can anyone tell me why this keeps getting rejected ?

johnnydrama

Virgin
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May 25, 2009
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there is a general disclaimer about violence, but the main character is , in fact, a bad guy, I'm not sure how much I can gentle him up especially for a non consent story ? ? thoughts ..?


" the professional"

I pulled the big SUV off the highway and onto the off ramp. Usually I like to go a little further than this from my initial pick up point, but I was in a bit of a hurry, having driven for hours the night before putting major distance between my last adventure and my current one. It was a little difficult steering the truck with only my left hand, but my right was occupied, currently buried in the panties of one Lacey Thomas, a very cute young brunette, a server at the local chain restaurant just a couple exits from where we were now.

Lacey's tight black server pants were around her ankles, and her eyes, while open, were staring aimlessly out the window as my fingers worked her hot little box under silky red panties.

Lacey had made a couple of bad mistakes today, the first was falling for my charm and allowing me to take her out for a cup of coffee after her shift. The second was going to the rest room while I got the coffee, allowing me to spike it with my own blend of sedatives. She was spacy before even finishing her cup, and gladly accepted my offer of a ride home.

By the time we hit the parkway, she was too out of it to realize we were heading the wrong way. When I dropped her pants she only responded with a puzzled look, unable to really grasp what was happening, her clear blue eyes a little vacant.

Now I was eager to get her someplace where I could enjoy her with more than just my right hand...I hiked up her shirt, exposing a flat stomach and a matching silky red bra covering small but perfect tits. Lacey was just barely 18 years of sweet perfection, and I was almost frantic to get my dick inside her. I have been a serial sexual abuser of young women for years, and it never gets old.

In retrospect, my eagerness led me to making one of my own rare mistakes. I should have gone with my usual routine and taken her far away from where I picked her up, but I was in a hurry, so 2 exits after entering the freeway, I was already off it and heading to one of those chain hotels that always advertise. I prefer the seedier motels with the doors on the outside, but again, Lacey was super cute, and my dick was making the decisions at the moment.

I rolled up to the hotel parking lot, helped Lacey get her pants back on and told her I was taking her home. She nodded, but I doubt she understood me. After years of trial and error, I had found the perfect mix of ingredients, Lacey was pliable but not out cold, able to respond to the fucking she was about to get but not much else.

I left her in the truck and used one of my stolen credit cards to pay for the room. Then I retrieved her and hustled her in the front door on the way to our room...and that's when the trouble started. The front desk girl, whose name tag identified her as "Allison", was one of those ice queen types, extremely cute, but in an obviously bitchy way. Her shoulder length blond hair and big green eyes would have made her incredibly beautiful, except for the cunt expression on her face. Her eyes narrowed as she saw Lacey.

"Lacey! What are you doing here?" She asked. "Who is this guy? " she added, giving me a suspicious look.

Lacey didn't respond, just looked at her (probable) friend with that confused look, probably not even understanding a word.

I hustled her down the hall, saying over my shoulder:

"Sorry, we're in a hurry, we'll talk later" before things could get any worse.

I got Lacey into the room and stood there a few minutes thinking, calculating odds. If Allison was just an acquaintance, she would probably just shrug it off, if she was a real friend, I could have trouble here. I was prepared for almost any eventuality, but a shoot out with the cops could be problematic at best, and fatal at worst. I stood still at the window for a full 10 minutes, prepared to bolt at the first sign of a police cruiser in the parking lot. When none came, I relaxed a bit and settled down to enjoy my catch of the day.

I stripped Lacey down to her panties on the big hotel bed with her feet up by the pillows and her head towards the foot. I had her remove her own bra to get her into the habit of obeying my commands. I admired her flat stomach and perfect tits, then removed my pants and placed my cock gently over the young girls face, allowing her instincts to take over as she took my balls and cock in her mouth rather expertly for such a young thing. I settled into a 69 position and slid her panties down to allow my mouth access to her snatch. In just a couple minutes I was ready for more, and flipped her around so that she was on her side...she pulled her knees up to a fetal type position, which was fine, it allowed me to slide my dick into her in that way, enjoying her tightness and getting a nice view of her ass as I fucked her slowly. She had a slightly frightened look on her face that slowly faded as her tight body started to respond to my steady strokes...another couple of minutes and she would be cumming all over. I had just started to pick up speed when there was a BANG at the door, followed by a female voice calling Lacey's name.

