Chatting about sexuality and sex

[T.H. Oughts]

I have been at Lit for 5 years now and I know it has made me more more relaxed about sex and more open to things and more aware of things. And even though I may not be into some sexual things I have more understanding of those that do etc.

Also I work in the field of Psychology so anything is up for discussion there also.

But I do find that I have to stop myself some times in general mixed company that the sexual things we talk about at Lit is not classed as 'general' conversation.

I don't mean I hang out with closed minded people. But at social events when you don't know people you start chatting to, a person is more guarded with what they talk about. ( I am not talking about if you are gay or bi etc)

With my friends no subject to taboo so that is cool.

I suppose my reason for this thread is.... do you have to stop yourself sometimes in general public and think about what you would like to say?

Has Lit relaxed you so much that sexuality conversations seem just as normal as talking about the new ford motorcar?

 

[angelkitty7888]

i'd like to think of myself as a very open minded person... my SO and i can make inuendos about almost anything when we're alone together or when there's noone paying attention to us lol but when i'm talking with others around i really do feel the need to hold back... i know that's because i'm a very shy person around people i don't know (but still it doesn't mean i don't think of things that would be very naughty to say lol)

but i will say that lit has made me think of quite a few things i never would have considered to make conversation or inuendoes about

 

[squarespray]

Not especially...
Lit's just a velvet-iceberg.

Drive the hot new '54 Ford Phantasia...

 

[AussieAngel]

I love talking about all the good stuff with friends. and yeah. i always need to remind myself of who i am with so that i wont bring up inappropriate stuff.

 

[rjp44]

I have a couple of good friends with whom I'm able to discuss anything. Most of the guys I know, I consider aquaitances and never bring up the subject of same gender sex.

 

[squarespray]

your charisma prevents-you-from being distracted-by yourself during conversations... usually.

if a taboo-topic spews-out randomly, I wax-windy on it...
if it pops-up seemingly pre-rehearsed, I wordweave an exit-tapestry.

 

[silkybiblue]

caution

Yeah we all must put on the brakes at times - too much information makes those not so open minded people gasp for air, these forums help get it out of our system

 

[human_male]

Yep, I know what you mean. I forget that unlike on Lit, most women aren't comfortable with casual references to sex, masturbation, porn and their tits.

 

[sunandshadow]

I'm a creative type and my stories and art often tend toward the erotic; I get frustrated with the fact that most people aren't friendly to the idea of adult content in videogames and public forums. I've gotten flames for something as tame as a drawing of a guy wearing a speedo. XP

 

[Raimondin]

I
With my friends no subject to taboo so that is cool.

I suppose my reason for this thread is.... do you have to stop yourself sometimes in general public and think about what you would like to say?

Has Lit relaxed you so much that sexuality conversations seem just as normal as talking about the new ford motorcar?

Same here. No subject is taboo with my own friends. But talking about sexuality has always been as normal as any other subject for me. I mean, I don't carry a sign on my chest & back saying "I'm Gay," but one's sexuality is going to affect or influence about what you would like to say

These days I tend to listen more than open my mouth. I realize that outside of the safety of my own close "circle of friends," there's a whole wide varied world. Of course i don't want to offend anybody. But if the conversation in a mixed group turns to sexuality I'm not going to hold back.

 

[trojan_man_co]

interesting veeery interesting

I have been at Lit for 5 years now and I know it has made me more more relaxed about sex and more open to things and more aware of things. And even though I may not be into some sexual things I have more understanding of those that do etc.

Also I work in the field of Psychology so anything is up for discussion there also.

But I do find that I have to stop myself some times in general mixed company that the sexual things we talk about at Lit is not classed as 'general' conversation.

I don't mean I hang out with closed minded people. But at social events when you don't know people you start chatting to, a person is more guarded with what they talk about. ( I am not talking about if you are gay or bi etc)

With my friends no subject to taboo so that is cool.

I suppose my reason for this thread is.... do you have to stop yourself sometimes in general public and think about what you would like to say?

Has Lit relaxed you so much that sexuality conversations seem just as normal as talking about the new ford motorcar?

im in the psychology field as well. i think it helps me better understand the reasons for my own desires and fantasies. talking with open and like minded people also helps me and others open up about subjects they have been taught are taboo there entire life.

 

[erdave]

a great thread

im in the psychology field as well. i think it helps me better understand the reasons for my own desires and fantasies. talking with open and like minded people also helps me and others open up about subjects they have been taught are taboo there entire life.

