Cattle Cavern

[IDreamofBunnies]

Cue Soft Cell- "Tainted Love"

Welcome to Cattle Cavern. I'll make it clear and simple. This is an rp- about what else cows. Now you can be cow human, bull mage or even a Mooman-half human/half steer. The Land is called Herdasia and is about the size of China, Rhode Island and Vatican City combined. In the middles of Herdasia is a vast Barb Wire Fence Deseret and is only inhabited by a few razor cows!!

Name: Moomalax
Age: 4
Race: Ox
Description: Moomalax is a quiet, reserved Ox warrior who is quiet and reserved except wehn he is drunk or fighting which is all of the time and then he can be loud and open, but only soemtimes. He has a machingun and an Ox-Axe. He coems from teh city on the edge of the Grazelands called Matador.

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

Moomalax sat back on his haunches and looked at the field of slaughtered lambs. It had been a fierce battle especially becuz teh sheep had rawket powered weaponz! He picked up a peace of bloody wool from teh end of his hornz and dropped it in disgust.

"Those fewels depainded too much awn thaiyre waipons. Nawt true warriors."

 

[Morgoth]

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or try to figure out to do with my aching, oh so confused head. Can someone, for God's sakes, please just tell me what's going on?!

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

OMG new rule, your post must be on3 (1) line longer than your god dammed sig. But only if ur Morgoth or clutter yr sig with fucking quiz results.

 

[Noktral]

This actually looks pretty cool. Hell, I would liked to have been a dragon, but cows are way cooler. So long as I can have cow sex... then this will phuking roxxxor.

Name: Meo
Age: 5
Race: The one cow
Phys. Description: Meo wears black trenchcoats, black sunglasses, he's a black cow, and, beucase he has like, 7 stomaches, he has a vomit fetish.
Weapons: Guns. Lots of Guns. He can also summon more guns. And he can get information uploaded into his brain.
Background: If you haven't seen the matrix...

 

[Noktral]

Meo walked out and looked upon the slaughtered lambs. HE could only say one thing...

"Woah..."

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

Moomalax snorted steam from his gigantor nostrils

"Meen j00 weal or woe strange black cow? Your leather fashions speak of a cannibalz wurk! I'll broke no treachery, I'll cut yr stomachs wide open at the slightest hint of trickery!"

 

[Noktral]

Meo simply looked at the cow beast.

"You're just part of the system. I know kung foo. But, I think we can be friends... and yes, I made my leather jacket trench myself..."

Meo remembered the fight between he and the evil Agent Cat. He bitch slapped that agent something fierce, yo.

Fondling one of his udders...

"Woah..."

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

Moomalax readied his machin gun in horror!

"OMG, you have udders. You some kind of she-male cow? Fuking perv?!!!1"

 

[Noktral]

"Woah... I have 8 dicks...."

(or are they udders? he couldn't remember)

He watched the cow beast ready his weapons.

"There can be, only one."

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

"Actually I don't really caire. Just don't expose yrslf cuz 1m a warrior of honor and guile. That means I chop ppls pheenors off if they can't keep them tucked in."

Moomalax stood up and put his mackin ghun back in his moo-pack. He regarded the leather coated, pheenor bearing cow cooly.

"But if you are an enema of Agent Cat that must mean j00 oppose the Emperor Lord Meow-Meow and his 13th Elite Purple Miracle Apocalypse Corps. which means that j00 are a friend of mine because you are my enemy's enemy. I am following Emperor Lord Meow Meow cuz he stole Matador's best pasturized milk to breed his kitten forces. These lambs were his mercenaries sent to delay me."

 

[Noktral]

Meo looked at Moomalax.

"I see... well, I know kung foo."

He tucked his udder/8dicks back beneath his leather black coat trench. Yo.

He grabbed one of his many many machine guns, "Lets fuck that Emperor mew mew up, yo."

He then drew his samurai sword.

"Let's fuck that Emperor mew mew up."

"I know kung foo."

 

[TheBooyah]

Enter Lord MooMoo

yeah, I'm new, and I want to give this a try. This looks nifty. Im going to give this a whirl.

Name: Lord MooMoo
Age: Eleventy Billion Years Old
Background: Lord MooMoo was an ancient Cow Warrior of the Ancient Kingdom of Graze-Land. He lived over Eleventy Billion Years ago, and was slain horribly in the epic Butcher Crusades. Out with his herd to slay the infidel Butcher, they were ambushed and well... The entire populus of Graze-Land morned for centuries. However, his awsome cow greatness was so great, that the even greater Cow God, the Ancient Uttermoshi, has brought him back to slay the infidel Butcher once more.
Appearence: A floating Hamburger with cheese, and a side of fries. It wields two gigantic Swords.... yeah... the Ancient Uttermoshi is a bastard like that...

