Can Everyone Please Reply...Super Confused???

[LviaVolta]

My name is Lvia. I am 19 years old and I've been born and raised in N.Y.C. I had a pretty typical life. You know... Parents tried to kill each other, Older sister had her first kid at 13 and just "became" a part-time lesbian, Older brother always in jail,little brother is mom's favorite,Me- middle child of course....Graduated top of my class, Voted most Prettiest,Creativest,Succesfulest.Aries...
Bla Bla Bla....I believe strongly in the fact that a persons childhood/background directly affects their outcome
so I'm just giving you a quick bio on me



I have always identified as straight.
I have been accussed of being gay,bi just cuz I have no problem saying a girl is pretty/beautiful. Of course, these were the insecure bastards I would date that would say this.

I am in very serious relationship now. We're past the madly in love stage and now we are just planing for our future together. The sex is the best I've ever experienced although the flame has tapered a little, and I am very attracted to him

Here is the dilema
Lately, for like the past few months....I cannot stop thinking about other women. I only watch lesbian porn and I have a few crushes and they are driving me crazy. I want to scream it on the top of my lungs at times cuz holding it in is starting to hurt. I daydream and nightdream about woman. I feel bad but I even think about other women when I am with my fiance.


THE VERY WORST PART IS THIS: I think im falling in love with my best friend. Im jelous of her boyfriend and I want to show her how good I would be to her. I want to kiss her so bad. Its wierd cuz I love her but Im starting to hate her. Maybe cuz I know she wont ever want me. Will she? I dont know what to do. I really want to pursue this side of me.I think. I dont know what to do and Im so confused. I really hope that I am just going through a curiosity phase. Am I? Am I gay? My sister claims to be, does this run in families?


Interestingly... I have long labia. Like extra meaty ya know. Bigger than ussuall clitoris. Okay alot of info I know but this is the point. I heard that women born like this were probably supposed to be men, extra testosterone. Also, if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, you are more masculine than feminime. My ring finger is alot longer.

I always wished I were a boy and now I just wish I had a dick sometimes. My wonderful boyfriend lets me peg him sometimes cuz he knows its a huge turn on. But why the fuck does this turn me on?? We dont engage in him eating me out because of a horrible expirence I once had, but I cant stop dreaming about eating other women out.

I dont know...This shit may sound stupid but this is serious. i dont know what to do. ANY comments are appreciated

 

[Etoile]

My name is Lvia. I am 19 years old and I've been born and raised in N.Y.C. I had a pretty typical life. You know... Parents tried to kill each other, Older sister had her first kid at 13 and just "became" a part-time lesbian, Older brother always in jail,little brother is mom's favorite,Me- middle child of course....Graduated top of my class, Voted most Prettiest,Creativest,Succesfulest.Aries...
Bla Bla Bla....I believe strongly in the fact that a persons childhood/background directly affects their outcome
so I'm just giving you a quick bio on me



I have always identified as straight.
I have been accussed of being gay,bi just cuz I have no problem saying a girl is pretty/beautiful. Of course, these were the insecure bastards I would date that would say this.

I am in very serious relationship now. We're past the madly in love stage and now we are just planing for our future together. The sex is the best I've ever experienced although the flame has tapered a little, and I am very attracted to him

Here is the dilema
Lately, for like the past few months....I cannot stop thinking about other women. I only watch lesbian porn and I have a few crushes and they are driving me crazy. I want to scream it on the top of my lungs at times cuz holding it in is starting to hurt. I daydream and nightdream about woman. I feel bad but I even think about other women when I am with my fiance.


THE VERY WORST PART IS THIS: I think im falling in love with my best friend. Im jelous of her boyfriend and I want to show her how good I would be to her. I want to kiss her so bad. Its wierd cuz I love her but Im starting to hate her. Maybe cuz I know she wont ever want me. Will she? I dont know what to do. I really want to pursue this side of me.I think. I dont know what to do and Im so confused. I really hope that I am just going through a curiosity phase. Am I? Am I gay? My sister claims to be, does this run in families?


Interestingly... I have long labia. Like extra meaty ya know. Bigger than ussuall clitoris. Okay alot of info I know but this is the point. I heard that women born like this were probably supposed to be men, extra testosterone. Also, if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, you are more masculine than feminime. My ring finger is alot longer.

