Can you tell when she's faking it?

[Aynmair]

This is a two-part question. I was inspired by StrangeLife's thread that in part addressed women writing from a man's POV, and by a bit of fluff I was reading. The very manly male protagonist hales himself back across an ocean and a continent early from a business trip rolleyes to ask his new love interest why she faked her orgasm with him. And I've read a few other bits of equally fluffy fluff where a purported uber-Master teaches newbies how to tell when she is faking it.

Now, as a woman, I'm of two minds about this. I would be flattered if a man I was with could actually tell if/when I've faked an orgasm, as it would mean he was really paying attention and could really read me. But, alas, I've never knowingly met such a man... (let's just say I have significant experience). On the other hand, sometimes faking an orgasm is just ... convenient. That's not too romantic but practical.

So, curious as always, my questions are...

1) For men: Can you tell when she's faking an orgasm? Always? Sometimes? Never? Only when you know her well? Do you give a rat's ...? Does it affect your ego and/or do you worry about her?

2) For women: Do you think most men can tell when you're faking it? (darlings, I am sure you've faked it one time or another. Unless you're out-of-this-world lucky.

PS To those who ask what is this question doing on the AH forum, I answer: character development!

 

[sr71plt]

This may be one of those aspects that can help tell a female author from a male one. I think the natural male response to the question is that he's concentrating on getting his rocks off and doesn't particularly care if she's faking it as long as it works for him. Cutting short a business meeting across a continent and ocean to pursue this question? Female author, I'll bet.

 

[Aynmair]

Female author, I'll bet.

Of course.

I'd agree with your answer, but then I felt rather cynical. Therefore the thread....

I want honest answers, now, y'all...

 

[allamagione]

The very manly male protagonist hales himself back across an ocean and a continent early from a business trip rolleyes to ask his new love interest why she faked her orgasm with him. And I've read a few other bits of equally fluffy fluff where a purported uber-Master teaches newbies how to tell when she is faking it.

Are these the same manly male protagonists who demand, "Come for me"?

 

[Amberchgo]

Female perspective:


No. He can't tell. Why? I'm THAT good

 

[Gunnlaug]

Ok, I'll bite, but before I do I'd like to point out a logical problem with question 1; it's virtually unanswerable. In fact, the only logical answer is 'sometimes' because a) if you never notice that a partner is faking it then you think it doesn't happen (at least with you), ergo there is nothing to notice because it doesn't happen and therefore you can't answer the question. And b) if you answer 'always' it assumes that no-one can fool you which is at best arrogant and at worst simply dangerous!

So I have to answer 'sometimes'. It's an honest answer too, because I have caught partners faking it a couple of times. I haven't worried too much about it, not because I'm some unreconstructed pig who is only interested in his own pleasure, but because I have faked it, too. I understand the reasons why. I get that it just ain't working sometimes. I too have felt tired and unwilling to continue. Sometimes we get a meal that is too big in a restaurant and when it arrives at the table we think we can plough through it and eat every morsel. Then halfway through we realise that we are full and we can't finish. Same with sex; sometimes our eyes are too big for our stomachs.

Provided people are honest it really isn't a big thing.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I don't give a shit what she does.

 

[Sammael Bard]

When women have a good orgasm (not the mini ones, mind you), I've found a few clues that help me know if she had it or faked it-

1. Her lower abdominal area shudders, a small one or a big one depending on how sensitive she is.

2. Her pussy walls tend to clench and unclench around my fingers(during an oral) but I can't really feel that when my junior's hiding beneath a condom.

3. Her toes curl up during the climax.

I really, really love to watch my GF having a climax and I feel...happy when she has an orgasm and has that dreamy look on her face.

Women are a lot more complex in their behavior and thinking. THAT would be a definite blow to my manhood if I know that she's been faking it all along and it will render the above tells useless.

 

[Aynmair]

I don't give a shit what she does.

Gotta love consistency.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Too much like weekend math homework for my taste. Just fuck her and let her do with it what she will.

 

[slyc_willie]

1) For men: Can you tell when she's faking an orgasm? Always? Sometimes? Never? Only when you know her well? Do you give a rat's ...? Does it affect your ego and/or do you worry about her?

These are interesting questions. I've taken on various roles in my relationships with women, from being selfishly concerned only with my own orgasm to being, as I am now, more concerned with her pleasure.

My first "real" (as in, adult) girlfriend was, I discovered, adept at faking it. Or maybe I was pretty inexperienced at that point that I just didn't know what to look for. Whatever the reason, when I did actually bring her to orgasm for the first time, she flopped all over the bed like she had just touched an electrical outlet. I prided myself at first for getting her off, only to realize later that she had previously been faking it. After that, I was able to tell when she really came and when she didn't.

