Chanel 285 Lit News

[DarkTalon]

~ Bouncing off the walls By Suger Cult Plays As Grafics for Chanel 285 Lit News

in My best News Ancker Voice "Good Evening Or morning Depending when or if we get aired. I'm Dan Talon For Ch. LIT News. And coming up We Have Coverage Of Hue Hefner anounced today he is runnig for president His reson Quote "What ever Larry Can Do I Can do Better"
And Now for the wether

 

[cats]

Cats Furry here with a speacil report.

Polite has recently put up a new AV. But what do the people of lit think of this new AV. The popular consensus thus far is, they like it.

We now return you to your ragurly schelduled news report.

 

[DarkTalon]

Angkor Voice " Personally Cat I like her last one better . New lets go to the Werther ."

Turns off stage and talks to the stage manager " Who Is that Guy Cats Furry And do we employ him "

 

[kamalw1]

Hello, this is Jason Cocoa with a report out of New York City. One of my sources allegedly has overheard Mariah Carey laughing hysterically, saying "Gigli sucked more than Glitter," repeatedly. I guess she is happy to have some company in the singers-who-make-bad-movies club, along with Vanilla Ice for "Cool As Ice" and Madonna for "Swept Away". Back to you, Dan Talon.

 

[DarkTalon]

"Late Braking news Hugh Hefner as just Anounced that if he Becomes President The first thing he'll do is Changed the White House In to The Next And bigest PlayBoy Mansion"

"Now Lets See If we can Wake Mr. Loft from his Sleep And Get the damn Weather"

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

Damn, I'll do the freakin' weather myself.

This is your resident political commentator P-fuzz. Ok, according to this map thing we have an 85% chance of weather tomorrow.
If you'll look at the map that i'm assuming is behind me, you'll see that residents of the SRP boards should be on the lookout for, ummm...this giant blue line thing.
and, dude hold the card straight, I cant read it, ok the folks in the pillow pit should be on the lookout for snow.

 

[Morgoth]

And in a section that we like to call, "It's old but still important", I hate Kim Jong Il. Really, really bad.

 

[cats]

Speacil Report

Hello I'm Cats Furry, here with a specil report. For those of you just joining in I am Cats furry with a specil report. It seems Morgoth has just joined the news team. For those of you joining in I am Cats Furry giveing a specil report on Morgoth Joining the news team. Also I seem to be wasteing time. Hello for you joining us, I am Cats Furry here with a waste of time. I mean Speacil report, on Morgoth joining the news team. This is Cats Furry signing off. Hello for those of you Joining us, this is Cats Furry saying good bye.

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

This just in! George W. Bush in a press conference has proclaimed that the only end to hostilities in the middle east will come when Ariel Sharon and the leaders of the Palestinian Authority sit down and discuss the situation like good Christians.

 

[cats]

Off Camera

So if we nuke those people, then they can't do that. Then the confrontation keeps going on. So we can nuke all those lands again and just keep nukeing tell, we are out of missles. Then we would no longer be a nuclear power, and we only would have enough power to blow up the world twice. Then this would make a vacancy for North Korea, alowing them to become a nuclear power unchecked. So if we don't fight them gaining nuclear power, then we don't get on their bad side. Also with the Middle east glowing green we have a place to put all our radio active waste, also it'll be a big smokeing creator, so we could export cigoretes to other countrys who think it's a new trend, so that will help us make our econemy rise. Then with the new influx of tax money we can increase school budgets allowing us to become smarter as a nation, thus increaseing our politicle standings during events like the Nobel Peace Awards. Further more once we have eleminated the possiblity of these fights, we can change those damn Freedom fries back to french fries, because lets face it where all tired of that bullshit. All and all I must say bush is quite cunning.

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

I think we all agree Bush is cunning. Personally I stand in awe of his mental might. It really is a wonderful sight when our esteemed president pauses in the middle of a sentance, then purses his lips tightly and grins because he has thought of a big word to interject.

 

[cats]

This more my prefrance then anything else but this is ment to be a satire or comedy so a politicle debate really doesn't belogn here, hence my long joke post. I could be wrong but it seems to me this is quite a topic to you and I'd be willing to discuse it with you but not in this thread, prehaps in the OOC.

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

In other news a Democratic National Convention fund raiser had to be cut short when the extension cord powering former vice president Al Gore blew a circuit breaker. According to witnesses, Mr. Gore sat stiff and motionless for approximately fifteen minutes before anyone noticed something was wrong.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Thank you Fuzz, and now, fashion!

Over on the GB it seems the fashion statement of the moment is "Cut that hair!" Yes, it's true several women over on the GB have decided to chop their locks. FreakyGurl (Mrs. Duck to you) has cut her hair, and I myself have also cut off 8 inches of hair for the new fall look. Several other women are complementing change.

