Broken &(closed)

[wideeyedone]

The cold morning air burned in her lungs as Jamie ran. It was cold and drizzling and her breath looked like steam in the December chill. But she didn't care. She couldn't spend one more moment cooped up in their little wood framed house. She and Dan had used his reenlistment bonus as the down payment. And as they scraped paint, and pulled up linoleum they spun dreams about their future. She had been raised by her grandmother who died when Jamie was a freshman in college. Dan was estranged from his family. So, their dreams were all about family and home and a life of belonging.

But that all ended. It was over. It ended when the Notification Officers pulled up outside their house. She knew. She didn't speak when they told her that Dan had died when an IED exploded on a deserted road half way across the world. She swiped away her silent tears and nodded. She sat on the couch and held herself together until the men in their class A uniforms were gone.

That had been almost a week ago. His body would be home tomorrow. The funeral would be the day after that.

So, she was running before dawn. She ran until her legs felt like jelly. She had to stop. She bent over and rested with her hand on her waist.

She had to walk back to the house. She didn't realize she had been crying until the tears dripped down her cheeks and onto her shirt.

She wanted to stop crying. She wanted to stop hurting but she couldn't imagine a time when she would be whole again. She was broken

 

[Rick345]

Even with his muscular, military frame, each step hurt, causing shooting pain up his right leg. Still, Ben was more motivated than he'd ever felt. He had to make it to Dan's funeral, and couldn't wait to get out of the hellhole they called rehab.*

Not only did each step hurt, but every thought hurt- echoes of the moment the roadside bomb went off echoed in Ben's mind, keeping him up at night, less than a week ago in a sudden thud he lost his best friend. Ben and Dan had grown up together, playing as soldiers in Dan's big back yard since Ben could remember. Then, barely out of college, they'd joined together to live the real thing. That all lasted up until a week ago.

As he reached the end of the therapeutic bar supporting his walk, his mind turned to Jaime. If anyone had been closer to Dan, it was her, and he couldn't begin to imagine her pain. Reaching the end of the bar, he collapsed in a chair, and drew his one muscular arm down his face, wiping away sweat and tears, feeling broken.

His thoughts were interrupted by the reason this place was such a hellhole or at least one of the reasons, “Time for a dressing change Sargent Williams.”, echoed through the empty room.

Raising his head he came face to face his tormentor a black woman in government scrubs briskly approaching him, her small five foot five frame filled the room. She carried her small frame in a manner that made her seem larger than life by looking at her would may think a stiff wind would blow her over but she was though as nails and even a hurricane couldn’t budge her if she decided she’d stand her ground.* She was only forty years old and counting the months till she could retire after twenty years but the years of rotations in MASH units and hospitals had taken there toll. She had seen too many young men die and that wasn’t the worst of it, the burn units Oh my God the burn units, she shook her head trying to clear her thoughts she had a job to do she had to be professional, no matter how she felt.

Ben moved quickly knew the drill he extended his good leg curling his toes under the footrests of his wheelchair and pulled in closer while straightening his arms and raising himself off his perch and with a swivel of his hips managed to land in the wheelchair without it sliding out from under him like it had done dozens of times before. Take that ratshit he whispered to himself

He wasn’t going to give his nurse Captain Ratshit the satisfaction of calling the orderlies to scoop him off the floor. With a sarcastic smile he managed to greet her, “Morning Nurse Ratchet, is it true what the other guys say, that you got your degree at the Hanoi Hilton?”*

Her smile showed she was pleased with Ben’s progress the way he managed his changeover from chair to wheelchair wasn’t easy to master, “Nice to see you’ve been practicing your moves, pretty soon we’ll have you out on the dance floor”, she grabbed the handles of his wheelchair before sternly asking, “Who’s been tell’n you those lies Sarge? I received my degree just down the road at Emory...”*

Her slim figure rolls him out the door and down the hall to the wound room. A yellow and black sign warning, “This is a sterile environment refer to protocol, A-34-453b” was prominently displayed next to the orange and black Bio-hazard sign”

No sooner had they entered the sterile green walled cubical, she prodded, “You’re going to be a big boy while I fix you up aren’t you, now get your butt up on the charging table..”