"Shit!" I thought to myself, probably that bitch from the front desk. I went to the door hoping to open it a crack and tell Ms. Bitch to beat it, but I fumbled the latch when opening it, allowing the person outside to push into the room. It wasn't Allison the cunt though, it was an older woman, late 30's, attractive, and when I got a good look at her face, clearly Lacey's mom or very close relative, the resemblance was striking. She was wearing jeans and a zip up sweatshirt, and had a nice rack on her, fake, but nice. My shock at her being there allowed her to push past me into the room, where unfortunately, I had left Lacey lying on the bed, naked and very obviously recently fucked.

Mom, rather predictably, freaked the fuck out, yelling at Lacey, asking what the fuck was she doing, etc etc. I quietly, slowly, so as not to attract notice, moved over to the far end of the room where my bag of tricks lay. As I said, I am prepared for any eventuality, which is why I remain a free man.

Lacey's mom had noticed Lacey's condition, having taken her daughter this long to even recognize her. She looked at her mother quizzically and said

" Mom? " like she had just noticed her...she couldn't stay interested though and started to fade out. This was enough to have mom turn on me

"What the fuck did you give her you scumbag?!?!?!" She was livid. And hot, I couldn't help but notice. You could tell by her skin that she wasn't a kid anymore, but she was still very attractive with a kicking body, obviously honed by countless hours at the gym. Her tits were fake, but her Dr. was good, they were really perfect. She caught me staring and got even madder if possible. If she screamed again, I was going to have to deck her. Instead, she turned and said she was going to call the cops. I took the opportunity while her back was turned to grab a cloth out of my bag, and pout a small amount of substance from a small glass bottle onto it ... she picked up the phone, and dialed...I was behind her in a flash, she had enough time to say " Yes, Allison it's Mrs. Thomas..." and that was it before I clamped the cloth over her mouth. She took a deep breath to scream...and that was that, she slumped into my arms limply. I managed to grab the receiver before it hit the ground, and gently placed it in its cradle.

"Fuck!" I thought. What's the chances the ice queen calls the cops now. She must have called Lacey's mom before. I had to secure the situation quickly. I attended to the knocked out Mrs. Thomas first, cuffing her hands behind her back, and putting restraints on her ankles. I tied a ball gag into her mouth , so she wouldn't get a chance to scream again when she came to. I packed all my stuff and waited again by the window, ready to bolt. I amused myself by going through Mrs. (Lindsay) Thomas' purse. There were pictures of Lacey, Lindsay and an apparent little sister. Yummy. Someday, Kid, I thought, pocketing the pics and license. After a few more minutes, I further amused myself by pulling up Lacey's moms top and exposing her amazing rack, and playing with her nipples.

I called Lacey over and had her suck my dick while I played with moms boobs. After another 5 minutes I figured I had lucked out again, and dragged mom over to the bed tossing her face down and sliding her "skinny jeans" down to her ankles. Bitch was wearing a pink thong, crazy.

"Your mother's a slut." I told Lacey, who just stared at me, looking lost but still adorable. I grabbed her ears and fucked her face good for several minutes, the teenager showing impressive technique for her age and deep throating me as I held her silky hair.

Mom should be at the point now where she could wake any moment, I could have used smelling salts, but had a better idea. I got Lacey back up on the bed, ripped Lindsay's thong off with my right hand and admired her truly fantastic Tae Bowed behind. I had Lacey lay down and laid her mom across her in a 69 position, with the older woman's face right in her daughters snatch.

