Cease Fire

[James Blandings]

I've participated in a number of online BDSM discussion groups and it seems to me that there is a natural life cycle that they go through, and at a certain point they all reach a critical mass at which they either implode, or get through the crisis point and go on to prosper.
That's where I believe we are right now on this Forum. What each and every one of us do in the next few days will determine the future of this online community.
It's time for us all to take a look at ourselves, and our behavior here, and simply ask if we want to be part of the problem or a part of the solution.
I am not going to make public comment on the controversies swirling on this board. Not one single person involved in them is 100% in the wrong, and no one is 100% in the right.
Much has been made of people leaving the board, or lurking and being afraid to post. Each faction will point to the other and lay the blame for that situation on the other, but both are wrong. I do not believe that people leave because of any particular poster, they leave because of strife.
Consider the feelings of a novice to BDSM coming to seek advice or friendship here. They aren't weighing which side of a fight is correct, they are going to withdraw because of the fight itself.
With that in mind, I think we ought to consider that there are no merely personal attacks here. When you attack and insult, you are not doing so just to your named target, but to the board itself. And I will say, with honest and deep concern, that the essential center of this Forum will not hold much longer if we do not all take that to heart.
On the subject of the role of Moderators, I hope you can all understand that the Mods are caretakers here, we do not set overall policy. If you do not like this system, I urge you to contact the site owners and take your concerns to them. To keep bringing the subject up here is pointless at best and insulting to the Mods at worst. I also would ask that you keep in mind that before we were Mods we were posters. I do not think it is feasible to expect anyone to give up posting privileges, or be held to some amorphous higher standard, in order to do an unpaid Mod job. Anyone who takes such a job does so only out of a desire to serve the community. We will make mistakes, of course, and it is fair to call us on them when we do. But keep in mind that the door swings both ways, and taking the Mod position does not mean we should have to hold our tongues when we have something to say either.
Consider this the Full Rodney. We won't get many more chances to get along if we don't all make an effort right now. Tonight, and in the days to come. I implore you, let's stop tearing each other down, and make this place live up to it's fantastic potential.

 

[Guest]

No Justice no peace

 

[Lancecastor]

Cool line...

I love the Moderators.

They are beautiful and wise in their ways.

Lance "Stepford" Castor

 

[MissTaken]

Lance?

The obvious question....

Are you ready to let the matter drop and trust it with the mods?

Are you ready to accept a "cease fire?"

It appears that your concerns have been expressed and so noted.


Are we ALL ready to make this a place where everyone is welcome?

Maybe this sounds hypocritical coming from one of those who have been here a while, but I am ready to do what it takes to permit the board to evolve in a positive direction.

Who else is?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: Lance?

The obvious question....

Are you ready to let the matter drop and trust it with the mods?

Are you ready to accept a "cease fire?"

It appears that your concerns have been expressed and so noted.


Are we ALL ready to make this a place where everyone is welcome?

Maybe this sounds hypocritical coming from one of those who have been here a while, but I am ready to do what it takes to permit the board to evolve in a positive direction.

Who else is?

Well said....I am stepping up to say yet again and for the third time that I'm ready for a cease fire.

I will do my part to permit the evolution of this board in a positive direction.

dixi

 

[James Blandings]

Lance, thank you for your thoughtful response.
I will carefully consider all you have to say, but there are a few points I will make right off.

First of all, you need to understand that how, and by whom, this board is moderated is not a decision that was, or will be, made by the Moderators, which is why I ask that if you believe the system should be changed, that you go to the higher level with your concerns.
One of the constraints we have as Moderators, and I am sure you will agree with me that it is a proper policy, is that we are bound to give the widest latitude to freedom of speech. We do not, we may not, remove posts because we dislike the poster, or what they have to say, or that we think their remarks are detrimental to the health of the forum. Primarily we are here to guard against spam, illegal messages such as solicitaions for underage sex, and things like that.
Our positions do give us a bit of a bully pulpit , of course, and I strive to use that responsibly, as do Risia, and yes, cymbidia, even though you may find fault with how it sometimes finds voice.
As I said, I will not adress particulars of the recent problems as I feel it is for the best to lay them to rest and put our focus on the future, not the past.
But I have to point out, we are also targets for people when they are dissatisfied. I get plenty of PMs too, about the state of the board, and I get many telling me the exact opposite of what you say you receive. For every person who thinks this board is unwelcoming to newbies, there is someone who feels we bend over backwards to accomodate them. For every person who thinks the board is unfriendly to Doms, there is someone who thinks subs are routinely disrespected.
And there is a grain of truth in every complaint, and there always will be, because we are going to be a raucous bunch of non conformists no matter what. Toes will be stepped on again and again.
But we have control over how we react. I sincerely believe this board is at a make or break point, and I appreciate your constructive response to my post.

