Cheating

[sugarmagnolia77]

It depends on your idea of whether or not you're offering some artistic expression of yourself or yourself.

I write here. Doesn't mean I'm going to cyber everyone. It's nice to hear that someone appreciates what I write, but it's not nice to get a PM with the idea that if I write it or want it, I must be available.

very true. very very true.

 

[Recidiva]

very true. very very true.

And people say "just a porn board" as if there weren't real people with real personalities here.

This isn't a porn set for a film. It's a place where people talk about sex, and there's a section for pictures, and the content isn't edited.

 

[sugarmagnolia77]

And people say "just a porn board" as if there weren't real people with real personalities here.

This isn't a porn set for a film. It's a place where people talk about sex, and there's a section for pictures, and the content isn't edited.

You're right. I wasn't trying to cheapen the experience.

 

[Calvin]

I've gotten a few responses to my question about relationships that have been born on lit. Which got my mind churning and wondering things....

So - I decided I would start another thread with another question.

What are people's views on cheating. I don't mean in general, I mean what do you consider cheating when it comes to online stuff? If you engage in cybersex with someone, do you consider that cheating on your partner? How many people have little "on the side" things that they haven't mentioned to their partner or have downplayed?

I understand that for some of you, a public thread is not exactly the place you want to post this information (as some relationships are between two lit members who read and post on the Playground), so feel free to PM me with your answers and everything will be confidential.

Thank you for the warm welcomes I have received so far.

sugarmagnolia

Glad you feel welcomed here....

There have been a whole lot of threads started on "cheating" over the years... all you need to do is just do a search on the word "cheating".... however, here is a link to one of my fav's (in which I put my two cents in)...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=378309&highlight=Cheating

I am with Raidho on this one... if you are doing it without the full knowledge and consent of your partner then you are guilty of deception.... and it is deception that truly underminds trust and destroys relationships.....

 

[Recidiva]

You're right. I wasn't trying to cheapen the experience.

No, that's okay, for some folks, it is a cheap experience

Just not for everybody.

 

[Raidho]

Having been associated with message boards for quite a while, and BBSes before that, I know that "a board just isn't a board."

And yet, I still got caught by that "It's a just a porn board!" mentality when I first started reading Lit. But then I found a thread that was instrumental in my changing my life. On "just a porn board" no less.

Now, regarding the "feedback" portion of AM pics, here's my two cents on it. If you post pictures of your boobies, you have to expect a certain reaction, be it positive or negative, but it'll be sexual. It IS, after all, a sexually-oriented board, and you're posting parts of your body that have sexual connotations. Now, while in an ideal world, people would realize that your offer of allowing someone to view said parts of your body doesn't necessarily translate into sexual invitation, but, as we all know, this is far from an ideal world.

On the other hand, it's better than the "real" world because you do have the option of ignore ... which is not exactly available in the physical world.

While it'd be nice to have people respect our boundaries, it doesn't always happen. It's just much easier to deal with on this forum when it doesn't happen.

 

[au_man]

As INL stated, people's viewpoints have differed. They should,people are individuals. The world would be boring if we were all the same!
However,one of the most important things in a relationship,I feel,is
communication! If you take this subject into consideration,the best idea is
to talk it over with your mate. Then,you know what is acceptable by each other.
Communication is very important. If your relationship means something to you,as it should, conflict can be taken care of!

Well stated.

My wife understands that cybering here on Lit is just two persons involved in fantasy writing and loves to follow along. She is very open minded about cybering on the board and even joined in one story. I am developing my writing skills and improving my spelling too.

I have begun research for my first book, but that is on hold at the moment because we are getting ready for a move.

We talked about our limits and we do have them, but that discussion came up because I received invitations from others who read my writings, not before, but communication is the key.

