Choosing your own collar

[Phirefly]

I know the topic of collars has been discussed in many ways at many times on this forum, but I didn't find this specific discussion in my search, and so I just wanted to ask the community.

Have any of you subs chosen your own collar? Or has it pretty much always been presented by the Dom/me? I read one post where a sub had made her collar herself, but it sounds like the majority of the time, the Dom/me selects and presents the collar to their sub. I was just curious if anyone had ever seen it go the other way - where the sub presented a collar to their Dom/me!

I'm sure it depends on the relationship. And I bet some subs feel that by presenting it to their Dom/me, it might not mean exactly the same thing (I feel that way myself, to a point). Or that it might push the Dom/me into a commitment they aren't ready to make. But I think it'd be interesting to hear any stories out there that may have gone that way.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

I don't know how to subscribe to a thread without posting a response. So, if I'm doing this wrong, please let me know.

I actually own a collar. But I've never had a Master. I bought it because I used to belong to a private gothe club; and, that sort of thing was normal attire there. I realize I'm still learning about this lifestyle. But I rather doubt it's the same sort of thing.

All the stories I've read had the Master giving their sub a collar. Usually one that had a special meaning somehow. So I'm also curious if the sub would ever be allowed to choose theirs. And can a sub have more than one collar - just for variety's sake, if nothing else?

Thank you in advance for your responses.

 

[HottieMama]

And can a sub have more than one collar - just for variety's sake, if nothing else?

According to my PYL, Yes...one for "play"/private time...and something much more subtle for wear in the outside world.

 

[FurryFury]

One night at a demo and play party of my local BDSM group I had a girl approach me. She was a hot little number that looked a bit like a current movie star. She had said a young man with her was her collared boy at dinner.

Imagine my surprise when she held out a collar to me and asked me to collar her. Clearly her idea of what a collar meant and what her request meant were different to her than they were to me.

I did not want to collar her. I didn't know her. I didn't want the responsibility I supposed doing such a thing would involve but the lady beside me agreed after I stepped back. The rest of the night the younger lady did not seem to hang with the one who collared her. What was the point of that? I sure don't know. I guess she just needed help putting it on but she did kneel. So she confused the crap out of me.

That being said, if I were ever collared it would mean a great deal to me and the Dom who collared me. I would not expect to pick the collar out nor would I wish to. I would help if he wanted me to of course, but I'd rather he made that decision and that he made it only because he felt moved to do so.

I'd expect the situation to be somewhat akin to being married. I would not want a collar long distance. That's just me though.

Some people on here talk about picking out their own collars. Some talk about having and everyday collar and a play collar. Clearly this can be done many different ways and mean many different things to folks.

Fury

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I know the topic of collars has been discussed in many ways at many times on this forum, but I didn't find this specific discussion in my search, and so I just wanted to ask the community.

Have any of you subs chosen your own collar? Or has it pretty much always been presented by the Dom/me? I read one post where a sub had made her collar herself, but it sounds like the majority of the time, the Dom/me selects and presents the collar to their sub. I was just curious if anyone had ever seen it go the other way - where the sub presented a collar to their Dom/me!

I'm sure it depends on the relationship. And I bet some subs feel that by presenting it to their Dom/me, it might not mean exactly the same thing (I feel that way myself, to a point). Or that it might push the Dom/me into a commitment they aren't ready to make. But I think it'd be interesting to hear any stories out there that may have gone that way.

*shrugs* i didn't 'present' my collar to Master, but we Did pick it out 'together'. actually, we went into hot topic, was looking around. i saw a collar i liked and showed it to Him and He said 'is that the one you want?' i said 'yes pleeeeease' and He paid for it while i took my kids to the store they wanted to go to. to me, i'm glad He let me pick it out so that it was something i LIKED and was comfortable wearing. i don't feel that me picking out took anything away from the meaning of it......

 

[wenchhh]

collars...?

I would have to agree. If and when I am ever collared, it would mean a great deal to me as well. I wouldn't expect to have any say in the matter, as far as style, etc. That would be up to my dom. Tho I don't think of it as being a "marriage" per se, I DO consider it a committment of sorts, of his willingness to take care of me, protect me if need be, and "own" me, whatever that may mean in our relationship. I of course would have the opportunity to refuse it. (yeah, righttttt) To me it would symbolize my willingness to be submissive only to him. Yeah, it goes a little deeper than that, I suspect, but hey, i'm a newbie to all this, cut me some slack please.