Before she finished the sentence he scooted onto the table and braced himself for what was about to happen.*

Before he could wiggle a little to get settled, she had out her scissors and snipped away the bandage on his leg in one clean line. He grit his teeth as the pain radiated from his knee to his brain while she worked the bandage loose

“Oh, by the way I studied at Emory, I only did my internship at the Hanoi Hilton.”, a curt smile betraying the fact she was about the yank the bandage off. It came off clean the silence of the room broken by “Oh shit”, Ben biting his lip to stifle any more outbursts.*

Bending down she examined the wound scribbling notes on his chart, “Looking good, I think we’ll have you out of here in no time and the Doc says if you do your therapy your arm should recover but it’ll take awhile.”, she strapped the blood-pressure cup around his bicep and pumped the disk of her stethoscope pressed against his forearm waiting for the pulse to stop.

 

[wideeyedone]

Jamie laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Some of the other wives from Dan's unit were bustling around downstairs, getting the place ready for visitors. Jamie just couldn't. She couldn't watch their worried faces and the tinge of relief that they each wore that it wasn't their husband that was killed.

She didn't blame them, she just didn't want to talk to them anymore, she didn't want to be hugged and whispered to. She wanted to scream. She wanted to beat the hell out of something.

She got up and got one of Dan's shirts out of the closet. She breathed in his smell. She wrapped herself in the soft fabric, the shirt was huge on her, but it gave her some comfort.

She closed her eyes and after a while, she was finally able to sleep.

******

They were in a bar, it was a few nights before they deployed. It was a party, a celebration of life. Dan's kiss tasted like whiskey and hands held her small frame as they danced. The music was loud, even though it was a country bar she could feel the bass through the floor boards.

She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Come home.....I need you. I love you." She had whispered.

He laughed and told her that he would always come home to her. And they finished their dance, and Colonel Parker bought another round. She had a Southern Comfort and Coke.

She danced with Colonel Parker and a few of the other guys, the other wives always loved to two step with Dan.

*******

She woke up to Commander Parker's wife gently shaking her shoulder.

"I am sorry, Jamie. It's time to get dressed. We need to go meet the plane." Amy Parker was old enough to be Jamie's mom and she was going to make sure that Jamie was taken care of. She helped Jamie find an appropriate outfit to wear. Jamie slipped into a simple navy blue dress. She tied her hair back in a ponytail and decided not to put on any make up.

She grabbed her sunglasses and let Amy lead her down to the car the army had sent. They had to be there when the plane bringing Dan home landed.

 

[Rick345]

She released the pressure and glanced at the gage, “120 over 80, your pressure’s good.” she announced.

“ Ben, you don’t mind if I call you Ben do you.”

“Not a problem ma’am.”

She raised an eyebrow at the ma’am even though it was customary it made her feel older than years, and Ben’s baby smooth face didn’t help matters. The kids she patched up seemed to get younger and younger as the year went by.

“Grab my finger with your right hand and try to make a fist”, pausing a moment, “Squeeze as hard as you can.”

No matter how hard he tried he just didn’t have any strength, “I’m trying honest I’m trying”, his face becoming sullen.

“You got to squeeze your balls even time you have a chance its the only way you’ll build your strength back up.”, turning away to jot a few more notes on his chart.

“Squeeze my balls, what the fuck.”, his mouth hanging open his brow furrowed as he stared at her wide eyed.

Without looking up she stated flatly, “Remember the tennis balls Doc gave you squeeze them every chance you get doing that will rebuild your muscles in that arm it’ll take time but you have to do it.”

He grinned at his thoughts, “Roger that”

“Now let me re-wrap your leg in a few weeks you’re be as good as new, its looking better already.”

Spraying the wound with antibiotic then wrapping his leg like she had done to other young men so many she lost count long ago.

The spray felt cool as he thought about what he was going to say to Jamie when he gave her the letter Dan had wrote. He had no idea what the letter said but Dan gave it to him the day they went out on recon as he strapped himself in the Humvee.

The only thing he said about it was, “Ben promise me if anything happens to me give this to Jamie”, as he pressed the sealed envelope into his hand.

“Don’t be stupid Dan this is routine nothing going to happen.”

Shit why wasn’t he driving, insurgents always place their IED’s so they’d take out the driver and hoped the force of the crash would take care of the passengers. He was single and an orphan no one would grieve for him. Dan had a wife and and maybe even a bun in the oven. Fuck you God why did you do this to me.. His thoughts tortured him from the moment he gained consciousness he should have died not Dan.

“Soldier quit fidgeting so I can get this bandage straight, you want me to talk to the doc and get you some meds?”

“Yes ma’am I mean no ma’am I’ll be OK I am just thinking too much that’s all.”

