Buy my foolproof new diet, "Things Cats & Dogs Eat"

[shereads]

Yesterday I was about to top a salad with some tasty looking strips of smoked salmon when a sudden movement caught my eye, just outside the glass patio door a few feet from from my dinner. One of the neighborhood cats - I call her Velcro - had just pounced on a lizard and was beginning to eat him, head first. His little legs were kicking like crazy.

I was sure I'd never eat smoked salmon again. 24 hours later I'm not sure I'll eat anything again.

My question is, how do I market this new idea for fasting?

 

[rgraham666]

I don't think you should read this then, she.

 

[CharleyH]

Yesterday I was about to top a salad with some tasty looking strips of smoked salmon when a sudden movement caught my eye, just outside the glass patio door a few feet from from my dinner. One of the neighborhood cats - I call her Velcro - had just pounced on a lizard and was beginning to eat him, head first. His little legs were kicking like crazy.

I was sure I'd never eat smoked salmon again. 24 hours later I'm not sure I'll eat anything again.

My question is, how do I market this new idea for fasting?

Well LOL - you might gain interest with a promo phrase that begins with "Tossing the salad" LOL - it does have multiple meanings after all.

 

[shereads]

Well LOL - you might gain interest with a promo phrase that begins with "Tossing the salad" LOL - it does have multiple meanings after all.

ROFLing all over the place.

Rob: I'm taking your warning at face value. Weak stomach, and all.

 

[3113]

Yesterday I was about to top a salad with some tasty looking strips of smoked salmon when a sudden movement caught my eye, just outside the glass patio door a few feet from from my dinner. One of the neighborhood cats - I call her Velcro - had just pounced on a lizard and was beginning to eat him, head first. His little legs were kicking like crazy.

I was sure I'd never eat smoked salmon again. 24 hours later I'm not sure I'll eat anything again.

Tsk! Velcro went to all that trouble to save you, yes, SAVE YOU from a vicious, nasty, terrifying lizard and this is the thanks she gets? You complain about not being able to eat smoked salmon?

You should have offered the cat some in thanks. I'm sure she would have left you some lizard in return

 

[SeaCat]

My cats and I have an undestanding. Neither of us eat anything the other won't eat. This has limited their eating habits somewhat.

They don't eat their droppings or vomit, no do they eat any Cockroahces or Plmetto bugs they happen to catch.

On the other hand I am expected to share my meals with them.

Cat

 

[Boxlicker101]

This might not be a bad idea. Maybe a videotape of a pig at a trough or a dog digging into a garbage can. Or possibly a mother robin feeding a worm to a baby.

 

[SeaCat]

This might not be a bad idea. Maybe a videotape of a pig at a trough or a dog digging into a garbage can. Or possibly a mother robin feeding a worm to a baby.

Hell just a dog exploring it's neighborhood would do it.

Cat

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

Yesterday I was about to top a salad with some tasty looking strips of smoked salmon when a sudden movement caught my eye, just outside the glass patio door a few feet from from my dinner. One of the neighborhood cats - I call her Velcro - had just pounced on a lizard and was beginning to eat him, head first. His little legs were kicking like crazy.

I was sure I'd never eat smoked salmon again. 24 hours later I'm not sure I'll eat anything again.

My question is, how do I market this new idea for fasting?

My cat eats lizards too, I think you'll eat smoked salmon but you sure won't look at another lizard the same way. I know I don't!

 

[Seattle Zack]

My brother, he's a firefighter, has this cool little Boxer, but that dumbass dog would rather eat a used tampon that the treats he gets. My brother's gf gets the dog a Christmas stocking (how weird is that?).

Full of doggie treats and such, the dog wants no part of it. He'd rather go roll around in the carcass of a dead mule.

 

[shereads]

My cat eats lizards too, I think you'll eat smoked salmon but you sure won't look at another lizard the same way. I know I don't!

I was beginning to recover my appetite when I related the lizard's hideous fate to a friend and he said, "Cats can get liver flukes from eating lizards." The thought of liver flukes, whatever those are, as a consequence of devouring a live reptile, has now taken away my appetite for everything except cornflakes.

If I find out liver flukes are shaped like cornflakes, I'll starve.

Edited to add: Zack, there's a sound reason why dogs like to roll around on road kill. It's an ancient hunting instinct. If you are a wolf approaching a herd of caribou and they catch your scent, you want them thinking, "Hey, a dead squirrel is coming this way."

 

[rgraham666]

Yes, there is a liver fluke that can be found in cats. But they get it from eating fish, not lizards. Seems to be common in Siberia.

You can read about it here.

Just helping out.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I was beginning to recover my appetite when I related the lizard's hideous fate to a friend and he said, "Cats can get liver flukes from eating lizards." The thought of liver flukes, whatever those are, as a consequence of devouring a live reptile, has now taken away my appetite for everything except cornflakes.

If I find out liver flukes are shaped like cornflakes, I'll starve.

Edited to add: Zack, there's a sound reason why dogs like to roll around on road kill. It's an ancient hunting instinct. If you are a wolf approaching a herd of caribou and they catch your scent, you want them thinking, "Hey, a dead squirrel is coming this way."

Caribou must not be very bright.

 

[shereads]

Caribou must not be very bright.

That's the thing with herd animals.

If they were smarter, the predators that live off of them would have to survive on nuts and berries instead of campaign contributions and graft.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

She,
You could sell this idea to "South Park". They'd love it. (Poor Kenny )

 

[CharleyH]

Did you come to a campaign decision, Sher?