Can you be dominant and masochistic?

[YinandYang]

I know there are no hard fast rules....

My SO has expressed a desire to feel pain. He is not submissive and has no intentions of exploring that side. But he has asked me use the crop on him, mostly when he is using it on me. How do I fit it in with the way we are? We are both not really experienced in all this, and are kind of learning as we go.

I haven't come across any threads that talk of Dominants enjoying pain play....so I am a bit confused!

Any Dom/mes out there have these desires? And if so how did you fit them into your playtime?

Thanks in advance

 

[Netzach]

I enjoy being in rope. I do not enjoy being used, teased, beaten, degraded or even touched a lot when I am in rope, but I do enjoy being in it. I sometimes enjoy being temp pierced, flogged, spanked, or caned.

Basically I can get this from numerous people in my life, almost all of them switchable service oriented bottoms with a sadistic streak, and they know where it ends and what it means and we have a good time with it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Bet'cherbrushspankedass.

 

[YinandYang]

Bet'cherbrushspankedass.

Thats a yes then?

 

[Marquis]

I think it's pretty common.

I have masochistic desires. I've been whipped before and enjoyed it. I think a Top gets a very different sort of pleasure out of it than a bottom does though. It's not a feeling of release or surrender to me, but rather a pleasurable tension, like lifting weights.

 

[Silverlily]

What Marquis said.

Pain for me does not mellow, rather it's like a nitrous shot to an engine. Everything is cranked up in intensity. And not unlike the aforementioned nitrous, timing is everything. If I am not already into what is going on, the introduction of pain will cause the whole thing to go to pieces.

Dicey stuff, but oh so much fun.

 

[Netzach]

Now that's interesting, I've always done what I consider "kamikaze bottoming" ie: it's about a masochistic push to endure and take and come out feeling clean and tough. Seems like this may be a trend among the Dominant masos.

 

[WriterDom]

Not me. Get within 6 inches of my nipples with clothes pins, and I'll tell every secret I know.

I did let someone hit me a few times with my flogger. That was interesting. It was more painful than I imagined it to be.

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

Yes, and it is a bit more common that most people realize as well. I am a dom, and both masochistic and sadistic. I personally know a few others the same way as well, though at least one won't admit to his masochistic tendencies.

 

[Aeroil]

I'm neither.... so I dunno...

 

[shy slave]

The notion that a person in the Dominant role desires pain makes sense to me:

First there is the school of thought that says you should not inflict on a ply something you have not tried yourself

Then there is the times you have seen a PYL test an implement on their hand for level of pain, weight, handling etc and seemed to derive pleasure from it.

Finally, a pyl serves a PYL desires and needs. If that need is to experience pain, regardless of the reason for that need, it does not make that PYL a lesser Dominant nor less in control or appear to have an achilles heel.

IMO it means they have a desire not unlike any other desire they wish the pyl to fufil. It does not make them a switch or a submissive/slave/pyl.

But I am not a PYL, so those who are may view it differently.

My difficulty would be administering the pain they required at the level they wanted. Add in the psychological issues about inflicting physical pain on a PYL I had respect for and it would end up as an impossible situation.

I recently had a lesson in flogging...... I was terrible, dreadful, worse then you can ever imagine. To say I flogged like a girl (please note I DON'T mean a Domme) is an insult to every girl on the planet!! I tried to flog a desk, yes that was my practice target, after about 10 minutes my arm ached so much I thought it would not recover. The person teaching me was aptient and gave good advice but even he could barely contain his amusement at some of my efforts.

Back to being a pyl and being on the end of the right end of the flogger for me.

 

[jasonlf]

Not me. Get within 6 inches of my nipples with clothes pins, and I'll tell every secret I know.

I did let someone hit me a few times with my flogger. That was interesting. It was more painful than I imagined it to be.

My thoughts EXACTLY.

 

[Range05]

Add me to list list of sadistic masochist doms. Pain is a complete adrenaline rush to me, a complete high.

 

[YinandYang]

My difficulty would be administering the pain they required at the level they wanted. Add in the psychological issues about inflicting physical pain on a PYL I had respect for and it would end up as an impossible situation.

SlaveC this is exactly my problem. The thought of hurting him (wuss that I am!) makes me feel uncomfortable lol. I think I could get over that feeling, if the desire from him becomes strong, or an order. But I have no idea how to do it, or whether I could accept the feelings I may have with dishing out this pain. Its all new territory for me. Maybe I will just go with the flow and let him lead

Thanks for all your insights everyone

 

[Quint]

Wonder if it's a bad thing that I identify more with why Dominants enjoy pain than why submissives do....

And occasionally T does want me to replicate some painful experience on him. Usually it's because it's been really horrible for me and he's fascinated and curious. It's difficult for me because my trend is to go hyena: I get very aggressive when I perceive weakness. So the thought "This is not T submitting to me. This is T getting what he wants" turns into my mantra in such occasions. Blech, I'm complicated.

 

[Kajira Callista]

SlaveC this is exactly my problem. The thought of hurting him (wuss that I am!) makes me feel uncomfortable lol. I think I could get over that feeling, if the desire from him becomes strong, or an order. But I have no idea how to do it, or whether I could accept the feelings I may have with dishing out this pain. Its all new territory for me. Maybe I will just go with the flow and let him lead

Thanks for all your insights everyone

Maybe.....a Dominant who does enjoy pain gets it kicked up a notch when a submissive has a hard time doing what he has asked of them. If they are chuckling as you struggle to ouch them, their sadist and masochist are being fed at the same time...that cant be such a bad thing eh?

