Can I get some help with this question?

[rikaaim]

I'm trying to dispell a myth. I was wondering if I can get some help. It's for a class assignment in the Sociology of Human Sexuality. The teacher wants us to create some myths, and then prove how they are wrong. I ask you, the GLBT community of Lit, for some help and advice. I know the resource base here and trust the knowledge of some close friends that I've made here. Here's the myth.

Bisexuals are greedy.

Here's what I'm thinking so far:

Bisexuals as a whole are no more greedy than any other group. Heterosexuals are just as greedy, same with gays/lesbians. My reason for this statement, it is an individual who may or may not be greedy. I myself am a happy monogamous bisexual person.

This all came about when we were discussing lifestyle and the acceptance in sociology. The teacher started with how gays and lesbians have been treated historically, and the progress being made. It was at this point when a girl in the back of the class raised her hand simply to state that bisexuals are greedy. "They just want everybody" she said. I've come across this line of thinking before and want to empirically dispell is once and for all. Can I get some help?

 

[Morrigu]

Bi-sexuals are smarter, they know that both opposite and same sex can provide diversion, heat and love!

 

[rikaaim]

I can't stick around too long right now. Life is pulling me in too many directions, mostly relating to finals week. I'd like to let this idead simmer, pick up some responses, and come back in a few hours to see what's going on. I appreciate any insight and information. I don't like generalized statements, like the one the girl made in class, and want some community feedback that I could share, if the community would privlage me to do so. I thank you in advance.

 

[Riley_James]

Bi Lifestyle a Choice

Well, for what's it worth, here are my two cents.

I'm a married (17 years) bi mother of two. The worst myth to me is that bisexuals have always have a choice. This comes from the het community as well as the gay and lesbian community. And yes I know "some" are accpeting, but the majority I've talked to are still suspicious of us because we can't make up our minds. I take exception to this point because I can't control the feelings I have for both men and women, any more than they can control theirs for just men or just women.

Yes, I married a man, more in the day due to what was expected from me, but I've been with women and with my hubby's permission will continue to do so. It's not that I'm greedy and can't just have one relationship, it's that my mind and body DESIRE both, including what both bring to the table, i.e. emotional responses, physical, etc.

It can be the best of both worlds, but it can also be, just as homosexuality is, extremely stessful to anyone who has been repressed and in my opinion is more of a conundrum for male bi-sexuals, as stigma seems to fall on them for it not being masculine to want another man.

Also, on another point, my desire to be with a person has more to do with my connection to their soul, not their genitals.

Hope this is helpful. Feel free to PM if you want to discuss it further.

Hugs,
Riley

 

[yukonnights]

Two more cents;

First, I think you have already established a good thesis. It is stupid to think that any one group of people can be classified with respect to strictly individual human traits (such as greedy, loving, sensitive, aloof, etc.) The only problem I see is your intended outcome "to prove this wrong once and for all". You cannot do this, you can only outline the absurdity of the myth in such a way that an open minded person would conclude that your thesis is correct. The obvious approach to do this would be to compare current or historic persons of all types of sexual orientation that were either extremely greedy or extremely generous. Again, this will be quite a challenge, as you can document their greed/generosity, but not their sexual orientation. If I were going to try to write this paper, I think I would concentrate on 1) the known scientific data regarding the normalcy of the variety of human sexual expression, 2) the known scientific/psychological data regarding the development of the greedy trait in humans. Tie the two together with a eloquent closing argument and hope for an "A".

Second, both sexual orientation and greed can be expressed as a range. For sexual orientation, from 100% straight to 100% homosexual. The same can be said of greed, either 100% greedy to 100% generous. Very few people fit in the extremes in either category. As with most things in this world, there will be a nice bell curve where the majority fits in. If you overlay these two graphs, you can again see what your dealing with. That is, each individual now has two variable factors involved. One, a greed factor. Two, a sexual factor. For interest, how many factors can be overlaid in this manner to make a human? We are much more complex than your young classmate realizes.

Third, I'll add another anecdotal story. (Not sure if these will mean much in your proof though.) We are a happily married couple. We are both bi-sexual to varying degrees and both generous to varying degrees. Neither of us has ever cheated sexually in over thirty years of marriage. ( By the way, I think cheating/adultery is probably a more accurate gage of greed than sexual orientation). We have given thousands of dollars to various needs in our life and will continue to do so. We are sexually interested in other people, but would never force ourselves on anyone. Good Luck, hope this helps.