I also enjoy talking and sharing with open-minded people similar to those in Literotica. I am not as open at work or home. I am an Emergency Room nurse and a fireman hence I do not feel as open sharing at work objects of a sensual nature. I relate to women better than men probably because I have worked with them for 15+ years.
Writing the stories I have in here, have allowed me to explore my sensual side and become open, to those whom choose to read the stories. All the stories are not written from an actual first person experiences but from my feelings of sexual exploration.
We all have to live in ….from the lack of any other nomenclature; the “real world” yet who we are sensually define our actuality. Society acts as a form of control upon us and instead of allowing us to define ourselves as a total entity only constrains us to live a “private life”. I feel this mentality has allowed the demise of individuality in the form of incorporating our sexual identity with our general self.
For example, I am male and love wearing panties; this isn’t a problem for me but what if it was and I felt I needed to control this behavior. Societal norms dictate how I can share with others and where I seek help but through meeting other people in Literotica and feeling comfortable writing about this……..im ok being ok
I met a published writer once, in a upper division Creative Writing English class and I asked her, “how do you keep your readers from knowing if you are the central character in the story or this is only a fantasy?”
Her reply was, “It doesn’t matter….the readers will always believe what they want.”
Law School starts in 7 months and I dread leaving the left-brained writing behind for the totally right-brained rhetoric. Enjoy your day dave

 

[bi golly]

I would not ever talk to my friends or coworkers about my sexual desires. There was a guy let go from our company during a big lay off and I mentioned him to a coworker. The coworker told me that he was bi. My question didn't have anything to do with sex. But that was the first thing the other guy thought about.

I think another reason I would never talk about it is because I am torn in so many ways. I really like women and think I would be happiest with a woman as a partner, but I really like the idea of cock and ass play. When I get around women, my desire for men goes away, but when I dream, I dream about a pansexual spectrum. Last night, I woke up from a dream where I was riding a guy and sucking another one off. And I liked it. I also dream about sex with women, often in very straight and traditional ways.

I'm confused about all of this, but because the gay/bi world is cut off in a way, I don't go there. If I went to a gay bar and saw someone I knew, I don't know what I would say. "Hi, just here for the cock? Uh, cook?"

My experiences with women have not been good. I have been married twice, and both of them cheated on me. I lived with a woman who turned out to be an alcoholic. I meet women these days and I am not as trusting as I once was. But the men I have met in my as yet unsuccessful forays in to gay bars and bulletin boards have all been married and cheating. They have their reasons to go out, but I'm not okay with being a part of it.

 

[none2_none2]

My personal feelings are that it is probably best not to bring up the subject of sex if it isn't necessary. If it is a small group of friends who typically like to talk about that it is fine; otherwise, it may cause group tension you didn't want to create. I'm talking about gay groups. Mixed str8 and non-str8 groups I wouldn't say a thing. Examples of what I'm talking about in gay groups:

1) I have a neighbor who invited me to a potluck that she and her friends had started. She and her friends are lesbians in the age range of 55+ and over. Somehow a mentally ill person who happened to also be transgendered found out about the potluck and asked to attend. They didn't know about her mental illness at the time, so they had no reason not to let her come... At this party she showed up wearing a very short leather mini-skirt and a halter-top. (Ok, so everybody looked past the leather barbie attire.) All her jokes to break the ice were about menstral cycle & menopause. Nobody was really laughing. Granted I was there, but somehow I got the feeling that these ladies probably wouldn't have told many such jokes even if I hadn't been there. Then she went on to spin tales of how her sister (also transgendered) committed suicide. How her parents had both been murdered as part of a hate crime since they supported their transgendered children. Then she went on to talk about man (her)/man sex, man(her)/woman sex, man/woman sex (her), and finally woman (her)/woman sex. Now I'm sure we all have a curiosity about areas we don't know about. However, this was like being in the audience of a Jerry Springer show -- all so sensational to the point where you just didn't buy any of it. I don't think she was hurting anybody but herself. However, afterwards they didn't invite her to any future potlucks. I think from their stand point it wasn't so much just the sex talk as it was her stature. She was about 6'2" and probably #230. I'm about the same size, so I don't see many people at intimidating. However, the other ladies were of course much smaller and they were just afraid that perhaps she could pose a threat given that her conversations and attire were just so weird. I think they were over-reacting, but then maybe I would if someone much larger than me were acting so strange...

2) I used to go to Front Runners. (It's a gay running group that has chapeters all over.) The nature of the group was very plutonic. They MAY talk about seeing someone running who looked hot. They may talk about going to a bar afterwards. However, there was no sex talk. There was also no touchy-feely talk. The group was a bit classist, so I had to be careful on many topics about what I talked about. I remember one time a guy brought up how his niece married some looser because he had gone to Vo-Tech instead of college and learned to fix TV's, etc. I was a bit taken back because my guy was bluecollar, and I knew that blue collar doesn't mean stupid as some people think. So I thought I would lighten things up by saying at least he has a trade and doesn't just flip burgers or work at Walmart. Oh oh!!! Someone there worked at Walmart! This group is great for running and some very CASUAL socialization. However, I know to be on guard about any topic that might cause friction.

3) I remember socializing at a str8 church (gay friendly). They had a social area after service -- very large so that you could talk and have a private conversation... Anyway, a gay friend wanted me to meet a gay couple he knew. The one partner saw me and made himself scarce. Why? Because he screwed around on the side and knew that I knew about it. Definitely another place that I wouldn't have
discussed anything about sex -- even if he had the balls to say hi.

