Can you have Threesomes/Orgys & maintain a sucessful relationship?

[miss_kate]

My parter and I want to share each other in the bedroom. We are completely satisfied with our sex life but want to spice things up by indulging in our sexual fantasies.

We are worried that inviting other people to share our intimacy will interfer with our relationship.

Does anyone have any experience with this matter that can give us some advice before we make the wrong decision?

 

[hydrex]

I am pretty sure a threesome isn't for me. I know a lot of guys say they want a threesome with them and two women but for me I like to spend my time with one woman, that way I can spend more time with her instead of going back and forth.

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

Its hard to know what to do... you both have to be complety sure of your feelings for each other and open enough to share them. You need to know where you stand in with each other so that afterwards things be just as good as they where before. also in terms of a threesome, picking the right person would be extremely important. what do you do? pick a close freind that you are comfortable with and risk awkwardness afterwards, or do you go with a stranger that you can never see again if you choose.

my advice. talk it through alot beforehand.

 

[SweetErika]

You have good cause to be concerned, and it's great you're both thinking and talking about this beforehand. Some things to consider:
-What's the state of the relationship now? What are its current strengths and weaknesses?
-List all of the potential problems and feelings you may have before, during, and after the threesome. For example, even if you don't think you'll be jealous, write it down and discuss it.
-Each of you need to come up with a specific list of groundrules/boundaries on your own, share them, and respect them.
-Choose carefully as Mr. LJM mentioned.
-What are the rules in regard to safety and safer sex? What will you do if one or both of you feel uncomfortable at any time before or during the encounter?
-What happens if one of you likes it and wants additional encounters, but the other doesn't?
-What's the best way to go about this? Would you consider getting into the swinging lifestyle?

I think with an excellent relationship and enough forethought and communication, you can certainly maintain a healthy relationship. I'd suggest you check into and ask lots of questions of people who have been successful...a great place to do that might be the Swingers Board. We considered a threesome and got some great information there, though we decided it wasn't for us at this time. Good luck!

 

[Weird Harold]

We are worried that inviting other people to share our intimacy will interfer with our relationship.

Does anyone have any experience with this matter that can give us some advice before we make the wrong decision?

If you're worried it might hurt your relationship, it probably WILL -- it will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even if you can intellectually agree that it won't, the reaction to the reality will be different than what you imagined.

That difference between intellectual agreement and emotional reality is just one of the reasons I'm divorced.

 

[sikdogg]

My wife and i have been involved in the swinger lifestyle now for almost two years and have really enjoyed our experiences. That said, it's not for everyone. We've seen alot of couples that are constantly bickering about this and that or are clearly not interested in each other. These people don't belong in the lifestyle.

SweetErika makes some really great points and you two must first sit down and decide on a set of rules that you two MUST be willing to follow. Here are some that we use:

1) No condom, no sex
2) Same room sex only
3) If one objects to anything for any reason, it's a no go (no questions asked)

These rules are just a starter but even these need more clarification like, with regards to condom use, does it apply to intercourse only or to BJ's also. There is so much to discuss that it took us about a year from the time we first discussed swinging to the time that we actually did it. Don't rush the process...

 

[dragon_gurl]

Swinging

It's deffinatly not for everyone... I have friends who have said it really helped (or at least didn't hurt) thier relationship, and others who have had thier relationships Destroyed by it.

No matter how much you talk about it, getting in threesomes and moresomes can put alot of pressure on people. You never quiet know how it will turn out with diffrent folks.

