Cassandra (closed for Lay Z Butterfly)

[tragicomicnight]

Eric Leahy, 22, black hair, Celtic Blue eyes, 5'11, 160, small permanent scar below his ear

2 am again and look at you. Scrawling poems, heating up a cold cappucino for the fourth time. You know you won't drink it. Sweating again, tired still. Your long walk didn't do you any good. It didn't clear your head. It didn't fix you, it didn't make you clean and honest. It didn't give you talent that you didn't already have. No more good than the bar, no more good than its jazz and its wafting scent of coconut cigarillos. This is the kind of bar Neruda would have gone to, this is the kind of bar...your excuses faded so fast. So short sighted, Eric. Goddammit, get some sleep. You know you need it. And oh, jacking off and then getting out of bed isn't sleep. Sleep is sleep and only sleep is. God, Eric.
2 am again and look at you. Wearing your staunchest white shirt and your neatly pressed black dress pants. That your mother ironed. I know, you're ashamed. When I get my doctorate...you'll be a doctor of creative writing. Pragmatism isn't your strong suit. So, until you find something to do with your life, you're here, at home. Home. Where you've been since you were a child. Your father used to yell at you for walking into this study. Learned your lesson good though when you accidentally stepped on Mr. Rochester and he leapt up and bit your earlobe off. You deserved it for scaring the dog and you know they sewed it back on. You were 10 and Cassandra was 7, she held your hand and looked at you with her big olive green eyes. You bled, you cried, but goddamit, you felt better. She could always do that, couldn't she?
2 am again and look at you. Another one. Another poem for Cassandra. Your face goes white when you realize who it is you're writing about. Ashamed? Perhaps it is only the natural love a brother has for a sister. The roots you had in common, the secrets you found in the same womb. They all have their secrets you suppose. And hers....ashamed. Pale, blanched spectre of yourself. You can see the outline of all your cheekbones. High though they might be, they're painfully clear in your shock. White. Beyond the state in which one's face gets red, are you not? Blushing is just not an option is it? You could look well, you could look happy. Aren't you inspired? Aren't you working? Didn't you feel the dearth of creative energy that almost ruined your senior year at college? And now the muse has greeted you and you scream at it to go away. Your head falls to the table. The newfoundland at your feet (same name, from the same breeder as the old one) huffs as if saying "go to bed." Well? Mother gave you father's study, you don't have to answer to some big, smelly dog, do you?
2 am again and look at you. Your face falls to the desk and you weep. It isn't right. That isn't what brothers and sisters do, it isn't. You can't be in love with her. You can't be thinking about her hips and her calves and her delicate toes. You can't. Your stomach has turned to ice, your head pounds. And your heart...Cassandra. Goddammit, Cassandra...

Your winter skin shines a closer moon,
And I howl with eager lupine tongue,
I pull back and I seek to swoon,
to leave this howling dirge unsung,
Cassandra, you are dawn and midnight...

2 am again and look at you. See what you've written? You choke your pen hoping to make it submit. Your knuckles grow white as you squeeze the writing implement to make sure your thoughts don't get back to the page. They're not evil until they're written. Or are they? You've held it back long enough, you've repressed you've sworn you'll forget. You remind yourself of the girls from school, that ex girlfriend that might be more than nothing. But you don't love Charlotte. She makes you think. She makes you come. She makes you cry. But she doesn't make you an artist. She doesn't make your soul scream things onto the page. But of course, you know who does. You even find yourself asking why it's wrong. But you know why. You have to get up and pour yourself a drink. It's getting real stuffy.
2 am again and look at you. You go to the kitchen, retrieving your bottle of scotch and you slink back into the study. The legs, the hips...the white nightgown that made her angellic...it's all here, it's all together. She stands there and you are filled with horror. She has lifted the papers from your desk and is examining them one by one. She looks intrigued. She looks entranced. She looks beautiful as nothing ever has been, and you can't say a word.
2 am again and look at you.

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Cassandra Leahy


Twisting and turning within what felt like binding ropes, Cassandra finally woke herself from another bad dream. The blankets had snaked themselves around her body creating a system of loose knots that made her thrash out in anger as she uncomfortably slept. Peering around, her eyes took notice of the alarm clock that sat on top of her white wicker night table. Jeez, after two am only. She extricated herself from her cotton prison and climbed out of bed, forgetting to put her slippers on. Above all else, Cassandra preferred bare feet. There was never a time when she wasn’t walking around wiggling her toes in airy delight.

As she headed towards the kitchen hoping that a warm glass of milk might make her sleepy again, she noticed the meager light coming from her father’s study. On the other hand, should she say Eric’s study? After coming home from college, she was greeted with less then an ecstatic welcome and was informed by Mother that Eric was to have the once ‘off limits’ study. She hadn’t minded though. Eric needed quiet alone time that the study could offer, it was only that he had no time for her that bothered her most.

Instead of making a right to the kitchen, she decided to see if perhaps Eric wanted to talk. He had been skulking around, moody and snappish with her ever since he had arrived. Maybe she could tell him one of the lame ass jokes that always seemed to brighten his day or tell him about how she snuck out of the house to go dancing with her girlfriends at that new club called Polly Esther. It was a place where the freaks and cool people danced in the wee hours of the morning to techno and rave music.

Standing in the doorway, she ruffled Mr. Rochester’s head before walking over to the desk. Papers littered the expansive area. She recognized Eric’s handwriting immediately. He had a certain way of slanting his letters, unlike how she always wrote denillian style or what was commonly referred as monkey tails. Lifting up the papers, her eyes scanned the words absentmindedly until…. Until she saw her name. With quizzical eyes, she reread the poem, smiling at how he thought enough about her to write something poetic.

Your winter skin shines a closer moon,
And I howl with eager lupine tongue,
I pull back and I seek to swoon,
to leave this howling dirge unsung,
Cassandra, you are dawn and midnight...

Using her pointer finger, Cassandra twirled a piece of long honey coloured hair around the knuckle. She repeated the words slowly to herself and then aloud into the darkened room. The light that seemed as a beacon at first had magically darkened as her eyes quickly scanned the more than dozen papers she held in her hands. She loved her brother so much. It was he who looked after her when Mother and father had gone out in the evenings to one of their parties. It was he who would spend hours in the pool with her, even after their skin had wrinkled so much that they or at least she thought it would permanently stay that way. Eric was the one that she always preferred to spend her time with. Even as they got older and her girlfriends had turned into boy crazed maniacs, Cassandra wanted to hang out with her big brother Eric. Her girlfriends, who all seemed to lose their virginity in high school had major crushes on him. He was so handsome and that scar below his ear made him somewhat dangerous looking which only heightened her friends’ imaginary scales of how sexy he was.

As she read the other poems, she noticed that they had become intimate mentioning parts or curves of her body. She felt heat creep its way across her cheeks and realized that she was blushing. Well, maybe he is talking about another Cassandra. Eric had girlfriends in college, Charlotte being the newest ex. I swear he runs through them as a sword runs through skin, she thought with a smirk, but something about his poems needled the back of her mind. Before she could flesh out her thoughts and fine-tune them a noise – no, a shift on the hardwood floors caught her attention.

A guilty expression had already settled on her features, as she knew it had to be Eric standing in the doorframe. Their mother would never be up at this hour. Turning slowly around she spoke.

“Eric, … I…. I’m sorry for reading your private papers. It’s just that… I woke up and couldn’t sleep. I swear I had intended to go to the kitchen but I saw the light on and came in thinking you may have wanted to talk.” The words came out as a rush as she noticed his look. It was a cross from being horrified and a little more than angered within the blanched paleness of his handsome face.

“Please don’t be cross with me brother… I am sorry.” She took a step backwards as he advanced at her. His quick reflexes and agile habits reminded her of a cat on the prowl.
Cassandra knew all too well of his almost obsessive privacy that he demanded of his writing. They had never come to blows, although they had scuffled much as they grew up, this was the first time she saw real anger aimed at her.