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

Ju5+ as they were conversationalizating a ELITE KITTY-QUAT NINJITSU MASTAH leaps from teh trees with claws at the ready!

"MEEEEEEOOOOOWWW! In teh name of my glorious Emperor Lord Meow Meow you must be slain! Your skulls will decorate my interiors!"

Moomalax could not get his mucim gun out in thyme so he drew his dreaded Ox-Axe!

"Prostate yourself before my Axe fiend! My hooves won't be as merciful!"

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

Welcum aboard Boo. Your character seems balanced but I'm worried becuz Eleventy Billion isn't a number.

 

[TheBooyah]

Isn't A Number?

Lord MooMoo looked up into the heavens and beckoned his great god the Ancient Uttermoishi...

"Great One, you have forsaken me! Moomalax tells me that my age does not exist for Eleventy Billion is not a number!"

The great ancient Uttermoishi replied to his hamburger helper:

"...Yet."

 

[Noktral]

Meo callously caroused the coming cats.

He picked up his cell phone, while still holding the sword and gun, no less.

Phone: Operator
Meo: I need a program.

Phone: Ok sir... what do you need?
Meo: Well, I'm looking at a big, stupid cat.

Phone: OK sir....
Meo: I need advanced cat-ass kicking tactics

Phone: Ok..
Meo: More guns...

Phone: Ok..
Meo: A program on horn sodomizing techniques... vs. cats, of course.

Phone: Ok...
Meo: Some good music to kick ass with... perhaps moby...

Phone: Ok...
Meo: And one more thing...

Phone: More kung foo?
Meo: Yes operator, more kung foo.

Meo's eyes flickered as the guns materialzed before him. He saw the kitty ninjas approach. Taking a defensive stance, he charged the cat, sword and guns in hands...

"THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!"

 

[TheBooyah]

The Lord MooMoo looked at Meo and Moomalax.

"I have been brought back by my god, the ancient Uttermoishi to strike down my ancient foe. Where can I find the Butcher Infidel? And do you have any mustard, I'm chaving over here!"

 

[Noktral]

Meo saw the hamburger helper as he charged the cat bitchassskankho.

"Woah...."

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

TEH NIMBJA KAT descends and begins tearing at Meo, trying to cut him to ribbons before the download can complete. His previously hidden companions are pretty much going for the same thing at this point, yeah.

Moomalax quickly chews on a cud made of LOCO-WEED and goes into FURIOUS BERSERKER ATTACK MODE! His shaggy oxen hair turns blonde and his vacant brown eyes turn blue.

"I aim teh undefeatayed wayrior awf teh ceeti awf Matador! Pheer me!"

He begins swinging his Ox-Axe, parting one APPRENTICE NINJA of his testes, effectivly neutering him! LOL!1

 

[IDreamofBunnies]

"OMG! THE KEENG HAS RETURNED!"

Moomalax could not bow cuz he was stompping the shaith out of a ninga who tried to surrender. He was unaware of the ninga wielding the rubber-ducky chucks of doom, swinging cute little plastic duckies on a chain!

 

[TheBooyah]

Wanting attention, and in dire need of mustard, Lord MooMoo lunged into the air and striked the cat ninja with his anciet cow blades.

"ANCIENT UTTERMOISHI COW CHOP OF DOOM!" Lord MooMoo proclaimed as he launched his attack.

 

[Noktral]

The ninja cat master swings and swipes his claws at Meo... but, being the one, he stops time for an instant... empties a clip into the big cats chest... takes his samurai +20004542252 vs cats, and bitch slaps him a few times with it, as the world spins in a 360 degree circle.

THEN....

He hooves the mother fucker in the face...

BITCHSLAP, WHACK, CRACK, HUDOKEN!!11

THEN...

He summersaulted over the ninja cat and stepped on his tail... holding him in his place for the hamburger helper with the really big swrods.

"Woah...."

 

[TheBooyah]

But the Cat Ninja possessed a power that took Lord MooMoo by surprise. Doing a kong-fu rubber ducky ninchuck attack, Lord MooMoo was bitch slapped back to kingdom come!

GASP!

 

[Noktral]

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

Meo cries out... he has lost another comrad to the mootrix.. for one hundred years this war has gone on... and it WILL END TODAY!

"STEER HOOK OF PROLAPSED RECTUM!!!" he shouts, calling his finishing moo-ve. (get it? pun...)

The cat screams as his horn is shoved up his asss, then YANKED out in such velocity that his rectum prolapses.... then, Meo takes salt from his pocket, beucase he always carries salt in black leather trench coats, and coveres the now prolapsed recutm in salt.

"Woah..."