 

[maidens_lust]

I used to go to an online site that had rooms for BSDM, subs, Doms and other things (can't remember the name of the site) and i would talk to them about collars and the differences between slaves and subs, etc. Anyhow,and forgive me if i'm wrong, but from what i was told a collar that is presented by the Dom or Domme is picked out for the sub/slave after training is completed. They said there was also a training collar. The collar must be worn at all times unless specified for purposes such as outside jobs, in which case a necklace could be used to replace the collar temporarily.

I was told that at a collaring ceremony that a small gift is to be given to the Dom/Domme by their newly collared sub/slave after the training period is over. It was explained to me that the collaring ceremony is similar but not exactly like a wedding ceremony with the collar and small gift substituting for the rings.

ML

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I would have to agree. If and when I am ever collared, it would mean a great deal to me as well. I wouldn't expect to have any say in the matter, as far as style, etc. That would be up to my dom. Tho I don't think of it as being a "marriage" per se, I DO consider it a committment of sorts, of his willingness to take care of me, protect me if need be, and "own" me, whatever that may mean in our relationship. I of course would have the opportunity to refuse it. (yeah, righttttt) To me it would symbolize my willingness to be submissive only to him. Yeah, it goes a little deeper than that, I suspect, but hey, i'm a newbie to all this, cut me some slack please.

my collar is a symbol of our love, our bond, and our whole relationship. it is ALOT like a wedding ring in that it symbolizes i am owned..i am His...for me it wasn't so much 'who picked it out' as it was the words that were said as He clasped it around my neck that night

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I used to go to an online site that had rooms for BSDM, subs, Doms and other things (can't remember the name of the site) and i would talk to them about collars and the differences between slaves and subs, etc. Anyhow,and forgive me if i'm wrong, but from what i was told a collar that is presented by the Dom or Domme is picked out for the sub/slave after training is completed. They said there was also a training collar. The collar must be worn at all times unless specified for purposes such as outside jobs, in which case a necklace could be used to replace the collar temporarily.

I was told that at a collaring ceremony that a small gift is to be given to the Dom/Domme by their newly collared sub/slave after the training period is over. It was explained to me that the collaring ceremony is similar but not exactly like a wedding ceremony with the collar and small gift substituting for the rings.

ML

*shrugs* everyone is different. this is not necessarily the way it's done. when Master put the collar around my neck, no one but Him and i were there, we made our promises to each other and He clasped it around my neck....that was it. beautiful to us, but by far not as formal as what you've described. though we have also often talked of having a 'public' collaring ceremony with our friends present. different strokes for different folks. my collar means a lot to me, and when i'm having a bad day, i always grab for it and rub it like it is a 'good luck charm' but really it's to feel Him there with me and helps me remember i'm loved, i'm owned, and i'm never alone.......which again me picking it out, did not take away.....

 

[BiBunny]

I used to go to an online site that had rooms for BSDM, subs, Doms and other things (can't remember the name of the site) and i would talk to them about collars and the differences between slaves and subs, etc. Anyhow,and forgive me if i'm wrong, but from what i was told a collar that is presented by the Dom or Domme is picked out for the sub/slave after training is completed. They said there was also a training collar. The collar must be worn at all times unless specified for purposes such as outside jobs, in which case a necklace could be used to replace the collar temporarily.

I was told that at a collaring ceremony that a small gift is to be given to the Dom/Domme by their newly collared sub/slave after the training period is over. It was explained to me that the collaring ceremony is similar but not exactly like a wedding ceremony with the collar and small gift substituting for the rings.

ML

It's not a cut-and-dried thing. What you describe is how some people choose to do it. Personally, when B. collared me, I had no idea it was coming. There was nothing ceremonial about it, and there were no "preliminary" collars. I think he knew I'd like the surprise. He put the collar around my neck and called me his slave. I called him "Master," and that was that.

 

[wenchhh]

wow, lil slave, lucky you!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

wow, lil slave, lucky you!

why lucky me? i mean, well, i know i'm lucky to have Him...but what made you say lucky me?