 

[wideeyedone]

His remains had been processed through Dover Air Base. And now, he was flying home. She almost laughed at the thought that Dan hated to fly. He used to do it because he had to, not because he wanted to, ever.

Her hands were shaking as they drove. Amy Parker sat next to her. She didn't make her talk and Jamie was relieved. She didn't want to talk any more.

The car stopped and their escort opened the car door for her. She was escorted to the runway.

And when she saw the casket, it was too much. She broke down. A raw, sob broke through her chest and she cried and cried. She couldn't hold it together anymore. Amy held her tightly and then helped to sit on the cold runway and let her cry some more.

Amy didn't take her back to her house. She was afraid to leave Jamie alone. She and the escort got Jamie back to the car. Jamie curled up and closed her eyes in the back seat.

She didn't remember going to the Parker's house. She didn't remember Amy putting her to bed. But that is exactly what Amy did. She gave Jamie two fingers of whiskey, put her in one of Dan's army t shirts and tucked her into bed. Amy Parker sat at the foot of the guest bed until Jamie was asleep.

 

[Rick345]

“Well, a good nights rest is the best medicine for you right now. Let’s wheel you back to your room so you can get some sack-time”

Gingerly slipping down off the table lightly setting foot on the floor testing to see how much weight his leg can handle, “Mmmmm yes ma’am”, setting his jaw in defiance to the pain which to his relief was half as bad as it was yesterday, reaching for the wheelchair, and slowly with both hands in a white knuckle grip on the chair settles down into it.

Once comfortable, thrusting his arm forward his finger pointing straight as an arrow announcing, “Tally ho and off we go!”

Nurse Ratchet barely acknowledged his antics with half a smile, “Seems like you’ve already taken your meds Ben.”

“No I’m just happy my leg is feeling better that’s all ma’am.”

“Glad to hear it but it will probably feel better on some days than it does on others.”, reaching into her pocket, “Here’s that cell phone you asked me to get for you and it has 400 minutes on it.”, pressing the cheap flip phone into his hand along with a few bills in change as they enter his room.

Turning the leave the room she flips off the lights and in the sternest voice she could muster, “Soldier don’t do any sextexting, you hear me… Have some pity on the orderlies that have to change your sheets”, she bit her lip to keep from busting it a fit of giggles before closing the door and walking to the lounge for her coffee break.

“Bitch”, was all he said as he crawled into bed and opened the phone he wanted to call but figured it would be safer to text. All he needed was to hear her voice or either of them say something causing grief to come rushing like a wave trying to drown him and he’d turn into a blubbering basket case Jamie, didn’t need that besides she may not be home or want to be disturbed right now, so he started to type.

Jamie this is Ben I feel like shit over what happened to Dan but I want to know have you made any arrangements? Time? Place?

I am over here at the Columbus VA Hospital but I do want to see Dan one last time and he gave me a letter to give to you. But if the services are a private family deal I understand

 

[wideeyedone]

In the morning, Jamie got up and took a hot shower. Amy Parker fixed breakfast and black coffee. Jamie had to mix in lots of sugar and milk she looked at her phone and saw Ben's text.

Dan's service will be Sunday afternoon. Colonel Parker and some other guys from the unit will be here. And you are welcome and wanted. You are our family. I am staying with the Parkers. Amy doesn't want me to be alone. Dan wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Love and hugs, Jamie


She hit send and hoped Ben would come to the service. He was practically Dan's brother.

 

[Rick345]

Ben swatted at his sheets an irritating vibrating buzz woke him from a sound sleep the first he had in days. His hand fishing for the source of the vibration until finally his fingers touched the cellphone he was laying on as his shoulder made an ugly crunching sound when he stretched to reach it and pull out from under his back. He must have fallen asleep with it in his hand. His fingers wrapping around it while rubbing his eyes with his free hand his eyes slowly came into focus, Jamie had replied.

You are family the words kept ringing in his head and it was a nice ring. Funny how the mind works he suddenly remembered Jamie’s collection of bells, why the hell had he thought of that as he began to reply…

I’ll be there with bells on. I'm sorry Jamie forgot my manners I’ve been so wrapped up in my own bullshit I forgot to ask how you were doing, glad to hear you’re not alone. The Parker’s are good people.

I know Dan wouldn’t want me to blame myself, and if he were here right now I can almost hear him. “Stop beating yourself up dickweed, it wasn’t your fault. Shit happens.”

I really want to see you and the Parkers and everyone else I just wish, I wish it wasn't like this. They say I’m going to be released soon maybe today or tomorrow.