She, too, had those same reflexes- a positive trait that their parents had given them and dallied out of his way before he could do nothing more than snatch the papers out of her hand. “Look, I’m sorry Eric. I swear I’ll never read your damn poems again.” She figured if he saw her angry he would be less inclined to pursue her, but she thought wrong.

Taking baby steps and inching around the perimeter of the study on her tippy toes, Cassandra had never seen such blackness within her beloved brother. It was as if she had caught him at something disgusting and beastly, and not the mere appraisal of his poems. Swallowing hard, she finally noticed that her heart was hammering within her chest. Thank God the door, she thought, as her fingers slid along the molding of the doorframe. As she lighted off, she felt his fingers snake across her waist and pull her back into the study, crushing the back of her against him. Icy cold fingers felt through the thin cotton of her nightgown. His hand splayed just beneath her breasts.

“Where are you going Cassandra?” he asked in a voice nothing more then a mere whisper against the delicate skin of her ear.

And I couldn’t speak.

 

[tragicomicnight]

It was not that I was angry, no. It was not that I hadn't accepted these apologies, it was beyond that. It was because she had come down here in the moments of my torment, glowing with the beauty that was indeed my torment. What could I have done but touch her? What could I have done but feel anger for her being there at the time I needed her there the most. Falling in love feels different for me, I look at different angles of it. I see the ending, I see the degenerate sadness that departures bring and the feeling of emptiness that comes from being away from one you love. It makes me glad that I was never in love with Charlotte. But Cassandra, that was different...
“Eric, … I…. I’m sorry for reading your private papers. It’s just that… I woke up and couldn’t sleep. I swear I had intended to go to the kitchen but I saw the light on and came in thinking you may have wanted to talk.”
I was also mad because she now knew it all. She could ridicule me and call me a lunatic and never speak with me again. She could treat me as the joke that I was when I was the object of every dare she gave her friends, of every bashful kissing game. Clearly the mark on my face had rendered me hideous enough that kissing me would be an absurd and delightful prank. And for her, it could return to being an absurd and delightful, especially with the straining and the suffering that I would have to do. Cassandra had a wicked sense of humor sometimes and how could she not mock me for something like this? Lovesick and pathetic in the middle of the night pining for my baby sister. I think I was also mad because I knew she was right to mock me. My eyes grew even colder, positively glacial. Anger is so much more dramatic when you have blue eyes.
“Please don’t be cross with me brother… I am sorry.”
She retreated and I became something out of those Saturday matinee horror films we watched together so often. I knew her well enough to know that she might very well have wished for the aid of a crucifix wielding Peter Cushing. She might have felt a sigh of relief if villagers with torches, pitch forks, silver canes or stakes and mallets came charging in. Surely I was such a monster, such a wretched abomination seeking to destroy a creature of beauty and light like her. How appropriate for her to be in fluttering white. My thoughts were becoming heat, and it was immensely clear in my actions. I advanced and retrieved the papers, but not Cassandra. Cassandra was as fast as I could be.
She knew she couldn't run for long and I knew the same thing. How horrid I was for thinking it! I had no idea what I would do if I caught her. The heat in my mind and body coming together would have made kissing and strangulation equally probable. She changed her defense mechanism. She decided not to show fear but rage. Clearly I was like some wild animal more afraid of her than she of it. How true that was. I had been afraid of nothing more than her coming down into the study and seeing my love for her.
“Look, I’m sorry Eric. I swear I’ll never read your damn poems again.”
As if that was what it was all about. The poems were simply an expression of an ugliness in my heart, an ugliness directed at something unbearably beautiful simply because it was that beautiful. She stood on her toes and began to circle the room, forgetting my sentience, and from the way I stood and the look in my eyes, it could be seen why. She moved for the door, and suddenly a dread of her leaving came over me. I wrapped my hands around and brought her to me. This gesture was soft and loving, not like my others, this was not the animalistic me, this was the desperate and sad me, the one who had accepted in some ways his love for his sister. I brought her to me and let my palm graze one of her soft, rounded breasts through her nightgown. A finger trailed the space between her heart and her throat.
"Where are you going, Cassandra?" I asked. I put my head on her shoulder and I swear I could feel her melting into my embrace. She accepted me and grew limp and welcoming.
"Will you sit with me, Cassandra?" my eyes welled up with tears as I let her go and went to my desk.

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

It was hard for her young mind to understand what was going on. One minute her brother was the epitome of blackness causing her to be defensive and now he hugged her as if he were a desperate man on death row. Of course, she wilted within his comforting touch. How could she remain inflexible when it was so obvious that he was in so much pain?
Within mere moments, her brother was able to disarm her defenses and that didn’t so much as cause concern, but further prove how central he was in her universe.

As he walked, she followed, taking hold of his hand, as it swung backward. How many times had she done that? Her brother had always lead the way whether it was to keep me from becoming lost in the open-air markets their parents perused on the weekends to keeping me out of harm’s way. Eric’s hand was cold, yet the heat fused within his body emitted in the room. She squeezed his hand hoping to warm it within hers. As much as she loved to tease him and a few times, she knew she had gone too far with the dares she had made her friends perform on him and at his expense, she loved him.

“I love you Eric.” I whispered within the quiet of the study. They stood in front of the desk, he in front of her. It was obvious that something was ripping him apart and she desperately wanted to make him the loveable brother he always was in her presence. It hurt her deeply to be out of his favour.

It seemed a long time before Eric and I moved. We stood quietly, our hands tightly clinging. Stifling a yawn, I tugged on him. “Come to bed with me.” Smiling at the thought of all the times, they had snuck into each other’s beds when one of them was punished, usually yourself, I chided, or when she was scared senseless by all the horror films she snuck to watch with him, but knew would pay in scared silliness later. They’d snuggle within the blankets and talk about nothing of importance, but within those private moments, dreams had been shared and love had been cemented.

When Eric half turned to me, I saw the rawness of his eyes, the tracks of wetness from his eyelids all the way down to his strong jaw. I knew they were there before he even turned around, but dared not draw attention to them for I knew he would tell me in his own time what was eating at his heart. “Like old times,” I added with hope in my lowered voice.
“I will even promise not to tickle you with my toes.”

Closely watching his form, I hoped he would not tell me to leave him be that he had work to do and would sleep later. He urgently needed to rest his weary spirit, free himself from whatever lurked within his heart. Perhaps, a good night of rest would make him feel rejuvenated in the morning.

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Thank You Antics..for graciously accepting and continuing the role of Eric..

Cassandra


Even with her promise of non-tickling toes, Eric was not ready to leave the study. He repeated his request of sitting with him and her eyes answered yes before the verbal part followed. There was no chair for her and it didn't matter.

The way he sat with his legs apart left her no choice, but to sit on his left leg and dangle her legs over the right one. He gathered her to him and she willingly let it happen. It was good to be with her dear brother even though his heart was filled with unexplainable emotions alien to her.

Her head rested in the crook between his neck and shoulder and listened to the beating of his heart. She remained that way, silent and waiting for him to speak..

 

[Antics]

ERIC:

I wrapped my pullover covered arm around you. I bent my lips to your hair: I smelt and kissed your dark strands softly. So… simply Cassandra. The remains of my eye's damning leaks were drying on my face.

What was it that you'd said?

I didn't have have to think. Over how many long years had you gaily told me daily, weekly, that you loved me? You'd repeated again tonight those words, each syllable a double sided stab. On one side was the noble love of sister to her hero - the other was unseen by you: it was ugly, about to be blood stained. That incest side.

Eric, don't you love that word?

A while we sat there stilled, as my imaginary darkness drew closer in. The Demon was about to strike, your alluring shape and soul and substance more than this youth could hold at bay!

I held you tighter; you felt my firm embrace and snuggled closer – why in this fearsome fight was it so much easier for you – where was your barrier; was this agonising war to be duelled by me alone?