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

My take on it has always been that bisexuals are easier to satisfy. They're happy with either a man or a woman, unlike the rest of us pointlessly picky people.

 

[neonflux]

My take on it has always been that bisexuals are easier to satisfy. They're happy with either a man or a woman, unlike the rest of us pointlessly picky people.

Oh heavens! Talk about stereotypes!

Re: greed, which I take as a euphemism for promiscuity - in a word, no, we are not either any more or less greedy or any more or less "promiscuous" than any other people on the planet. I have spent most of my life in monogamous relationships. That said, being with a man is different than being with a woman. At age 48, when I started dating again after an 18-year relationship with another woman, I decided that I would no longer deny any part of myself or my sexuality. I am now in an open relationship with a man. I expect to eventually find a woman lover whom I will also love. The heart is limitless, it's boundaries much, much wider than we are taught to believe. I see myself as no different from any hetero or gay/lesbian person who also decides to live a poly lifestyle. *shrug* Neon

 

[rikaaim]

Two more cents;

First, I think you have already established a good thesis. It is stupid to think that any one group of people can be classified with respect to strictly individual human traits (such as greedy, loving, sensitive, aloof, etc.) The only problem I see is your intended outcome "to prove this wrong once and for all". You cannot do this, you can only outline the absurdity of the myth in such a way that an open minded person would conclude that your thesis is correct. The obvious approach to do this would be to compare current or historic persons of all types of sexual orientation that were either extremely greedy or extremely generous. Again, this will be quite a challenge, as you can document their greed/generosity, but not their sexual orientation. If I were going to try to write this paper, I think I would concentrate on 1) the known scientific data regarding the normalcy of the variety of human sexual expression, 2) the known scientific/psychological data regarding the development of the greedy trait in humans. Tie the two together with a eloquent closing argument and hope for an "A".

Second, both sexual orientation and greed can be expressed as a range. For sexual orientation, from 100% straight to 100% homosexual. The same can be said of greed, either 100% greedy to 100% generous. Very few people fit in the extremes in either category. As with most things in this world, there will be a nice bell curve where the majority fits in. If you overlay these two graphs, you can again see what your dealing with. That is, each individual now has two variable factors involved. One, a greed factor. Two, a sexual factor. For interest, how many factors can be overlaid in this manner to make a human? We are much more complex than your young classmate realizes.

Third, I'll add another anecdotal story. (Not sure if these will mean much in your proof though.) We are a happily married couple. We are both bi-sexual to varying degrees and both generous to varying degrees. Neither of us has ever cheated sexually in over thirty years of marriage. ( By the way, I think cheating/adultery is probably a more accurate gage of greed than sexual orientation). We have given thousands of dollars to various needs in our life and will continue to do so. We are sexually interested in other people, but would never force ourselves on anyone. Good Luck, hope this helps.

All of this information is helpful. I do intend to find survey data of how many individuals, from all orientations, have had sex in a span of time. For arguments sake, a year. I'll break that down into both genders, beause the teacher likes this sort of data. He also broke down certain sexual activities, such as masturbation, into different racial groups. I think that was just to shed some light on the differences and similarities. He is very emprically based. I think this should satisfy his inquiry. This is a section of a larger group project, but it's something I would like to do my best on. Thanks again for the help. I agree with your approach and reasons. I stated my point poorly earlier.

Re: greed, which I take as a euphemism for promiscuity - in a word, no, we are not either any more or less greedy or any more or less "promiscuous" than any other people on the planet. I have spent most of my life in monogamous relationships. That said, being with a man is different than being with a woman. At age 48, when I started dating again after an 18-year relationship with another woman, I decided that I would no longer deny any part of myself or my sexuality. I am now in an open relationship with a man. I expect to eventually find a woman lover whom I will also love. The heart is limitless, it's boundaries much, much wider than we are taught to believe. I see myself as no different from any hetero or gay/lesbian person who also decides to live a poly lifestyle. *shrug* Neon

You are correct in the euphamism. Greed is meant to be the word promiscuous. She said that bi people will just sleep with anybody. I don't agree with her statements. I find myself with a lean towards being attracted to women. Maybe it's a societal taught way of thinking. Maybe it's my nature. I don't really know. I just know that's the way I am. l very much agree that the human heart is capable of much more than generally described or taught. I can't believe the capacity of sorrow that the human heart can endure and still continue to hope for love and peace. At the same token, when filled with love, I find it hard to fathom that I can have so much at times. I take the stance that people are people. In a concensual setting, all is fair. Sometimes somone may get hurt trying something, but how is that known without trying? What may be preconceived to cause pain, could in fact bring the greatest pleasures ever known.