 

[purrbaby]

For me and my fiance, it's cheating if you have cyber or sex with someone outside your relationship in any fashion. (Rule is if "sex" is in the name, it's sex.) Boundaries that if you check through my threads, I got way too close to crossing. I had to learn MY boundaries though, something I'd never tested and because I didn't actually cross a line, he forgave me. It was a mistake for me, and a lesson.

I don't have any problem with flirting, porn, strip clubs, etc. My only rule is, if he goes to a strip club, I go too lol I have no problem with him fantasizing about other women, just not when he's with me. If we're having sex, in any fashion, I want his mind on me and me alone.

It's a very personal thing I think, everyone is different. Some are very strict, some people have open marriages. It's something that has to be worked out between the people involved. But no matter the relationship, they're delicate lines that have to be tended carefully, even in an open marriage there are still rules.

I think Will and I have what works for us, doesn't mean it'd work for anyone else though.

 

[sugarmagnolia77]

For me and my fiance, it's cheating if you have cyber or sex with someone outside your relationship in any fashion. (Rule is if "sex" is in the name, it's sex.) Boundaries that if you check through my threads, I got way too close to crossing. I had to learn MY boundaries though, something I'd never tested and because I didn't actually cross a line, he forgave me. It was a mistake for me, and a lesson.

I don't have any problem with flirting, porn, strip clubs, etc. My only rule is, if he goes to a strip club, I go too lol I have no problem with him fantasizing about other women, just not when he's with me. If we're having sex, in any fashion, I want his mind on me and me alone.

It's a very personal thing I think, everyone is different. Some are very strict, some people have open marriages. It's something that has to be worked out between the people involved. But no matter the relationship, they're delicate lines that have to be tended carefully, even in an open marriage there are still rules.

I think Will and I have what works for us, doesn't mean it'd work for anyone else though.

Thank you for responding....

I guess I can see how it's very easy to get carried away on these boards. Sometimes emotion can overtake common sense. It makes me wonder how many relationships have been hurt because of the internet...and how many people didn't realize it was happening until it was too late.

 

[omahaman2]

Thank you for responding....

I guess I can see how it's very easy to get carried away on these boards. Sometimes emotion can overtake common sense. It makes me wonder how many relationships have been hurt because of the internet...and how many people didn't realize it was happening until it was too late.

Yes,negative things can happen on the internet,just like anywhere else. However, you have to look at the positive things too! I wonder how many
relationships were able to start only because of the exsitence of the internet?
A lady in spain meeting a man in florida, a man in Australia meeting a woman in France or like me a person from the Midwest USA meeting a wondrful lady from
Manhattan. We found each other, not only with the thousands of miles in between us but also from hundreds of thousands of people. Even if I had traveled on a trip to NYC,imagine the odds of us meeting!

 

[sugarmagnolia77]

Yes,negative things can happen on the internet,just like anywhere else. However, you have to look at the positive things too! I wonder how many
relationships were able to start only because of the exsitence of the internet?
A lady in spain meeting a man in florida, a man in Australia meeting a woman in France or like me a person from the Midwest USA meeting a wondrful lady from
Manhattan. We found each other, not only with the thousands of miles in between us but also from hundreds of thousands of people. Even if I had traveled on a trip to NYC,imagine the odds of us meeting!

you're absolutely right. I am in no way trying lessen the importance of the internet in our lives today. I am merely curious as to see what lines people draw in their relationships when it comes to the internet.

 

[ExtrmMiho]

Hmmm. Well, first off, I really don't like cybering cuz it really doesn't do anything for me. I mean, I don't mind talking about sex and exchanging stories and what not, but cyber sex doesn't really turn me on. Now, on cheating, well, personally, chatting on line, to me, is not really cheating. I think everyone flirst, one way or another. Cybering, for me, isn't really cheating. It's like the rule, 'you can look but you can't touch'. Now, if the person lives in the computer everyday and have his/her life control by a computer, then that's a different story, that's a sickness, lol. My bf lets me chat on the comp and he knows I flirt on the comp and he's okay w/ it. He always tells me, "they can all chat w/ u, look at u, but in the end, I have you", lol. Now, if you go ahead and meet up w/ the person you chat w/ on the comp in person, then that's a different story.
So I guess it really depends on what your partner really thinks about it. I mean, u gotta respect ur partners point of view and of course, ur partner needs to respect ur point of view too. Did I make any sense? heheheh.
But anyways, this is my opinion on this subject.

