Choosing A Mate

[MorgaineLaFay]

In the past 10 years, a multiitude of studies have shown how bad relationships can negatively affect job performance, physical and mental health, financial security and even life span. Certainly, such an important decision requires more than adrenaline rush of infatuation.

If you are willing to be rational about love, and perhaps find and maitain a true love even after initial chemistry fades, What would it take for you? To find your mate, spouce, SO? What things are you looking for? Be it common interest? Someone who listens to you? Do you have to have every thing in common?

 

[Siren]

Just look for a slave

 

[Juspar Emvan]

I'd rather invest everything in a joyous moment, then have to recoup if it didn't last, than get clinical about something so ambiguous as love.

 

[TWB]

I have thought about this alot lately.


Frankly I am clueless, but glad you asked the question.

 

[penguindance]

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

I totally forgot to mention that I stole this out of Psychology Today...the June issue.. the entire article bothers me.........

 

[TN_Vixen]

Well, I think it takes knowing that the person you choose will always make you happy in one way or another. You can't rely on sexual chemistry or physical attractiveness alone, it has to be that something special from someone that causes you to feel whole.

I really don't think it is anything(s) in particular that you can name. It's a feeling that person gives you by being their unique self.

 

[Siren]

Cuz my book wasnt published yet

 

[TWB]

I totally forgot to mention that I stole this out of Psychology Today...the June issue.. the entire article bothers me.........

Shit. Now my answer above bothers me.

 

[glamorilla]

I always figured when i find him we'd hit the ground running and not look back.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Re: Cuz my book wasnt published yet

its called.........


how to marry a slave
without him or her knowing he/she is one.

I am so using this on round two

 

[Siren]

Its in its third printing

 

[Coralee]

To a certain degree it's an unexplainable thing. However, my rational side knows what it needs: someone who I have some things in common with, but more importantly someone who is able to mentally stimulate me.

I'm a Gemini.

I need it.

 

[nakedangelina]

Another Gemini here, so my needs can change daily - hourly for that matter.
After a couple of serious relationships and one bad marriage, I can honestly say that I know more today about what I DO NOT want, but am still learning about what I really need.

 

[penguindance]

Re: Its in its third printing

 

[Wiggles]

They must have all the qualities that I admire in a best friend, and massive amounts of loyalty.

Having them wrapped around your little finger doesn't hurt either.

 

[#1tankcomander]

Common or not......

My So and I had a lot in common, of course I chased after her for a year to find that out. I also knew she was fun, exotic, kinky and a generally good person. The kinky side, I waited for almost 16 years to develope,but it's great. We have fun together. We all ways have had fun together. There have been some slumps here and there ,but nothing to slit my wrists over. That's just life in the big world. If you can't love, then what is life??

 

[CAROSI]

I think after a failed relationship, I have become more selfish in what I look for in a mate. I didn't require that we were the same in all respects but I find now that I look for that a lot more in a person. I do have certain things that I now look for in a mate. I don't feel that marriage is a requirement, but I do have sort of a "check list" so to speak as what I'd like to find in someone.

 

[Guest]

A Slave to Love! (Mmm... gooey)

Now, now there!

All this talk of slavery, and domination and submission. C'mon!

The reason you get married is to GIVE EQUALLY in the union--50/50! 100%/100%!

Sharing!

Partnership!

Friends for LIFE!


<-----{Just a few dozen more fucks bitch and I'll be done with you!}

 

[markb325]

The first thing it really takes in finding a mate, and I don't care what any book says, is to be best friends first and foremost. Something my pops told me before I married my ex-wife. I should have listened to him it would have saved me quite a bit of grief in the last five years of my marriage. Phycologist are not really the best sort of advice for this as they differ in opinions on the subject.

 

[daniella469]

i know exactly what i want in a mate

Personality qualities:
Funny: makes me laugh. shares the same sort of humor,not corny,almost sarcastic humor but never racial or rude humor. someone who can make me laugh with a glance when i'm down. someone who finds me funny and amusing. i love to laugh,and find a man who can make me laugh very attractive.

Sweet: knows when to be sweet,tender. never is overly sweet,or mushy. surprises me with his sweetness,not with things, gifts,but with giving of himself.he knows when not to be sweet. he never uses sweetness to make amends.i want him to give himself to me, come home early to make me dinner, pack a picnic basket on cool summer night, invite me to eat with him under the stars. that's who i am.that's how i show him i love him,with gifts of myself,not repetitive i love you's, and not with bought gifts. bought gifts are for children... and people who need "things". i want a man who gives me all i desire,never leaves me wanting.a man who gives me gifts only i can see,only for me,only gifts that i can hold,because those are what i give how i show my love.

