Chris Rock makes me laugh so hard, I almost like pp_man

[miles]

Well, almost. I came to my senses.

What's your favorite CR line?

I like when he broke his leg, his Dad said "Rub a little Tussin on it."

 

[bored1]

Not sure its a line, but i saw him do an interview with Jesse Jackson. He put the man on the spot ! It was excellent watching Jackson squirm

 

[badasschick]

My favorite bit was the black peoples' progress chart.


"1977: People start giving their children Afrocentric names like Kunta and Kizzy...10 steps forward. 2001: Beyonce Knowles, 23 steps all the way back."

 

[badasschick]

Ok one more..." I prefer syrup!"

 

[metal_minx]

damn i have all his albums lol i like that line miles... i like his bit about fat black women..its so true about how they like the way they look and how they dont give a fuck about what you think

'...you get a black woman, 350 she goes out every friday night..you have a white woman 350 lbs..she hasnt left her house in four years'

 

[metal_minx]

Ok one more..." I prefer syrup!"

lol! the salad tosser

 

[badasschick]

lol! the salad tosser

"when you're sucking dick you can pretend its something else, but when you're eatin' ass you know you eatin' ass"

 

[teddybear4play]

Just call me Mr. Lyrics:

"No Sex (In The Champagne Room)"
Chris Rock
Bigger & Blacker

Ladies and gentlemen of the G.E.D. Class of 1999,
I have one piece of advice for you:
No matter what a stripper tells you
There is no sex in the champagne room!
None!
Oh, there's *CHAMPAGNE* in the champagne room
But you don't want champagne, you want sex!
And there's no sex in the champagne room

Don't go to parties with metal detectors
Sure, it may feel safe inside
But what about all those n----s waitin' outside with guns?
They know you ain't got one

If a girl tells you she's twenty, and looks sixteen, she's twelve
If she tells you she's 26, and looks 26, she's damn near forty!

Take off that silly-ass hat

The ODB couldnt have possibly committed all those crimes . . .
Coolio did some of that shit

Young black men:
If you're at a movie theater
And someone steps on your foot
Let it slide!
Why spend the next twenty years in jail
'Cause someone smudged your Puma?!

Cornbread . . .
Ain't nothin wrong with that!

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin'
Remember this one thing:
There's no sex in the champagne room

(No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
There's absolutely positively no sex in the champagne room, naw . . .)

If a homeless person has a funny sign
He hasn't been homeless that long
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny

If a girl has a pierced tongue
She'll probably suck your dick (that'd be great . . .)
If a guy has a pierced tongue
He'll probably suck your dick (don't want that noo . . .)

Heres a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius: You're gonna die
Capricorn: You're gonna die
Gemini: You're gonna die *TWICE*
Leo: You're gonna die
Scorpio: You're gonna die fuckin'!

No one goes to Hooters for wings

If you've been dating a man for four months
And you haven't met any of his friends
You are not his girlfriend!

Some of the things I've said may not apply to you
Some of the things I've said may offend you
But no matter who you are
You must remember this one thing:
No matter what a stripper says
There's no sex in the champagne room!
*NONE!*

(No sex in the champagne room
Said no sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No, no sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
Can't get none
Can't have none, naw
In the champagne room
Said there's absolutely positively no sex in the champagne room
Said no, noo
Said no, noo
Said Chris said there ain't no sex in the champagne room, naw
Naw
Naw . . .
Can't get none
Can't have none . . . )


TB4p

 

[seXieleXie]

"if a kid call his grandmomma mommy and his momma Pam, he's goin' to jail"

 

[red_rose]

Scorpio: You're gonna die fuckin'!

Yay!

 

[Private Vasquez]

GOOD LAWD THAT'S A LOTTA MONEY!

 

[badasschick]

".....new pussy is illiterate!"

 

[Shaq]

GOOD LAWD THAT'S A LOTTA MONEY!

"Lemme get one"

"Ok, one order of ribs!"

"No, no...one rib."

"One rib?"

"I sho am hongry"

 

[badasschick]

"Fee Fi Fo Figga, I sho do hate a ni**a!"

 

[badasschick]

Not necessarily a line but that whole relapse sequence in New Jack City.

 

[Private Vasquez]

"I sho am hongry"

How much is one rib?

.
.
.

Just po' it in my hand, I don't need no cup

 

[badasschick]

How much is one rib?

.
.
.

Just po' it in my hand, I don't need no cup

got change for ahunnid?

 

[SINthysist]

Yes indeed, Chris Rocks...

 

[Bob Peale]

"You know the world is coming to an end when the best rapper is a white guy and the best golfer is a black one!"