 

[sugarmagnolia77]

Hmmm. Well, first off, I really don't like cybering cuz it really doesn't do anything for me. I mean, I don't mind talking about sex and exchanging stories and what not, but cyber sex doesn't really turn me on. Now, on cheating, well, personally, chatting on line, to me, is not really cheating. I think everyone flirst, one way or another. Cybering, for me, isn't really cheating. It's like the rule, 'you can look but you can't touch'. Now, if the person lives in the computer everyday and have his/her life control by a computer, then that's a different story, that's a sickness, lol. My bf lets me chat on the comp and he knows I flirt on the comp and he's okay w/ it. He always tells me, "they can all chat w/ u, look at u, but in the end, I have you", lol. Now, if you go ahead and meet up w/ the person you chat w/ on the comp in person, then that's a different story.
So I guess it really depends on what your partner really thinks about it. I mean, u gotta respect ur partners point of view and of course, ur partner needs to respect ur point of view too. Did I make any sense? heheheh.
But anyways, this is my opinion on this subject.

You make sense. I know that many couples are ok with the whole cyber sex issue - but here's another question - why is cybersex such a huge deal to some? do they really believe that the other person is doing all the things they say they are doing? It's kind of like phonesex (one of those 900 line type of things) - do they really believe that the operator is getting off on it?

 

[ExtrmMiho]

You make sense. I know that many couples are ok with the whole cyber sex issue - but here's another question - why is cybersex such a huge deal to some? do they really believe that the other person is doing all the things they say they are doing? It's kind of like phonesex (one of those 900 line type of things) - do they really believe that the operator is getting off on it?

I guess you can say, to some, it's just a fantasy or a thought that the other person online is actually doing what they say they are doing. That is why cybersex to me doesn't do anything. With the phonsex issue, the 900 numbers, I know lots of those operators are probably doing something else while they're talking on the phone. It's the fact that the "thought" of the other person is really doing what they are suppose to be doing, is a turn on. u know. Again, this is my oppinion.

 

[sugarmagnolia77]

I guess you can say, to some, it's just a fantasy or a thought that the other person online is actually doing what they say they are doing. That is why cybersex to me doesn't do anything. With the phonsex issue, the 900 numbers, I know lots of those operators are probably doing something else while they're talking on the phone. It's the fact that the "thought" of the other person is really doing what they are suppose to be doing, is a turn on. u know. Again, this is my oppinion.

I agree with your opinion.

I often wonder (I do that a lot, it seems!!) why some people let their internet habit get so out of control. The inability to seperate fantasy from reality. I see some people who have racked up thousands of posts in such a short time and I wonder what else they do in their lives to be able to post so much. I know that Lit is a fun place to pass the time, but for some it seems that Lit is all they do...

 

[mrtnmoon]

but here's another question - why is cybersex such a huge deal to some?

maybe it's influenced by how you feel about sex in general. or perhaps it depends on who the other person is... is it just a random encounter, or is it something you do with the same someone on a regular basis?

if that's the case, I think maybe the case can be made that you're sharing emotional intimacy with someone.... not just "getting off". I know that I tried cybersex way back in my early internet days and it provided some thrills... but I was a virgin at the time. now that I've had the real thing, it doesn't hold the same power over me. real or imagined, tho, whenever I did it, it was with someone I felt some sort of "connection" with, emotionally.

could I just do it now, without any sort of feelings involved? I dunno.... there have been times when I've been incredibly lonely, bored and horny and I might have been up for some experimenting. the opportunity never seems to arise for me, tho, for whatever reason.