Can anyone define: ALAVEN?

[Rumple Foreskin]

Greetings,

There's a full-page ad for a new e-zine in the current issue of Poets and Writers. It features a sketch of a burly, bare-assed man brandishing a stick. This image is entwined amid the gothic letters of the somewhat catchy phrase, "Submit to the Tyrant."

Those expressing little faith in either my veracity or sobriety are encourged to check it out a www.nytyrant.com

Here's the deal, they claim to be offering three grand for the short story they select for their first issue. (The Tyrant's ID is a big secret, but he's supposed to be the sugar daddy for this operation.) The submission section says they are looking for stories, "...between alaven and 8,000 words." I've checked print and on-line dictionaries and used BabelFish, all to no avail.

The best I could do was "eleven." But a word count between 11 and 8,000 doesn't make much sense, does it?

If anyone knows anything about ALAVEN, please pass the info along. I'll even let you have my spot in the submission que.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[silversword]

well i'm stuck...

...I have to agree eleven is the best I could come up with too but that doesn't really give definative parameters. Is it possible to write a story with only ten words?

 

[impressive]

Did you inquire of the publication?

 

[Softouch911]

RF, my only knowledge of alaven is that it is a medication for fungal itch which has the side effect of shriveling the genitals down to the size of a gnat's tush.

This would lead me to suspect the motives for the prize.

And you're much better than this.

For contests and open publilshers, are you familiar with an annual called The International Directory of Little Magazines and Small Presses ? A fabulous resource.

Softouch

 

[NoJo]

This should answer your question, RF:

http://www.alaven.com/

 

[silversword]

Well there you have it, blame the Welsh

 

[NoJo]

They fucked up my flag, and spawned Shirley Bassey.

 

[Softouch911]

They fucked up my flag, and spawned Shirley Bassey.

Shirley Bassey is in my nightmares.



Softouch

 

[NoJo]

Sorry, my fault, I kicked her out of mine and she had nowhere to go. Don't show her any kindness, she'll hang around for ages, and contort her lips till you end up becoming mesmerized.

 

[TheEarl]

well i'm stuck...

...I have to agree eleven is the best I could come up with too but that doesn't really give definative parameters. Is it possible to write a story with only ten words?

I kikced down her dor and camed in her fase.

10 words

The Earl

 

[silversword]

I kikced down her dor and camed in her fase.

10 words

The Earl

Ever since I posted this morning i've been trying to write a 10 word story... in between working of course... but that just about sums it up

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

You guys are about as much help as an anvil would be to a drowning man. And cut Wales some slack. Sure they gave us SB, but they also spawned Catherine Zeta-Jones and I'll forgive 'em almost anything for doing that.

http://www.dailystarnews.com/images/actors/catherine_zeta-jones.jpg

But seriously folks, it just seems passing strange that a new lit mag would have the cash to spend on a full-page add in P&W and offer that sort of prize money, then stick a joke in the submissions guidelines.

Softy, thanks for the reminder.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[The_Fool]

I kikced down her dor and camed in her fase.

10 words

The Earl

Hah!!! Plagiarizer.......Dirt Gurl wrote that story......

 

[TheEarl]

Ever since I posted this morning i've been trying to write a 10 word story... in between working of course... but that just about sums it up

MathGirl's opus. Some quality composition there.

And never forgive the Welsh! They may have given us Catherine Zeta Jones, but they're also responsible for Gavin "perma-tan" Henson.

The Earl

 

[tolyk]

But seriously folks, it just seems passing strange that a new lit mag would have the cash to spend on a full-page add in P&W and offer that sort of prize money, then stick a joke in the submissions guidelines.

Softy, thanks for the reminder.

Rumple Foreskin

It could've been a typo *shrug* They are known to happen afterall.

Could've been meaning 11-8,000 words (Normally that would be written 8-11,000 though.. *shrug* meaning 8,000 to 11,000)

No clue beyond that however.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

alaven? isn't that some sort of square dancing step, yannow, alaven left?
oh, and I'm half Welsh, so be nice to half of me.
which half is your choice.

 

[tolyk]

alaven? isn't that some sort of square dancing step, yannow, alaven left?
oh, and I'm half Welsh, so be nice to half of me.
which half is your choice.

Can't I just be nice to the entire you? (Can take "nice" however you want it )

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Can't I just be nice to the entire you? (Can take "nice" however you want it )

by all means, be as nice as you want.

what was this thread about again?

 

[tolyk]

by all means, be as nice as you want.

what was this thread about again?

I dunno You've distracted me away from the topic.

 

[mcfbridge]

alaven is a drinking term. As in, I want a martini with an alaven it. Perhaps they want an 8000 word story about gin.

 

[hmmnmm]

It's clearly some sort of code. That ALA came after me first, which could be either Alabama or Alaska, but I'm going to go with Alabama. VEN: something about Venus or Venereal, but since this has to do with a mysterious number, let's go with seven. Could have something to do with the number of counties in Alabama multiplied by seven. Maybe seven thousand.
It's obvious this tyrant does not tolerate just anybody.

 

[Guest]

Greetings,

.
.
.

Here's the deal, they claim to be offering three grand for the short story they select for their first issue. (The Tyrant's ID is a big secret, but he's supposed to be the sugar daddy for this operation.) The submission section says they are looking for stories, "...between alaven and 8,000 words." I've checked print and on-line dictionaries and used BabelFish, all to no avail.

____



“The Tyrant is looking for rigorously composed, flawless, fierce, earnest, and knowing stories between alaven and 8,000 words.”



Hmmm...

Well, okay, I’d give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he recently—but enthusiastically—passed his community college course in “English as a Second Language.”

 

[Guest]

I've seen that term before.

Part of the immense number - alaventy-million? Very important for six-year-old counting schemes.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Thanks anyway, folks. I guess certain things are just not meant to be known, such as the definition of ALAVEN.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Check it again, Rumple.

When I checked your URL, the copy said "The Tyrant is looking for rigorously composed. flawless. fierce. earnest and knowing stories between eleven and 8.000 words."

I beleive they have corrected a typo.

Aside from their phraseology, I find that their use of periods in place of commas, qualify them to be included in TheEarl's Is this overly pretentious? thread.

http://www.nytyrant.com/