choking

[ceclia]

I have a b/f a few years ago who at times would lightly choke me just before climaxing and found that was a huge turn-on.
Then my last b/f was very boring when it came to sex and was not open to anything.
now.... I have just started seeing a man - haven't had sex - and was wondering if anyone had suggestions on bringing up turn-ons like this with someone new that you dont know their style?

 

[Auraka6669]

Porno.

Obviously don't start off with full on fetish type stuff. But yeah, watch some together and notice the responce on certian parts of the movie. This maybe a bit more difficult to bring up, since you haven't had sex yet, and this would probably ramp to it quite fast... but it's the best way I know of to get your message across without saying anything at all.

Option two is talking, and going from there, subtle hints durring foreplay... in this case durring sex placing his hands on your throat when you're on the edge. And in either case, talking about it afterwards will clear the air up. "So what did you think of _________" and so on.

Hope this helps.

 

[FurryFury]

I have a b/f a few years ago who at times would lightly choke me just before climaxing and found that was a huge turn-on.
Then my last b/f was very boring when it came to sex and was not open to anything.
now.... I have just started seeing a man - haven't had sex - and was wondering if anyone had suggestions on bringing up turn-ons like this with someone new that you dont know their style?

As with anything you need to communicate about but which is highly sensitive go slow, pick good moments to talk and see how it goes. Do not say things in the most frightening and broadest terms possible. Say little things like, I was reading about this the other day and I think it might be exciting to do X, what do you think about that? Add a twinkle in your eye, some body language and well, things might just take off but . . .

Choking is, I understand, one of the most dangerous activities in a vast array of things you could be into. I'd advise researching it and making sure your partner knew the dangerous and safety practices about this activity. I wouldn't do it casually at all. I find it an exciting fantasy but I'm not sure I'll ever go there in real life. I might. I might now. Time will tell.

I also personally have no interest in watching porn though you and your new bf may like it. That is fine if you do. I just would never find it a comfortable thing to do much less to spark a conversation but that's me.

Fury

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I have a b/f a few years ago who at times would lightly choke me just before climaxing and found that was a huge turn-on.
Then my last b/f was very boring when it came to sex and was not open to anything.
now.... I have just started seeing a man - haven't had sex - and was wondering if anyone had suggestions on bringing up turn-ons like this with someone new that you dont know their style?

i'm not sure how you'd go about asking for this especially since you've not had sex with him. but communication is key and choking is definantly something you want to discuss before you're in the middle of a 'scene' and just putting his hands around your throat before you climax. lots of damage can be done if not done right and sometimes even if it's done right. Master has treaded lightly on this with me in our time together. it is a huge turn on for me, and the times He did it, of course made me climax harder but i aslo trust that He will not go to far. trust is a big issue here too and i'm not sure if you've not been with him that long that the trust factor would be there enough to trust that He knows what He's doing,especially if you don't even know how to discuss this with him. so my advice is be careful and just communicate with him.

 

[myinnerslut]

you could try asking each other things. you ask him a question, he askes you one. continue this untill things loosen up a bit and you feel comfortable answering or asking more personal things. or, variation of the same game. you ask him something, then have to answer the question yourself. you can take turns being the person posing the question.

 

[Etoile]

I guess I'm a little confused. Is he kinky and you want to know how to ask for this particular thing, or is he not kinky and you're asking him to do this? If he's vanilla, I would work on finding out if he's able to do kink before jumping in and asking him to choke you.

 

[chantilly_lace]

i have to admit asphyxiation is not my idea of fun, but having done research
and have read both the good and the bad, the bad resulting in permanent injury and/or death.

the good, that those who do indulge in this form of 'play' find it to be of incredible intensity at the time of orgasm .. smiles .. may be worth a try once . but ... nah .. grins

 

[Etoile]

Now that I think of it, I'm not really sure what the orgasm-associated appeal is for some choking enthusiasts. I love to be choked, I beg for it a lot, but I don't associate it with orgasm. To me that seems more about the bottom's pleasure, and the reason I enjoy being choked is because for me it is evocative of rape for the top's pleasure. Like saying "you are not important enough to breathe, you are just a fucktoy, and I will remind you of your purpose by putting my hands around your throat while I rape you." I'm not sure I can explain it very well...for me it's about the top getting off on the control they wield over their bottom.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Etoile, that's perfectly described. That's how it is for me too.

To the original poster, perhaps it would be better to wait until you've at least had sex of some sort. He may well have good ideas of his own which he would like to try. Wait, see what happens & pick your moment carefully.