In my mid to late twenties, I had a string of lovers, none of whom I stayed with for more than a couple of months. I wasn't a terrible boyfriend, but I was pretty shallow during that time and whether they came or not, I didn't care as long as I got off. I did learn during that time that what a woman experiences during orgasm is extremely varied. Some squeal and gasp and almost black out. Others just sort of grunt and wince and maybe shake a little. There were times in which I thought a woman was faking it when she wasn't, and vice-versa. And I had one girlfriend proudly tell me, as we were breaking up, that she faked it every time. She may have been right; as I said, I didn't care at the time.

After that, I had a couple of significant relationships which I took more seriously. The second of those was my first wife. She was several years younger than I and not terribly experienced. She told me she had never had an orgasm without doing it herself, which I took as a challenge. The first time she claimed to have an orgasm, I doubted her and told her so. She was embarrassed about it and said it took a lot to make her come. But I kept at it and finally found the right buttons. After that, it became steadily easier for her to have an orgasm. She still faked it once in a while when she was frustrated, but I could tell.

Now, with my second wife and the woman I was intended to spend the rest of my life with, there are no fake orgasms. We originally met with the intention of just having a brief affair, but it turned into more. So I suppose since sex was the original reason for our meeting, she was much more open and eager than if we had met conventionally. When my wife has an orgasm, it's very obvious on her face and throughout her body. If she could fake what she goes through when she climaxes, she would be an Oscar-winning actress.

My wife and I have had a few other lovers join us in the past several years. One was something of a girlfriend we spent time with nearly every weekend for a while. She was a very quiet comer, and to my knowledge never faked it. She and my wife had a conversation about orgasms one night, which was an interesting one to witness as they compared each other's orgasms then tried to mimic them. I wish I'd gotten that on video.

 

[Aynmair]

Are these the same manly male protagonists who demand, "Come for me"?

Of course. What a power trip. Maybe they can show me where that magic button is (no, not thaaat one; I do know that much...).

Still, if it works, I'm all for it!

 

[StrangeLife]

So, curious as always, my questions are...

1) For men: Can you tell when she's faking an orgasm? Always? Sometimes? Never? Only when you know her well? Do you give a rat's ...? Does it affect your ego and/or do you worry about her?

Yes and no. (don't you just love it when a man is decisive... )

Girls are in a much better position than guys when it comes to faking sex, but only in a casual relationship. If you have been together with a girl for a while you learn to recognize her orgasmic response, which might involve subtle signs she isn't aware of herself. She can certainly get away with faking it for a short time - sex isn't equally intensive all the time after all - but it wouldn't be long before "his guts" would alert him to the fact that something was fishy. And once a guy begins actively checking, the game is up. No girl is that good an actor or have that good control of her body.

So the answer is yes, if you are writing an infidelity story where the girl stops responding to her husband because she is sexually focussed on her lover. Unless the husband is extremely non-perceptive he will bust her.

But the answer is no, if you are writing a story about a girl who picks up a stranger in a bar for sex and later has second thoughts and just want it over with. She will probably be able to convince him that he rocked her world without too much effort.

 

[jacktar48]

This is a two-part question. I was inspired by StrangeLife's thread that in part addressed women writing from a man's POV, and by a bit of fluff I was reading. The very manly male protagonist hales himself back across an ocean and a continent early from a business trip rolleyes to ask his new love interest why she faked her orgasm with him. And I've read a few other bits of equally fluffy fluff where a purported uber-Master teaches newbies how to tell when she is faking it.

Now, as a woman, I'm of two minds about this. I would be flattered if a man I was with could actually tell if/when I've faked an orgasm, as it would mean he was really paying attention and could really read me. But, alas, I've never knowingly met such a man... (let's just say I have significant experience). On the other hand, sometimes faking an orgasm is just ... convenient. That's not too romantic but practical.

So, curious as always, my questions are...

1) For men: Can you tell when she's faking an orgasm? Always? Sometimes? Never? Only when you know her well? Do you give a rat's ...? Does it affect your ego and/or do you worry about her?

2) For women: Do you think most men can tell when you're faking it? (darlings, I am sure you've faked it one time or another. Unless you're out-of-this-world lucky.

PS To those who ask what is this question doing on the AH forum, I answer: character development!

If she fakes it, I take it as a signal that she's had enough, she's tired, and she wishes I would just quit waiting for her and let go. I wouldn't ask and since she's doing it for me, wouldn't want to know. Sometimes she just might not want to. Or might be unable to.