4) This is kind of a hodge podge of circumstances.
a) I've known gay groups that were very judgemental WHERE/HOW you met your partners: It was ok to go to a bar every night, get drunk, and find a partner before the bar closed at 3am. If you went to a park you were either gay trash or a closet case (especially married guys) and some how you must be exposing yourself out in the open to the innocent str8 couples and their children who were trying to have a picnic. It never occured to them that some people don't drink, don't like loud music, don't like smoke, and see no reason to spend hours in such a place. You wouldn't dare bring up that you cruised at parks.
b) There have been PC groups that push what KIND of sex you should have. It wasn't set in stone, but some groups were very anti-anal sex. Lots of times in those situations I wanted so bad to yell to those people to take their fridgity and go str8. However, I just kept my mouth shut.

So given all that, you'd think I never talk about sex. That isn't so, I just had specific groups for that:

1) For me at one point in my life I felt like the sex was out of control so I did 12-step. Such a support group is a great place for opening up. For the first year or so of attending meetings, I sanitized my nouns and pronouns so that any reference to sex didn't imply that it was another guy. I was terrified that since they were not 100% gay meetings, I would be asked to leave if I got too honest... Finally, I had a situation where a guy I cared for decided to try being straight again. I knew that either I had to tell the truth or they would have thought my girlfriend left me for a lesbian -- far from the truth. The group was just fine with my unsanitized English. It was really nice to know that PLENTY of non-gay guys don't freak out. [I say most because I remember a couple of times where some guys had a stupid attitude: 1) A guy who was molested at 12 had a bad attitude. I had to make sure he understood the only chicken I eat is the kind that is cooked -- and I'm not a cannibal. 2) A guy who went to jail thought that it was unfair that straight guys went to jail as jail was paradise for gay guys. I suggested to him that he should have requested to be confined to a nursing home since there are plenty of females there.]

2) The internet!!!
I can be myself. (Sure I could also lie and be something I"m not -- young, hung, str8, whatever. However, beyond de-genderizing my nouns/pronouns, I'm not good at spinning tales and then trying to keep straight which story i told and to whom I told it.) You do have to be careful in this medium that people truly understand what you are trying to convey. Since there is no voice inflection, no body language, sometimes the words themselves tend to make us sound a bit harsher than hopefully we really are. Of course with the anonymity, perhaps some are a bit harsh after having things bottled up. There is no true backlash if you are a bit crude. However, hopefully most of us try to temper that so that any discourse doesn't descend into nothing more than a name-calling shouting match.

 

[spacey2828]

I'm totally new to this openness

I am totally new to this. My husband of 28 years passed away in March of this year. I'm sad but.... Why now do I find the woman's body so interesting. I mean really interesting? I can't right now picture my self making love to a man, any man. But a woman, a sexy, great smelling, well endowed woman? UMMMMMM.........well I'm not sure what I would do. I've only been with my late husband ever. But now dream of a woman excite me, excite me more than I had every thought. But now what?? Do What?? Talk to who? My friend sent me to this site, said I might find it interesting, I do, This is a how to....So How do I, and What do I, and Who Am I??? and sugestions?




QUOTE=T.H. Oughts]I have been at Lit for 5 years now and I know it has made me more more relaxed about sex and more open to things and more aware of things. And even though I may not be into some sexual things I have more understanding of those that do etc.

Also I work in the field of Psychology so anything is up for discussion there also.

But I do find that I have to stop myself some times in general mixed company that the sexual things we talk about at Lit is not classed as 'general' conversation.

I don't mean I hang out with closed minded people. But at social events when you don't know people you start chatting to, a person is more guarded with what they talk about. ( I am not talking about if you are gay or bi etc)

With my friends no subject to taboo so that is cool.

I suppose my reason for this thread is.... do you have to stop yourself sometimes in general public and think about what you would like to say?

Has Lit relaxed you so much that sexuality conversations seem just as normal as talking about the new ford motorcar?[/QUOTE]

 

[blklthrjkt]

I have always been pretty open in my discussions with friends. That said, I am a big believer in the proper time and place. I would never discuss what I did in the dungeon last night with casual business freinds, unless they were really cute.

 

[Smuttboy2]

For me, Lit has only made me more at ease with myself.


I have always been the guy at the back of the room. I am shy in some ways, not in all. Only in few places do is stand in front and have everyones attention. That being said, when I have felt a Need to say something, I say it. I do it in the best way I can at the moment to not insult, or embarrass, anyone, but it does get said.

I hold my friends in very high esteem. Friends are only second to my family, which are also friends. Once I have known a friend and have become their frined, i find it easy to talk to them about anything. I don't talk to every friend about the same issues or tpoics, but I would talk to any of my friends about anything they bring up. If I have knowledge of the subject I talk, if I don't, I listen and learn. Our everyday lives are our best teachers if we allow them to be.

I enjoy singing also. That is one of the times I am up front and have everyones attention. I found singing is a way to express my feelings and thoughts through the songs I sing. Same way with my writing. I write what I feel, what my desires are, and what I have on my chest at that time.

Has Lit changed any of this? Not yet, but along with being more at ease with my sexual wants now, it may very well change how I write, or what I write. Only time will tell, as time tells all.