Butchered Carols

[champagne1982]

I found this to be a fun thing to do during the season of shopping amidst the crowds and the canned music. Just one way of maintaining your sanity when you hear the same music over and over and over, ad nauseaum . . .

Here follows a couple of examples, I know you bright people can infer what you are supposed to do from these:

He Came Upon A Wiggling Rear
(to the tune of It Came Upon A Midnight Clear)

He came upon a wiggling rear.
That man in the Santa hat.
His cock thrust into his neighbour dear.
His fingers massaging that.

He buried them deep in her gaping maw!
And smacked her luscious behind.
"Take all my cum!" her loverman said.
And fucked her near empty mind!

I Sat Down And Cybered Santa Claus
(to the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissin' Santa Claus)

I sat down,
And cybered santa claus
Right on my instant messenger last night.
He was a dream,
As he made me cum and scream.
With his limber tongue beneath his beard so white.

"Baby mine!"
said dear ole Santa Claus.
"Your tits are firm and your pussy's wet and tight!"
I replied, "Yes!"
"You are the very bes'!"
"Your cock's so big, it feels so good and right!"

Remember,
When you cyber Santa Claus,
You'd better keep your wits and words so bright.
It's really quite a show,
How wreathed all in mistletoe,
He cybers all good girls that night!

 

[Rybka]

I found this to be a fun thing to do during the season of shopping amidst the crowds and the canned music. Just one way of maintaining your sanity when you hear the same music over and over and over, ad nauseaum . . .

Although not erotic, Walt Kelly, the author of the comic strip Pogo was the supreme master of this practice. His critters sang several each season, such as:
Good King Sauerkraut

"Good king Sauerkraut looked out
on his feets uneven.
Where the Snew lay round about..."
"'Snew'? What's 'Snew'?"
"Not much, what's Snew with you?"

And the ever popular:

"Honor first Daisy Crispness
MacTrulof's centipede
Anna Parsnips inner pantry"

Which has a lot more verses (but I am not threatening you) and was reprinted every year.

Regards, Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Posted Last Year by The One, The Only

JUDO

Here Cums Santa Claus!
by JUDO ©
--- an unapologetic parady ---

[Introductory Chorus]
We were dreaming and waiting
For sleighbells, we'd missed 'em.
Again, just like last year
We'd wait up to kiss him --

jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle…

Cock without a pause, here comes Santa Claus
Right up dormitory row!
Betty and Susan, the blonde cheerleaders
Are putting on quite a show.

Boobs are swinging, Santa's tingling
All is cherry and tight.
Spread your stockings and grab ahold,
'Cause Santa Claus cums tonight.

Bounce that cherry butt onto the next slut
Right up against the wall!
He's got a bag that's filled with toys
For the girls with girls to ball.

Hear them yelling, "Oh my God! It's
Such a beautiful sight!"
Jump in bed and give him some head,
'Cause Santa Claus cums tonight!
And he always does us right!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

South Park has a wide selection of Christmas songs of dubious lyrics. My favourite is called quite simply 'The Most Offensive (Christmas) Song Ever'. Behold:

This is supposed to be a duet. The parts in grey are sung by Kenny, which means they're almost censured (Kenny's voice is always muffled)


Howdy Ho! The Virgin Mary was sleeping
When Angel Gabriel appeared...
He said, 'You are to be the Virgin Mother'
And Mary thought that was weird...
'But,' she said 'I'm not a virgin
I sucked a guy last year'
But then Gabriel said to her,
'My child, have no fear'

For you can suck all the dick you want
And still be a Virgin, Mary..
You can suck all the dick you want
And still not be considered flawed..
'cos I know you'd like to play
And suck right through the day
But you're still still a virgin
In the eyes of God!

There was no room at the Inn
When Mary and Joseph did arrive
They were so very tired, you see
And they had to have a rest for the night
She said she had no money
And she had no place to sleep
Gabriel appeared to Mary
And told her not to weep

For you can suck all the dick you want
And still be a Virgin, Mary..
You can suck all the dick you want
And still be the mother of Christ..
If there's no room at the inn
Then it's not considered a sin
To suck a dick to get a place to sleep!
That's right...

And three wisemen did appear
Bearing gifts of myrrh and such...
They said that they had followed a star
And missed a woman's touch...
She said, this is a tragedy
I can't take them all to bed with me
But again Gabriel appeared to her
And this is what he said:

You can suck all the dick you want
And still be a Virgin, Mary
You can suck all the dick you want of...
Everyone in the nation
Fellatio ain't no sin
So have a dildo three miles in
And you'll still be a virgin
To everyone gone down on Christmas!

You can suck all the dick you want
And still be a Virgin, Mary...
You can take if from the three wise men
And even the little drummer boy...
Folks will remember your name quick
For sucking the most of the dick!
For sucking dick...
Brings peace, and love, and joy.
For sucking dick...
Brings peace, and love, and joy.

 

[Linbido]

I think I can be worse....


Ram your manhood deep into me
Falalalalaa fa-la-la-laaa
Drive the fucker almost through me
Falalalalaa fa-la-la-laaa
Make me squeal in carnal pleasures
Falala Falala Fa-la-laaa
When I reach orgasmic treasures
Falalalalaa fa-la-la-laaaAAAAH!



sorrysorrysorry

 

[Lauren Hynde]

 

[Angeline]

One for Monica Lewinsky

hmmmm--

when i was a very little Angeline we sang the following:

We three kings of Orient are
tried to smoke a Phillies cigar
it was loaded; it exploaded,
scattering near and far

(my classical education started at an early age)

eageleyez, stop laughing at me now--you'll coffee spew, lol

 

[eagleyez]

 

[Enodia]

I'll never hear carols the same way again (and I work in a mall--playing them all the time--)....thanks ya'll!