I settled myself on top of her, my cock between her buns and my balls resting on Lacey's lips and stuck my hard my cock right up mom's butt. I used no back and forth action, and no lube other than her daughter's saliva.., just a slow steady constant pressure, my dick slowly disappearing inside her tight toned ass. About halfway in, the pain started to awaken her, she moaned, and then started trying to fight me, but no way anything she could do was going to prevent me from completing my mission. Her muffled yells turned to sobs as she realized what was happening. Soon I was balls deep, and I pulled her head back by her hair and kissed her neck hard. She was crying, and then she suddenly made another sound, a sound of despair, as poor confused turned on Lacey started licking her own mother's cunt along with my balls.

I was in heaven .. nothing could have ruined my moment...except... Another BANG! at the door!

"Damn it! " I thought, "it's the cops!!" I seriously considered jumping thru the window...but then at the door, I heard the voice of Allison the ice princess.

" Mrs. Thomas? Lacey? " she called.. " Open this door or I'm calling the cops!"

I smiled. OR I'm calling the cops? Allison had made her first big mistake, and it was going to cost her. I pulled out of Lacey's mom with a pop, and strode over to the hotel room door, opened it quickly and faced Allison, naked, my dick standing out ramrod straight and covered with Thomas family juices.

Allison was totally shocked for just a second, her mouth wide open, speechless, and that was all I needed, before she could gather herself to scream or run, I grabbed her by her hair and yanked her into the room, letting the door slam behind us. I dragged her quickly into the room, and tossed her face first onto the bed with my other two victims. I jumped onto her lower back, knocking the wind completely out of here, further preventing her from screaming.

I had the ball gag in her mouth and the cuffs on her wrists behind her before she knew what was happening. Her black hotel pants were really tight, and once I had pulled them down to just above her knees, they served well enough as leg restraints. Nice work, even for a pro like me, less than 30 seconds and she was helpless and under my control.

Now that I had a second to spare, I couldn't help but notice that Allison's black panty clad behind was truly amazing, a work of art, small but firm and well rounded, it was really a thing of beauty. Lacey and her mom both had great asses, but they couldn't compare to Allison's tiny bubble butt. I grabbed her panties with both hands and ripped them apart in one swift movement. She started thrashing around on the bed, furious. I laughed at her efforts and grabbed her silky hair in my fist and pulled her head back. There was defiance in her eyes as I cupped an ass cheek in my hand, enjoying the moment. Even a finger gently laid against her slit only made her struggle more. When I slid my middle finger up her tight ass, though, her expression changed as it dawned on her what was really going to happen. She started pleading through the gag. I wasn't moved. My need to bust a nut had gone to defcon 5, and I could think of no better way to relieve if than to teach this little bitch a lesson about sticking her nose in my business. I pushed Mrs. Thomas off Lacey and onto her back, taking a moment to thumb her nipples and finger her twat a little bit, asking her

" How does that tight asshole of yours feel?"

The fight was pretty much out of her at this point, she looked scared and ashamed but resigned to her fate. I assured her I'd finish fucking her sweet ass later, as soon as Allison had learned her lesson.

Lacey was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, her head still at the foot of the bed. I directed her to get to work on my shaft, her delightful young mouth feeling amazing as she diligently worked my cock. I made sure her mom had a great view, turning her around on the bed, making sure she got full enjoyment ... what a proud moment this must be for her. Lacey was really working my dick like crazy. I think she was glad to have a task she could focus on that didn't require thinking. Whatever the reason she gave a performance worthy of a Vegas hooker, her hot mouth all over my shaft and balls. When she started deep throating me and massaging my nuts with her hand, I had to stop her. I had plans for my hard cock that prominently featured a certain little blonde busybody's sweet little ass.