Perhaps… perhaps you have yet to awaken to any of it, and don’t yet feel for yourself this terrifying taboo – I won’t be telling you; it won’t be me who’ll shake you!

Cassandra...

You didn’t hear my soundless whisper; in my turn I heard something else: the magnified echoes in the judgement hall were deafening.

HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK IT!

My conscience…

In cowering cowardice I left the copulating cavern; I positively, firmly, securely shut the double doors. That accusation had chased me out, and chaste I was indeed. That ringing finger pointing shout had saved me from myself – my illicit thoughts were banished – at least for an hour or two.

Newly I was just your brother.

Yes, I was thankful; what gigantic heart’s screw had managed to shut those awful emotions down and out? I didn’t care. I gently lifted up your head, and gazed into your face – watch out Sir Eric, she’s beautiful, she is!

Be off, good demon! I sniggered to myself – this power was so good – I would enjoy the wielding of it every single second.

“Cassie… Now that she was just my sister, the pet name came easily to my mouth. “I’ll sleep with you if that is what you’d like – but we’d better not let mother see, I’m sure she’d not approve.”

I think you cheekily grinned and squeezed me, in the study’s dim light it was hard to tell. We rose. As I reached to switch off my lamp, I saw the sheets of evidence lying there. Emboldened, in an instant I swept them up and tossed them in the bin. Tomorrow, the thesis!

Cassandra took my hand and softly we padded out and up the darkened hallway. Light from the street was filtering through the front door’s stained glass panes. The house was very quiet. For a moment not a creak intruded – then I saw him…

A shape – that damn demon – he was leaning by her bedroom door; watching me approach. Cassie didn’t notice, and I know he only spoke to me.

“I’ll be watching, Eric. You will fall…you will.”

I followed my SISTER into her room. I heard her yawn. Hopefully I too would find sleep’s restful haven quickly open, to take me well beyond that demon’s control, or care…We lay together; relaxed into each other - our spooned embrace so together and so warm.

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Snuggling against my brother was like old times. He would cradle me in his arms when I hurt; whether I had scraped my knee or was mentally bruised by someone. Often, mother badgered me to no end about one thing or another. She’d found fault in me ever since I was born was my angry thought. It was her brother who saved her yet again from what she knew would be another tirade her mother would befall on her if he hadn’t come home. It pained me, physically pained my soul to see him in such abysmal misery. If only he’d confide in her, tell her what was eating him alive.

But…he was home. Home to take care of her. I smiled as I lay in his arms, comforted by the tight hold he had. It had been too long that we shared personal space.

His words had awoken me out of the lightest sleep. I was beyond tired and had fallen easily into a comfortable sleep knowing my brother was here to guard over me. I couldn’t be happier that he would sneak into bed with me. His warning about mother puzzled me though. Yes, she would be angry (probably because I wasn’t letting my brother have a moment alone), but there was something in his tone that piqued my interest. All that didn’t matter now, as she squeezed him tight, grinned at him, and leapt out of his embrace.

“Well, come on then.” I said pulling him, anxious to get under the covers. He and I had some story telling to do and then he had to sleep. The dark circles and blanched look about him was too much for her eyes and in the darkness, handsome, gallant Eric would come back to her.

They entered the room, she like some kind of conspirator and he tightened his grip on her hand looking behind him before shutting her door firmly. I slid under the covers and as customary, Eric took two handfuls of blanket and snapped them up into the air, letting them float down, like a heaven sent cloud, upon her. He got in and I turned my body so he could hug me from behind. Quietly, I chattered on about how I was accepted into three Universities and asked his help in choosing the right college. I deliberately did not tell him that one of them was the very same he was about ready to graduate from!

I felt him caress my arm, starting from the top of my shoulder to the delicate wrist he never pulled or tugged on. I had hurt it in one of the gymnastic tournaments and while coach was hollering for the team’s doctor, Eric had calmly taken my wrist and checked to make sure I hadn’t broken it. His smile was all I needed to stop the swirl of energy from becoming too much for me. My coach barking orders, the girls surrounding and talking all at once, our parents not even there. If they had been they would have stayed in the stands unless one of their friends had been there, and only then would they have put on a show of caring. All of it had created such noise and I felt like I was going to internally blow a gasket. But… Eric , he stopped me from imploding. I wouldn’t have had a vocal outburst, not my style. I internalized everything because as much as I was a chatterbox I was also quiet; too quiet at times.

He listened patiently as he always did, sometimes caressing my back or playing with strands of my hair. I told him how my girlfriends and I had played numerous pranks on the telephone one evening when mother had gone to one of her social events. I giggled remembering how dreadful it must have been on the receiving end of being teased on the phone. I hadn’t gone as far as some of the other girls, but Eric had a good idea that I wasn’t very naughty.

I turned within the comfort of his arms to face him. Kissing the tip of his nose, I touched the part of his ear that had been damaged by our dog. If Eric had any weakness, his ear was it. He had always felt hideous because of the missing piece and no amount of telling him how absolutely handsome he was would dissuade him from the truth. In her eyes, no one was more striking than he. Her girlfriends had given up trying to get her to set them up with him because she …. Just… wouldn’t do it. Something about him being with one of her friends irked her in ways she knew shouldn’t. It was okay for him to have his flings away at college, but she intuitively knew they wouldn’t last. They never did.

Looking at him in the semi-darkness, his eyes closed allowing me to closely watch I wondered yet again, what was wrong. Eric was always serious, but he had a wildly funny streak in him too. I wanted that to come out so much and perhaps it would when day broke from the night. She planned to ask him to sunbathe with her. It was supposed to be hot and he needed some colour. Using two of her fingers, she traced the contours of his slightly stubbled skin. Her brother was back! She wanted to shout, but knew to do that would cause her mother to come barging in and that would never do. So instead, she placed a kiss on his lips. It was a chaste kiss and one she gave thinking he had fallen partially asleep and added, “You’re home…”

 

[Antics]

ERIC

After a while I could sense you smiling. It was just the way you snuggled into me, wanting one of my arms under the pillow beneath your head, the other wrapped around you. Even Charlotte hadn’t wanted to push herself that tight into me , even when she was feeling like getting on.
Don’t go there Eric. There’s only a nightie and some shorts between you.

Yes, demon, it’s under control. Go away. I’m thinking about when we went to the fair together. Your shining eyes were on me as you dared me to go up on the scary big wheel. You wanted to, and you shrieked all the way around, and clung tightly onto me. You knew I’d look after you, and I always will. Mother hadn’t wanted us to go off together, but you begged her, and what fun we’d had!

Cassandra…
How I want to trace my fingers through that hair!

I came home; away the better part of two years, and now: you’re not Cassie any more, you’re Cassandra, woman. Why am I here in this bed with you?
You’re different now. You have the bathroom door quite firmly shut, though I guess that’s just to keep out mother.
Why did you have to be so grown up? Eighteen, with breasts and what I can just imagine lies fluffy and in waiting between your legs.
If only. I feel a twinge.

God Eric, do not go there! It is not waiting there for you.
No demon, I’m not weakening.

I know, dearest Cassie… that you don’t get on with mother much – I don’t know why she prefers me over you. She seems to niggle at you every hour and ignores your continual and great successes. She doesn’t realise with what eagerness and energy you apply yourself to school; I know you’ll make me so very proud in years to come – my kid sister the valedictorian. You will be. I’ll be in the front row at commencement; I’ll cheer the loudest and I know you’ll have your special smile for me, Cassandra.

Your smile. What leaps within me every time I see it?
I’ll take care of you.
Tonight, before you fell asleep, wasn’t it like old times? Remember when we’d have the torch and giggle – well, you did. At the end of grade school you wanted me to tell you that your breasts were not too small - and later, that they weren’t too big. I almost asked you much the same thing, but…
Some things you just don’t ask your little sister who thinks that you’re a hero. I want to stay your hero, Cassie. I’ll be your knight and keep rescuing you from whatever comes along. Wouldn’t you love me to keep doing that?