 

[coolr]

i think it's possible cause i like to keep an open mind about stuff, but in my past, they've always ended current relationships, hopefully i just haven't found the right person yet lol

 

[njcouple27]

3some

the strength and trust of your relationship is paramount. i don't know how long you've been together but it's definitely not good for fairly new relationships. i've been w/ my girl for 13 yrs now(since high school) and she has been having great sex w/ my friend for 3-4 yrs now. it was my idea and i pushed for it since it was my fanatasy. i knew my friend had the hots for my girl and just supressed it out of respect for me and her. he had a heart attack when i made my proposal to him and it took a year of planning and warming up to get in the comfort zone for this to work. my friend really knows how to make love to my girl which is why it lasted so long. it definitely was very awkward for all of us in the beginning but we got past that very fast. as of now, it did takes it toll on my friendship w/ my friend since he actually fell in love w/ my girl and became jealous of me. he never had such good sex before than w/ my girl. my girl is very stable and does not care for him. she just loves the sex and we talk about it all of the time. they had sex almost every weekend. i videotaped them on many occasions, since i just like to watch. my girl and i watch the tapes together before sex. she gets so wet from watching them which turns me on immensely.

at this point, my friend refuses to talk to me even though i have tried to make up w/ him. my girl still has sex w/ him now and then & i don't always get to watch. i don't mind though 'cause i also love to hear her tell me what he did to her. sometimes she is still wet when she comes home i get some sloppy seconds.sometimes he will come to our house and fuck my girl while i watch and sometimes she will go to his house. again, this is only possible because of our strong relationship and understanding of what we both want. she never sees him w/o discussing it w/ me first. we are always open w/ eachother. we are both happy and engaged now. i am upset about losing my friend but i don't feel guilty. i just wish he wasn't so weak. he was the perfect candidate though. i have no regrets. in retrospect, it was awesome.

it's not just who you do this with, you have to examine your relationship to determine if it's strong enough to endure this because it can destroy relationships. good luck!

 

[miss_kate]

Wow Fantastic Advice

my friend since he actually fell in love w/ my girl and became jealous of me.

That is a big concern of ours- the whole jelousy factor. Would u suggest a friend or a stranger generally?

It is hard to seperate emotions and sex- and I geuss sometimes you dont know how you are going to react to a situation until you are faced with it.

You have all given us such good advice-thankyou for that! I really dont want to make the wrong decision because I love my partner very much.

And Sweeterika- you gorgeous girl-- thankyou for that... simple but very worhtwhile advice xx

 

[njcouple27]

3some

well, it depends. i have another friend who i know would never get jealous. when i told him about what happened, he said we should have picked him. we didn't choose him because he sleeps around a lot. my friend that we did choose is more of a one-woman-man. for this reason, strangers are good but you don't know if you can trust them and you don't know their sexual history. i would never want to deal w/ a guy who picks up hookers and you'd be surprised how many men do that. i spent a lot of time gradually letting my friends know that i was very open minded about my girl. we would always talk about how hot she is like we do about women in general. it helped break the ice but you never can tell how someone will act after experiencing mind-blowing sex, no matter what they promise you. i think the same would go for strangers. you could end up creating a stalker..ya never know. no matter which direction you choose, there will be a certain degree of risk. you just have to choose the path w/ the least amount of risk or whatever risk you feel that you could best deal with. you could try making new "expendable" friends and not inform them of your ultimate motive right away. this way, you can hang out w/ them and learn the truth about them before you give them your proposal. also, you dont have to worry about whether or not they are being up-front w/ you. and if it goes bad, who cares. the more time you spend planning and preparing, the better the outcome and less chance of anyone getting burned by just diving in w/ a friend or stranger.

 

[pupper]

I share My wife with no one and she would share me with no one.If you truly love your partner things will be spicey enough and you will be constantly learning new things about each others bodies.My wife says "you can not truly have the most satisfying orgasm with someone you have no relationship,
trust,ect".Before we were married we both led active sex lives so we have had others,but the sex (and relationship)we have is very special and no one could ever do the same for her or I.Just my opinion.If you want to lead that type of lifestyle why get married,think about your kids and what they see if they find out about it.I just don't think there can be total trust after such an endeavor.