Confident: knows himself, his wants and needs,and is never afraid to express them. he knows there is a line between confidence and cockiness, and never crosses the line. he never uses his confidence to overpower people in a rude way. someone secure in himself, and who is not afraid to let me out of his sight. confident and honest with himself .never controlling.he knows what will be, will be, and that he has no control over someone else's actions. someone who is never jealous.i want to go away on trips,a day, weekend,or a week, with friendsor alone,and not feel i have to explain myself. i want him to do the same, and to come back knowing i am not going to bombard him with questions of his moments spent away from me, but will listen to anything he wishes to share about his time away. i want him to grow as a person, and let me do the same by having new experiences,new memories,individual memories, or memories we share with friends. i want a man secure with knowing we each can have things we keep to ourselves.

Open-minded: someone who loves to debate issues, but has fun with it. someone who knows how to listen as well as express himself. someone who has definite and intelligent reasons for his views (i refuse to discuss issues with people who give reasons like... because that's how i feel, because it says so in the bible, because it's the way it's supposed to be, etc.). he keeps himself open to others opinions, ideas, and views. someone who sees,really thinks about all sides of things before making at decisions about what his beliefs are. someone able to see different sides to different situations.

Sexual: a man who is confident with his sexuality. someone open to all possibilities, but is secure enough to express the things he may not want. someone with experience, who has "been there, done that" and knows what he likes. a man with stamina,not superman,but able to withstand a good amount of erotic pleasure before climax. a man open to exploring different sexual lifestyles,ie: multiple partners,bondage,the swingers lifestyle (something i have considered, and am very interested in exploring), and/or same sex partners, etc. someone open-minded enough sexually to think about sharing his bed with someone we both know, someone we just met, a friend of his or mine, etc.

Emotionally expressive: a man who is never afraid to share his emotions. someone who doesn't leave me guessing, and expects me to do the same.he makes me comfortable doing so. someone that makes me feel secure in expressing my emotions with no hesitations,no regrets,no guilt for feeling a certain way. some who has no fear in doing the same with me. someone who can share his sadness, disappointment, love, happiness, and fears, knowing he will never be judged, and really trusts in me about that. someone who knows emotions vary, and that sharing ALL emotions means more then saying i love you.he knows and respects that doing so leads to a stronger and more honest foundation for love and trust. someone who surprises me or catches me off guard with an i love you, makes me feel that awwwww feeling, or tells me how great i smell today, reminds me what true expression of feelings means.he makes it special because he thinks i'm special. someone who appreciates me doing the same,and never doubts my feelings.

Attractive: someone i find attractive, first to his mind,his personality.the body and physical attraction is not something i particularly limit myself to. I want someone who draws me to him. physically people change, but a great mind and personality are for always. sometimes i find the "couch potato" more attractive to the workout nut. i can't stand those people who have to go to the gym everyday, and god forbid they don't.they talk about how they will have to make it up tomorrow... boringgggg. for that matter, i don't find people attractive, whom have to do the same things everyday. (like eat at 6pm,go to sleep by midnight,up the same time every weekend). i find change attractive. when i look at him, i want to be drawn to him by what he offers inside. a man who feels the same about me, and doesn't judge me physically. if i gained 30 pounds,i want a man who wouldn't care,not one who pretends to not care, who says one thing to me,and another to his friends. that's not me,will never be me.i will never make fun of someone's weight and will not be around someone who judges people by their weight, or calls people names. i do not care what a person looks like today or tomorrow, and i mean it. i want someone i feel means it when they say it.

Compatible: a man who knows me,who wants me as i am, and loves everything about me. i'm sure there will be little things that get to him,but loves almost everything about me. someone who finds i suit him. A man i want to be everything to. someone i can't help but be drawn to, to want to hold. someone i dream of making love to when he isn't around, that i want to surprise with gifts of myself, notes hung around the room when he comes thru the door after work,of what i love about him. i want it to come naturally, me being drawn to him,and he to me. i want someone on my level that i don't have to explain everything to,that understands me, where i'm coming from. i want to understand him. i want to share similar tastes in many things, types of movies, music, interests, but still have things that we can share, things the other doesn't know about. a man who can keep finding new things to explore, with me and by himself. i want someone who can fit in my "circle" and feel apart of it,get along with my friends, be social. someone my friends and family like,someone who clicks with them and doesn't make being around friends and family a difficult or a strained event.
Future: a man who has the same sort of hopes and dreams for the future. Someone who doesn't overly plan their life,leaves room for change. someone not looking for marriage, but welcomes the thought of spending, sharing a life together, and/or spending his time with me as long as he finds me a compatible companion for him. i don't expect a man to promise me forever. i accept that people change and only ask for honesty. i don't want to have deep conversations about us being "old and gray", unless we are old and gray while talking about it.

