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Centers for Disease Control: There is no Zombie Apocalypse

K

KingOrfeo

Literotica Guru
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Jul 27, 2008
Posts
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Not yet, anyway.

The horrific face-eating arrest in Miami and several other seemingly subhuman acts has many people wondering what's behind this flesh-munching wave of terror.

A zombie apocalypse, however, is not what we should be worried about, at least according to the federal government.

Over the years the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has released a couple of tongue-in-cheek "zombie warnings," which really are just disaster-preparedness stunts. But on Thursday, the agency made it official: Zombies don't exist.

"CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.

Nevertheless, recent incidents in which humans reportedly ate human flesh have the Internet in a firestorm, with "zombie apocalypse" being Google's third most popular search term by Friday morning.

The zombie craze seemed to start with an attack in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, 31, was killed by cops while in the process of eating almost the entirety of a homeless man's face off. The victim, Ronald Poppo, miraculously survived, but doctors are having a hard time figuring out how to put his face back together.

ZOM-BIE: n. also ZOM-BIES pl. 1. An animated corpse that feeds on living human flesh. 2. A voodoo spell that raises the dead. 3. A Voodoo snake god. 4. One who moves or acts in a daze "like a zombie." [a word of West African origin] - Max Brooks, "The Zombie Survival Guide"
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Then, on Tuesday, 21-year-old Alexander Kinyua of Maryland allegedly admitted to dismembering his roommate and then eating his heart and brain.

Cops in Canada are also searching for a low-budget porn actor who allegedly killed a young man with an ice pick, dismembered the body and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse. Luka Rocco Magnotta is being hunted after he allegedly mailed some of the body parts to Ottawa. He's also accused of killing cats on video and posting the footage online.

Gawker fingered a "mysterious rash" breakout at a high school in Hollywood and other parts of Florida -- which hazmat and disease control teams still can't explain -- as further proof that zombies are taking over.

Zombie-like characteristics have been confirmed in the animal kingdom, just not in humans. A newfound fungus in a Brazilian rain forest -- called Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani -- is known to infect an ant, take over its brain so as to move the body to a good location for growth, and then kill the insect.

Yet Daigle dismissed "fictional viruses" like Ataxic Neurodegenrative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome, noting that other triggers have been alleged to cause zombie-like symptoms.

"Films have included radiation as well as mutations of existing conditions such as prions, mad-cow disease, measles, and rabies," he said.

But recently, some have found truth stranger than fiction.

"Action must be taken now before an outbreak!" an anonymous reader told The Huffington Post. "Zombies may be subdued by destroying the brain or removing the head. It is now your responsibility to prevent the apocalypse."
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The government always denies it. It's one of the first real signs of a zombie apocalypse.
 
KRCummings said:
The government always denies it. It's one of the first real signs of a zombie apocalypse.
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What she said.

Look Lit, I think we all know that if humanity is going to survive it's gonna be up to us. The Literotica GB to make sure that human life continues on this planet. It's a rough job but we need a plan and frankly I think that starts with a list of people too damn stupid to be allowed to continue.

I'd like to submit BB for the kill list and KRC for Judge Death. Someone has to run the Death Panel and I can think of no one more rational and vicious.
 
So, the lesson learned here is never to trust a naked man who goes around eating people. Especially in Miami.
 
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Johnny_Ray_Wilson said:
Oh look! Another ignorant idiot who gets his panties in a wad at the mere sight of one of my posts.:rolleyes:
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You seem to be suffering from a few Lupus symptoms.

Depression
There is no one cause of clinical depression in lupus; rather, there are various and different factors contributing to depression in chronic illnesses such as lupus. This section is an overview on how depression may be affecting you life and some strategies to lessen their impact.

Memory Loss and "Lupus Fog"
At some point during the course of their lupus, up to 50 percent of lupus patients describe feelings of confusion, fatigue, memory impairment, and difficulty expressing their thoughts. This collection of symptoms is called cognitive dysfunction or "Lupus Fog," and is found in people with mild to moderately active SLE. This section will discuss the impact that lupus can have on your memory and concentration and explore was to lessen their impact.
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You are going to die soon. Can you please will me your bullshit stories?
 
What scares me is a country where the Government feels a need to deny the existence of Zombies.

This is as stupid as the girls that stole from the girl guides...no wonder they are like that.

PS..The guy from Canada was caught in Germany...this is going to be interesting
 
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chillywilly2 said:
What scares me is a country where the Government feels a need to deny the existence of Zombies.

This is as stupid as the girls that stole from the girl guides...no wonder they are like that.

PS..The guy from Canada was caught in Germany...this is going to be interesting
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Of course they should deny the existance of zombies. They accept the existance of a being greater than man so magic is already on the table as an acceptable answer to shit. Zombies by contrast are relatively believable. Hell all it takes is finding some disease that is communicable and mimics the effects of bath salts.
 
Sean Renaud said:
Of course they should deny the existance of zombies. They accept the existance of a being greater than man so magic is already on the table as an acceptable answer to shit. Zombies by contrast are relatively believable. Hell all it takes is finding some disease that is communicable and mimics the effects of bath salts.
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You got a point there
 
one woman beheaded and ate some of her own infant. another woman snatched a random child from a stroller, bashed it into a metal pole, tried to break its arm off and eat it.

kinda makes you wonder sometimes............................
 
Sean Renaud said:
What she said.

Look Lit, I think we all know that if humanity is going to survive it's gonna be up to us. The Literotica GB to make sure that human life continues on this planet. It's a rough job but we need a plan and frankly I think that starts with a list of people too damn stupid to be allowed to continue.

I'd like to submit BB for the kill list and KRC for Judge Death. Someone has to run the Death Panel and I can think of no one more rational and vicious.
Click to expand...

Fuck, no! KRC is a deviant sociopath.
 
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