What was it about those colleges? All those to choose from, such a plum handful of choices; which of the oysters offered will you pick? Might my college even be on your list of possibles? I wonder…What a shame we could not be there together Cassie. Wouldn’t that have been a dream?

Why do I care for you so very much?
Well…
Without father, I’m the one who must protect you, see you safely grown and settled. I like it when you lie with me and trustingly tell me of your dreams, desires; and muse about life’s destination. You want me there to help to influence your path. I know no other will have your interests set up as high as I. I’ll hold your hand my lovely sister, I want you never to fall and hurt your wrist again. If I can save you from just one of life’s great bruises I’ll die content Cassandra.

Cassandra. You have such a lovely name; so full of power. I love it when your teachers call you and you walk in so confidently, long legged and beautiful in the sun. Each day I imagine you taking more firmly the measure of your peers. They’ll know by now the high value of your worth. What a girl you are, and I can sleep with you – in the darkness I smile and I imagine your nakedness.

Be careful Eric.
Yes, I can sleep with you; I am, Cassandra. I fondle your hair and feel my arousal tingling, just a little. As sleep claims me, I remember that I love you…

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Cassandra

Inhale.

I slept peacefully. I slept enveloped in warmth. I slept entwined with the one I loved most, my brother.

Waking with the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon, I was not twisted within the blankets like most mornings. Even in his sleep, my brother kept innocent sheets from tightening around me like vines. I wonder, did he know that was why I woke in the first place earlier in the evening?

His ankle was crossed over one of mine and the weight of it comforted me. I could breathe easier or so what my mind made me think. I listened to the even breaths his lungs took in and knew he slumbered fitfully.

The fingers of his hand lay splayed over my stomach. Warm digits against an almost bare belly. It felt good – so deliciously good. I looked at the sun now just cresting the top of the windowpanes shedding light on my bedroom wall.

My eyelids grew heavy once again; sleep beckoning me back into its shadowy lair. I felt lips kiss the side of my bare neck as I exhaled. A soft, gentle trail that began behind my ear to the crook of my shoulder. Was I dreaming? Already lulled into sleep’s embrace. Such intimacy experienced with no other before.

Yes, I must be dreaming my brain whispered. Who else would be kissing me like that? I had no time for boys. So many of them just wanting to get a piece of my ass when I had better things to do then waste my youth in that fashion. Oh, necking I have done, even let Ryan McGiff get to first base once. His fumbling hands mauling my breasts as if they were two pieces of meat. It was true, I did like to tease the boys as my girl friends flirted with them, but as Eric always said- keep your eye on the prize Cassie and I sure did keep my eye on the prize. I wanted out of this house, away from Mother and her thinly veiled potshots and cruelty.

I tensed up, thinking of the latest stunt she had pulled, but instead of thinking further on it, sleep thankfully overtook me. I’d tell Eric though. Let him know how I had come very close to wanting to run away. However, to do that would be college suicide. She’d have told the colleges that her daughter was unable to attend and her scholarship would disappear, poof into the air.

Exhale.

Opening my eyes to the brighter, harsher glare of the sun, I was alone. I knew it immediately. My back was without his warmth. I felt a momentary pang of sadness, but knew it was for the best. If mother had walked in, she would have grounded me until I was a 100 years old.

Stretching my limbs, wiggling my toes, rolling my neck I felt refreshed. A new day had dawned. Full of promise, splashes in the pool, water wrestling came to mind. Today was the perfect day to be lazy- no worrying about school, my grades, or S.A.T. scores. Those would come soon enough. I wanted Eric and I to spend time like we once did, wasting hours lying on lounge chairs and sipping iced tea. Only, Eric would sometimes spike our drinks with liquor out of the cabinet. I’d get tipsy sipping away, the sun beating down and baking our skin to a rich brown colour.

I missed those times. It sucked so much that he had been away for two years. Not all the things I wanted to tell him with the immediateness of him being home, allowed. My nimble fingers dialing his dorm room number and having Charlotte answer quickly deflating her urgency. I was so glad they parted ways. It’s not like I disliked her, but she had my brother and I didn’t like that at all.

One last stretch and up out of bed I sprung. Shower first then breakfast. Maybe I could entice Eric for a long walk before the sun became to hot outside. Slipping my nightgown off me, I grabbed my most favourite robe- the one Eric gave me for my last birthday. It was silk Chinese style robe in the colour of black with dark red designs on it. Wearing it like I did now made me happy.

Peeking my head out of my room after carefully opening it, I made my way over to the bathroom hoping to be the first one up. It was a game Eric and I played. Who could take a shower first was silly, but it was more like who wanted the most hot water had to be up the earliest! I smirked with satisfaction on my face because I had won this morning. I turned the water on full blast, waited a few moments for the cold water to turn hot, and got inside the shower. I loved hot cascading water. Loved the steam it created so I could write messages on the glass shower doors. I did it in soap so when the next person used the shower they could read it. Sometimes I drew pictures, but mostly I would write cryptic messages that only Eric would understand.

I wrote one now: Barry O

I giggled as I wrote that wondering if he would remember that name. It was my water wrestling ‘name’. He’d call me into the pool as if he were an announcer for some big prime time fight on cable television. “… and in the far right corner, weighing in at 98lbs, two time European winner, Barry O…” and he’d make that crowd roar noise that always got me to laugh. We’d wrestle playfully, tickling my sides, pinching my butt and swiping my legs out from under me to dunk me under the water.

Would we do that today? Was Eric too old to do that now? Should I act more like a young lady than the ragamuffin mother called me more than my own name?

I didn’t care. I wanted to play with Eric. He was hurting and she only knew familiar things to make him smile. She’d hope her brother had not changed too drastically while away. It had been almost a full year since seeing him again. Eric had elected to work through all the holidays and didn’t come home last summer, something that had hurt her deeply. She knew his studies were very important and kept that in mind whenever she was missing him more than normal. She had taken to staying away from home as long as she could to keep out of Mother’s way. More and more her nagging had gotten worse. Maybe that would change now and with that thought, she turned the faucets off.

Toweling off quickly, I combed out my wet hair and elected to keep it wet and put it in a simple ponytail. No sense styling it when they would go swimming later. Brushing and flossing came next and she left the bathroom as quietly as she had come to it.

Back in her room, she pulled out a bikini from her drawer and put it on. It was one of the new ones, black with orangey-yellow flames in the middle of the two triangle sized pieces that covered her smallish breasts and a flame in the center of her barely there bottom. Mother hated this swimsuit and that is why she loved wearing it. I slipped on jean shorts and a pink halter-top and was set to go downstairs. She knew mother would flip at her outfit, but too bad. I could make faces at Eric as their mother droned on and on at how she was looking more like a tramp each day. It wasn’t as if I dressed this way any or all of the time, but once in awhile I liked to.

I left my room, locking the door so mother couldn’t spy while I was gone and went to Eric’s room. Knocking on the door with no answer, I opened it and stuck my head inside. Eric wasn’t there. Probably downstairs, so she headed down to the main floor of the house. Of course, I found him in the kitchen. He had a bottomless stomach and liked to eat like I did. He was already sitting down munching away at a bowl of cereal.

“I thought I’d find you here.” I said with satisfaction. “Oh, I believe when you shower later you’ll find a message….” My smile was not angelic.

I sat down next to him, my knee touching his. The tiredness around his eyes had left him. She was happy that he looked healthier after a good night’s sleep.

“Eric, how about having a lazy day today? Your thesis can wait another day, yes?” I desperately wanted him all for myself as I awaited his answer. In fact, just to sweeten the deal I added, “We can go for a walk, spend the afternoon in the pool, I’ll make us lunch…” My face took on a puppy dog look hoping his resolve to work on it would change.

