Can someone help/advise?

[ShagTimes]

I am currently working on a story, but the thing is, I have never written a story before and it is quite daunting.

One aspect of this story involves an old school, masculine middle aged man learning that his 20 year old son is gay. He doesn't get upset, but does awkwardly and intrusively ask him about it with some very crass and clumsy questions.

I would like to have actual dialogue between them in the story but I'm very unsure about how to format it in the correct way which makes it readable. I've had a short go at it just as a test, please see below, and tell me if it's ok. Thanks.

"So...what type of gay are you?"
He asked clumsily.

"What TYPE of gay? ...wha, what do you mean??"
Responded peter, as the awkwardness grew.

"Yeah, what type of gay are you? are you like, the woman... or the man?"

With a wry smile peter responded...
"Oh I see...well I suppose I'm the woman?"

"The woman?"

With heat and redness in his cheeks peter replied...
"Yeah I'm a sub bottom, or 'the woman', if you want to put it like that.
Peter was dying inside with cringe having this conversation.

After taking a few moments to process that, the crass questions continued...
"So when you have sex you play the part of the woman?"

"...Yeah."

"You receive dick in your ass?"

"I haven't had sex yet - with anyone."

"But if you do, you'll be the one taking dick in your ass?"

"Oh my god, dad...yes."

"You wouldn't do the fucking yourself...you know, put your dick in someone's ass?"

With a big sigh...
"No dad."

"What about sucking dick?"

"What about it?"
Replied peter without any embarrassment. This conversation was beginning to feel more funny and ridiculous than cringeworthy and embarrassing.

"You suck dick...or WOULD suck dick?"

"Yep!"
Peter promptly replied.

"And take cum in your mouth?"

"I suppose...err."

He had many more questions but by now the answers to them were obvious so he spared his son this ridiculous interrogation.

"Sigh...ok, I'm sorry for all these questions...its just that I was intrigued and just wanted to know that's all...but it's none of my business so I'll shut up now."

"It's ok."
A very relieved Peter replied.

 

[LupusDei]

I would like to have actual dialogue between them in the story but I'm very unsure about how to format it in the correct way which makes it readable. I've had a short go at it just as a test, please see below, and tell me if it's ok. Thanks.

You may probably get better answer about the technical and grammatical fine points by finding a book, a quick guide (one is somewhere on this site too) or asking in Authors Hangout; English does have it's own peculiar way to format dialogue. And while I'm not English speaker myself, it's really quite simple, and obvious if you look how the writing is done in most cases.

And what you got here is close, but not quite; mainly, you don't need a new line to separate attribution or action from the speech. Attribution, who speak and how, is normally separated by a comma, and can be either before, after, or inserted in the middle of the speech. If the speech would end in a period if standing alone, that period is replaced by comma when speech is followed by a "dialogue slug," but other signs would be retained, and always inside the quotation marks. Action however, would need to be separated by a period. What is a valid "dialogue slug" or wasn't, when it's attribution and when it's independent action, now that's not at all that trivial. Don't ask me.

The important thing, you can mix action and speech of the same actor in a single paragraph, but each person should be separated as much as possible, including, beware of mixing speech of one person with actions or reactions with the other, if it can be avoided. Enough of overly convoluted talking about things I don't know exact theory about, but it should look kinda like this:

"Yes, I can speak," he said.

I asked the obvious, "so it was you?"

Cat stretched in that way only cats do. "Yes," he finally confirmed, "it was me."

While I was pondering repercussions of this, Lily peaked around the corner. "With whom are you talking?"

I pointed at the animal.

"Persi, how you got here?" she wondered.

"Looking after you girl," cat said.

 

[davion2308]

Not bad

From a pure presentation standpoint, I could follow what was happening and generally who was saying what. You could further make sure you're following who's who with adding <Name> said with one character.

"Wait, you're gay?"

"Uh, yes, Dad, I am," Nick said.

"But, like, and this might sound silly ... Do I call you "her" or something like that? Aren't pronounces all female now?"

