Challenging Emotions

[impressive]

What feelings do you have a tough time really nailing when you write? Love? Desire? Angst? Disappointment? Pain?

I'm struggling right now to capture that "I feel so cheap, but I can't stop" feeling that comes when a character is investing a great deal more in a relationship than her partner.

 

[English Lady]

Anger is one i have a hard time with because I don't deal with it well in reality anyway.

 

[Guest]

i dunno
i think because im a psycho, i get lost in all feelings/thoughts/character when i write. infact, sometimes it carries over into real life and that persona is stuck with me until i finish the story. that might be why its hard for me to write at times.

dayum, its been a while since ive truly written though ...sigh

 

[Guest]

 

[impressive]

Guess I should've known better than to start a writing thread amidst all the list craziness.

 

[English Lady]

I joined in I can'tthink of anything other than anger right now, but I will probably find other things i'll have trouble with as I keep writing

 

[cantdog]

The problem could be that when a writer is indeed having a difficulty conveying an emotion, they don't necessarily know it, and the result is a missed communication no one actually sees.

Rare is the success one actually sees, except in poetry, I guess, or the narrower categories. You hafta just shrug and say,"Who knows?"

cantdog

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Guess I should've known better than to start a writing thread amidst all the list craziness.

Actually a time when emotions are high could be advantagious to such a thread.

Almost everything I write is based on either personal emotions or I pretend, as if it were a play I was writing, that I am that person and need to portray that emotion.

 

[English Lady]

I wonder if many writers avoid stories with emotions they might feel difficult to express?

We tend to have to "feel" our character and if we can't get to grips with how they feel can we really write them and do them justice?

 

[logophile]

I wonder if many writers avoid stories with emotions they might feel difficult to express?

We tend to have to "feel" our character and if we can't get to grips with how they feel can we really write them and do them justice?

I do! But not because I want to do my character justice so much. More because I don't want to deal with my own shit about it. I have a very hard time with anger in my real life. I spent years pretending that I just didn't get angry (until I ended up on a 24 hour stay at our local mental hospital). I still have a really hard time with it... I don't like the way anger makes me feel physically. I try to intellectualize my way out of it. And often, I don't feel like my anger is justified. And so I don't usually write about anger because I don't like to explore it at all! I avoid it in my stories, which is probably why I stick to short vignettes. It would be awfully hard to write a real full-length story without anyone being angry ever!

Whew, that was hard! Who do I write today's therapy check to?

 

[English Lady]

logophile - I totallyknow what you mean. I have the same problems with anger and expressing it.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

logophile - I totallyknow what you mean. I have the same problems with anger and expressing it.

Ditto......I scare myself sometimes.

 

[cloudy]

I dunno, sometimes I'm too close to the character to express the feeling I'm looking for in the way I want to.

The story I'm working on now is drawn largely from an experience I had, and I'm having trouble conveying the absolute terror I felt at the time.....what I write just doesn't seem to come close.

 

[shereads]

I'm struggling right now to capture that "I feel so cheap, but I can't stop" feeling that comes when a character is investing a great deal more in a relationship than her partner.

I skipped up and down that road for more than a dozen years before I snapped out of it. I could give classes! The best part is, I can laugh about it because I don't regret most of it.

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: Challenging Emotions

I skipped up and down that road for more than a dozen years before I snapped out of it. I could give classes! The best part is, I can laugh about it because I don't regret most of it.

If it helps, here's my theory about women (or men) who remain in relationships where they feel undervalued: It begins with being swept off your feet. You're convinced you've found your soulmate. On his part, the soulmate bit is tempting but threatening; he wants you hooked but his abandonment issues require that he keep a certain distance. Until you've thoroughly seduced, distance is the last thing on his mind. But once the hook is imbedded in your jaw, he lets the line go slack so fast you feel like a trout that was tossed back because it was too small.

Your immediate instinct is that you've made a big mistake and should move on - but depending on what you gave up or who you hurt to be with him, admitting to yourself that the Soulmate business was a delusion might be unthinkable. You tell yourself that he's just in a bad mood and needs a little space.

There, that was enough space.



Now you begin the unwinnable, decade-long guesing game of "What am I doing that I should be doing differently? If I'm thin enough, clever enough, affectionate enough, flexible enough or in some mysterious way, perfect enough, he'll act the way he did when he wanted to get me in bed."

Consciously or not, he plays you like a tournament-class sport fisherman: when you begin to drift away, he tugs you back with a gesture that reminds you of the way things could be; when you're close again, he feels crowded and pushes you away. What began as normal-ish behavior with subtle overtones of dismissiveness can spiral into behavior so insulting on his part - and so pathetic on your part - that you can't relate the details to your closest friends without feeling like a one-woman episode of Jerrry Springer.