 

[Antics]

ERIC

I know I kissed you in the night, I did: I do admit it. I gently felt the tinest of hairs on your warm soft neck with both my lips, but not enough so you would know, not enough to have you waken in alarm and spoil it. If you’d become aware of me -what would you think ? I know I cannot show the least glance that you might misinterpet. Cassandra, what a magical name you have - you wanted my arms as we whispered last night. I held you tight, you thought it was protectively, I know you murmured safely and cuddled closer. You’ll never know that I really held you as a lover would, a fuller embrace than I’d given any of the others. Before sleep grabbed me I’d even told myself it was not that urge, just a brother’s warm embrace.

It was nearly dawn I think. The merest hint of daylight was lightening the window screened by mother’s cheap and fraying curtains, when I became conscious of our entwined legs and a soft silky garment smelling sweetly of your presence in a warm place next to me. I fingered your tummy – I wanted to hug you closer in, to become as one with you and never have to rise and face the real world as in your arms I am replete. Bad Eric - you can lie about your feelings in the bed last night, but Good Eric knows – that other side of Eric that given choice would never sleep with Cassie, would walk her down an isle some day shining innocently, guarded to the end. You’ll never tell Cassandra why Good Eric stayed so many miles away at college all last summer, wouldn’t homeward trek to let Bad Eric daily face temptation. Both halves of me knew intuitively that while your school girl Cassie look faded and your womanly flower opened more and more, that your femininity was growing on me, wantonly attracting me. Bad Eric wasn’t seeing a sister any more as he gazed your way, had lost the plot, and so I kept him well secluded. But, this year, can’t we play another song? Isn’t Eric older, more controlled? Hasn’t he had Charlotte latterly with whom to tickle and play? Maybe, but Charlotte wasn’t right for Eric, her curves enticed me once, but over many nights my eyes gave me away – losing interest even as we shared a bed together. I saw another in her place. She thought I had been unfaithful – accused me loudly, crudly, of shagging her dorm mate while she wasn’t watching!

If only… Cassandra, you are as bright and chirpy as the warmest sunny day, bubbling an intensity of light and life that I could spend my every hour entranced. I’m so enjoying being back here with you – I wish my feelings did not so threaten to overcome me, so that I have to skulking in the study and hide my face away from you. I’d sooner run and jump and play and just be innocent again. Am I dreaming – was I asleep again?

Perhaps I was, its full daylight now, my hand has got stuck under you and needs to have a stretch. I also have another worry. My need is pressing, I have to pee – its hard, and I’m lying with it pushing into you and thank the gods, I don’t think you’re awake!
I ease my body out from your snuggling warmth, I turn and quickly leave. That was something you didn’t need to see.
I won’t bother to shower now, later will do – I decide to go and find an early breakfast.

Should I suggest going someplace today with you Cassandra? I know you like to be away as much as possible, that mother’s wretchedness is becoming hard to take. Cassie, I don’t know why she picks on you, but might you smile if I tell you that maybe I’ll forget writing anything today? Hey! Those poems – I put them in the bin - should I change my mind and keep them? Food can wait a bit, I go into the study.

In the bin.

DREAMS
I must have dreamed in the night;
I think I did.
I saw Cassandra, her white gown soft,
I felt the warmth of her hug
I melted in the radiance of her smile
I couldn’t resist –
I kissed!

I woke.
I was hard, and alone.

What were you thinking Eric? Better not keep that one. Better not keep any. I throw the sheaf of tortured thoughts back underneath my desk.

Breakfast. I’d made some toast – and coffee, and you walked in – all fresh and cuddly looking, cute, totally Cassie-like with ponytail.
You sit and your leg is against me, it feels exquisite, enticing and forbidden all at once to have you right there – any closer would be a snuggle. Mother’s not watching either – you’re so much more relaxed without her critical company overlooking your movements. Yet, an aching heart reminds me of potential traps - perhaps I shouldn’t suggest taking time out to relax and play– I certainly don’t want those temptations awakened again.

Then you ask me yourself?

I guess my rubber arm gets twisted, your note of pleading so irrisistable.

“A walk – sure. Where would you like to go?” I smile at you. “Perhaps I better have that shower first – what have you been writing, Casssie – minx!” I could just imagine. You never wrote disgusting things, as many in like circumstance were want to do at College. Could I recount a tale or two…? Of course, in this house the Great Censor might be the one to see them first, so years before, codes had become our norm. You also wrote jokes and made silly pictures with the soap. I stood. What game had you decided on today?
“I’ll go and see, I think – decide what you’d like to do!”

I left your shining eyes gazing in disquieting love at me – did you have to look so appealing all the time, Cassandra?

 

[Antics]

CASSANDRA - written by Lay Z Butterfly and posted in her absence

“Thank you Eric.” I called after he left the kitchen. The smile on my face disappearing as Mother turned around to face me.

“Haven’t you got anything better to do than bother your brother Cassandra? You do realize he’s under pressure. A deadline for his thesis, plans for his graduation speech, and most importantly the challenge of going out there to sell himself to a prospective employer. How is he going to achieve all that when you can’t give him a moment of peace. Why don’t you grow up?” With that, she walked out of the kitchen.

Each stinging word was a slap to my face. Was I truly that awful? I felt like crying, my heart hurting as it always did when she spoke to me in that tone. Mother and I exchanged no kind words now. It truly boggled my mind at what I could have possibly done to deserve her wraith. Sitting at the table, I felt empty. All the good feelings I had earlier gone now. I needed my brother; I needed Eric to make me feel better. I could not interrupt him whilst he took a shower so I left the room and headed for the front door. Deciding to wait out on the porch was a better idea. I sat on the swinging bench, knees drawn to my chest and thought; maybe I should go to college earlier than planned. During mother’s short speech, I had decided to go to Eric’s college. It was a shame that he would not be there as she attended his Alma Mata.

When Eric walked out the front door, he looked so good. I hid away my hurt and put a 1,000-watt smile on my face. “Ready?” I asked and took his hand, half dragging him down the walkway wanting to be away from our home. Our street and community were one of the nicest ones in town. We lived on tree-lined streets that provided shade as we walked along the sidewalk hand in hand. Sharing secrets with Eric in the daylight was harder than in the shadow of night but we enjoyed each other’s company with or without words.

Even though it seemed we walked aimlessly, that was not the case. Before we knew it, we were at the park. It was one of my most favourite places to go as a child and I found that even though older I still felt the same way about it. I spied an ice cream truck and broke out into a run, forgetting that I had not a dime on me. Tossing the words, “Hurry up, Eric!” at him from behind me. I hadn’t had ice cream in ages. Almost hopping on one foot to the other, my eyes had become saucers as I drooled at the thought of a soft swirl of vanilla ice cream with colored sprinkles. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind that Eric wouldn’t have the money on him. He always came through no matter what. What a sight I must have looked, hands clasped in front of me, standing on tippy toes, anticipation abounding.

I was not to be disappointed. I gave him my brightest smile as he handed me a cone of sweet delight. Our hands joined as one as we enjoyed our treat and continued to walk.

We walked around the lake watching the ducks bathe themselves and small children feed them from old bread their parents had saved for this occasion.
I wanted to ask Eric about his breakup with Charlotte, but did I really care to know? If I could have it my way, we would stay together forever away from mother and that house, a place of our own. I could not bring those words forth though knowing that Eric would fall in love again and want to be with his new love. I figured he had stayed away because of Charlotte. Rotten bitch, I thought jealously, but who had won in the end- Cassandra.

If Eric had known how mother had punished me almost to the point of never being allowed out of the house would he have come home sooner? I dared not tell him in fear that it would make things worse, him flying home to find out what was going on, knowing Mother would have done something harsh and her goose, would have been cooked as they say. Before Father had died, she had seen things falling apart between their parents and still I had remained silent. Her brother deserved freedom. Being suffocated would have stunted his writing growth. I would never have been the one to destroy his dreams, calling him back to a world that he had been eager to break free from.

I remembered as he waved goodbye to me as he stood under the archway of his dorm building. Tears had streamed down my face knowing life would change for both of them. The sun never really shined again. The time spent away from home had been my escape. I excelled at my subjects, spent copious amounts of time at the library to avoid going home.

