Can I get feedback on my most recent chapter?

[nectarines_are_peachy]

Hi!

The most recent chapter in my series is getting lower rating than the others but no comments so just wondering if anyone could have a look and tell me where I went wrong?

I have a feeling I'm treating the reader as a witness rather than seducing them. What do you think? It's a little long (18k) so no rush. Perhaps it's too long?


https://literotica.com/s/an-irish-experiment-ch-08

Thanks!

 

[Cobaltofdark]

Definitely do you mind if I start at beginning need a new series to get into but if you wouldn't mind incould use the same on my two parts thanks

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6344546&page=submissions

 

[AlinaX]

One trap to watch out for is the tendency to describe sexual intimacy in a very visual way.

She took my cock in her hand again and examined it. It was getting harder by the second. She stroked it.

When you're writing on autopilot and focussed more on the logistics than the payload, there's a tendency to forget this is erotica, not porn.

The coolness of her touch never failed to surprise me. Her cold fingers wrapped about my hot flesh that was quickly hard and throbbing urgently within her firm grip. What blissful pressure... I sighed as she stroked gently.

 

[nectarines_are_peachy]

Definitely do you mind if I start at beginning need a new series to get into but if you wouldn't mind incould use the same on my two parts thanks

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6344546&page=submissions

Of course!

 

[nectarines_are_peachy]

One trap to watch out for is the tendency to describe sexual intimacy in a very visual way.

When you're writing on autopilot and focussed more on the logistics than the payload, there's a tendency to forget this is erotica, not porn.

Perfect. That's the exact criticism I was looking for. I think I was too focused on the text being accurate and without plot holes rather than getting the idea across.

I guess I think visually so will work on that. I'll be changing the perspective in the next chapter so I'll try to emulate your example; a different writing style for a different character's POV

 

[ElectricBlue]

Perfect. That's the exact criticism I was looking for. I think I was too focused on the text being accurate and without plot holes rather than getting the idea across.

I guess I think visually so will work on that. I'll be changing the perspective in the next chapter so I'll try to emulate your example; a different writing style for a different character's POV

If you think visually, and that's what arouses you, write visually. That's the weirdest "trap" I've seen for a long time. It's not a problem or an issue in writing, it's that one person's particular taste.

Don't change what comes naturally to you, just because one person thinks differently.

 

[AlinaX]

Okay, it's a trap that I often find myself falling into...

Sex (and writing generally) is better when it engages multiple senses.

 

[nectarines_are_peachy]

I concur with that. And I prefer that writing. Sometimes I think I was going through the motions if you'll pardon the expression and I want to improve as a writer.