Can a leopard changes its spots?

[cynter]

okay, so i find myself in a rather uncomfortable position between a former lover/still friend and his current girlfriend, with whom i chat on occasion. i met her through him when i was with him and he was still in the "life" and heavy into poly. now that he is divorcing his legal wife and she is divorcing her legal husband, they have apparently found true old fashioned vanilla love with each other and denounced both poly and "the life". so in my conversations with the gf..she goes on and on about how paranoid she is about him returning to his old ways. this all happening just 2 months ago. which as much as she whines and as much as i know about the vulnerable nature of relationships based on divorce...not a good sign. i have not been able to talk with him privately but would love too, cuz see i still want him. i'm so confused. what disregard the bitch (gf) entirely even though all that she's told is in confidence and go after him to test his new found resolve to fidelty? what? or am i the bitch for wanting to go after him? hell, not in love with the dude, he's a very good friend and an excellent fuck...i miss his cock, damn it! sigh...what? comments, advice?

 

[FungiUg]

Comments -- firstly I can understand you being cynical. It's very unlikely that he would change to that extent, unless he wasn't really into the D/s and poly in the first place.

Secondly, I wouldn't touch either of those two with a barge pole at the moment. You will find yourself in the middle of a war, and getting trampled over.

If you still want him... be patient. See what happens. He may have changed, or it may all fall apart on him. At that point you can re-evaluate. But at the moment, I'd stay well clear. It will only end up hurting you even more.

 

[cynter]

leopard spots

i know i've got to figure a way to disentangle myself gracefully and still remain friends with him and on speaking terms with her. and not come off cold for not wanting to discuss THEIR relationship with either of them. and keep my hands to myself, at least for several more months (year?) to see if this relationship even lasts. patience is not one of my already too few virtues.
thanks for responding though. excellent advice! see ya around.

Comments -- firstly I can understand you being cynical. It's very unlikely that he would change to that extent, unless he wasn't really into the D/s and poly in the first place.

Secondly, I wouldn't touch either of those two with a barge pole at the moment. You will find yourself in the middle of a war, and getting trampled over.

If you still want him... be patient. See what happens. He may have changed, or it may all fall apart on him. At that point you can re-evaluate. But at the moment, I'd stay well clear. It will only end up hurting you even more.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: leopard spots

From my own experience in similar situations, hope is such a killer. To me, it sounds like you need to reduce your contact with them -- let them sort out their own relationship. But mostly, for your own sanity's sake -- if they DO work, then where are you? Still hanging out for something that isn't going to happen...

So, break from them, and make your own way. Find someone who can be yours, and just let what has been fade.

Hard to do though, I know.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[Kajira Callista]

okay, so i find myself in a rather uncomfortable position between a former lover/still friend and his current girlfriend, with whom i chat on occasion. i met her through him when i was with him and he was still in the "life" and heavy into poly. now that he is divorcing his legal wife and she is divorcing her legal husband, they have apparently found true old fashioned vanilla love with each other and denounced both poly and "the life". so in my conversations with the gf..she goes on and on about how paranoid she is about him returning to his old ways. this all happening just 2 months ago. which as much as she whines and as much as i know about the vulnerable nature of relationships based on divorce...not a good sign. i have not been able to talk with him privately but would love too, cuz see i still want him. i'm so confused. what disregard the bitch (gf) entirely even though all that she's told is in confidence and go after him to test his new found resolve to fidelty? what? or am i the bitch for wanting to go after him? hell, not in love with the dude, he's a very good friend and an excellent fuck...i miss his cock, damn it! sigh...what? comments, advice?

Why would you go after someone elses man and intentionally hurt that person. If they are happy leave them be and move on. There are plenty of good fucks and beautiful cocks in the world, im sure you can find one of your own.

 

[Master_Wiccanman]

Re: Re: Can a leopard changes its spots?

Why would you go after someone elses man and intentionally hurt that person. If they are happy leave them be and move on. There are plenty of good fucks and beautiful cocks in the world, im sure you can find one of your own.

Exactly.. why would you hurt them.. You say you dont love him and that he is only a friend and excellent fuck.....then If he is a friend ... his new relationship shouldnt ruin a friendship... the fuck is another matter.

Plenty of willing "fish in the sea" etc etc...

as for changing his "spots"... only time will tell.. perhaps those old memories of why he left in the first place will return ?? Perhaps boredom and the desire for poly again..

only time will tel ..so hang in there..BUT in the background and give them space...

You may not get the leopard but you may get a tiger by the tail instead.

 

[cynter]

excellent advice!

the more i've thought about this the more i've realized that this is probably due to some unresolved feelings that i still have for him or maybe just the situation. it was a very strange situation for me to be in first off. so i see no reason to discontinue my friendship with him and as for her, i'll will continue to be polite but steer the conversations to safer waters. all which i will do from arms length. sometimes you just need to see something in print and read other people's take on it. THANK YOU!

 

[Krinaia]

Re: excellent advice!

the more i've thought about this the more i've realized that this is probably due to some unresolved feelings that i still have for him or maybe just the situation. it was a very strange situation for me to be in first off. so i see no reason to discontinue my friendship with him and as for her, i'll will continue to be polite but steer the conversations to safer waters. all which i will do from arms length. sometimes you just need to see something in print and read other people's take on it. THANK YOU!

Being alone is hard. Being alone for the right reasons and remaining so, is harder. Especially when tempting bait is nearly at hand.

You made a comment about patience being one of your "too few" virtues. Don't be down on yourself. Plenty of others are more than willing to do that for you. Not to say you can't be aware of your downfalls, but rather dwell on good points, your strong points, the things that make you attractive. Doing that will help you realize this guy isn't worthy of your attentions until and unless he gets his life and priorities straight.

Being horny with no one to share it worth is the worst torture. Perhaps there is a way to channel it until you find someone to share it with?