Christmas Tat - Can you beat this?

[oggbashan]

Outside one of the local shops this morning was what I thought was the ultimate in useless Christmas ornaments:

It was a four foot high stuffed plush reindeer wearing a red Father Christmas outfit but its face was that of a Teddy Bear (with Rudolf's red nose).

Apart from the oddity of a hooved quadruped wearing red trousers and standing on two legs, its antlers were bright green velvet, its face was flattened bear and its nose was a red ball.

I would have taken a photo to show you, but by this afternoon the whole stock had been sold!

Who would want such an aberration? What do you do with it after Christmas?

Can you find anything worse?

Og

 

[R. Richard]

Who would want such an aberration? What do you do with it after Christmas?

Og

Your pardon Og, however I think you have overlooked a key question. What do you do with it DURING Christmas? Another question I have is, "Did they attempt to sell one to a blind person and did the blind person's guide dog attack the salesperson?

 

[Huckleman2000]

I'm afraid, dear Ogg, that you've stumbled upon the "Griswold Aesthetic", named for the family in the National Lampoon's Christmas movie. Chevy Chase, the hapless Clark Griswold in the movie, attempts to salvage the holidays for his family despite his tragic loss of job. Prior to this, he expects a sizable holiday payout, which he splurges into a garish holiday display of lights and kitsch - in the event, this becomes an elaborate FU to his employer, and authority in general. Somehow, it all becomes reconciled in the end.

While I don't quite understand it, this explains all you need to know about the sale of the man-deer Rudolph-bear.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

 

[colddiesel]

It's not exactly a 'Tat' story but my grandmother told me that when she was a child 70 years ago her Australian father shot, skinned and stuffed two Koala bears for her and her sister at Christmas. Attitudes change!!

 

[shereads]

Who would want such an aberration? What do you do with it after Christmas?

Regifting and bonfires. (Either, not both.)

Can you find anything worse?

A challenge! Dammit, Og, I'm already behind at work. This will consume most of the afternoon.

Before I begin a thorough search, I propose that the elite of decorative Christmas awfulness is the motion-detecting singing Santa that swivels its hips, Elvis-style. The clerks at stores who sell those things get to hear them perform every time a customer passes the display, beginning the week after Halloween. If there are any statistics on the number of murder-suicides in the households of these store clerks during the holidays, they're being kept under wraps by the motion-detecting singing hip-swiveling Santa industry.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Regifting and bonfires. (Either, not both.)

A challenge! Dammit, Og, I'm already behind at work. This will consume most of the afternoon.

Before I begin a thorough search, I propose that the elite of decorative Christmas awfulness is the motion-detecting singing Santa that swivels its hips, Elvis-style. The clerks at stores who sell those things get to hear them perform every time a customer passes the display, beginning the week after Halloween. If there are any statistics on the number of murder-suicides in the households of these store clerks during the holidays, they're being kept under wraps by the motion-detecting singing hip-swiveling Santa industry.

I have a friend who works in a store. They play a tape of christmas songs over and over and over and over and over again, from the minute the store opens in the morning to the minute they close at night. Since Swedish merchants are starting the annual christmas decoration selling earlier each year, it's not uncommon to see Halloween pumpkins next to jolly fat santas. Horror vs Yule Tide. Like combinating garlic bread and chocolate milk. (Don't try it, trust me on this...)
By the end of November, the clerks are so fed up with those songs that they growl if a customer dares to hum along to the tune. But by christmas they've developed a Deaf Ear, that is to say they've learned to tune out the music in the background, like you do with everyday noise in the traffic.

 

[MagicaPractica]

I still say people walking around in costumes are the worst. *shudder* They give me nightmares. Not the regular ones, just the huge heads and stuff, like Mickey Mouse at Disney World.

 

[shereads]

I still say people walking around in costumes are the worst. *shudder* They give me nightmares. Not the regular ones, just the huge heads and stuff, like Mickey Mouse at Disney World.

The tragedy is, Disney World's "head characters" earn less money than "face characters" like Cinderella who get to wear their comfortable, biological heads. If your face is part of the role, you see, Disney pays you a Screen Actors Guild union wage. Meanwhile, your less facially gifted co-worker is smothering beneath a Winnie the Pooh head the size of a Volkswagon Beetle. And making chump change.

Worst-case scenario: that's the person's real head, but no one believes it. That would suck.

Think about that the next time you dis some poor schmuck in a giant plaster-of-paris elf head. Imagine: people for whom a promotion to Mall Santa would mean improved working conditions.

Ho ho ho.




[/threadjack]

See below for a homeowner's nightmare scenario courtesy of Thomas Kinkaid:

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I'm afraid, dear Ogg, that you've stumbled upon the "Griswold Aesthetic", named for the family in the National Lampoon's Christmas movie. Chevy Chase, the hapless Clark Griswold in the movie, attempts to salvage the holidays for his family despite his tragic loss of job. Prior to this, he expects a sizable holiday payout, which he splurges into a garish holiday display of lights and kitsch - in the event, this becomes an elaborate FU to his employer, and authority in general. Somehow, it all becomes reconciled in the end.

While I don't quite understand it, this explains all you need to know about the sale of the man-deer Rudolph-bear.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

Clark didn't lose his job in Christmas Vacation. He just got a jelly of the month club bonus instead of cash like everyone had been expecting.