chi

aymanmosstfa

Really Experienced
Joined
Feb 26, 2007
Posts
254
thats my frist storie at this forum and that ch1
i never hate any one like i hate mu sister in law since their first time i saw her and she have same filing to me i don't knew what my brother fond at her but he get marry this devil 5 years ago.
at this time no one can make us at same place or their will be a big fight
and every one knew that
and now we have be together for ever for the end of our live
its all start when my uncle die he live in Australia and only family he have its me and my brother so we must go their and see what he left
the worst thing id my devil sister in law will come with us
i went to the airport just at time to don't look at her, and start at big sleep just to not fell that she at same place with me and sudden i felt by big noise and big crash 2nd thing i knew that i am laying in some kind of Beach and their some pace of the plane her and their i try to fond another human but no one was their 4 hour and i fond no one thin i fond a buddy i run to it
and for my surprise fond it my sister in law i asked her where is my brother she scream in me that he is dia and say its all cus me that i get bad luck to her and him and every one i rally get anger its not the good time for it so i left her and try to see if their another survivor
but no one just me and her in that dam island and we don't knew where is it or any thing about it it was night now and i was Hungary and she was too she fond me and with scream talk she asked me to fond any thing we can eat i told her she can try to fond it to her self why i should get her any thing she call me assault and go to fond any thing luckily we fond some try and their was some kind of fruit their we run to it and start to eat thin it start to Ring so hard one so we must have some where to hid in and we fond a hole small one and we get in we don't she say go a way but i told her if she don't like it so fond another place
so she stop her talking and soon from tired we get sleep
next morning i wake up to fond i have erection and that my dick pressing her ass she now only have her dress and it was short one and their some cut their and i was have my Pantaloon and only that
i get a way at the moment the idea of get hard near of her get me sick
at this time she got a wake and look at the blog and scream again and say that i was try to rape her to be continue
 
Well first, this isn't the place to post stories, this is where you come when you've posted through the website to get feedback.

Second, I am sorry to say that what you posted is garble and barely comprehensible. There is no punctuation, the grammar is poor, and it doesn't seem you have much of a grasp of the English language. If you plan on writing seriously, get an editor to help you out.
 
You might have more success writing in your native language in the non-English category. Good luck.
 
I got something about an island...and a Ring...and a beach...hmmm...

Might there be wizards, Balrogs and Hobbits afoot?
 
This "story" is 539 words long. It will be rejected. The minimum length for stories on this site is 750 words, as I recall. In fact this is not a story at all, but "flash fiction" which has no place here.

The story lacks characterization and plot development, therefore it's not even a story at all, but some nedulous fantasy you have floating around in your head that is completly opaque to the reader. Your paragraphs are impossibly long. You have no idea what constitutes a sentence, you know nothing of capitalization and your punctuation is almost scary.

Thank you for your time.
 
Jenny_Jackson said:
This "story" is 539 words long. It will be rejected. The minimum length for stories on this site is 750 words, as I recall. In fact this is not a story at all, but "flash fiction" which has no place here.

The story lacks characterization and plot development, therefore it's not even a story at all, but some nedulous fantasy you have floating around in your head that is completly opaque to the reader. Your paragraphs are impossibly long. You have no idea what constitutes a sentence, you know nothing of capitalization and your punctuation is almost scary.

Thank you for your time.
Ha ha ha!

Damn it, Jenny...I just fell in love with you right now! :heart:
 
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