I always wished I were a boy and now I just wish I had a dick sometimes. My wonderful boyfriend lets me peg him sometimes cuz he knows its a huge turn on. But why the fuck does this turn me on?? We dont engage in him eating me out because of a horrible expirence I once had, but I cant stop dreaming about eating other women out.

I dont know...This shit may sound stupid but this is serious. i dont know what to do. ANY comments are appreciated

Wow, so many colors and such a tiny size, it's hard to read. But I made my screen show it bigger so I could read it.

I guess I'm not sure what your question is, really. Are you wondering why you're so interested in women even though you have a wonderful boyfriend? I would say that you're probably bi-curious. It's not such a terrible thing! Thousands and thousands of women feel the same way you do. Why not look on Craigslist or another personals site for someone? If you are worried that your boyfriend won't like it, maybe he would be more comfortable if it was a threesome. Just make sure that the woman you talk to knows exactly what's going on - that you have no experience with women, and that your boyfriend might be there.

About your best friend...you'll never know unless you tell her how you feel. If you think it'll ruin the friendship, then you probably shouldn't say anything...but otherwise you could give it a try, you know? What's it going to hurt if she says "gee that's really sweet but I don't like you in that way, let's just be friends" - is that a bad answer?

Oh, and just because you find a girl beautiful doesn't mean you're gay or bisexual. I identify is a lesbian but I think Johnny Depp is very attractive...it just means that you have an appreciation for beauty. (Of course, wanting to have sex with a girl might make you bi-curious...but others accusing you of being gay because you find someone pretty, well that's just not the case.)

As for wanting to be a boy...unless you really feel that you were born a girl and you're not supposed to be, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just enjoy it with your boyfriend, maybe try dressing up as a boy on a date, or something. Play with it, have fun.

About the ring finger thing...that stuff is not very scientific. It's like saying all black men have big dicks. Sure, some do, but not all of them, and just because they don't have a big dick doesn't mean they're not black! You're correct that labia and clit size are influenced by testosterone, but it doesn't mean you're "supposed to" be a lesbian or "supposed to" be a guy or anything like that. It's just the way your body was formed before you were born. A little extra testosterone doesn't change who you are.

I don't know if any of this helps. I hope others will contribute too and I hope you feel free to take the discussion further.

 

[LviaVolta]

Im fucked, aren't I?

So sorry about the tiny size and colors.... I have never posted before so I wasn't sure if I would get anyones attention without the extra font layers lol

Etoile... I need to thank you for your input, I have been freaking out and your comment is the equivelent of a calm voice saying "its gonna be okay" I needed this, so thank you

I have been with 2 women, well girls actually (I was about 15 or 16) So can I still be bi-curious? And looking on Craigslist? Can't. Im not too keen on meeting real people from off the net. Also if I did, what would I say in person? Im not normally shy with anyone at all in real life, but when it comes to the few chicks Im attracted to or crushing on, I totally freeze up.

For example..This girl in my building. We've been running into each other lately and I think she is thee most beautiful women in the world.Lol its serious. I want her. I also just want to be friends but like I said when it comes to this I freeze up. I dont know what to say to her! I fantisize one day she'll see me in the laundrymat washing my whites in the middle of the night when the whole building is asleep and she begins doing her own laundry and she takes off her shirt cuz its dirty or whatever and she asks me If its safe to machine wash her bra and I say " I think its okay, I do it all the time" and so she asks me for one of my already clean blouses to put on after she takes off her bra to wash it. she unhooks her bra while turning to face away from me but I catch a glimpse of the perfect side of her breast, nipples perfectly pointing up.....

ANyway...you get the point, we end up having passionate wild sex in front of the cameras in the laundrymat in the basement....It all ends with me furiously eating her pussy while she lay back on the vibrating dryer machine....

Wow...Im fucked aren't I?

My boyfriend wants no part in a threesome...I wouldn't wanna share anyway...be it him or her ( the girl participating ). My man is afraid of me being with anyone other than him, even if it was in front of him. Insecure I think, but thats a whole new thread in itself

As for my best friend, I dont think I could tell her cuz It would proably fuck up the wonderful vibe we have. But with her, its so much more than sex...I love her and I want to love her, I wanna do things and give things and show things...But I think it'll never happen and that sucks. On holloween we're dressing up as nerds/dorks and we were planning on popping x and walking around the city. Maybe I'll get the balls to tell her then, and Just maybe she'll feel the same! I hope, God I hope.

