Nobody Special's wife
Just Peeking
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2000
- Posts
- 2,702
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa¹s a wreck,
How to live in a world politically correct.
His workers no longer want to be elves,
Vertically challenged they¹re calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
4 reindeer have vanished without much propriety,
Released to the wild by the humane society.
And equal employment has made it quite clear,
That Santa cannot use just his reindeer.
So Dancer and Donder and Comet and Cupid
Were replaced by 4 pigs (and that sure looks stupid).
Runners were removed from his sleigh,
Being determined dangerous by the E. P. A.
And people started to call the cops,
When they heard noises on their rooftops.
Second hand smoke from his pipe made them frightened,
And a fur trimmed suit was called unenlightened.
And to show you the strangeness of life¹s ebb and flows,
Rudolph¹s lawyer was suing for use of his nose.
He¹d gone on Springer in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in compensation.
v So with half of his reindeer gone and his wife,
Saying she¹s had enough of this lifeŠ
Joined a empowerment group and left in a whizz,
Demanding that now her title was MS.
And as for the gifts , he had no notion
That making a choice causes so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
What to give him? What to give her?
Nothing that may possibly pollute,
Nothing that can aim and then shoot
Nothing that clamored or made too much noise,
Nothing that¹s just for girls or for boys,
Nothing that¹s too gender specific,
Nothing warlike or too non-pacific,
No candy that can be harmful to your tooth,
Nothing that embellishes a truth.
And faerie tales, while not yet forbidden,
Like Ken and Barbie are better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who say the only good gifts are those ecological.
Dolls are sexist and should be passe,
Playstation will just rot brain cells away.
So Santa sat there quite perplexed,
He didn¹t know what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you must be careful with that word today.
His sack went limp and fell to the ground,
Nothing acceptable was to be found.
So a gift was needed with no indecision
To please every group and every religion.
Every culture of every hue,
Everyone everywhere (even you).
So here¹s the gift,
Priced beyond worth
May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth!
Hope you all have a Safe Christmas and a Happy New Year
THE WIFE
How to live in a world politically correct.
His workers no longer want to be elves,
Vertically challenged they¹re calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
4 reindeer have vanished without much propriety,
Released to the wild by the humane society.
And equal employment has made it quite clear,
That Santa cannot use just his reindeer.
So Dancer and Donder and Comet and Cupid
Were replaced by 4 pigs (and that sure looks stupid).
Runners were removed from his sleigh,
Being determined dangerous by the E. P. A.
And people started to call the cops,
When they heard noises on their rooftops.
Second hand smoke from his pipe made them frightened,
And a fur trimmed suit was called unenlightened.
And to show you the strangeness of life¹s ebb and flows,
Rudolph¹s lawyer was suing for use of his nose.
He¹d gone on Springer in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in compensation.
v So with half of his reindeer gone and his wife,
Saying she¹s had enough of this lifeŠ
Joined a empowerment group and left in a whizz,
Demanding that now her title was MS.
And as for the gifts , he had no notion
That making a choice causes so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
What to give him? What to give her?
Nothing that may possibly pollute,
Nothing that can aim and then shoot
Nothing that clamored or made too much noise,
Nothing that¹s just for girls or for boys,
Nothing that¹s too gender specific,
Nothing warlike or too non-pacific,
No candy that can be harmful to your tooth,
Nothing that embellishes a truth.
And faerie tales, while not yet forbidden,
Like Ken and Barbie are better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who say the only good gifts are those ecological.
Dolls are sexist and should be passe,
Playstation will just rot brain cells away.
So Santa sat there quite perplexed,
He didn¹t know what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you must be careful with that word today.
His sack went limp and fell to the ground,
Nothing acceptable was to be found.
So a gift was needed with no indecision
To please every group and every religion.
Every culture of every hue,
Everyone everywhere (even you).
So here¹s the gift,
Priced beyond worth
May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth!
Hope you all have a Safe Christmas and a Happy New Year
THE WIFE