My thoughts had run so deep as we walked that when Eric spoke I didn’t hear at first.

“Cassandra, where are y-o-u?” he asked a second time while smiling.

I pushed into him and his hand let go of mine only to encircle me in an open embrace. “Right here silly, where I want to be always. You know, I am glad you are home.” I adored him, would do anything for him even now that I was older still feeling the same. My lips meant to kiss his cheek, but Eric had turned to talk to me and instead…our lips met. It wasn’t a quick kiss either. My lips moved over his lightly and if my eyes had been open, I would have seen his open. I was the one who pulled away first, tilting my head downward, blushing furiously.

“Your lips are sticky sweet Sis.”

I kissed my brother was all that raced around my brain. I kissed him! If only the ground would open up and swallow me whole… How embarrassing. I self-consciously licked my lips, removing the taste of vanilla and curiously tried to capture the taste of my brother.

Do I ignore what just happened?

I took the coward’s way out and said, “Come on. Let’s go home. I know you read my secret message. Are you up for the challenge?”

I tickled his side, and watched his face take on a “you challenging me?” look.

“I’ve been practicing. I think you should be scared!” I wanted to get past the kiss as fast as I could. It made my tummy flutter just thinking of our kiss.

Eric pounced and brought me down to the grassy floor by the water. “Oh yeah, I see you’ve been practicing.” He began to tickle me like mad all along my sides, reaching my neck in record speed.

“No fair!” I managed to sputter out between the squealing giggles and gulps for air.

My neck was most ticklish and he was unmerciful in the attack. I began to tickle him back, knowing that he wasn’t very ticklish. He pretended to be which made me tickle him even more. His lips were dangerously close to mine and I had this freakish desire to kiss them again. What was wrong with me? Maybe it was because he had straddled me between his legs, pinning me down that prompted the thought. Why else would kissing my brother be tempting to me again. Didn’t I embarrass myself once today? I was surprised when he suddenly stopped his tickling and slid his fingers to the sides of my rosy cheeks. My chest was heaving, my heart beating so fast. I dare not move, waiting for my brother get off me and help me up. He looked strangely at me and I stayed quiet, my lips slightly apart.

There was a crackle of electricity in the air and for a second I thought there was going to be a sun shower and he had sensed it first. Hence, his change in demeanor. We had always been sensitive to our surroundings often knowing or rather feeling temperature changes. Our Father had called us his very own barometers while we were growing up.

 

[Antics]

ERIC

I look down at you, all at once conscious of my legs across you, of our sudden closeness. The tickling has ceased, although I’m hardly aware of it. You face draws my gaze, your slightly open lips entrance me. Why did you kiss me Cassandra?
It burnt me, I feel the imprint of your sticky touch on my mouth. I don’t want to wipe it, to erase you. My tongue has licked the sugar but the essence of you is still there burning. Are you wanting another kiss Cassandra? Time stops, my weight on you. I move my hands to your face, touch them lightly on your cheeks, still red from the exertion of chase and tickle. Our breathing becomes the dominate sound as your eyes and mine meet questioning.
No, too much, too close.
I pull you up as I move off you and we sit together. You’re looking away. I feel a fear that I’ve revolted you. Speak Eric, this silence is too much..
“You sure tickle better than you used to.” I force the words. Do they sound unaturally loud and false?
I think you give me a quick small glance at that but something’s bothering you. Was my response to your lips not adequate – too much?
I take your hand again, such a perfect palm of softness.
Do you know I’m forever wanting to hide myself away, needing to shut myself alone to let my thoughts rage themselves to death against father’s closed door. I don’t want even to be near you, lest I spoil you, cause your face to mark with embarrassment or shame. You’re like an inviting whiteboard, and I with many coloured markers and an afternoon to play: our result will be a ruined surface as the markers are the permanent kind. I always have to drag myself away from staring at your skin. Now we’re playing in the park together, so close we lay like lovers.
Eric!
Inside the study I know I’ll take my organ and abuse it, find relief from raging wants for a brief moment, enough to make it unaroused through dinner. Cassandra, can’t you see how perfect patterns of light and shadow fall on your every curve? I don’t even want to look into your eyes right now, do I feel a womanly interest in me? Eric – don’t be daft! You’re making it all up – shes Cassie and feels nothing sexual at all.
She probably has forgotten already that she kissed you – don’t sisters sometimes do those things? Don’t analyse it Eric, no good will come of it.
I really want to hug you Cassie, to hold you close, I cannot hold that one at bay. I pull you to me. To my surprise this brings a better smile – you wanted this? You bury your head in my shoulder, you playfully, gently tickle my unshaved chin. You seem to love the closeness – I wrench Bad Rric back inside his dungeon.
“Cassandra, would you like to walk again?”
I want you to be happy – a minute ago you were gasping gaily. Smile at me more dear Cassie, I live every day wanting to see that shining light from underneath your lovely lashes. When you are laughing the world is perfect. I pull you up. You don’t resist. You grant me a sight of your white teeth as you lovingly smile at me.
Oh Cassandra.

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Cassandra


“Yes, let’s continue.” My words were soft spoken against the silence of the park. We clasped hands and I smiled at the one I truly loved most, my brother. “Let’s go around the whole lake and then go home, okay?” He didn’t answer me, but steered us along the gravel path that outlined the lake’s outer edges. The fresh air did me good. Mother’s words no longer pierced my heart like a dagger. What now occupied my inner thoughts was the kiss. I couldn’t believe I kissed him. It was an honest mishap though. I had wanted to kiss his cheek, but kissing his lips ….. sigh. Why didn’t it creep me out to kiss my brother? It wasn’t like someone had ever said thou shall not kiss thy brother, but once done, I found it enjoyable in a forbidden way.

Get a grip, dummy. Loving your brother was one thing, thinking those thoughts was something her girlfriends wished would happen to them! I tightened my grip on his hand as we rounded the first of four rounded corners of the lake. I told him more about the colleges that were interested in me and saved the best for last. “Eric, you won’t believe this, but I’ve been accepted to YOUR college! Doesn’t that blow your mind?” I could tell by his smile that it did indeed make him happy to have this knowledge.
“….. And I’ve decided to go to your college. I figure if it was good enough for you it will be good enough for me!”

He began to tell me all the places that were on the campus and I listened intently. Before we knew it, we were back to the beginning of the park’s entrance. The walk had made us ‘normal’ again, I was happy to note. No more awkwardness around each other and I was grateful for that. Part of me really felt our childhood home was what made Eric become estranged from me and being away had changed him back to the brother I depended so much on.

“Well, let’s go home.” I didn’t want to, but what choice did we have? I wish we could just take off and never go back to that wretched place. “I promised you that I would make lunch and then, if you have the time, maybe we could catch some rays and maybe… wrestle a bit?” Boy, Mother was going to flip out. She would lay into me again if given half the chance. I intended to either be Eric’s shadow or out of the house until he had time for me. I crossed my fingers hoping he could spare more time.

 

[Antics]

ERIC

That kiss… I know you’ve not thought any more about it, but that taste still lingers. Your hand feels lovely wrapped in mine as we walk. The breeze ruffles the murky lake water, and scrunched rubbish paper and orange peel floats and bobs. We’re free for a while…can we imagine being free forever. Wouldn’t that be wonderful.What if…what if this lake edge walk were unending and we could go eternally round and round?

You’re chattering about your colleges. You draw me in. I guess I relax a little, drink your vivaciousness, and smile when you tease me. You’re going to my college. What a hoot. That news will startle mother’s smirk and twist it.

That kiss… where did it come from, was it really accidental? If it wasn’t...? You’ll get excited Eric, settle. She’s lovely, look at her. You’re the protector. See how trustingly she wants you to look out for her?

