Character dialogue

[Dnrlovers2722]

I keep trying to submit a story and I wrote the dialogue how I've always read dialogue in other books and stories.
Example: "Eat up," he said,"because we won't be eating again until dinner."
Example: "Happy anniversary", he said.

 

[oggbashan]

Have you had a rejection because of dialogue? If so, the usual reason is lack of spacing between speakers. This is an example from one of my stories:

That was easy, wasn't it, Heather?" Joy said.

"Only because we insisted that it should be," Heather replied. "A beef joint and roast potatoes in foil trays, the other vegetables ready-prepared - even one of our husbands could have cooked it."

"Are you sure? Your Bill might. I'm not convinced my Sam could."

"Of course he can, Joy. He managed for a whole month while you were on that river cruise in China."

"Did he? I thought he lived on instant meals, take-aways and eating out."

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Also in your example the first sentence has the comma inside the quotes, which is correct. The second sentence, however, doesn't, it is outside the quotes.

Literotica is looking for the block format style.

Which means that there is a blank line(return/enter) between paragraphs. Each new speaker is a new paragraph.

So your story should look like my post. Or Oggs example.