Can anyone give me feedback about my poetry?please.

[Little Charming]

I'm new to this site but i saw the poetry section and was curious on what other people might think about them. I just want any comments or advice on what I have written. Any is greatly appreciated, Thanks

Life in One Day

Sometimes I feel covered with strings,
Being held back from doing great things.
They may be attached to my mind, body and soul,
But I will never let them take full control.
People may think of me as too happy and cheerful,
But deep down inside I am not so gleeful.
My teachers think I am down inside,
But I never knew I had shown it outside.
My parent’s worry is beginning to rise,
Thinking I will do something to make me go to the skies.
My fire inside is beginning to fade,
Making me think of things I have played.
For life up ‘till now has been fine and dandy,
My family and loved ones seemed to have kept me handy.
The love of my life I am hoping to find,
But right now, it seems to be put behind.
I may never find the person meant to hold dear,
But that, I am thinking, is why I am here.
I play sports to try to get better,
But I feel that I am becoming weathered.
For as I have said my fire is dieing,
Even though you may think that I am lying.
My heart inside will have to keep pumping,
As long as I keep my mind searching.
Soon I will learn how to break free,
From these strings that bind me.
Then I will be able to wander,
And search for more things from over yonder.

Thanks for your time, hope to hear from some of you!

 

[Angeline]

Hello Little Charming

and welcome to the poetry board.

I've read your poem, and while you've taken a few steps toward making poetry (e.g., formatting to look like a poem and rhyming), you still have a ways to go.

Poetry needs to show how one feels rather than tell. It does this with images in poetic devices like metaphor. In otherwords, I could say:

My lover is gone. My heart is broken.

or

His absence has torn me. I am no more. I am blood, I am scattered bits.

The second example (no matter how cheesy sounding, lol) is poetic.

You have wriiten a piece that is repetitive and basically says only that something is wrong and people are starting to notice. What specifically is it? If you aren't sure, what does it feel like? What does it make you want to do? What do you think might happen as a result of feeling this way? These are ways of being specific and, if you use images and such, poetic.

There are other specifics I could address in your piece about language use, but they are less important than the overall question, which is: Do you want to learn how to write poetry?

If you want to try to improve, stick around, think about what I've said, read, read, read, and get involved. We'll try to help.

Either way, best of luck.

 

[Little Charming]

Thank you very much, that was the most helpful bit of information i have ever gotten. I do want to lern how to write poetry, so i will do as you say and stick around. Again, thanks for you help!