This can go on for ages, because he's getting what he wants when he wants it and you're so focused on "winning him back" (you never had him, btw) that you barely notice the passage of time. Then one day he crosses some imaginary line that neither of you knew was there, and you think, "WTF? Where am I? Where did my self-respect go? And who is this clown?" You snap out of it. He, poor clueless bastard, thinks it's one more of your countless quasi-ultimatums; the times when you weren't speaking to him and it took him two weeks to realize it.



Months later, he misses the relationship. The reason you know you're over it is that you get no satisfaction from his loneliness. None at all. There's so much that was worth loving about him, and one of the reasons he's alone now is that you both participated in something you both knew wasn't working.

You don't want to see him alone. You wish he'd find someone whose level of need matches his own. But you feel no sexual attraction at all. You're embarrassed for both of you when he tries to fan those flames. It's strange to realize you have no regrets; you always liked the scary rollercoasters, and this has been one hell of a ride.

So that's the story of Cheap.

Anything else?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Sher....you have a beautiful soul.

I feel I'm not alone now in my feelings and thoughts, thank you.

 

[shereads]

Sher....you have a beautiful soul.

I feel I'm not alone now in my feelings and thoughts, thank you.

Oh god. You too?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Oh god. You too?

Surprisingly it's an epidemic from what I've seen.
I asked someong else once before...why is it strong independant women can be manipulated emotionally and can't see it in themselves but can point it out in others?

 

[impressive]

Re: Re: Re: Challenging Emotions

So that's the story of Cheap.

Anything else?

Wow! Thanks for that.

 

[TheEarl]

I struggled with one of my characters who wasn't sure if she was in love or not and wasn't sure if she should give up what she had for a punt into the wide-open spaces with someone she knew loved her. Lots of indecision and too-ing and fro-ing and I'm not 100% sure I captured it very well.

Currently completely rewriting that story atm anyway - anyone got any ideas how I could get it across?

The Earl

 

[shereads]

Surprisingly it's an epidemic from what I've seen.
I asked someong else once before...why is it strong independant women can be manipulated emotionally and can't see it in themselves but can point it out in others?

Sometimes we do see it in ourselves, but facing it head-on would feel like staring at the sun. In my case, I had treated someone else very badly to be with him and if I admitted that it wasn't a Great Love that was Destined To Be, I'd be admitting that I'd been selfish and a liar for no good reason. If he said anything that could be interpreted as a return of my feelings, I chose to read it that way and keep hoping. I turned into the person I had left to be with him: so needy and eager to please that it was cloying.

I think it ended when it did, not because of anything he said or did, but because I had been out of the previous relationship long enough to put that guilt in the past. When I stopped trying to protect myself from the knowledge that I had behaved badly for no good reason, I didn't need to maintain the illusion that I was sacrificing my dignity for a greater good.

 

[curious2c]

I know that I put myself into the characters shoes as much as possible. Due to that, sometimes it is very difficult for me to write and I must take a break.

I know also that I have gotten feedback from readers that have mentioned how I brought tears to their eyes...and hearing that amazes me.

Sometimes I wonder if I push the emotional limits too far...but in the end I like my stories to have a 'good' ending. It is how I am.

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Challenging Emotions

Wow! Thanks for that.

That'll be $6.95.

That's too high, isn't it.

For you, $2.50, but you have to call me at least four times a week. We're going to be such good friends. Do I look nice in these gloves?



Edited: Okay, $2 and you call me when you have time.

 

[shereads]

Re: Cheap

That'll be $6.95.

That's too high, isn't it.

For you, $2.50, but you have to call me at least four times a week. We're going to be such good friends. Do I look nice in these gloves?



Edited: Okay, $2 and you call me when you have time.

I hate the way that makes me look. It's as if I'm not capable of earning your friendship except through extortion. That isn't the real me. Forget the two dollars. Forget the phone call. If we talk, we talk, right? It's not as if I'll be sitting by the phone. I have a life of my own, hobbies, charitable work that would make you weep if I let the details slip during an ungaurded moment. My life is rich and fulfilling already, Impressive. Having you in it as my new best friend is the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. If you do want to call, I don't have anything to do this evening and I'll be around.





<checks phone for dial tone>

 

[impressive]

Re: Re: Cheap

My life is rich and fulfilling already, Impressive.

Wish mine was! I have pockets of "rich and fulfilling" but no cherries on my sundae right now. So, if you wanna be pathetic and needy with me -- I'm fine with that.