On the BDSM board fashion hasn't changed much: Leather and Lace, Black tops and Red Bottoms abound! But it is time to change to animal print sheets with the cooler weather.

The Playground is sporting the "Gloves, Hats, and Gloves" required look...but strangely do not mention CLOTHING of any sort. Paramedics are standing by to pop them into hot tub at the first sign of frost bite.

On the SRP the look is "Recently Ravished" with classic clothes torn in artfully revealing ways. Men's open to the waist shirts are now being replaced by long dark cloaks which can be flung open to reveal....open to the waist shirts.

On the GLBT the look is straight at work and anything goes on the weekends!

Meanwhile on the ORP we have full body armor in spades, with only the year really deciding the accessories: Medieval of course is going for the full polished gleam while the Space Agers are sporting new visors and push button wrist bands.

Poet's Corner: The new black is still black; Author's Hangout has given up the ink splattered sweat suit in favor of fuzzy robe and slippers; The How To board has given up lace up shoes in favor of Velcro; and Am Pics is still deciding which costume to wear (briefly) before becoming nude.

Thank you, this is PoliteSuccubus saying "It doesn't matter if the colors clash as long as the fabric doesn't."

 

[DarkTalon]

" hello I'm Dan talon For lit news We are Going to take A smell Commercial break. But wen I return I will be interviewing Barbra Walters."

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

Hi.
Are you like me. Do you have trouble opening jars, and just don't have the time to wait for a can opener to get your can open. Well, the folks from the invention channel have a device for you. This technological marvel is made of space age plastic and some kind of exotic alloy I can't pronounce. We call this absolutely indespensable cooking apparatus a hammer, that's right, a hammer. This little wonder gets containers open, purees and even kills mice, and for the low, low, low price of 69.95 we'll immediately ship yours third class straight to your door. Remember folks, if you think you can live without this wonderful time-saving gadget, then you are a bad person and don't love your family.

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

Hello folks.
Chester Drawers here. It seems Ms. Walters's tranquilizers have worn off and she's esc.....I mean we are experiencing some technical difficulties, so while we wait, we will sit here and marvel at my small pores and ability to part my hair on either side of my head.

 

[Vixandra]

Chester, as fascinated as we all are, I'm sure, I must break in. I'm Nicholaa Yasdanshrie-Montoya-Corrona with a late breaking report. There has recently been... what's that cue card say? Oh, a rather odd character running bout. Description: furry, occasionaly chases balls of yarn. Known Hideouts- patches of sun and anywhere mice are served. Be aware- this furry character is not, I repeat NOT declawed, so is clawed, pawed and dangerous. Back to you Chester.

 

[DarkTalon]

Damn it she is gone.............What Im on.... Hello Im Dan talon And our interview with Barbra walters as been Canceled today so lets go to the wether with raven loft again

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

(pulling a large hammer from behind desk)
Chester Drawers here,
Looks like I'm about to get my money's worth out of this damn thing. Here kitty kitty.

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa Yasdanshrie-Montoya-Corrona

*walks into the studio and right on to the set while wearing a polka-dotted parka*
Chester- I said he was pawed, clawed and dangerous. I don't think the felon would come here. *reads off a cue card finely* On- we've got a name now- tis an escaped Hyena from the LIT Zoo!
Well, that's a relief. I wonder who let him out though? Oh well, I was just here to pick up my pay check. Back to you guys.
*she walkes off camera grabs her check and procedes to leave, a feild crew following her.*

 

[DarkTalon]

This Just In Nicholaa Yasdanshrie-Montoya-Corrona Has A Nice Tight Ass * Dan looks Off stage Can I Say ASs obnthe air Well i just Did*

 

[Vixandra]

As the random Intern

"Sir! You can't say that! Nicholaa will... ah hell try it. This should be good!"

 

[DarkTalon]

Dan Talon her And this just In we Have A lit Zoo And They Have just added Raven loft to their Muncky Exibit . And Nicholaa Has A Varry Nice Ass And If She Coul hear me Now I'D tell He Much Id like to make Her Glad she has that ass.

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa Yasdanshrie-Montoya-Corrona

This is Nicholaa Yasdanshrie-Montoya-Corrona interupting with a late breaking report from the Lit Zoo. (in the background there's a big zoo sign and a few animals and slaves' in cages- very open minded zoo)
I've just been told by Zoo officials that the escaped Hyena has been recaptured! Isn't that nice? *listens to her ear peice, eyes progressively growing wider and more crystiline*
Oh, he said that?!? We, I'm very proud of my ass- tis a family trait passed from my mother's family from time immortal. We've all got tight asses. Alas I am the last female of my mother's line, so no sisters to lust after, hehehe.
*listens to earpeice* And there's the producer telling me its time for a word from our find sponsors. This is Nicholaa Yasdanshrie-Montoya-Corrona from the Lit Zoo saying be safe, sane and sexy!