 

[crazyboy1975080]

After multiple event involving more than just my partner and I, I can tell you that it doesn't hurt the relationship unless it's hurting in the first place. The only time that we had any problems afterwards were when we were having problems beforehand. In a healthy relationship, I see no problems with involving more people. Just remind each other that it's not about intamacy with anyone else- just having sexual fun. As for the friend/stranger issue: If it's a guy that you're sharing, it doesn't hurt the relationship with your friend at all. If it's a girl you probably want to find a stranger simply because after you have a sexual encounter like that with a female you know you won't have a relationship with afterwards, the girl is not likely to stick around for more than one or two encounters. It's just emotionally easier to loose a stranger than a friend in my humble opinion. Whatever you do, have fun!

 

[njcouple27]

3 some

everyone will have their own take on this as it can never apply to every couple. your decision to explore your sexuality and try new kinky things should always be mutual w/ your partner or they should at least be willing to give it a try and see if they like it after. if no one is being forced or pressured, there is no harm. how i see it, a couple can do anything they want together, no matter how kinky it is. just because some other couple could never do it is meaningless. that's "their" relationship. to each their own. letting my girl have sex w/ my best friend spiced up our relationship so much. it works because we both know it is just about feeling good, sexually. it's not all of the time and it never takes away from our sex life, which is important.if either of us could not handle it, we would not be together still. ironically, the "other person" in our scenario could not handle it. we talk about it all of the time and it turns us both on. this definitely was a special case because my girl would not be able to do this w/ just any guy. something like this can be very volatile and take any direction, good or bad. my girl was not into the idea at first but after she tried it, she loved it. we don't need it for our relationship to survive either. we have great sex too. i'm a different type of guy though..most men don't like to show-off their girlfriends or wives and get mad when they dress sexy and other men notice. i got over that a long time ago and it saves us from a lot of stupid fights. i fantasize about my girl all of the time and i love showing her off. she loves the support i give her to just be sexy and wear whatever she wants to wear. it's that type of attitude & mentality that allows this to work also. she would never want to see me have sex w/ another girl so that is out of the question and i respect that. just an example of how we set our limits before hand. luckily for me, my girl is very open minded. i know that i would never be able to do this w/ just any other girlfriend. i don't think that just because you have kids, your sexuality has to come to a screaching halt. parents have private sex lives from their kids. they can go off to a motel and have their fun, but keep it safe and clean. we don't jump into bed w/ strangers.as along as they keep it away from their kids and their home. but hey, that's just me. responsibility with your kids comes first but that goes w/o saying. common sense...

 

[Guest]

My parter and I want to share each other in the bedroom. We are completely satisfied with our sex life but want to spice things up by indulging in our sexual fantasies.

We are worried that inviting other people to share our intimacy will interfer with our relationship.

Does anyone have any experience with this matter that can give us some advice before we make the wrong decision?

Hi miss_kate!

It is one of my fantasies as well, but something I'll probably never do.

I had a friend who was married for 19 years with 3 kids who brought another bi woman in to her sex life with her hubby. Not that this always happens, but he ended up leaving his wife and kids because he fell in love with the other woman. They had a very happy, stable, and wonderful sex life together and bam! It all went to hell because of it.

To each his own. Don't take any offense. Be careful, and make sure you set A LOT of rules!

Good luck

 

[hogjack]

Add a blow-up doll into the mix. See how that goes.

You can progress from there to sentient beings.

 

[Guest]

Add a blow-up doll into the mix. See how that goes.

You can progress from there to sentient beings.

LOL! You are a trip in a half.

 

[Eilan]

Very good advice here, particularly regarding ground rules--they're absolutely essential. IF this is something you decide to do, make sure that it's something that you BOTH want to do. If one of you is ambivalent, then DON'T do it.

Tread very carefully. . .

