Cocks! Inspiration for porn writers.

[Liar]

Let's see how many men dares to open this thread.



We all struggle with finding synonyms and metaphors for the privare parts when we write our smut. Let's see what a few of the big fish out there have written on the subject of...well...big dicks:

"a squat dark organ of impressive diameter and circumference"
Salman Rushdie - The Moor's Last Sigh.

"for so heavy and massive were his private parts"
Petronius - The Satyricon

"hangeth dangling at liberty as far as it can reach, with a wiggle-waggle down to their knee"
Francois Rabelais - Gargantua and Pantagruel

"You don't just shout: I've got a great big tonker."
Terry Pratchett - Lords and Ladies

among many....

Check out the rest yasself:

http://www.bigdicklit.com/

There's a Shakespeare section too. I haven't dared looking in there just yet.

#L

 

[Guest]

A great big tonker!? Love it!

Off to look at that site...

 

[Guest]

Wonderful, Liar. The Shakespeare's fun. Thanks, P.

 

[minsue]

From the Misc Dicks:

Still Life with Woodpecker
by Tom Robbins
Page 215:
His phallus was long, slender, and slippery, and as curved as a Phoenecian eyebrow. Aroused, it stood politely on end; but bowed backward so that its head, as smooth and purple as an eggplant, almost touched his belly.

I'll never look at Phoenician eyebrows the same way again. (I must go pluck mine out now....)

 

[English Lady]

*chuckles* very cool. its nigh on a dick-tionary in there


(someone had to!)

 

[BlackShanglan]

"Describe your balls!"

... heavy, black, and pendulous ...

Sorry. One too many RHPC parties.

Shanglan

 

[Liar]

*chuckles* very cool. its nigh on a dick-tionary in there


(someone had to!)

Indeed. Good that we got it oven and done with.

 

[English Lady]

Indeed. Good that we got it oven and done with.

Glad to be of assistance

 

[TheEarl]

Kurt Vonnegut - Breakfast of Champions

Page 148-149

Dwayne Hoover, incidentally, had an unusually large penis, and didn't even know it. The few women he had had anything to do with weren't sufficiently experienced to know whether he was average or not. The world average was five and seven-eighths inches long when engorged with blood. Dwayne's was seven inches long and two and one-eighth inches in diameter when engorged with blood.
Dwayne's son Bunny had a penis that was exactly average....

Kilgore Trout had a penis seven inches long, but only one and one-quarter inches in diameter. Harry LeSabre, Dwayne's sales manager, had a penis five inches long and two and one-eighth inches in diameter.

Cyprian Ukwende, the black physician from Nigeria, had a penis six and seven-eighths inches long and one and seven eighths inches in diameter.

Don Breedlove, the gas-conversion unit installer who raped Patty Keene, had a penis five and seven-eighths inches long and one and seven-eighths inches in diameter.


Page 151
The largest human penis in the United States was fourteen inches long and two and a half inches in diameter. The largest human penis in the world was sixteen and seven-eighths inches long and two and one-quarter inches in diameter. The blue whale, a sea mammal, had a penis ninety-six inches long and fourteen inches in diameter.

Page 218
His name was Eldon Robbins, and he had a penis nine inches long and two inches in diameter.

Sounds like a very amateur Lit story. NO PENIS MEASUREMENTS!

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

Page 420:
And she admits she likes his cock. But what Harry might not appreciate, being a man, is that a big one like Ronnie's doesn't change size that much when it's hard, just the angle changes. It doesn't go from being a little bonneted sleeping baby to a tall fierce soldier like this.

Quite possibly the best description of a penis I've ever heard. Loved the bonneted baby to fierce soldier metaphor.

The Earl

 

[LadyJeanne]

Sounds like a very amateur Lit story. NO PENIS MEASUREMENTS!

The Earl

Or the X-rated Bible...and Esau with a penis of 5 and seven eighths in length begat Jonah with a penis of 6 and one quarter inches in length begat Gavriel with ...

 

[LadyJeanne]

Quite possibly the best description of a penis I've ever heard. Loved the bonneted baby to fierce soldier metaphor.

The Earl

I always like it when the tender sprout shoots up like a manificent stalk. Maybe it's that food thing, again.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Quite possibly the best description of a penis I've ever heard. Loved the bonneted baby to fierce soldier metaphor.

The Earl

bonneted baby! That's even better than my previous favorite, "An acorn wearing a turtleneck."

 

[LadyJeanne]

bonneted baby! That's even better than my previous favorite, "An acorn wearing a turtleneck."

adn then there's the adorable 'shy turtle peeking out from its shell'



someone stop me, please

 

[Guest]

These prick metaphors call to mind more Shakespeare for me. In "Twelfth Night" when Viola (cross-dressed as Cesario) first comes to Olivia's house, the mistress and Malvolio have this bit of dialogue (I.v.):

Olivia: What kind o' man is he?
Mal: Why, of mankind.
Olivia: What manner of man?
Mal: Of very ill manner: he'll speak with you, will you or no.
Olivia: Of what personage and years is he?
Mal: Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a codling when 'tis almost an apple.


I love the entendres, the imagery for the young male dangly bits, such tenderness in the language. P.

 

[BlackShanglan]

If true it be, noble was his size - i.e., the heptad of Fergus was not often met with any other, to wit, seven feet between his ear and his lips, and seven fists (= 42 inches) between his eyes, and seven fists in his nose, and seven fists in his lips. The full of a bushel-cup was the moisture of his head when being washed. Seven fists in his penis. A bushel-bag in his scrotum. Seven women to curb him unless Flidais should come. Seven pigs and seven vats (of ale) and seven deer to be consumed by him, and the strength of seven hundred in him.

Hmmm. Not for nothing do they call this one "Great Stallion of Virility!" But I'd really like to meet this Flidais as well ...

Shanglan

(Later edit - Sorry, that's not from the site. It's from a translation from the Tain, courtesy of Whitley Stokes.)

 

[Kassiana]

Hmmm...if you want, you can use an inadvertent error my husband encountered in an on-line RPG. The player in question was describing his character. He intended to say his character was naked from the waist up, except for his dangling holy symbol of Baal.

He wrote that his character was naked from the waist down.

So guys, how are your dangling holy symbols of Baal doing?