If given the perfect scenario,my perfect man would be a man that was married before,had that experience, but is divorced or widowed. he would be a man with grown children, never one who has no children. a man who wants no more children, and is clear about his choice and mine. someone who is willing to explore new interests together or on his own. someone who recognizes that we each need to have our separate interests as well. someone who knows it is beneficial for a relationship to have individual, outside interests, friends, lives, etc.
I want someone secure enough not to have to be married to me to feel he can trust me, or me him. I think at this point in my life, i don't view marriage the same way as when i was younger. I don't need a piece of paper telling me i love someone, or that i want to be with them. A marriage,a vow of commitment doesn't determine the course of a relationship. things could change,i'm mature enough to realize that and need someone realistic enough to know that. nothing is a sure thing. i don't see myself ever marrying again. i want to give myself to him,and have him do the same.i want to share with him things that no one else has memories of,that no one else can touch. i want to give him those memories, and receive them from him,lasting memories.
I want a man who can be equally tender and forceful with me. someone who would spontaneously come to sit next to me to brush my hair or massage my back,but may also, another time,just grab me forcefully and tell me how to please him. i want variety,and someone who can keep up with my changing.the way i enjoy taking him forcefully or sweetly.
Sexually, i am looking for someone very open to new experiences. it's something i really have come to realize i need. i have looked into the "swingers" lifestyle for some time. it interests me,and i would very much like to experience the lifestyle for myself to determine if it is a way of life i would choose. i would love to watch the man i love making love to another woman, pleasing her,and having him watch me please another. i think it's another way of adding variety to a relationship. all of it interests me,and i would be open to not watching as well as "sharing" amongst each other in the same room. Sexually i crave variety,and see this as a source of finding a way to satisfy my cravings, and those of the man i am with.
I want a man who likes me,the silly things i do to get sex. the way i tease him when he whines. i am silly and sarcastic,and want someone who can have fun with me and not be overly sensitive. i want some one who won't call me pet names in public, and i don't particularly care for them in private. i like to be treated like a person, with a name,and don't care for some generic form of endearment, but i can appreciate something unusual, something distinctive, but not in public,and not all the time,less means more.
I want to live my life fully. To not look back with regrets. i do know,the things i can control,i will, and welcome it,the new experiences, the having dreams come true,having the close to perfect. i know i'm not perfect, but i may be someone's perfect. i'm only asking the same for myself, for my perfect, for the things i want, the needs i want met. i think everyone should have that at some point in their life. i don't think of it as an overnight journey,finding what i want,having that feeling hit me,the "yeah, this is it". i have always kept myself open to having that happen, waiting for it,just letting it happen if it's meant to be. i will know. i have always known it could be anyone, a long time friend, a new friend,or a new lover. i leave myself open to it, as i learn , get to know people. i like people. i like to surround myself with people like me because i know the "him" of my dreams will be like me.

 

[Ice Cold]

I'm looking to be blown away... After trial and error in previous relationships. I want to meet some one who can show me qualities in them, that I didn't even know I wanted.

Someone who is the last person I see at night, the first one I see
in the morning, and still be amazed at how utterly wonderful they are.

 

[markb325]

I'm looking to be blown away... After trial and error in previous relationships. I want to meet some one who can show me qualities in them, that I didn't even know I wanted.

Someone who is the last person I see at night, the first one I see
in the morning, and still be amazed at how utterly wonderful they are.

Ice it will happen when you least expect it and from the person you least expect. At least that is what happened to me.

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

o Interesting
o Active-joie de verve
o Non-complaining, no whining
o Optimistic but pragmatic
o Stands up for what she believes is right (good for training kids)
o Smart (good for training kids)
o Sexy and loving
o Practical and with budgeting priorities and time
o Will argue positions logically and passionately...to a point (can we work out conflicts effectively - not hide them or disregard them)
o Confident, capable and successful

I'm too analytical sometimes

 

[Private Vasquez]

I like a guy with nice genes.