I looked over at Allison and was pleased to see she had turned her head and was staring intently at my shaft. She glanced over, and quickly averted her eyes, knowing I had caught her. I grabbed Lacey by the hair and shoved her face roughly in between Allison's firm ass cheeks, and told her to get cracking. I forced her mom to watch as she obediently lapped at her friend's tight back door. Mrs Thomas was mortified, but personally, I thought it was fucking hot. It wasn't more than 30 seconds and I couldn't take it...I forced Lacey off of Allison, and straddled the amazing little blonde. Her pants were still around her knees, forcing her legs so tightly together that fucking her pussy would have been impossible from this position, which didn't matter at the moment. I laid my fat hard dick right at the crack of her delicious ass and just leaned forward onto her, just enjoying the feeling of her buns as they slowly parted for my hot dog to nestle deeper into. My dick was throbbing and I knew she could feel every pulse it made. My weight had forced her cheeks apart so that shaft was now laying across her tight back door. I kissed her neck and ear, told her how good this was going to be for me, then straightened up. I almost lost it when Lacey appeared out of nowhere and sucked the head of my dick as it peeped out of Allison's ass crack. I looked over at Mrs Thomas to make sure she had caught that one. She had. I tried to appreciate the moment .. after all, it's times like these that really make what I do so rewarding.

Suddenly, without warning or preamble, I shifted position slightly, and jammed the head of my cock into Allison's ass. I jammed it in about 2 inches on the first poke, she predictably went nuts, but a firm hand on the back of her head kept her face planted on the mattress while I hammered away. It doesn't take that long to get deep into a chick's ass if you don't give a fuck about hurting her, which I didn't.

Within a dozen vicious thrusts I was at the ball slapping range, I grabbed a hold of the hot little blonde's hair and yanked it back so I could see her face as I hammered her, lifting her off the bed with each bounce. The sensation of her tight ass and the view of this strong willed young beauty bent to my will was intoxicating. My cock was ready to blow, and enjoyable as this was, I wanted to humiliate this little bitch for trying to mess with my day, so I reluctantly pulled my cock out of her ass, flipped her over and straddled her face, pulling Lacey over to stroke my cock slowly so Allison could watch as it twitched and finally spasmed and blew a giant load all over her face, the cum covering her gagged mouth, and eyes, dribbling down next to her. After allowing Lacey to lick both her friends face and my shaft clean, I secured the young girl with restraints, she would be coming out of her stupor soon and I was tired.

I called a shady friend of mine in the area and arranged for delivery of these three sweet treats for a nice cash sum for later that night. The ladies would end up as drugged up slaves in some Saudi harem or greek billionaires private reserve, providing endless entertainment. I checked all their cell phones for any sign that the cops were aware. A text popped up for Allison, from a girl named Britney, asking why Allison wasn't picking up the front desk phone. Going through Allison's contacts allowed me to access Britney's Facebook page, which had several nice pictures of Britney and Allison at the beach in bikinis. Britney was a very cute brunette with a kicking little body. Hmmm.

I replied to the text with a simple message: " we are partying in room 121 with a couple cute guys, there's one for you....come down asap but come alone LOL "....

I reflected once again on what a lucky man I was, and idly played with Mrs Thomas' pussy as I waited for my room service dessert to show up at my door.
 
"I have been a serial sexual abuser of young women for years, and it never gets old. "

:S
 
it might be the 'barely 18' reference. yeah, it alludes to her being over 18, but that might be it. if not, i dunno *shrug*

by the way, great job. short, staccato bursts of descriptive narrative. fits the image perfectly. i hope it gets put up!
 
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There should be a note from the story mod, giving a reason for the rejection. Go back and read it.
 
Yes, start with looking at the reason given. Then be aware that the stories are being scanned by a computer program.

The reason for rejection will be in the form of a question. If the problem here is the question of age, the reason will be something like "are any of your characters underage?"

If that's the reason given, all you need do is resubmit with a note in the notes box that the story was rejected for possible underage, but that all of the characters are over 18 and are identified as such. At this point, an actual person will be reviewing it and will pass it through without further trouble.

The only other problem I saw with it on a scan is that you often leave a space between text and the quote marks. This is a technical mistake. There's a remote possibility that something as simple as this has chugged the computer scanning program to a halt.
 
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