 

[mikeofokc]

Oh God Im(Hes) Back

I have had some several friends, couples, who tried 3-somes or swinging. While swingers are definitly a different crowd, I have not seen any of the couples have what I would call a successful happy relationship. The 3 some thing was typicall something one partner wanted more than the other yet the other agreed to make the other happy. Cheating may have already been going on or started eventually but each couple I since talked to all said that the 3some thing made cheating easier. It just deteriorated. I know it doesnt happen to all couples who play around and swingers do march to beat of different drummer. But I would certainly be willing to risk your relationship for this new fantasy fullfillment if you want to try it. Otherwise investigate it more and consider alternatives to spicing up your sex life.

I do have an alternative for you. I personally am not into 3 somes. I want to please the women Im with and with two women its impossible because of the attention aspect. Im not homophobic but I am selfish or jelous of sharing my woman with another man. However, because I knew she had a fantasy of a 3some or moresome I was able to give it to her without anyone else involved.

After we were playing around and relaxed I shared visions of such an erotic event. I didnt try and do a play by play description but merely how things started, what the room was like, who was there, what they were thinking or feeling at various points and then how things unfolded physically. More like showing a still photo rather than a video. Letting her imagination do the work and i just provided the picture or script. I was just taking a fantasy and letting it play out in her mind as we played in the bed. I knew what she was thinking or seeing basically and she knew I knew it. She also did some minor feed back to input what she saw. It was an interactive shared fantasy. No guilt, no risk, no harm and real pleasures for us both.

If you understand about great sex being between our ears or how we get turned on my erotic stories or visions than you will understand what Im talking about. The power we have using suggestions can be overwelming. Any fantasy would work I think. At least ones you both were comfortable thinking about. The key is trust, respect and understanding.

 

[miss_kate]

Thanks mikofokc, I love the idea of playing it out. Its a safe way to experiement with the concept without having to go through with the humm... haaa.... of actually commiting to a decision.

I think that the IDEA of having a relationship strong enough to withstand a threesome/swinging relationship appeals to me and I feel compelled to see if my relationship has the ability.

At the same time, I feel that I might be too close to playing a suicide game of chicken!

It is so easy these days to fall in and out of love... I am young, and want to experience all the beautiful things that sex has to offer (that is why threesomes/group sex appeals)... but I think that I might, maybe, be falling in L.O.V.E, I dont want to jepordise my relationship with my baby, but I dont want to miss out on all the groovy things that I could be doing!

 

[sweetgirl666]

I have in the past.

But it takes two very special partner who talk about everything to make it work.

 

[TwoInStAuggie]

This is a good question.

We've dabbled in the "Lifestyle" - couples meeting couples or "swinging" as it's commonly referred to although we absolutely hate that term (makes us think of horrid, sweaty indiscriminate people with awful taste in clothing). We found that lifestyle to be a little too rigid, confining and assumptive as well as patently superficial. It was very difficult to maintain solid, congenial friendships with swingers. There was always an ulterior motive (or at least we suspected one) for the friendship. The relationships were terribly conditional. If you had sex with another couple they expected it whenever you'd get together. If you weren't in the mood to have sex with someone or just not interested in going that way with them they often didn't have time to cultivate an otherwise platonic friendship with you. And if you tried to enter the relationship without having sex there was still an enormous pink elephant in the room - an unbroached subject screaming to be discussed. It was just too much effort. Sometimes we think maybe our values interfered in a lifestyle that many people were ovbiously able to enjoy but we simply weren't interested in indiscriminate sex with familiar people who weren't really interested in knowing us. Sex with a stranger is one thing. Sex with someone in your social group as an utterly emotionless act is quite another. We still have former sex partners that we are fond of but the friendships almost never developed the way we would have wanted.

 

[hogjack]

LOL! You are a trip in a half.

With current fuel prices you might wanna skip that extra half trip.

 

[Guest]

With current fuel prices you might wanna skip that extra half trip.

Thanks for the reminder <sticks tongue out>

 

[jdmct]

adding people

A fantasy unexplored is a dream unfulfilled.
Be as careful and respectful as you are now and you'll be fine.

James