladder down and climbed down as fast as she could and made her way down the back ally towards the street

 

[BadForm]

I heard her shout, heard the window open and heard footsteps land on the road on the other side of the building. Somehow I knew it was Kara running away. I also knew where she was going. She was going to her parents. The only two other places she would likely go with problems of this magnitude were my place and Sarah's, her friend from the Crisis line. However, going to my place wouldn't resolve her dilemma and Sarah would hardly believe that I was a zombie. Only her father would know the truth. I doubted that I had ever thought that clearly while alive.

And the truth hit me.

It had been my funeral.

I was not breathing again.

I really was dead.

Still, that was no reason to abandon me. I had been going to propose to her earlier, she had no reason to leave me now. She had climbed down her fire escape to get away from me, which meant she was on the opposite side of the building to where she parked her car. If I could make it back down the two stories to her car quickly enough I could catch up with her. There was only likely to be one way I could do that though, and I hoped that being dead meant it wouldn't hurt.

I jerked my way over to the hallway window quickly and flung it open, surprised again at my undead strength as the window snapped from its hinge into the wall sending the frame and shattered glass downward in a deadly rain. I leaned out and saw her car parked by the kerb. Kara was already in sight, I had to move immediately. I climbed onto the sill and jumped.

I crashed into the ceiling of the car, denting it severely. I stared straight at Kara as she tugged on the now buckled door. I gave her a smile that seemed to unnerve her even more.

"Going somewhere?" I demanded.

 

[papillon24]

She Stopped cold in her tracks. There he stood in front of her once more. Where had he come from? She looked up and realized that he had jumped.

"I...I.." She tried to speak but the words would not come out. She stepped back a bit from the car and tried to make it back to the ally way. She stepped but not far enough catching her feet on the curb. She braced herself but she still fell hard. Her head hit the parking meter. Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to let her vision clear.

"What is going on? What do you want from me.?"

She stood up holding onto the meter to catch her balance.

 

[BadForm]

The question hurt as much as the bat that had been used to kill me. What did I want from her? No, she should have asked what did I want from us. In the end that was all I really wanted, us, together forever. Just because I was dead did not mean I did not deserve happiness, nor that I did not want to give joy and comfort in return. I dropped from the roof of the car to stand before her.

"Kara, I love you," I said. "I had been coming to propose to you when I was mugged. Did you not find the note in my pocket? Or did my parents find it and not share it? I love you Kara, please don't run from me."

I waited in apprehension to see her reaction. Could she accept me as I was, or was she married to the old image she had of me? I did not see why someone who truly loved you wouldn't be glad to see you back from the grave.

 

[papillon24]

Note..There had been a note? Her head had still spun from the throbbing that blurred her vision. All she could remember was the horrible phone call that had haunted her over the past week. Note...There might have been one. Was There?

The question flowed though her ming like water though a sieve with big holes.

"I don't remember a note. I just remember a call letting me know you died..were killed..." Her voice trailed off. She stood straight and turned back to look at him.

This is too weird. Something was wrong with this. What he had said had pulled at her heart but something in her mind told her that this was not right and would never be right.

Kara Pulled her jacket close to her body. It wasn't cold out but the situation gave her chills that ran straight though her. It was him..she could see that in his eyes. The rest of him gave her the creeps.

"I don't know what to think of this...."She paused for a moment. A tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn't tell if it was fear, sadness or confusion. "I just don't know."

She turned away and began to walk slowly down the street towards her apartment. The street wasn't crowded be the people that were there stopped and stared. She stopped and realized it was him they stopped to stare at.

Kara turned to him.

"You coming?"

 

[BadForm]

That was my Kara, back to her usual self. Independent, strong and loving. Other people were looking at us both as though there was something wrong with us, and staring at me in stark horror. I realized that the part of my skull that had been replaced with plastic to look whole following the beating was missing. That was probably more than enough reason for people to be horrified. Not my Kara.

"You coming?" she asked and I followed her.

Yes, she still had tears in her eyes, she had been through a lot. Frankly, seeing your boyfriend wake up several days after he had been murdered was more than most people could stand. The fact she had not totally fallen apart was credit to her. Now I just had to make sure that I didn't fall apart, literally.

"Yes, my love," I said. "I am coming. I am a little slow, it is hard to get used to moving dea... to moving legs that haven't moved for a while."

I tried to think of what I could offer her that might make her feel somewhat better. Somehow, I had my doubts that a doctor would be willing to operate on someone who wasn't breathing most of the time. Nor, I realized were most of my other normal bodily processes operating unless I made them. I would have to try to get used to making my body ACT normal, even if it wasn't. A thought occurred to me, perhaps the funeral director who had initially repaired me could work his magic again. That said, he could be reluctant to work on a cadaver that was complimenting him on his work as he did it. Life... or whatever it was... was going to be difficult.

 

[papillon24]

She reached for the partially splintered door and pulled it open. What was to become of this? She took her time as she made her way to the couch, picking up a few things here and there. She righted the fallen wine glass picking it and the bottle up and taking both the the sink.

The stain..how was she to get that out....oh well..it didn't matter now. She didn't know what to do. tear began to fall once more from her eyes.

She turned at the sound of him at the door jumping a little at the sight of him. This was going to get some getting used to. He was back..kind of.

"I need to go change..you know where everything is."

She charged by him quickly and into the bathroom. She flung the taps open and let the air steam up.

 

[BadForm]

I started out to make a coffee for us both, wondering if I knew enough to make my digestive system work or whether I would simply end up bloated. Walking around the kitchen to get the cups, sugar and milk brought all the old memories back to me. How loving we had been, how passionate, how warm. That's when I realized just how cold I felt now. I had not been circulating blood, or doing any of the myriad other things that were necessary to regulate heat. I no longer needed it, feeling ice cold was no longer an unpleasant sensation, just a sensation. In some ways it was hardly even that, more a spiritual knowledge.

I tried to work out what I needed to do with my body in order to function normally. Certainly blood circulation was essential. I concentrated on starting my heart. With that done, I knew I needed to breathe so I focussed once more on my lungs and diaphragm. My heart stopped. I realized it only after concentrating on my breath for a while. I tried to focus more widely, encompassing both heart and lungs in one thoughts. That helped, but it still wasn't enough. There was a whole reproductive system - if that was even worthwhile starting again. There was an endocrine system, about which I could remember nothing. There was the digestive system, nervous system, skin, bones, hair growth even. It struck me that the human body couldn't be more complex if it were designed by NASA.