Can't Face Him... HELP!

[dapperdan4]

So, my boyfriend of 2 years and I recently moved in together and since then we've had serious problems. He has a tendency to be very childish and drive me crazy, which he did before anyway... but the real problem is that it has now affected our sex life!

Normally, I'd be a crazy nympho dying for sex any chance I get... but now I find myself not wanting it as much because the only thing I enjoy anymore is Doggy Style because I don't have to see him. I've tried closing my eyes when we're facing eachother, but I just find myself focussing on the things he does that annoys me. It's gotten to be so bad that I can't even orgasm without having my back to him... and I normally can orgasm very easily. And the worst part about always being in doggy style is that he comes so easily that it doesn't last long enough for me.

I don't want to leave him or anything because I love him so much... but I don't know what to do about our sex life in the mean time.

Is there any advice anyone can give me or possibly some new positions where I can still keep my back to him?

 

[Aquagal]

Sit on his face, then you won't see him.

 

[SweetErika]

I'd say the real problem is not that your sex life has been affected, it's that you two are having serious problems which are affecting your relationship.

Instead of putting energy into figuring out positions that allow you to not look at him, why not focus on fixing the serious problems so you can tolerate living with, AND having sex facing, him?

Have you talked to him about the specific behaviors that bother you in a nonconfrontational manner? If so, what did he say? Is he working on it? How about therapy (if you're in college, you can probably go for free)?

In my experience, the little things that are irritating before are greatly magnified when I spend a significant amount of time with someone. (Of course there's also usually the multitude of annoyances we only discover once we live with someone.) When the relationship is right, I move past them and they usually even become endearing. When it's not right, they snowball until I have to get away from the person.

So, this may blow over in time if BOTH of you are willing to put in the effort required to work it out AND you're truly a good match, but you may want to prepare yourself for the possibility that you two are best spending a limited amount of time together. Make sure you can move out easily and don't make a further commitment until you've lived together happily for a good long time.

I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I think it'll serve you best in the long run.

 

[iemtzingu]

So, my boyfriend of 2 years and I recently moved in together and since then we've had serious problems. He has a tendency to be very childish and drive me crazy, which he did before anyway... but the real problem is that it has now affected our sex life!

Normally, I'd be a crazy nympho dying for sex any chance I get... but now I find myself not wanting it as much because the only thing I enjoy anymore is Doggy Style because I don't have to see him. I've tried closing my eyes when we're facing eachother, but I just find myself focussing on the things he does that annoys me. It's gotten to be so bad that I can't even orgasm without having my back to him... and I normally can orgasm very easily. And the worst part about always being in doggy style is that he comes so easily that it doesn't last long enough for me.

I don't want to leave him or anything because I love him so much... but I don't know what to do about our sex life in the mean time.

Is there any advice anyone can give me or possibly some new positions where I can still keep my back to him?

Sounds like you have a problem. If you are that repulsed maybe it's time to get a new room mate.

 

[MNGuy]

It's called a grocery bag, I used to have to use it a lot when I was single.

 

[sirloy]

That many problems that soon...It's just not working and you won't be able to fix it. Move on.

S

 

[FurryFury]

So, my boyfriend of 2 years and I recently moved in together and since then we've had serious problems. He has a tendency to be very childish and drive me crazy, which he did before anyway... but the real problem is that it has now affected our sex life!

Normally, I'd be a crazy nympho dying for sex any chance I get... but now I find myself not wanting it as much because the only thing I enjoy anymore is Doggy Style because I don't have to see him. I've tried closing my eyes when we're facing eachother, but I just find myself focussing on the things he does that annoys me. It's gotten to be so bad that I can't even orgasm without having my back to him... and I normally can orgasm very easily. And the worst part about always being in doggy style is that he comes so easily that it doesn't last long enough for me.

I don't want to leave him or anything because I love him so much... but I don't know what to do about our sex life in the mean time.

Is there any advice anyone can give me or possibly some new positions where I can still keep my back to him?

Communication in a non confrontational way is what you need to try with him. This can be worked out but you both have to want and be mature enough to work it out.

 

[Hotcappucino]

Thinking of the long term, unless you really think he's going to make deep changes in his behaviour, and it doesn't sound like something that's going to be easy for him to do because it appears to be such a big part of who he is, then I think it's time for you to move on. Depends a lot on how willing he is to change, but you have to let him know how severely it's affecting your relationship.

There's one sexual position that I like that might help your current situation. It's a modification on a position called a T-square, because it resembles the shape of that drafting tool (but it's actually more of a cross shape). In a normal T-square, you lie on your back with your legs apart and knees bent. He lies on his side perpendicular to you, under the arch formed by your knees. You can see an illustration here. The way I like to change it, though, is to put her far leg (the leg that's furthest from my head), between my thighs. It's like the scissors position, where you have your crotches touching each other, but she's laying on her back instead of on her side. Then, she can grind her clit against my thigh as she pulls my top leg up towards her chest. In this position, he can still play with your breasts, and you can avoid looking at his face. And the action should be slow enough where you can reach orgasm before he does; since he's laying on his side, his movements will be slower than doggy-style.

Oh, and I almost forgot. You definitely won't see his face in a 69.

 

[dapperdan4]

My problems with him aren't really his fault. I have a mental illness that makes me irritable about things I really shouldn't be irritable about. So, I realyl just need time to get that under control. I've tried many of the things that y'all have suggested and he really wants things to go more smoothly... my brain just won't let me. So... until I can fix or get to the bottom of my irritation... I need something to fix my sex life!

 

[fgarvb1]

LOL!

Sounds like you got married!

But seriously now.

You two are going to have to resolve this thing between you. If you can't do that then you are going to have to leave...well one of you anyway.

I would seriously suggest counseling. Yes counseling. Because you both could use a little work.

That no reflection on you two...clearly you were not taught how to resolve issues like this in a healthy manner. Go learn now while young and you will have a better life for it.

If it will be with each other one cannot say.

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

Hey dapper I would like to respond to the remark about mental illness. I have suffered from severe to moderate depression and am currently on meds that help a great deal.

My advice is to work on yourself first before you work on the relationship, if you need to get sep. apartments again do it. Or maybe a 2 bedroom so that you can each have your own space when you need it. Maybe you guys are just not ready to live together. That doesn't mean that you have to trash the whole relationship.

Severe irritation with everyone around me and the inability to cope with it was one of my main symptoms of depression. Wellbutrin was/is my miracle drug. It saved my sanity and my marriage.

You need to work on yourself and your partner needs to give you the space and time to do it. Then you can tackle the relationship, TOGETHER. It takes two to tango ya know! Good luck!!

 

[SubNebGuy]

it sounds like you just don't like your boyfriend anymore, but continue to use him for sexual gratification. that usually creates 'baggage'.

talk to him, or move on.

 

[pleasantville]

I lost my marriage and my wife of 14 years to the same thing. I would not get the help I needed until it was too late. I went to the doctor and got on some good meds. Don't be afraid to do this the side affects are so minimal and there are so many choices. Good luck!

 

[subwannabe]

The bottom line is you can't stand this guy but you love him. I'm thinking you can't see the forrest through the trees, the handwriting on the wall, or something like that. Is this really what you want for the rest of your life? You need to realize this relationship has no long term chance and ditch this guy. You CAN find someone you love AND who doesn't turn you off so much you don't even want to have sex with him. This isn't much different than a woman staying with a man because she loves him, even though he beats her up all the time.