Can't Orgasm

[scoperella]

I am an 18 year old female and I cannot orgasm. I've been masturbating regularly for about a year. I can make it feel really really amazing, but I just can't bring myself to orgasm. When I get close my whole body tenses, including my hand, and it just stops. I have a boyfriend of 6 months who fingers me and goes down on me. Again, it feels really really REALLY amazing, but I just can't orgasm. He is older and has had other lovers, so he knows what he's doing. I am completely relaxed and comfortable with him so that isn't the problem. Does anyone have any suggestions?? Other than relax, don't give up, keep trying? I fantasize often and would consider myself a very sexual person ... so what's wrong with me?? Thanks.

 

[ub6ibfine]

well.....

i dont kno how much help this can be. but tha most advice i can give at tha moment is try new things. find what gets u off enuff.
hope u can get past this problem an enter the wonderful world
of orgasms.

 

[Justine]

Relax

Just try to relax, without even thinking about orgasm. It will come naturally.

It could be because it is your mind that is expecting to have an orgasm, getting in the way of your body . So, try not to pay so much attention on your own sensations, letting yourself only feel them.

Keep your mind busy elsewhere.

 

[The_old_man]

My wife had this problem untill I introduced her to simultaneous oral (69). The fact that she was concentrating on my cock , not her clit, she forgot to tense up and finaly climaxed.

The brain is the primary sex organ, you have to get past any preconditioning.

 

[Guest]

It looks like you've had some good advice here so far...

And, I'm sure you're sick of hearing this one (even from yourself!) but relax! I know it's easier said than done, but whether alone or with your boyfriend, just sit back (okay, well lay back ), relax, and enjoy the playing.

For me, I never had an orgasm by the hand of another until I was 19 (and the person happened to be a woman 4 years older than I), and hadn't had an earth shattering orgasm until I was 21 (and the person was a man 18 years older than me). So, and I'm not putting your boyfriend down at all, but maybe he's not as experienced as you (or he) think?

One of the things someone else mentioned to you is to try different things. Have you and your boyfriend has sex yet or has it just been the "playing around" thing? Perhaps the feel of him IN you will be enough to bring you over the edge? Maybe experimenting sexually (alone or with your boyfriend) with things you fantasize about will help?

Bottom line, when you think that maybe you could be close to cumming, DO NOT "worry" about "if" you can cum. Just ENJOY the feeling and being with your boyfriend or whatever. A huge percentage of people's physical problems start in the head. (Worrying about things and focusing on the negative often will "make" your body react to what your brain "says".)

And, one final thing... If ever you feel like you have to pee when masturbating or messing with your boyfriend, don't worry and don't stop playing! Your brain sends a message to your body to more or less shut down your urethra when aroused. I do not know the percentage, but it is virtually impossible to pee when having sex or sexually playing. The sensation building in most people's body right before orgasm can be quite similar to the sensation of "needing" to pee.

 

[VelvetPants]

Can't orgasm? Forget about it!

Scoperella,

First: I don't have any statistics with me but I know that some women don't orgasm until they reach the "right" age. The right age is into the 20's for a significant percentage of women. I'm not trying to depress you! Just saying that there's certainly nothing "abnormal" about not having had an orgasm yet, at age 18.

Second: I agree with everything said so far about relaxing, trying not to think about it, etc. The 69 suggestion is an interesting idea! But even if you're trying to relax, you know that your boyfriend is working soooo hard down there and he reeeaaally wants to get you off... it's a lot of pressure for one girl, no? I suggest that you announce (to him and to yourself) that you plan NOT to have an orgasm for another year. You still enjoy sex, it feels good, it turns you on, and that is enough. You will not focus on orgasming like it's the Big Prize (and if you don't have one, you've failed). Instead, you will just enjoy the ride! Masterbate for as long as it feels good. Let your bf pleasure you until you just have to jump up and go to work on him ! Enjoy the ride!

Have fun,

-VelvetPants

 

[Geminiangel]

Like everyone else is saying I agree, you need to not think about the orgasam and just let it cum, pun intended. When in the missionary position, try placing a pillow under your butt so that your bf can hit your "G" spot better. You can go to your local Adult book store and try out great tasting lubercants and jellys that can give you different sensations...Have fun

 

[Mr.G]

One thing that everybody seems to be suggesting is RELAX. I'm going to break with the norm here. She said she was comfortable with her b/f so I don't think she's tensing up and too nervouds to cum like that. Certainly if she's masturbating she's not going to be tense and nervous with herself (unless some fool gave her a Rhino Dong dildo) so I'm going to suggest she TENSES UP .A lot of newbies think all they have to do is play with their clit and booom - orgasm. Some girls are lucky and do that. Many have to really work at it

The orgasm can get really close but until the PCG muscles tenses and contracts - no big O , kiddies. OK look at it this way. You can chew and chew and chew and ain't nuffin gonna happen. She's gotta learn to swallow...OK so that's a poor simili. Pun intended. She has to TENSE up when she feels it getting amazing. She has to squeeze those muscles in her legs, her abdomen. She should also be doing her Keigels (squeeeze, relax, squeeeeze, relax) because if the PCG muscle is really weak again NADA on the big O.. Also work on stimulating mental images. What turns her on? Watch a porno tape. Watch her b/f masturbate. Do it together. Whatever gets her all worked up.

Patience and good luck but don't relax. Good sex takes work and calories.

 

[CuriouslilQT]

What about???

Well what about making the orgasm last longer...?? Any suggestions on that??

 

[Guest]

Re: What about???

Well what about making the orgasm last longer...?? Any suggestions on that??

As you're cumming, don't stop the stimulant! Continue to masturbate, or have someone play with you. No matter how sensitive you may feel, and no matter how torturous it may feel, don't stop! It will make your orgasms last longer. The longer the stimulant continues, the longer the orgasm will last.

 

[Romanticstone]

Like everyone's saying, relax, and don't focus on the orgasm,
...but in addition to this I'd like to suggest a method to use and NOT focus.

Check out:

http://www.tantra.org/



look on the left side

"yoni massage"

Show this to your boyfriend - you can try the "lingam massage" on him as well some time

These are tantric practice which focus on helping your partner to relax and just enjoy the experiences and sensations.

They are always fun, and it's been my experience that the 'ritualization' involved is a great way to free the mind and body both.

 

[nj-voyeur]

hmm, you should read the thread on orgasims without gential stimulation. now those are lucky ladies

I dont think the problem is with your body friend. he probably is doing an ok job because you say it feels real good but you just dont orgasism. Its a mental thing for you.

Take the advice of trying something new. What do you guys do on a regular basis? Find some new way to have sex.

But you are even having problems masterbating. So maybe you should try to watch a porno. find something that makes you wet just looking at it. See how that goes.