Car crash leads to horrible sex

[Pookie]

My name is Pippa. I live in Manchester. I'm about 5'6" and weigh about 110 lbs, hazel eyes, blonde hair and a 34-26-34 figure. I'll be twenty next month.

Long story short, I'm being held hostage. This short obese fucker wrecked my car and forcibly took me to his house. I've been raped once already. I think I'm still a virgin though. Yes, his dick is that small.

I probably could outrun him, but he's been drugging me causing me to keep blacking out. So I can't easily get away.

The fucker has a speech impediment. He keeps calling me Pippy even after I correct him.

Please, someone help.

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

My name is Pippa. I live in Manchester. I'm about 5'6" and weigh about 110 lbs, hazel eyes, blonde hair and a 34-26-34 figure. I'll be twenty next month.

Long story short, I'm being held hostage. This short obese fucker wrecked my car and forcibly took me to his house. I've been raped once already. I think I'm still a virgin though. Yes, his dick is that small.

I probably could outrun him, but he's been drugging me causing me to keep blacking out. So I can't easily get away.

The fucker has a speech impediment. He keeps calling me Pippy even after I correct him.

Please, someone help.

is his name Boomslanger bro?

Stew

 

[CyranoJ]

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd107/RobertDobolinaEsq/ampsycho.gif

 

[hashtag45]

I am not gay, so why do you girls keep trying to get my attention?

 

[Pookie]

is his name Boomslanger bro?

Stew

He keeps saying "boom". He might be a terrorist.

 

[Everyday_Man]

He keeps saying "boom". He might be a terrorist.

does he follow 'boom' with 'goes the dynamite'?

 

[Pookie]

does he follow 'boom' with 'goes the dynamite'?

Yeah, but I think he's referring to his wee wee when he says that.

 

[Everyday_Man]

Yeah, but I think he's referring to his wee wee when he says that.

So was Cleveland Brown from Family Guy.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Greater Manchester Police here. We think we may have identified the culprit.

Can you confirm please? Repeat, is this your attempted rapist?

 

[Pookie]

Greater Manchester Police here. We think we may have identified the culprit.

Can you confirm please? Repeat, is this your attempted rapist?

That could be him. That guy actually looks like he has a penis though. My kidnapper/rapist technically has one, but it's not gonna show up like that.

 

[DesEsseintes]

That could be him. That guy actually looks like he has a penis though. My kidnapper/rapist technically has one, but it's not gonna show up like that.

The pouch is for his hernia, sustained whilst masturbating in a petting zoo. He came across the monkey house, unexpectedly.

 

[Fata Morgana]

The pouch is for his hernia, sustained whilst masturbating in a petting zoo. He came across the monkey house, unexpectedly.

Hey, we've all been there pal.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

The pouch is for his hernia

Y'all really hate fanny packs over there, don'tcha?

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/PFR_U42pOFA/maxresdefault.jpg

 

[Fata Morgana]

Fanny packs are bumbags but should really be tampons when you think about it.

Desiree's Indian name: Bathes With Tampons.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Y'all really hate fanny packs over there, don'tcha?

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/PFR_U42pOFA/maxresdefault.jpg

Now I want to drink caustic soda. And not even in a cocktail.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Hey, we've all been there pal.

That snake has never been the same since. He's been through two counsellors and a self-help CD, to no avail.

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

this thread has it all bro!

Stew

 

[Fata Morgana]

this thread has it all bro!

Stew

Make me my dinner, bro!

 

[Garnate]

I am not gay, so why do you girls keep trying to get my attention?

Are you only gay in certain threads?

 

[DesEsseintes]

Are you only gay in certain threads?

Careful. She'll accuse you of stalking her soon. And next come the inexplicable Shakespeare references, and before you know it everyone's dressing up as their own sister and wearing buckled shoes, like some Elizabethan Killswitch.

 

[SuprSalor]

Hows the car? Have you gotten it to a body shop yet? Is the insurance good? Priorities people!

 

[Garnate]

Careful. She'll accuse you of stalking her soon. And next come the inexplicable Shakespeare references, and before you know it everyone's dressing up as their own sister and wearing buckled shoes, like some Elizabethan Killswitch.

That all sounds awful! Hold me?

 

[DesEsseintes]

That all sounds awful! Hold me?

Always, of course.

 

[Pookie]

I am not gay, so why do you girls keep trying to get my attention?

http://junkyardarts.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/alex-dipple.jpg

 

[Pookie]

this thread has it all bro!

Stew

It's like being at a family reunion bro cuz!