teresawrites2u
Experienced
- Joined
- May 1, 2005
- Posts
- 54
Hi, I just wanted to ask if there was anyone out there who was into really heart ripping stories.
If so, I’m trying to figure out a good place to start it. Please let me know of any productive criticism.
Below is the first few paragraphs – it starts to get better afterwards, naturally. Here’s the link to the story. Never Better
Key ideas: romantic triangle, martial arts, mentor student, friends
Thank you in advance.
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I walked around the gun shop. It was a small, unappealing place, once again reinforcing my decision that leaving was a bad idea. The city was lifeless and where I had once had friends, a decent job and pastimes that I would die for, now I spent most of my time on the couch staring out over painted and under caulked windows to the grimy street below. If I wasn't temping for some one who was to cheep to hire a capable employee.
I forced my legs to walk down towards the back of the store. Not all gun and knife stores are like the last few I had visited. Gary ran his like it was his baby, I sighed. My eyes roamed over the cases of hardware. Nothing impressed me. Not that I was an expert, especially when it came to guns so in the end, my focus lingered on the few blades and the sleazy guy.
Most of the knives to me were for show, big Rambo type weapons which were really just large trinkets that people though looked cool. I had to remind myself that I was in a different area so may there was a legitimate use for the five large machetes on the wall, but I had yet to encounter a reason yet in the Cincinnati area. I didn't see any Kerambit knifes, my personal favorite it was simple, small and thorough.
If so, I’m trying to figure out a good place to start it. Please let me know of any productive criticism.
Below is the first few paragraphs – it starts to get better afterwards, naturally. Here’s the link to the story. Never Better
Key ideas: romantic triangle, martial arts, mentor student, friends
Thank you in advance.
-------------
I walked around the gun shop. It was a small, unappealing place, once again reinforcing my decision that leaving was a bad idea. The city was lifeless and where I had once had friends, a decent job and pastimes that I would die for, now I spent most of my time on the couch staring out over painted and under caulked windows to the grimy street below. If I wasn't temping for some one who was to cheep to hire a capable employee.
I forced my legs to walk down towards the back of the store. Not all gun and knife stores are like the last few I had visited. Gary ran his like it was his baby, I sighed. My eyes roamed over the cases of hardware. Nothing impressed me. Not that I was an expert, especially when it came to guns so in the end, my focus lingered on the few blades and the sleazy guy.
Most of the knives to me were for show, big Rambo type weapons which were really just large trinkets that people though looked cool. I had to remind myself that I was in a different area so may there was a legitimate use for the five large machetes on the wall, but I had yet to encounter a reason yet in the Cincinnati area. I didn't see any Kerambit knifes, my personal favorite it was simple, small and thorough.