As for wanting to be a boy...unless you really feel that you were born a girl and you're not supposed to be, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just enjoy it with your boyfriend, maybe try dressing up as a boy on a date, or something. Play with it, have fun.

I LOVE this advice the most. Thank god my man is GGG. He lets me sit ontop of him,reverse cowgirl, and he lets me pretend that his dick is mine and I'll jerk him off as if it were my own. It scares me though cuz I dont get WHY this turns me on...but you know what...Im gonna quit worrying and just enjoy it. Thank you

What do i say to get a girl to notice me...a straight girl at that?

 

[docisin]

Hi LviaVolta;

First I want to honor your courage for posting this, and your articulation. I know that you will get many responses, and judging by the stuff I've read on this site, all most will be intellegent, insightful, and helpful. SO, I'll keep my comments to a minimum, and just comment on a few things you have written. First you say:

"I believe strongly in the fact that a persons childhood/background directly affects their outcome"

It CAN, but only if someone lets it. But it certainly doesn't have to. Your childhood/background is just something you were born into, you do not have to let it dictate the rest of your life as if it were a kind of blueprint. Especially at your age (19); you're young enough and (obviously) aware enough to change anything about your life and lead whatever the hell kind of life you want to lead. Again, you don't HAVE to let any of your past be a part of your present experience or your future; you have the power to choose this (one of the great gifts of being human).

You close by saying: "This shit may sound stupid" You might just be being self conscious here, but the LAST thing what you have written sounds is stupid. This is the first thing I'd eliminate from my speech and talk. It most certainly is not in any way shape or form stupid. You're asking incredibly important life questions. If more people your age asked these questions (out loud) the world would probably be a more healthy peaceful place.

As far as practical advice goes: for your gender identification there are certainly medical people, either therapists or other docs that specialize in this kind of thing, and you're certainly in the city to find them (check out your local Gay and Lesbian center). And as Joseph Campbell said: "Follow your bliss," which I don't take to mean "Do whatever the hell you want," rather to follow that inner knowingness, that intuition, that obviously you have, and let it lead you where it may.

Oh yeah, one more thing: read "Middlesex" by Jeff Eugenides, if you haven't....
Best;
Doc

 

[LviaVolta]

"I believe strongly in the fact that a persons childhood/background directly affects their outcome"

It CAN, but only if someone lets it. But it certainly doesn't have to. Your childhood/background is just something you were born into, you do not have to let it dictate the rest of your life as if it were a kind of blueprint. Especially at your age (19); you're young enough and (obviously) aware enough to change anything about your life and lead whatever the hell kind of life you want to lead. Again, you don't HAVE to let any of your past be a part of your present experience or your future; you have the power to choose this (one of the great gifts of being human).

I do refuse to become a complete product of my environment but that is not to say that I havent been affected or atleast molded by it. As I believe everyone is in many ways.... But this, Docisin, is advice for everyone smart enough to take...Thank you

you close by saying: "This shit may sound stupid" You might just be being self conscious here, but the LAST thing what you have written sounds is stupid. This is the first thing I'd eliminate from my speech and talk. It most certainly is not in any way shape or form stupid. You're asking incredibly important life questions. If more people your age asked these questions (out loud) the world would probably be a more healthy peaceful place.

I am in fact very self concious actually. ( very honest too, can you tell? ) But dammit, I read this and wow... I NEED to elimanate this fucking overused phrase. "This might sound stupid." You are right! This isn't stupid, it is indeed a serious war going on in my head and I am glad I've shared it here with you guys. I feel a million times lighter and this with the help of 2 strangers ( Thank you Docisin and Etoile )

Still I have work to do but its nice to know I dont have to deal with this silently.

If any one else in the world can even remotely relate, I would love to speak more on this with them.

or am I alone?

 

[docisin]

you go girl!!

PS you're NEVER alone (NEVER NEVER NEVER)

 

[Raven_Sunset]

I'm kinda in the same situation.... except for falling for my BFF. I just want you to know that I feel your pain......