 

[wenchhh]

You said:
my collar is a symbol of our love, our bond, and our whole relationship. it is ALOT like a wedding ring in that it symbolizes i am owned..i am His...for me it wasn't so much 'who picked it out' as it was the words that were said as He clasped it around my neck that night

I think you're very lucky to have found someone who pleases you so, and who you share something so great with, that's all.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

You said:
my collar is a symbol of our love, our bond, and our whole relationship. it is ALOT like a wedding ring in that it symbolizes i am owned..i am His...for me it wasn't so much 'who picked it out' as it was the words that were said as He clasped it around my neck that night

I think you're very lucky to have found someone who pleases you so, and who you share something so great with, that's all.

*smiles* well, thank you. i am a very lucky subbie indeed.....

 

[Bandit58]

I bought mine off eBay

Well I searched for it, and when I found one I liked I asked for His approval. That given, I bought it (it's the one I have on in my av). I also bought a chain with a filigree padlock heart on it which is for more "dressy" occasions.

I also have wedding and engagement rings - which represent our commitment to each other in the vanilla world. The collar I wear every day signifies the type of relationship we have (to those in the know)

 

[Netzach]

For my husband the collar is kind of a conceptual thing - the collars I gave to him have a certain meaning, but that doesn't prevent him from getting another kind of it appeals to him and he wants to wear it for me. I wouldn't be offended if my slave, H, asked for a different style of collar in addition to the ones I've given him, either. The concept is there, the actual thing is just a physical manifestation, if that makes sense.

 

[frappy]

I do have a physical collar that He chose and put on me when He decided I was worthy to be His, but I never wear it anymore. He doesn't make me unless I have seriously displeased Him in some way, as a physical reminder me of my place.

The fact He found me worthy and pleasing was the most special moment of my life, and that He continues to find me so.

The physical collar itself really has no special meaning for me.

To others, their collar is akin to a wedding band, symbolising a bond. To each their own.

 

[lil_pooka]

He told me we were going to go 'collar shopping'. I gave my opinions of the ones we saw and he had final say. I have a more vanilla friendly one that I wear everyday, it never comes off, when I wear the more private one, I'm wearing them both.

And I view it as a wedding ring type thing as well. We didn't have a ceremony of any kind, it is very special to me.

Sorry if these thoughts are a little disjointed, I shouldn't post til I'm fully awake I suppose

 

[liberatedslave]

Sir has talked about collaring me and also about a piece of jewellery for day-to-day public wear. To me they will both be very special items and symbolic of the D/s dynamic between us. He wants me to pick the jewellery but I'm secretly hoping I'll have no say in the collar he buys. Sir has said he wants one with a ring to connect a leash to but apart from that I expect it'll be fairly utilitarian and plain. We both have quite simple tastes in general.

By the same token, if Sir ever proposed to me I would find it more romantic if he'd picked a ring out himself. I wouldn't want to choose it or know how much it cost because I would want it to be something that he had gone to the trouble of selecting for me. I would hope he knows enough about my taste not to get something hideous but even if he did I'd wear it proudly.

I think it would be something unusual if a sub presented a Dom/me with a collar. I'm sure that some people have done this but for me it wouldn't feel submissive so much as presumptious. As we always say here though; whatever works.

 

[WriterDom]

She picked hers. I'd rather her have something she wants than relying on what I might have picked out.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

... The concept is there, the actual thing is just a physical manifestation, if that makes sense.

That makes total sense actually. And while I would enjoy having some say in collar style, the more I learn about this, the more it makes sense to me for the sub to not have the final say. It seems part of being a sub to me - to "submit" to their Master's wishes. Now that I've thought about it more, I agree with liberatedslave that it would seem a bit presumptious. And while I don't currently consider it a "marraige" of sorts, it would be a serious bond/commitment. Thank you for everyone's input. It has been most enlightening.

 

[liberatedslave]

She picked hers. I'd rather her have something she wants than relying on what I might have picked out.

Ah but you see, I would want it because Sir picked it out. That would have it more special to me.

Each to their own though. If I had serious doubts about his taste I'm sure I'd be saying the opposite.


Not that I assume your sub had serious doubts about your taste...

Ok I'll stop typing now.

 

[WriterDom]

I probably will pick the final collar. If I don't run her off before that time comes

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Run her off, or scare her off? (Hmm, should I not be teasing someone I don't know?)

 

[Phirefly]

Very interesting and thought-provoking replies!

In some ways, I wish that there was some token that a sub could give to their Dom/me to show their commitment to being owned, though. I suppose the key to a locked collar might work, but most of the collars being worn daily are a symbol, not an instrument of submission. Hrm. There must be some ideas out there for that.