Hugs Ben

Checking it over he hit send..

 

[wideeyedone]

Jamie was curled up on the couch binge watching Scandal. Amy knew it was important to keep Jamie from wallowing. Jamie told Amy that Ben was going to be discharged from the VA. Amy smiled.

"You tell Benjamin that he will be staying in my son's old room for a while. I need to make sure all of the Colonel's boys are healthy and taken care of. " Amy's Georgia accent came out when she was being motherly. And since her three kids were either in college or away and married, she was going to mother her husband's unit. Jamie texted Ben.

Amy says you are staying here. She says no arguments. So, I will see you when you get discharged. Amy says the Colonel will pick you up. I am doing ok I think. I still fall apart sometimes. I was a wreck when we went to meet the casket. But I am ok. I will be ok. J

 

[Rick345]

Jamie’s number flashed on the screen and poking it with his finger he read the text… As Nurse Ratchet walked in, “Well Sarge its been nice knowing you but I have your discharge papers right here so you’re leaving us”, laying the papers on his bedside table, her finger pointed out half a dozen lines, “sign here, and here, here and oh here...”

Handing him a pen, “Well what are you waiting for Christmas?”, as she tapped her foot.

“OK OK hang on I’m signing as quickly as I can.”, Ben furiously scribbled his name on the assigned spaces. “It’ll take me a little time to get my things together.”

“Take your time , just ring when your ready and I’ll wheel you to the door.”

“Yes ma’am roger that.”

Within moments Ben was alone and glanced at Jamie’s message. God he didn’t want to impose but there was no arguing with Mrs. Parker, the Old man may have been a full bird Colonel but she ran ran that outfit. His stomach rumbled besides her fired chicken was to die for. Fried chicken and homemade biscuits, hot damn.

I don’t want to impose but I know if Mrs. Parker saying I’m staying there that’s where I’ll be. No if ands or butts.

Tell the Colonel I’ll be official out at five O’clock. I just need a little time to get my stuff together.

Tell Mrs. Parker the food here sucks she’ll understand. Looking forward to settin’ eyes on you and the crew. I know how you felt when you went to pick up Dan I don't know if I couldn't have handled it. The best way to honor his memory is to keep on living, we'll get through this somehow.

Ben

It seemed like only minutes before he rang the nurses station and in a flash Nurse Ratchet knocked on the door and before Ben could say anything she was in his room with a wheelchair.

“Sorry for the wheelchair you really don’t need it but regulations now lets get you rolling. Who’s picking you up?”

Setting in the chair with duffel bag laying across the arms of the chair, “Colonel Parker I’ll be staying with them until I get things sifted out.”

“You don’t say I figured that old war horse would have retired by now, I’ve knew him when he was a shavetail. It’ll be good to see him again. Sarge double time it, its five to five”

They sped toward the exit and her usual goung-ho fashion Ratchet rushed through the door the fresh air smelled of magnolias and honeysuckle as it hit Ben in the face. As he wondered if you can get a speeding ticket in a wheelchair.

 

[wideeyedone]

The Colonel had just parked out front and was about to head inside when he spotted Ben. He waved at him and the nurse.

"Hey, darlin'. Thanks for taking care of my boy." He hollered. He met them at the curb and stooped over to kiss the nurse on the cheek.

The Colonel ushered Ben to his truck. "Amy is frying chicken for dinner, and she was making biscuit dough when I left. She knows what you guys like. She has fresh sheets on the bed, and we have plenty of hot water in the shower." He smiled widely. Everyone in the unit was upset about Dan's loss and Ben's injuries, but Mike Parker knew that right now the most important thing was to take care of Jamie and Ben.

The hospital wasn't that far from the Parker's house. Amy was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Jamie was setting the table in the dining room.

 

[Rick345]

As they made their way homeward bound Ben tried a little small talk, “Sir the nurse said she knew you”

“Hell yes I knew Mo years ago, now you have to promise not to tell the Mrs. but Mo paid way through nursing school working as a stripper there used to be a place down on 7th street were we’d all go for entertainment, shall we say...”

Ben grinned at the smile that curled the Colonel thin lips as he recollected his misspent youth. “She even posed nude for penthouse at one time and the fuck’n bass found out years later and their busted her from Lt. Col back to Lieutenant shame really she’s a damn good office and in her day hotter than a two dollar pistol.”

The conversation was cut short by the crunch of gravel as the turned into the drive.