 

[MissTaken]

. Maybe I will just go with the flow and let him lead

Exactly!

That's the whole idea, isn't it?

 

[shy slave]

Maybe.....a Dominant who does enjoy pain gets it kicked up a notch when a submissive has a hard time doing what he has asked of them. If they are chuckling as you struggle to ouch them, their sadist and masochist are being fed at the same time...that cant be such a bad thing eh?

I have this image of him laughing and saying 'ouch' in alternatate breaths as I inexpertly try to flog him......saying 'ouch' on the odd occasion i am lucky enough to actually have damned thing land where I want it to!!

 

[Hecate]

I consider myself a "sensation fetishist"

I adore a good flogging - on me!

To me that is much like a deep-tissue massage and not so much a pain-sensation.

I like light pain (I name it "sensation" as I am not considering myself a masochist in any way), but not in a submissive way. My sub wil have to administer it to me exactly how - when - where and for how long I want it ... not much different from me wanting a massage (which if done properly can be more painfull probably than many other treatments).

And just like all other tasks I set, I would expect that one to be handled with the same dedication - making it difficult for a sub to comply being actually an added bonus at times.

In general though I like to experience all sensation at least once myself so I know what exactly I am dishing out - gives me more confidence and I feel safer in judging where the "good pain" bit ends for the person on the other end of my toy of choice.

 

[witcha]

I adore a good flogging - on me!

To me that is much like a deep-tissue massage and not so much a pain-sensation.

I like light pain (I name it "sensation" as I am not considering myself a masochist in any way), but not in a submissive way. My sub wil have to administer it to me exactly how - when - where and for how long I want it ... not much different from me wanting a massage (which if done properly can be more painfull probably than many other treatments).

And just like all other tasks I set, I would expect that one to be handled with the same dedication - making it difficult for a sub to comply being actually an added bonus at times.

In general though I like to experience all sensation at least once myself so I know what exactly I am dishing out - gives me more confidence and I feel safer in judging where the "good pain" bit ends for the person on the other end of my toy of choice.

Don't have anything to add to this thread..Just am shocked to see Hecate here..mean I used to read your posts when I just started here and was going through most of library threads...sorry will just shut up..lol

 

[Lilith]

*raises her hand* I too have masochistic tendencies but have no urge/desire to be submissive. In order to let go, I prefer to be bound (makes my surrender to the pain out of my immediate control) and I only play this way with people who are not in a submissive role in my life.

 

[Netzach]

I was pretty terrible at flogging my dress dummy. I don't think most people pick up a flogger and go to town like Erol Flynn with a foil. I actually did not get good at flogging until I had a live, responsive target giving me feedback. But I had a lot of motivation to get good at it: I really wanted to, and I actually did practise for about an hour a day at one point.

The notion that a person in the Dominant role desires pain makes sense to me:

First there is the school of thought that says you should not inflict on a ply something you have not tried yourself

Then there is the times you have seen a PYL test an implement on their hand for level of pain, weight, handling etc and seemed to derive pleasure from it.

Finally, a pyl serves a PYL desires and needs. If that need is to experience pain, regardless of the reason for that need, it does not make that PYL a lesser Dominant nor less in control or appear to have an achilles heel.

IMO it means they have a desire not unlike any other desire they wish the pyl to fufil. It does not make them a switch or a submissive/slave/pyl.

But I am not a PYL, so those who are may view it differently.

My difficulty would be administering the pain they required at the level they wanted. Add in the psychological issues about inflicting physical pain on a PYL I had respect for and it would end up as an impossible situation.

I recently had a lesson in flogging...... I was terrible, dreadful, worse then you can ever imagine. To say I flogged like a girl (please note I DON'T mean a Domme) is an insult to every girl on the planet!! I tried to flog a desk, yes that was my practice target, after about 10 minutes my arm ached so much I thought it would not recover. The person teaching me was aptient and gave good advice but even he could barely contain his amusement at some of my efforts.

Back to being a pyl and being on the end of the right end of the flogger for me.

 

[Never]

Greetings and salutations Hecate. It's wonderful to see you again.

 

[MsHighHeels]

LOL.. I figure to be a Domme I must be a little masochistic. Why else would I put myself through all this work?

MHH

 

[schmerzgarten]

Mutually Exclusive??

In my whopping 33 years on this planet, official yesterday, it seems to me the dominant and submissive roles are neither mutually exclusive nor need to influence one's S/M tendencies at all. Case in point, a friend worked as a Pro Domme for better than 10 years. That she has a dominant personality, naturally is without question (and woe to the unfortunate soul who would challenge it.). Further, she is such and enormous mental and physical sadist that I will not, ever, ever, play with that woman. I had the opportunity once and feigned the proverbial headache. In 6 words: She scares the hell out of me. All that aside, she developed a relationship with a dominant as a submissive and enjoys her own twist on masochism quite independent of D/s influence. So, does the aforementioned relationship necessitate she is not a "real" dominant?

Curious for imput on this one...

cheers, sw