Charged First Paragraphs

[Tatewaki]

When I write, I try to create intro paragraphs that immediately draw the reader into the story. If I can, I try to make them answer the 5W's and H, as well as hint at the story question. If I can do that, I find that the rest of the story practically writes itself. It is, in effect, an attempt to answer the question stated in the first paragraph!

Here is one I have been working on for a few hours. Do you guys think it meets my criteria or not? If not, why not? I'd be interested in hearing your views.

-T

Dave knows. He must. Every quirk of his eyebrow, every twitch of his cheek screams "Suspicion" to me. But in typical Dave style he says nothing. He'd rather deny the truth and shoulder the hurt instead of making false accusations against me. This soft side of his remains both his strength and his weakness. He'd never accuse me of infidelity unless he had irrefutable evidence. He'd never take the necessary steps to obtain it. Until he did, I wouldn't confess to shit! His forbearance gave me a lot of wiggle room. As long as he desired to remain ignorant, I'd let him. I know I should feel guilty about hurting someone who loves me so completely, but I don't. A real man would've fought for his woman and not meekly accept her cheating ways, or hide from the bitter truth. His attempts to avoid the issue angered me. I wanted this gentle man to suffer.

-T

 

[Impetus]

NICE!

-I

 

[Impetus]

K, a little more this time...

I really like how you develop a Lot about the characters in this one. With just a few lines we know what's going on inside both characters heads. Strong sense of tension and drama, and you could go a whole lot of places with this one to. I really, really like. 10!

-I

 

[Tatewaki]

That's my favourite one, as well. Thanks for the review.

-T