 

[MissTaken]

Good for you, dixi!


(My partner in fluff.)



And if I understand Lance's post here, he has answered my questions.


Anyone else stepping up to the plate?

 

[Guest]

i cant believe i was drawn out of shadows by this

i've been lurking here off and on for almost a year so, i know it's none of my business but, i was afraid to post here LOOOONNNNGGGG before Lancecastor showed up.

i think that's what i like about this board.

Lance baby, i don't know exactly what you did to get this pot of beans on boil, but

OOOOOWWEEEEEE !!!!!!
MAN OH MAN THIS SHIT IS ENTERTAINING!!!!!!

it's like a reality tv show gone TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY wrong.

although i do think it's probably time to mellow out
or not,

its up to you.

i'll be happy either way.

 

[sunnii]

Re: i cant believe i was drawn out of shadows by this

i've been lurking here off and on for almost a year so, i know it's none of my business but, i was afraid to post here LOOOONNNNGGGG before Lancecastor showed up.

i think that's what i like about this board.

Lance baby, i don't know exactly what you did to get this pot of beans on boil, but

OOOOOWWEEEEEE !!!!!!
MAN OH MAN THIS SHIT IS ENTERTAINING!!!!!!

it's like a reality tv show gone TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY wrong.

although i do think it's probably time to mellow out
or not,

its up to you.

i'll be happy either way.

im sorry, that was me. as you can see i'm a newbie at this

 

[MissTaken]

Breaking my own rule...

I have to respond to this troll/cheerleader.


For some reason this post tickled my funny bone. Maybe it shouldn't have, but it did!


I am glad you are having a good time, unreg. Not really, though. I would much rather have you laughing at my Dom and sub jokes, but oh well.




Don't be afraid to post, though!

We won't bite unless you tell us to!

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: i cant believe i was drawn out of shadows by this

im sorry, that was me. as you can see i'm a newbie at this

Hi, sunni!


I guess we cross posted.


Now, feel free to check out the "Things you should never say" threads. They are truly entertaining!

 

[James Blandings]

Re: Re: i cant believe i was drawn out of shadows by this

im sorry, that was me. as you can see i'm a newbie at this

If you would like to discuss the reasons you have been afraid to post here, feel free to PM me.

 

[sunnii]

Re: Re: Re: i cant believe i was drawn out of shadows by this

If you would like to discuss the reasons you have been afraid to post here, feel free to PM me.

thank you for your concern but no need.

im a big girl

there's nothing on here i cant handle.

the reason why i stayed quiet is because i usually just pop in and out before going to bed.

and also because i realized very early on how easy it is to get "caught up in the drama"

and personally

this is one of the few situations where i'd just prefer to watch.

nighty night.

 

[KillerMuffin]

It seems to me that this particular brouhaha should have a nice silver lining in the form of a smooth running forum.

I see a variety of problems that really underlie the furor that we're not getting into. Though we all seem to be quick to cast the blame on the other participants in these hoo-haws, we never bother to look into our behavior on the matter.

First, I think, everyone should step back for a moment and consider their behavior in these forums. How do we contribute to trouble? How can we stop? A flame war can only happen when we toss blame at the other side, not when we seek out the blame in ourselves and act to stop it. The important thing in this is that we should understand the fundamental principle in maturity, we cannot justify our own behavior by someone else's no matter how awful.

Secondly, I think we should evaluate the forum. There are a lot of people here from all sorts of BDSM backgrounds. From Nilla to people who have been doing this in person since Carter was President. There are going to be a few clashes as these things get sorted out. However, to get them sorted out, there has to be dialogue. This is a good start.

What are the expectations in this forum? What do we expect to get here? What do we expect to find acceptable? What do we expect to find objectionable, and therefore removable? What do we expect the moderators to do? What do we expect the various posters to do? Do we expect some sort of heirarchy or pecking order amongst posters? Do we expect a free for all sort of thing? How much censorship do we expect? How much freedom to speak whatever we choose do we expect? How do we expect to have conflicts between posters handled?

It may seem pretty clear what the expectations are in here. It's not. I'm not for certain exactly what each poster expects to get from this forum, but I can tell that there are widely different expectations at work. These differences lead to fights.

