Can a friend be too nice and too caring

[Andreina]

Lately I have been fucked over by many, many, many people. This afternoon yet again.

A friend and I had rented a TV last year for our flat, after we both moved back into halls (dorms) for our last year (less partying, more studying) she decided to keep the TV. The TV was rented under my name and today (she's leaving tomorrow, I'm on Saturday) she suddenly says, "By the way, I haven't gotten round to arrange the TV pick-up. Can you do it?"
The company we rented the TV from is not even anywhere close to where we live, they have no pick-up spaces available tomorrow, I don't have a driving license. Thank god I found somebody who will keep the TV till I come back in 4 weeks for graduation.
Additionally she owes me $500, which she is unable to pay.

Some other friends, those who I considered my best friends, forgot my birthday in March. Just forgot about it. I arranged both their birthday parties, brought them each really nice (& rather expensive) gifts, etc... - they didn't even give me a card. This still hurts, I have to admit.

When I got extremely sick about 2 months ago, they didn't even bother going to hospital with me when I was fucking scared shitless, because they told me that my right kidney isn't working anymore and that I'm white bloodcell count is way too high.


Sometimes I think I'm too nice a person. I care about the people I like, I make them soup when they are sick, I'm there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on and I'm reliable. Is it really so bad to care about those you love? I'm not clingy or anything, I just care for them. Can somebody care too much? I'm getting fucked over constantly and the only thing I get back is "Thank you, but don't expect that we do the same for you."

 

[Guest]

Usually, I'd say no. Your love, care, and/or friendship is a gift. You give it without expecting anything in return. Sometimes, people can take friends and loved ones for granted. And, it hurts. All you can do Halo is be you. And love you. One day, you'll be rewarded for your kindness.

 

[MishkarinaSkye]

I know exactly how you feel.. I am going thru this with two of my friends right now..

((HUGS))

There are great people out there to have as friends.. It just takes fucking way to long to find them, or they've been there forever..
Good luck in your search for the perfect friend...

 

[JackIsCool]

(((((LDWaH)))))))

 

[hornylady]

I know how this can feel. When I was younger (and even recently), I'd tie myself in knots about it and bend over backwards to please people, then torture myself if it wasn't reciprocated. Slowly, and it's taken several sessions with a counsellor, I'm starting to try and be myself, but not take bullshit in return.....I've even let one friendship end because it was onesided, rather than run myself ragged to keep it going. You have to be you, but you also have to draw the line somewhere. I try and remember the phrase 'what goes around, comes around'.

Good luck

 

[Guest]

friends

its has been my experience that you think you have alot of friends until you really are in need of a friend . most of the time you maybe dont realize just how true your friends are . my wife has a terminal illness which we found out 2 years ago and i will say we have lots of friends but only a few have really been close to us after all this has happened , even some of her family dont even call and check on her . so my feeling is if you have one true friend in this world you have it all!!!

 

[sexy-girl]

no ... dont change ... i sometimes suffer from the same thing ... my sister constantly gets me down because of the running around and favors i do for her and then when it comes to me asking something in return i dont get it ... but being happy with yourself is the most important thing and the right sort of people will appreciate it in the end

i've also learned that sometimes people that seem inconsiderate aren't they just dont think ... perhaps one of your friends would of gone to the hospital with you but maybe you have the type of friends that need to be asked ... i have a bunch like that too ... they will do anything for me but sometimes they dont think about when i need them unless i ask first



P.S dont change

 

[BigDawg69]

Halo, sexy lovable wonderful woman, don't change a thing! All that good karma you're putting out there will return on you ten-fold. Believe me when I tell you the cynical assholes who take advantage of true caring friends like you will get theirs.

 

[Rambrat]

That's a shame LittleDevil...

nothing wrong with caring...some people just like to take advantage...and they are not worthy of you...

 

[markb325]

Most people that care for others especially their friends usualy go through this. I have I know. I have been burned so much that I got to the point that I didn't trust anyone. I basically built a wall around myself and didn't let anyone in or see the real me. I kept this wall up for many years including through a failed marriage. It took my fiance to tear it down and make me see what I had been doing to myself and what I had missed over those years.

Don't change yourself because of some "friends" You will eventually find friends that will show the same care and concern that you give.