I always felt protective Cassie, from when I first realised mother made it her game to constantly harrass you. I wanted to pick you up and hide you under my blue jacket while we walked to school, so you’d recover from her inquisition. Later, I loved it when we sneaked to bed together and just lay – though you could never for a single moment keep your silky toes from tickling! You used to tell me about Miss Mallon – fourth grade I think? You liked to paint in bright colours, didn’t you? You told me that one day she wouldn’t have it and you had to draw it differently. You cried in bed with me when that was happening – it seems so long ago. Do you recall us dancing through the stalls, market after market – Sunday after Sunday? We took our chance to escape the parental glare a while, we ran and squeezed beneath the legs of some, tried out the toys and trinkets, bought chips sometimes, when I had money. That was a taste forbidden, but gleefully we enjoyed it, steaming chips that we would have to blow on. Do you remember the bright red sauce dripping off our fingers as we crouched behind the vege stall?
That was youth, before breasts emerged, lips’ fullness formed and your shape became that of woman and no longer girl. So what? Why did I change my thinking – why did I? What made me look newly at you?

That kiss…

“This is a lovely place to come Cassandra. We’ll have to be found here more often.”

Regretfully I lead you out of the parks refuge and across the road. Ahead is only our front door and beyond that… mother. Somehow the gaiety has gone, so what can we plan next to liven our lives up? You want to wrestle? Pool games? Yes, you were always fun.

“Ok Cassie, we’ll go swimming.” We share a grin, a giggle. Mother will not approve of this wanton waste of time – who cares, we run the last bit laughing. Time for lunch.

You accepted without thinking, Eric. Um… two years ago you weren’t looking at her thus. I think this foolish.

We walk into mother’s house. I smile. I get to look at you all afternoon while we talk and laze. A time to forget about the world.

That kiss…

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Cassandra

Walking into the house felt like walking into a funeral home or mausoleum. It was quiet, felt stuffy, and you just knew something creepy lurked around an unseen corner. I never talked about it with Eric, but when Father died, I was terrified of being in that funeral home as he lay out in the casket. With just mother and me in the house, nothing seemed to move or live. Mother had no desire to grow flowers and the housekeeper came once a week with everything looking perfect all the time. I had learned to move nothing and if for some reason I had to use something, I put it back exactly where I found it. Only my room was off limits to her and the cleaning lady. At least in my space, it felt like someone lived.

As we walked into the kitchen, I felt life being breathed into the room. Our banter was more hushed, but at least it was not silence that greeted me at every turn. “Sit,” I commanded. “Lunch will be served shortly Sir Eric.”

I busied myself making huge sandwiches with pickles on the side. There were no chips in the house, Mother didn’t believe in any form of junk food should be eaten. I placed the dishes with a flourish on the kitchen table and proclaimed, “Let’s eat!” The walk had made me hungry and I chowed down voraciously.

“God, Eric…I don’t know where I put it all!” I patted my belly and sat back in my chair. The sandwiches I had made was enough to stuff a horse, yet we both managed to eat them entirely. I started to giggle for no reason. Eric looked at me inquisitively, but I just laughed harder.

“Dear Brother, I did promise lunch …. BUT I did not promise to clean up!”

Infused with new energy, I jumped out of my seat, made my way to the sliding glass door to the backyard, and gave him a backwards wave. “Come join me when you’ve finished cleaning up.” I knew he heard my laughter as I exited the kitchen. What I didn’t know was that he watched me shimmy out of my shorts and halter top, exposing skin to the brilliant sunshine. Never one to be normal, I spread a towel out on the hard concrete that surrounded the pool. I didn’t like using the lounge chairs probably because Mother thought laying on the ground was uncomfortable.

It didn’t take long for me to feel sleepy as the sun bore down on me. I could feel that slight pull; that lull that comes just before sleep over takes a person. I hadn’t felt its pull in a long time, just another reason to give credit to my incredible brother. Sleep crested over my closed eyes and the last thought I had was that I should have put sunscreen on.

 

[Antics]

ERIC

Your creamy white skin will get burnt out there…
Eric shook his head, noticed how her curve enticed his gaze to linger. Good Eric played maid and occupied himself with dishes and tidying. Mother wouldn’t have noticed the extra table wiping, bench polishing and dead flower removing. Just Eric being efficient, she might have thought – but you know different don’t you? You’re unsure whether to go out there or not. You’re dallying.
Can bad Eric be trusted to put sunscreen on his silly sister?
Don’t go there. Just take her the bottle.
That bikini, how can they wear so little and feel dressed? Eric knew suddenly he didn’t want anyone else to see her. Face down, the faint wisp of fabric covered nothing. Just as well there wasn’t anyone to watch – he could see why mother objected, perhaps he’d take her side in future. Cassie, those college boys will lap you up, how can I stop them? I don’t want this summer to end, I want to keep you here with me. Perhaps, no… I can’t go back – I’ve finished college now.How can I protect you?
Protect?What from Eric? The same lecherous look you’re giving her as she suns at home away from any supposed danger?
Bad Eric, what’s caused you to emerge, to desecrate each interaction with your overtone and shadow? Wretched Eric, carnal ideas grow from innocence like that? What warped man have you become that you can’t let Cassandra grow to womanhood untainted by your desires?
No…listen for a while. Its not like that. Are you so pure, Good Eric? I doubt it – what of your regular ruts with Charlotte?
You do not understand! Cassandra is perfect, from strands of delicious hair to those unencumbered toes, Cassandra is a flower dewly wetted ready for the world - but to be protected – don’t you see?
Eric, you are Cassie’s man, protector. She has to lean on you – she WANTS to lean on you. Cassandra cannot be given in a car to Joe or Alexander, or some slimy unwashed Billy’s upraised willy! That would be coarse beyond belief – she’d cry again beside me in the bed, and pull her nightie futilely down. What then? You wouldn’t be able to fix a jot of anything, so you cannot let it happen. Maybe when she’s twenty she’ll be ready.
Eric, you simply have to care for her until its time for her to fly. There’s the sunscreen. Take it out, and sit and talk with her. She’ll like that.
Cassie…

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

It wasn’t long before my eyes opened, albeit slowly. I’ve always thought that what was best about the summer was lazy naps in the sun. I didn’t attempt to move much because I wanted to be aware of my surroundings before letting anyone know I was back on alert mode. Moments like these, complete quiet, being languid were hard to come by. I sensed before I saw that Eric was not outside with me. Probably still doing the dishes, I giggled within my head.

I turned over, giving my back a rest so the sun could begin to bake my front. I intended to cultivate a deep, rich tan this summer so when I started college in the Fall I would be styling. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement and then Eric. He’d changed from his shorts into his swim trunks and was barefoot. It delighted me greatly to see that he had forgone his thesis work in favour of being lazy with me. I’d also made note of how pale skinned he was too. He needed some sun desperately and hoped I could persuade him to join me into perhaps a little daily sunbathing as the days progressed.

“There you are slow poke! Thought you would be in there forever.” I loved to bust his chops when the chance availed itself. I smiled up at him and noticed he had a bottle of sun block in his hand. “Excellent! I was thinking about going back inside to get it, but my lazy ass didn’t want to bother. You are the best!” I leaned upwards and pointed to my back. “How about starting there?”

“Oh wait a sec, let me get my ponytail scrunchy so I can put my hair up. I don’t want that greasy mess to get my hair dirty.” I got up and grabbed the scrunchy, which I had tossed onto the outdoor table, and twisted my hair up using the scrunchy. “Much better,” I said and flopped back down to where Eric had taken a seat on my towel. We both sat Indian style, oops pretzel style. It was not politically correct to call it Indian style anymore and as she was sternly told by her High School English teacher, “Pretzel style is the correct form of sitting that you are doing Cassandra.” Boy, she disliked that woman!

“I’m ready for your hands now,” and shook my shoulders for emphasis. “Hey, you do me well and I’ll do you back!” I looked over my shoulder and gave him my best smile. Did he know just how much I loved him?

 

[Antics]

ERIC

As I rub the squelchy stuff onto your shoulders, back and neck, I know you’re enjoying the attention. I think if you were a cat you’d purr. Damn cat! I know I shake my head at you, know that you don’t notice, will probably start chattering again, beguiling me some more.