"No," Nick said, "I'm gay, I'm not a woman. I still identify as a male."

"But you're taking dicks up the butt?"

"Well," Nick said, "I would if I were in a relationship but I'm not. And I'm not just fucking anyone and everyone."

"So there are ... feelings and shit involved too? I kinda expected it to be just a bunch of guys getting off."

"No, Dad," Nick said, exasperation now overtaking the discomfort of the discussion, "It's not like that."

"But that's what I hear."

"From who, Dad?" Nick asked.



Depending on how the two characters are set up, you could have a back and forth and either make sure it's all "You, you, you, they" from Dad and "I me" ect, from the gay 20 year old son. "Said" is the best verb to go and simply use he said/she said because the conversation is more important than the action.

What you have works because I understand it. Tool with it and figure out how you best like it.

Good stuff!

 

[yukonnights]

I am currently working on a story, but the thing is, I have never written a story before and it is quite daunting.

One aspect of this story involves an old school, masculine middle aged man learning that his 20 year old son is gay. He doesn't get upset, but does awkwardly and intrusively ask him about it with some very crass and clumsy questions.

I would like to have actual dialogue between them in the story but I'm very unsure about how to format it in the correct way which makes it readable. I've had a short go at it just as a test, please see below, and tell me if it's ok. Thanks.

"So...what type of gay are you?"
He asked clumsily.
"So … what type of gay are you?" He asked clumsily.

"What TYPE of gay? ...wha, what do you mean??"
Responded peter, as the awkwardness grew.

"What type of gay? Wha … what do you mean?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, what type of gay are you? Are you like, the woman... or the man?" this one is okay otherwise.

With a wry smile peter responded...
"Oh I see...well I suppose I'm the woman?"
With a wry smile, Peter responded, "Oh, I see … well, I suppose I'm the woman."

"The woman?" Okay as is

With heat and redness in his cheeks peter replied...
"Yeah I'm a sub bottom, or 'the woman', if you want to put it like that.
Peter was dying inside with cringe having this conversation.

With heat and redness in his cheeks, Peter replied, "Yeah, I'm the sub bottom, or the woman if you want to put it like that." Peter was dying inside and cringing at having this conversation.

After taking a few moments to process that, the crass questions continued...
"So when you have sex you play the part of the woman?"
After taking a few moments to process that, the crass questions continued. "So when you have sex you play the part of the woman?"

"...Yeah." okay as is.

"You receive dick in your ass?" okay as is.

"I haven't had sex yet - with anyone."
"I haven't had sex yet — with anyone." ( note that all sentences need to start at far left. note use of em dash in place of short dash.)

"But if you do, you'll be the one taking dick in your ass?" okay as is except needs to be aligned at far left.

"Oh my god, dad...yes." okay as is. The ellipsis typically has spaces on both end … like this.

"You wouldn't do the fucking yourself...you know, put your dick in someone's ass?" Adjust to left margin.

With a big sigh...
"No dad."
"No Dad," Peter says and then sighs.

"What about sucking dick?" okay as is.

"What about it?"
Replied peter without any embarrassment. This conversation was beginning to feel more funny and ridiculous than cringeworthy and embarrassing.
"What about it?" Peter asked, thinking that this conversation was beginning to feel more funny and ridiculous than embarrassing.

"You suck dick...or WOULD suck dick?" okay as is.

"Yep!"
Peter promptly replied.
"Yep!" Peter promptly replied.

"And take cum in your mouth?" okay as is.

"I suppose...err." align left

He had many more questions but by now the answers to them were obvious so he spared his son this ridiculous interrogation. "Sigh...ok, I'm sorry for all these questions...its just that I was intrigued and just wanted to know that's all...but it's none of my business so I'll shut up now." Moved this up to just after the father's thoughts above it.

"It's ok."
A very relieved Peter replied.
"It's ok." A very relieved Peter replied.

See the red comments above.

 

[ShagTimes]

See the red comments above.

That was very useful, thanks for that.