 

[Ishmael]

I was once told that "When you die, if you can count enough real friends to fill up the fingers on one hand, you can count yourself as a fortunate person."

My life has been filled with acquintances, but true friends are few and far between.

You don't have to change, but learning who those few are can be a trial on occasions.

I hope that things work out for you.

Ishmael

 

[OpposingBalance]

I don't really know you. Don't know your friends either.
You seem like a nice person though.
Now I'm not saying to change who you are here, but maybe you just need to drop those friends of yours.
Fuck em.
Go out and find new ones that will appreciate you.
Stop wasting yourself on people who don't care.

edited because I just can't seem to spell worth shit today

 

[erosman]

... but being happy with yourself is the most important thing and the right sort of people will appreciate it in the end
[/QUOTE}


I totally agree, sexy-girl!

LDWH, time will teach you to choose the recipients more carefully.

 

[Andreina]

thank you guys.

On top of everything it seems that I now have gotten food poisoning. I got 3.5hrs of sleep before I started having the shits and puking.

Nuff said. The forces are against me.
Why, God, why?

 

[Guest]

I someone or something may be telling you that it's time for you to stop.
Stop, rest, and nuture yourself.

Take care of you, Halo.

 

[Laurel]

I don't really know you. Don't know your friends either.
You seem like a nice person though.
Now I'm not saying to change who you are here, but maybe you just need to drop those friends of yours.
Fuck em.
Go out and find new ones that will appreciate you.
Stop wasting yourself on people who don't care.

Amen. Been there, done that LDWAH. Lemme tell ya from experience...showering affection on ungrateful assholes will not magically turn them into caring, worthwhile people. If you're kind to someone and they don't return the favor, go find someone else who appreciates your kindness. Don't waste it on rude people.

 

[lisalove]

It's good to be kind and helpful, but you also have to learn to set limits or people will take advantage. I'm facing this now with a neighbour. I don't even consider her a friend, but almost daily she calls me to ask me to drive her here or to do this, watch her kids while she attends some emergency! If it was once in awhile I wouldn't mind but she is too needy and demanding. The hardest thing is if you have already set up a pattern where people expect to depend on you and suddenly you assert yourself and say "no, I can't".

 

[bored1]

The world is full of givers and takers, most takers dont have a clue that they take more than they give because its all about them. Finding true friends is a difficult task, but they can be found. Your a good person LDWH

 

[Eagle70]

Halo, i know exactly what you're going though...

I had a friend who i thought was like my long lost brother. we'd gotten considerably closer in the course of 4 months, and i would do anything for this kid. spent over a hundred bucks on his birthday, would be there for him at any point and time. But when the chips were down, when it was his turn to be the understanding friend, he flipped, told me "you arent worth it" i wasnt worth any of his troubles? jesus, that killed me.

But as it's been said, you only come across two or three true friends in your life that will "go to war" for you, as i like to say...and its funny, because as this dickhead left my life, my best friend from when we were kids came back into it, telling me that he realized who his real friends are...it'll all work out...for now, i'm just focusing in on the three good friends i have. because i know they're focusing in on me

 

[Cheyenne]

Some other friends, those who I considered my best friends, forgot my birthday in March. Just forgot about it. I arranged both their birthday parties, brought them each really nice (& rather expensive) gifts, etc... - they didn't even give me a card. This still hurts, I have to admit.

Been there. It's one of the reasons I tend to try to be out of state on vacation for my birthday. It hurts less to be forgotten when you're out creating your own fun.

 

[morninggirl5]

Friendship is a two-way street. If you're always giving and getting nothing in return, then it really isn't a friendship.


I understand about the birthday, all too well. Next year, plan your own party, even if it's a party for one.

 

[Andreina]

thank you for all your support, guys.
you are great.

My self-esteem is about at minus 200 anyway, and I'm having doubts about myself. This issue with my friend who fucked me over with the rented TV was just the icing one the cake for everything.

As stupid as it may sound I'm glad that I'm returning home to my mom and my dad, because I know that their love for me is unconditional. And I'm in bad need of some TLC right now.

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))), thank you all for your kind words

 

[hornylady]

Can I pass on a recommendation for a book to read? A good friend of mine was in an emotionally abusive relationship a good few years ago, and said this was one of the things that helped her put herself back together again, and I've just started reading it too - "Feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers.

And make sure you keep smiling