I thank everyone for their input so far. I have a few days until this is due. I'd like to keep it running if I can. I'll get some of my data going and see if it looks reasonable.

 

[SometimesNever]

I refuse to see my bi nature as greedy.

I will however continue to see it as a healthy part of me. It hard hard for me to say I like men because lord knows I don't like all men or that I like women for the same reason. I am not attracted because of whats between the legs.

I love beauty, insightfulness, humor, scents, wit, emotions...and all of these things can be found on either gender. I am open enough with myself and honest enough to know that these things attract me and allow myself to take in same said things that attract me.

I don't link the ability to find such wonderful things in humans, male or female to be a flaw.

If I were greedy I'd be laying down any man or woman that I came across. I am far the opposite, I am much more particular with who I share myself wholly with.

 

[SometimesNever]

double post on accident, my bad!

 

[yukonnights]

I refuse to see my bi nature as greedy.

I will however continue to see it as a healthy part of me. It hard hard for me to say I like men because lord knows I don't like all men or that I like women for the same reason. I am not attracted because of whats between the legs.

I love beauty, insightfulness, humor, scents, wit, emotions...and all of these things can be found on either gender. I am open enough with myself and honest enough to know that these things attract me and allow myself to take in same said things that attract me.

I don't link the ability to find such wonderful things in humans, male or female to be a flaw.

If I were greedy I'd be laying down any man or woman that I came across. I am far the opposite, I am much more particular with who I share myself wholly with.

Eloquently stated!

The greedy moniker should more correctly be applied to adulterers and "use em and loose em" types who see other people as only something to fulfill their own pleasure and needs without regard for the feelings and needs of others. That's greedy. And that is a personality trait completely separate from sexual orientation.

 

[Dar~]

I am a Bi-sexual... Until recently I too shared the thought that I was an outcast, b/c both hets and gays disliked and distrusted me. I am not the girl at the bar looking for Mrs.Right now to take home to hubby, nor am I the free spirit floating from one person's bed to the next. I just find that I can be happy in a relationship with a man or with a woman.
I am married have been for eight years. During that time we separated for almost a year and I was in a serious relationship (in which I fell in love) with an amazing woman who helped me see that no matter who I am, thats me. I need to be okay with it.
I do find that Bisexuals are looked upon as indecisive, unreliable, and greedy. I truly believe this is based in part by insecurities on the part of those looking in. If they are in a relationship with a bisexual, they wonder, how can I keep him/her satisfied. When will he/she leave me for the opposite. Gays don't want to date us b/c they think we will ultimately choose the "normal and socially accepted lifestyle" Straights don't want to date us, they just want to be involved in sexual encounters with us. ( slanted, but with good reason on my part) Straight men LOVE bi girls. Straight women for the most part aren't very interested or are sometimes disgusted by bi men. ( not me, bring em on )
Personally, I find that I reach a higher level of sexual satisfaction with women, but I am compatible with men. I am not girly enough nor am I butch. I am obviously female and I am in love with being female. I have never gotten along with straight women my age. I don't understand them. Gays though, I can connect to. Its not something I claim to understand, it just is.
Some times, I truly believe it is harder to be a "true" bi-sexual" than it is to be anything else. Straights think you are just a bit freaky or kinky and gays think you are pathetic and flaky. I am just able to be fulfilled emotionally, spiritually, and sexually by either sex. I think thats a good thing. It opens a whole world to me in the way of happiness and partnerships. I can love anyone, I can be fulfilled by anyone. This is me.
I love sex. I find it to be cleansing. I like it with men, I like it with women. That isn't, to my way of thinking, the definition of sexuality. It's the mental part. Any girl can get drunk and go home with her best friend and her boyfriend and fuck all night and call it a night of fun. but its the finding of emotional compatibility and the ability to love deeply and passionately when sober and cognizant that defines it.
Good luck with the proving.
Off my soap box!

 

[rikaaim]

Sometimes Never and Dar, thank you both for your sharings. I am going to use strong survey data to put in my section of this group piece. I would like to use a few small quotes to add a personal "community" feel into it. Some emotional regards and aspects to bring the human element into the empirical side. If either of you, or anyone at all, would be interested in being in this paper, please PM me. All I would need is a full name, first and last, to use as a valid quote. Possibly a state address. He's sorta big on reference material, but if I state that I conducted a short survey interview with so and so from such and such then I should be fine. I thank you again for your input and insight.

 

[Dar~]

you can use me...in your paper.