Can D/s be 24/7?

[SpiceNWolf]

I've heard so many people say that D/s is a bedroom game, and can't (and shouldn't) be brought into the rest of the relationship.
I disagree.
To me, submission is every bit as much a mindset as a sexual preference, and not something I can turn off as easily as the bedroom light switch.
Thoughts?

 

[DVS]

I've heard so many people say that D/s is a bedroom game, and can't (and shouldn't) be brought into the rest of the relationship.
I disagree.
To me, submission is every bit as much a mindset as a sexual preference, and not something I can turn off as easily as the bedroom light switch.
Thoughts?

I don't know who you've been listening to but they're wrong. D/s can be anything you want it to be. It's just a relationship between two people. There is no template that must be followed. There is no "should" or "shouldn't" to it. If something works for the two of you, nothing else matters. Talk to your partner and make sure both of you feel the same. From that point on, what anybody else says just doesn't matter.

 

[troubledone]

D/S is a way of life and is not necessarily restricted to the bedroom .It is a thought process in which the D fulfills the S

 

[seela]

Yes, it can be. Like DVS said, it can be whatever you choose for it to be.

I'd say it can't be 24/7 actively sexual, because most people have errands to run and things to take care of in real life, so it can't be cuffs and whips and chains all the time. I don't mean those mundane everyday chores cannot be sexualized, but a lot of that sexualization is, IMO, on the shoulders of the s.

For most people it can't be 24/7 micromanaging, because it gets very hard on the D, I'd imagine, moreso than the s. D/s isn't a way to get out of all thinking and responsibility.

But D/s can quite easily be s putting D's wants before his/her own and letting D have the final say in things outside bedroom, if that's what both parties want. It can easily be s using his/her talents for the benefit of the relationship and D, serving, if that's what you want to call it.

Here's a wonderful thread you might want to check out: the marks of a slave.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well... as always, "it depends." There is no right or wrong way for D/s to manifest in any particular person or relationship.

We have people here who are in D/s relationships round the clock, year round, others who strictly limit it to the bedroom, and we have people who measure their sexuality entirely on the BDSM pain/pleasure scale but don't care about domination or submission.

Dominance is a continuum that ranges from 'not much' to 'a hella lot' Likewise, submission, and in fact both traits can be present in the same person, just the way that people can be gay, straight or bisexual (I.E. "both")

Sexuality is not a competitive sport. There is no need to measure yourself against anyone else. In fact-- don't do that because you'll lose. There is always someone who has gone to extremes you never wanted to know about

 

[DVS]

Well... as always, "it depends." There is no right or wrong way for D/s to manifest in any particular person or relationship.

We have people here who are in D/s relationships round the clock, year round, others who strictly limit it to the bedroom, and we have people who measure their sexuality entirely on the BDSM pain/pleasure scale but don't care about domination or submission.

Dominance is a continuum that ranges from 'not much' to 'a hella lot' Likewise, submission, and in fact both traits can be present in the same person, just the way that people can be gay, straight or bisexual (I.E. "both")

Sexuality is not a competitive sport. There is no need to measure yourself against anyone else. In fact-- don't do that because you'll lose. There is always someone who has gone to extremes you never wanted to know about

 

[SpiceNWolf]

Thanks for your viewpoint. I agree wholeheartedly. Obviously what works for us is all that really matters, but it's nice to hear other people's experiences.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Both statements are true, DVS. Many human occupations and preoccupations are most satisfying when we don't try to measure our own desired success against other people's outcomes.

 

[desertslave]

For us, there's definitely an ebb and flow, but the D/s is always on at some level. The BDSM activities are mostly restricted to the bedroom (or kitchen, or Costco) but that's at his discretion.

 

[njlauren]

Well... as always, "it depends." There is no right or wrong way for D/s to manifest in any particular person or relationship.

We have people here who are in D/s relationships round the clock, year round, others who strictly limit it to the bedroom, and we have people who measure their sexuality entirely on the BDSM pain/pleasure scale but don't care about domination or submission.

Dominance is a continuum that ranges from 'not much' to 'a hella lot' Likewise, submission, and in fact both traits can be present in the same person, just the way that people can be gay, straight or bisexual (I.E. "both")

Sexuality is not a competitive sport. There is no need to measure yourself against anyone else. In fact-- don't do that because you'll lose. There is always someone who has gone to extremes you never wanted to know about

Nice, Stella, Nice, well said!

The other thing is no one should be making statements like "D/s has to be X" to you, and if they do, laugh at them because either they simply used bad wording or are conceited a-holes. Yeah, there are those that hold themselves up as purists, as 'this is the way you do things', that if you don't use the protocol established by master X in 'the good ole days', you aren't real....yuck.

Wanna know the cool thing about D/s? It is totally up to the people involved, and that is how it should be, it is a power dynamic, it is a form of sexuality, it is a form of a lot of things, it all depends on how the people do it. There are people into D/s and who non sexual (service subs, for example), there are people into it in the bedroom then when that line is crossed, back to the real world, there are people who do it but the control is very light outside the bedroom, others where it is a lot more controlling...and if it works, that is what counts.

True story, I knew a lifestyle domme many years ago, who was into 24/7 D/s with live in slaves/partners, full contract, pretty heavy duty control..and she used to shock people because with her slaves, she was polite, when they did something she said thank you, was affectionate, etc....but the irony is her slaves were some of the best trained I have seen, but she really liked them and that was her style, go figure, some of the 'purists' weren't amused *lol*.

 

[SpiceNWolf]

For us, there's definitely an ebb and flow, but the D/s is always on at some level. The BDSM activities are mostly restricted to the bedroom (or kitchen, or Costco) but that's at his discretion.

Costco??? That's a story I'd love to hear!!!

 

[xssve]

Not unless you are a complete freak.

Which, within certain boundaries, is oddly, not against the law anymore.

I just don't' know if word has spread yet.

Anyway, yeah, you can have it all, you need break no laws except all the laws of god and man.

Unless you happen to be a conservative, in which case it's the natural order: unless you're the bitch.

Otherwise peer pressure usually applies - oh wait it always applies.

I mean, ultimately, with the politics removed, it's just biological imperative, if that's what you need, that's what you'll do, allways been that way, always will be.

Almost like destiny - if you're asking, will it ever be popular? Of course - for a while.

Just like it always was.

But there have been excesses, you can't deny that, women have brains, and surprisingly, they can still use them, even with a cock in their ass in a pinch.

Weird, but true.

But, politically, I'm definitely pro choice: what do you want to do with your body.

If you want me to own that motherfucker, that's a choice.

It's a fine line, nothing is exactly100%, in my experience, that would be boring.

We're symbiotic, and one sex has the penetrative organs, the other has the receptive ones, or at least more of them, but we all have capability of abstraction, which is more than enough to turn the whole thing around.

And therin lies the thing: it's all a headtrip: all nature demands is to introduce semen in proximity cervix occasionally, and she doesn't care how, accident or artifice, whatever works - the so what's your trip?

Because that simple, idiotic urge is never going to go away, from now until the sun burns out.

That's pretty much "biological determinism" in a nutshell, and there really are no other options, we're stuck with that - so if everything else is an abstraction designed to facilitate that, then I guess getting creative with it keeps you off the streets.

And, of course, keeps the internet in business.

Is that too abstract?

 

[desertslave]

Costco??? That's a story I'd love to hear!!!

Hehe, think of it as...extended foreplay...roaming the aisles for pervertables and being teased with furtive touches and double entendres. And the fun of having something overheard, complete with a gasp and widened eyes by the third party. Giggling and moving on. (Me, that is...Sir does NOT giggle. <snicker>