Caution: keep Bill O'Reilly away from your hummus

[shereads]

Poor Bill O'Reilly can't catch a break. The Fox TV talk show host, known as a stalwart defender of conservative values and feared for his ability to silence liberal guests by snapping, "Shut up!" as his producer closes their microphones, is involved in a sexual harrassment lawsuit. He's counter-suing for attempted extortion. (Of course he is! As a married conservative, he's compelled to defend the sancitity of marriage.)

Her complaint includes detailed descriptions of his attempts at seduction, including a shower fantasy in which he describes what he'd like to do to her with "one of those falafel things." (Loofah?!)

Fyi, the transcripts of her complaint have been leaked to thesmokinggun.com. I know nobody here at Lit would waste time on such sleaze, so avoid this website:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/

Today's episode of NPR's "Wait! Wait! Don't tell me!" included this exchange:

"Keep Bill O'Reilly away from your hummus."

"Shut up!"

 

[Guest]

 

[shereads]

"Defendant then stated he was going to Italy to meet the Pope, that his pregnant wife and daughter would be staying home, and that he looked forward to dalliances with hot Italian women."

 

[impressive]

Oh, scoop his eyes out with a spork (preferably the one I used to get a stool sample from my son's diaper).

 

[shereads]

Shut up!

 

[impressive]

Oopsy - double post.

 

[Guest]

 

[impressive]

The man is toast. The only way he can weasel out of it is to claim that Rush Limbaugh got him hooked on prescription painkillers.

 

[Edward Teach]

Conspiracy!!

This is obviously a vast left wing conspiracy.

and I want to be part of it


Edward The Incensed

 

[shereads]

Re: Conspiracy!!

This is obviously a vast left wing conspiracy.

and I want to be part of it


Edward The Incensed

What? You worry?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Falafel???????

 

[shereads]

Falafel???????

If you have a strong stomach, Svenska, you can read the loofah/falafel portion of the complaint right here, about midway down the page. Caution: the "Ewww!" Factor is off the charts.



http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1013043mackris16.html

Lest we think the woman made this stuff up, Mr. O'Reilly is a published novelist whose work earned first place in Salon's Worst Porn Writing competition.