Sure signs that it was entirely authentic:

Flushing of the skin around the breasts and neck.

Major deep vaginal contractions. (Yeah, I know some women can do this at will. Bless them.)

Unflattering orgasm-face. Love it.

Extraordinary clitoral sensitivity, to the point that she shudders when touched.

All of the above accentuated by spontaneous appeals to a deity, declarations such as "I'm coming," (or "I'm going," on the part of Asian ladies I have known and loved,) followed by a spell of catatonia.

Another sign, quite unusual: Hysterical giggling. Can be disconcerting, but once you get used to it it's OK.

 

[Handley_Page]

. . . That's not too romantic but practical.

So, curious as always, my questions are...

1) For men: Can you tell when she's faking an orgasm? Always? Sometimes? Never? Only when you know her well? Do you give a rat's ...? Does it affect your ego and/or do you worry about her?

PS To those who ask what is this question doing on the AH forum, I answer: character development!

I've been married three times and only one of the wives made me think she was faking it, but then not too often (no; I'm no Lothario).

 

[RoyceConnors]

I can always tell if my partner faked an orgasm. Over the years, I learned from women that there are certain tells in every woman if she has or hasn't orgasmed and they held true. I know with my partner, after witnessing numerous orgasms, if she is faking or not. So far, no faking.
IMHO, a woman would never have to fake an orgasm, if a man took the time to pleasure her properly, before depositing his sperm in any one of her orifices. For me, it's all about her pleasure, not mine. To her, it's all about my pleasure, not hers. If there's no selfishness involved, or expectation, it's all good.

 

[Seductive_Wolftress]

It is a masterful accomplishment I have developed out of need actually. I just am not able to connect with most men in a way that will allow my mind to shut off and let feeling take over. Rather than make them feel bad for something that is my problem, I put on a good show. The backlash of this is getting them to let go of you when you want to continue looking for the one that can bring that true feeling of pleasure and release. PS, I have found it is usually connected to an asshole that will break your heart!

 

[AMoveableBeast]

This may be one of those aspects that can help tell a female author from a male one. I think the natural male response to the question is that he's concentrating on getting his rocks off and doesn't particularly care if she's faking it as long as it works for him. Cutting short a business meeting across a continent and ocean to pursue this question? Female author, I'll bet.

This is the natural male response? Really? Jesus Christ. No wonder I do well with women.

Her orgasm is kind of the point. If I just wanted to cum, I could accomplish it faster and more efficiently without her. I don't need her to cum. I need HER to cum. I love for it.

To each his own, but stuff like this blows my mind.

 

[Aynmair]

This is the natural male response? Really? Jesus Christ. No wonder I do well with women.

Her orgasm is kind of the point. If I just wanted to cum, I could accomplish it faster and more efficiently without her. I don't need her to cum. I need HER to cum. I love for it.

To each his own, but stuff like this blows my mind.

Bless your enlightened attitude, but you didn't quite answer my questions...

 

[Cruel2BKind]

I've faked most of my orgasms.

it's been around 6-7 times that I've come with a partner now. It just takes too much work, usually. That's not to say I don't enjoy sex, or want more of it. I just don't usually come.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've faked most of my orgasms.

it's been around 6-7 times that I've come with a partner now. It just takes too much work, usually. That's not to say I don't enjoy sex, or want more of it. I just don't usually come.

You faked this post, too.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Bless your enlightened attitude, but you didn't quite answer my questions...

I think generally, I can tell. Not to say no girl has ever slipped one past me. But, honestly, there's no need. It doesn't hurt my ego if she can't that night for whatever reason, and if she can, and wants to, goddamn it, we're going to get there hell or high water. I've been with several women who had trouble orgasming with partners before me and we fixed that problem. Notice I said "we". And not because I am some super-dicked mega-man. It's because I'm patient and I listen and I want to please her more than anything in the world.

Be raw and real and open and you're already halfway there. I'm all about honesty. Sensuality is pointless without it.

 

[Aynmair]

...
Be raw and real and open and you're already halfway there. I'm all about honesty. Sensuality is pointless without it.

 

[sr71plt]

I'm all about honesty.

I was trying to be in my post too.

Most men aren't all that PC, I don't think. They'll fake being all concerned for their mate just not to make waves and keep the domestic services going.

 

[StrangeLife]

Be raw and real and open....

"Eat a freshly peeled carrot, recite Dr. Phil and wear crotchless undies"

Sure - I'll try that