Iron this out and do it with mutual respect on everyone's part; things will improve dramatically.

Note: The use of the word "we" is deliberate. I am pointing fingers at no-one. All are involved--even non-throw-down-participants--simply by being members of this forum.

 

[Trainerman]

The post that started this thread...

was, IMHO a very well thought out and needed contribution. Very eloquently expressed too, if I may say so. Nice one James Blandings.

Lance Castor too.......perceptive thoughts, well expressed. Between you I think you have discussed that which should have been discussed and hopefully nudged the Board towards a little evolution, rather than revolution.

Time for that cease fire chaps !

 

[CarolineOh]

Thank you for your leadership on this issue, James.
I will strive to assume the good intention of all other posters, and I hope that they will grant the same to me.

 

[WriterDom]

I'm not very optimistic about the future of the board. It grows in all directions, not just linear towards those who are interested in having serious discussions about bdsm. It's getting too big to manage. And too big for a Mod to single out one person and not expect to make matters worse instead of better. With growth there will be more trolls, more people who don't fit into the "play nice" mold, more people who get a rise out of picking on a particular flavor of bdsm. And the only direction I can see it heading is virtually unmoderated free speech of the general board. To some, that's a good thing. For those who once felt a special bond here, it's kinda sad.

 

[morninggirl5]

The day cym started the BDSM question and answer thread on the How-to forum, there was a place inside of me rejoicing. Today, that place is grieving. Recently, i've shared here about the changes i've made and the growth i've experienced because of that thread and the forum that grew from it.

This isn't that forum. I don't know what it is, but it's not the place of thoughtful, caring discussion it once was. I've logged out and not posted. I've read and left with tears in my eyes. No more.


It's too bad, really, that a group of adults cannot see the destruction created clearly. It's like a group of kids building a building with their blocks. One little boy wants to say who can and cannot play and gets mad and knocks down a corner when the other kids tell him he's wrong. Then another little boy sees the "fun" the first little boy had knocking things over and starts kicking away, knocking the whole building down. Little boys who play that way are never going to be happy until they and they alone have all the blocks.

I'm going to the Lego corner. The people there don't throw things at me just because they can.

Goodbye.

 

[Guest]

The day cym started the BDSM question and answer thread on the How-to forum, there was a place inside of me rejoicing. Today, that place is grieving. Recently, i've shared here about the changes i've made and the growth i've experienced because of that thread and the forum that grew from it.

This isn't that forum. I don't know what it is, but it's not the place of thoughtful, caring discussion it once was. I've logged out and not posted. I've read and left with tears in my eyes. No more.


It's too bad, really, that a group of adults cannot see the destruction created clearly. It's like a group of kids building a building with their blocks. One little boy wants to say who can and cannot play and gets mad and knocks down a corner when the other kids tell him he's wrong. Then another little boy sees the "fun" the first little boy had knocking things over and starts kicking away, knocking the whole building down. Little boys who play that way are never going to be happy until they and they alone have all the blocks.

I'm going to the Lego corner. The people there don't throw things at me just because they can.

Goodbye.

Right on MG. We should have banned boys from the beginning. I used to like this place too before all the guys started showing up.

 

[sunnii]

i like boys

Right on MG. We should have banned boys from the beginning. I used to like this place too before all the guys started showing up.

i also like reading about BDSM.
so please
lets get back to the porn

cant we all just get along?

 

[Guest]

Thank you for your leadership on this issue, James.
I will strive to assume the good intention of all other posters, and I hope that they will grant the same to me.

So, this means you have to bring your battle to the GB a day later?

Cym was harrassed and nitpicked by a spineless punk named Lancecastor until she would blow up at him, at which point, of course, many people who had nothing to say about his behavior would express their outrage at her for hers. This kept on until she just couldn't handle it anymore, resigned from being Moderator, and left Lit.
The whole thing makes me ill.

 

[CarolineOh]

So, this means you have to bring your battle to the GB a day later?

I am striving to take the higher ground, but I am still angry and have no intention of denying it. What I will not do is engage in any more strife in the bdsm forum, as the matter of who was right or wrong is secondary to keeping this area productive for those who need it.

 

[Lancecastor]

Good news!

I love the Moderators & CarolineOh.

They are beautiful and wise in their ways.

Lance "Stepford" Castor

 

[James Blandings]

I hope with that, every one will now feel they have had the opportunity to have their last words on the subject.