Cassandra, why do you taunt me? I can’t believe you’re not aware! Without your cute pink top, stripped – yes, that’s the word – without your blue jean shorts you’re naked almost. What would you think if I became aroused?
Your bikini doesn’t hide much Cassandra. Now as I sit so close to you, I see the curves and shadows of both breasts in the morning sun, most of your endowment isn’t even covered! That bright cloth is not worth the money. Then, I know I look downwards – Bad Eric!

Meanwhile, Good Eric finishes with the lotion, and hands you the bottle with a wink. The pool’s water gently slopping, inviting, in the faint breeze. I pull off my tee shirt.

When we were lying in the bed together just this morning, I wanted so much to trace my fingers up your naked skin. Such perfect tone and tautness you exhibit, it would be like fondling an artwork. Your maker didn’t realise – perhaps he did – with what effect your skins pale hue would greet my world each day. I’m strong... so I won’t spoil it, won’t exchange an ugliness for your simplicity of look and innocence of leg swept over me. Not like them, out there.

When you wear your track pants and your small tight top, leaving bare a shiny lucious belly, picture a minute what queue of lads will line up at the gate of first offering to taste – I cannot let you go there without me. Unthinkable. How could I have you defiled without making some resistance? I know how grubby sex can be, how next morning’s stubble, hangover and uncaring look can rip the canvas of any beauty there might have been in one’s midnight coupling.

Anyhow, there won’t be any beauty with snatched kisses and fumbling stumblings out of sight of mother, or his mother, or…

Will you be safe at college, Cassie?

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Cassandra

I watch you as I lay on my belly letting the sun bake my sunscreened back. :sigh: What eats at you Eric? You don't realize that I see more than I let on. You look tired, blanched, and almost scared. I've seen you so deep in thought; oblivious to your surroundings. Why won't you let me in? Tell me what ails your soul. Let me in.

You are standing so close to the pool's edge as if the water mesmerizes your mind. You let me be, enjoying the bright sun as I listen to the chirping birds that are hidden within the privacy of green leaves and branches of the trees that surround our property. Do you enjoy such simple pleasures anymore, dear brother?

Could you be pining for Charlotte? Maybe I could place a discreet phone call to her and tell her how miserable you are. Only, I don't really want to do that, do I? Then she'd come for a long visit and you'd be taken from me once again. Wiggling my toes, I decided to quiet those thoughts once and for all. Charlotte was never a favourite of mine, but then again no one was ever good enough for my Eric. He needed someone to lighten him up and I was the best to do that if given as much time as I would need to accomplish this task.

With stealth, I rose from my relaxed position and crept towards him. Time for some unchecked fun, I decided. I held my breath and raised my arms, splaying my fingers and holding my hands straight up as I got ready to give him a push.

"Ready to rumble" I yelled loudly from behind and before he could fully turn around I was pushing him forward, laughing as he stumbled. But the joke was on me too for as he fell forward his hand had snatched my wrist and he took me with him! He must have gotten a good foot holding because I went completely under and came up sputtering for air.

"Why you creep! Not fair at all!!!" I was laughing so hard, cracking up at my plan that backfired only to be dunked under the water again. Eric had brought me close to him when I came up again and he whispered, " Question is..are you ready to rumble?"

 

[Antics]

ERIC

Which Eric whispered that? The Erics are merging in his mind as as the youth bobs with Cassandra in the water. There could be many meanings - of course Cassie meant nothing more than playful fun, did she?

Which Eric was it? What had you tried to sneak in there? Your clasp of her in the water could turn into something else as her giggling water filled face is very close.

Yuck!

Her mouth and cheeks release their load – was our grandfather somewhere back a chipmunk? What a gush! The pool water spurts into Eric’s eyes and distracts him. He released her, Cassandra flipped away and swam to the other end where she sat on the underwater steps, with just her head showing. There was mischief in her eyes today. How could he get her?

Eric followed her, he tossed his head and droplets flew and he floated over to her. He drifted with innocence in the sunlight. Then with a tumble and splash he ducked down and aimed for the pink image of tummy and leg. The bright bikini was a marker, had she been thinking of him when she put that on? The brilliance was easy to find in the underwater murk and –

He missed her as of course she saw him coming and wriggled. They’d played this in the past a lot, he didn’t give quarter any more. Sisterly love? He’d get the minx. He poked his tongue at her and planned the next assault.

“A rumble, Cassie? I’ll get you!”

Its not easy to move fast in water when you’re laughing. He gulped air and dived against her, grabbed, missed her leg but felt something in his hand and grabbed it in a reflex as his dive took him past her and up again.

He surfaced.

What? He drew it out of the water and giggled at her shocked expression. He’d pulled her bikin tie and it had come undone. The whole thing had come off her and he waved it, backed away a little. Was that an escaping smile going to become a hoot of playfulness, or would she pout and demand he play by decorous rules. He hadn’t meant to anyway - Cassandra, you got your rumble!

Should he dive below the water and really shock her, tickle her? Should he as good brother toss it back? He waited, watching, tongue flicking out at her in glee.

Well, Cassie, what’s your move?

 

[Lay Z Butterfly]

Cassandra


It took a moment to sink in. The coolness of the water hit my nipples and as exected they stiffened under the water. My expression registered shock and it brought forth such pompous laughter from Eric as he waved the top in the air. Time to play dirty! Refusing to act indignant, I dove under the water- away from him. Yep, away from him. I surfaced and took a gulp of air and went under again. Leaving him, no doubt, puzzled. It actually felt wonderful having the water roll against the upper half of my torso the way it was. It felt like soft hands gliding; barely touching my skin.

My eyes were open under the water and I could see Eric move his legs to follow my lazy path around the other end of the pool; at times coming close and then drifting away. I decided to do some hand stands, pointing my toes before going into back bends under the water. Never once did I let the top half of me break the surface until I decided to do something I never thought I would have the balls to do.

I went into another handstand, waited until I was nearly out of breath and then went into a front roll. As the roll completed, I stretched my body straight and drifted to the top in a back float. As expected, certain parts of me peaked out from under the water. I held my arms out at my sides, swooshing the water to stay on top and wiggled my toes for effect. I didn't care how it looked, Eric deserved to be shocked!

Now, if only, he would come closer... my surprise on him was in the bag!

 

[Antics]

ERIC

He watched as Cassandra dived and flipped, wriggling her legs as she did handstands and showed off. Eric swam around the pool, following. Then suddenly with a splash she was lying on the top of the water. His mouth dropped, and then shaped into a broad grin.

What a sister… Eric paddled swiftly over, flicking water once close enough to splatter the peaks, where they rose from the water like a couple of mountains. Cassie looked serene, he face winced a little as the cold drops landed, but she kept her eyes closed. Was she daring him to come closer, ignoring him?

Eric swam nearer. Something about the tits enticed him. Where there was no tanning, the shining, creamy whiteness drew him like a magnet. He wanted touch it… them.

No Eric, swim away and tease from a distance, don’t be tempted – was Good Eric in the back row somewhere? He didn’t hear, and was now almost by her side. The boobs seemed huge and their wetness sparkled in the sun. He wanted to hug her. Below her stomach, another scrap of material bobbed in the pool. His face was close and her mound floated in touching distance, but he wrenched his glance away. He wasn’t interested.

Well, not much. She was lovely though. He adored her smile. Why did any bad thoughts come? It wasn’t fair. Cassandra would die if she knew he wanted to hold her and keep her safe, playful for ever.

She knew he was there, and reached a lazy hand out. The fingertips brushed his face, and he felt it hard to breathe as he kicked and flosted beside her. Was she going to stay like that, face up in the sun? At least she had her legs closed.

Bad Eric, whatever next? Flick the water, he told himself, as he looked back at her peaceful face – perhaps the cheeky smile was threatening to come out again, and he tensed for her next move.