“Smell that boy, nothing in the world smells better than homemade friend chicken and Amy makes the best”

“I do sir I certainly do, my mouth is watering, God its good to be back in country”, as he literally hopped out of the car, “Sir when I was overseas I once wrote Jamie that every every time I broke open an MRE I wished for fried chicken and biscuits, but in this Godforsaken place wish’n does no good.”

No sooner had they gotten out of the car the Colonel flung open the door he announced, “Momma, I’m home and some hungry stray followed me home.”

 

[wideeyedone]

Amy was at the stove with a dish towel tied around her waist for an apron over her jeans. She hugged Ben gently.

"How did they treat you, Ben? Do I need to go whoop up on some nurses?" She asked sweetly, kissing his cheek.

Jamie came in from the dining room. She was dressed in her favorite jeans and one of Dan's flannels. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail.

"I am glad you are home." She offered softly, leaning in the doorway.

 

[Rick345]

"I am glad you are home." She offered softly, leaning in the doorway.

Glancing over at Jamie, “Its good to be home J, and Miss Amy they treated me OK but hospital food sucks. I couldn’t ask for a better welcome home present than your fried chicken.”, sneaking over to the black cast iron skillet and lifted the lid just enough so the aroma fills the room.

He tried his best at ignoring the elephant in the room but it was always Dan, Jamie and himself and Jamie looked like she been hallowed out every other time he had seen her, her eyes sparkled with life. Even after Dan and she were married he would run to her life her off her feet and spin her around. But he just couldn’t.

Glancing back toward Amy, “The nurses were OK, just no bedside manner. Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

[wideeyedone]

Amy shook her head.

"You touch a damn thing in this kitchen and I will make you wish you were back at the VA. Now, you and Jamie go relax and the Colonel is going to tell me all about his trip home while I finish dinner."

Amy had seen grief enough to know that both Jamie and Ben were strangled with it. Jamie laughed.

"Come on Ben. I have learned when Amy speaks, the world listens. " She lead Ben into the living room and curled up on the couch, tucking her feet underneath her.

"I am glad you made it in time for the service. I wondered if you would be willing to give a eulogy?" She asked softly.

 

[Rick345]

Sitting across from her and nestling into the overstuffed chair, “I had to be here Dan and I have been through so much together it wouldn’t be right not to be able to say my final good-byes”, the last words leaving his lips with a heavy sigh.

“J a eulogy I, I don’t know Iyeee have never have been good at speeches, what should I say? I’m not saying I won’t, I just well, I just don’t know if I could find the words to honor his life and his memory.”, his shoulders slumped as the reality of of Dan being dead washed over him again as it had time and time again since the day it happened.

Reaching into his shirt pocket he pulled out the folded envelope that Dan had given him a week ago, and presses the paper into Jamie’s hand, “I don’t know what it says but Dan make me promise I’d give it to you if something happened to him.”, a small sniffle broke the silence of the room as he settled back into the chair.

 

[wideeyedone]

Jamie tucked the letter into her pocket. She didn't want to read it just yet. Not with an audience.

"I just thought you might talk about Dan's sense of humor. Maybe you tell everyone about how he made everyone laugh. But no pressure. It will be a small service. Just guys from the unit and me. His family isn't making the trip." Janie's voice broke when she mentioned his family.

But she managed to keep it in check.

Amy hollered from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Soon they were at the table enjoying Amy's chicken and biscuits. Jamie hadn't had much of an appetite but the good company and the good food made it impossible to resist.

 

[Rick345]

“OK I’ll do it, I owe to Dan and to you...”, taking a moment to fight off a wave of grief before continuing, “I’ll do it I think Dan wouldn’t want me, I mean us to be so morose, but you have to help me.”, glancing over at J trying her gage her reaction to his request. Reaching over to Jamie and giving her shoulders a little hug as she mentioned Dan’s family, wondering what would keep them from paying their respects to their only son.

The soft warmth of Jamie nestled close to him gave him as much comfort as he hoped he had given her.

“I guess we’ll start on it a little later we are being summoned.” , raising from his chair with a little difficultly his leg wanting to give out on him, moments later, he pulled out Jamie chair and sat himself before the fest, “My God Miss Amy you’ve out did yourself, and pass the biscuits please.”

Grabbing another wing from the basket in the middle of the table, licking his fingers not wanting to miss even a crumb of the greasy goodness, and seconds later washing down the flaky feather light biscuits with a long swallow of sweet tea.

“Now, Benjamin save a little room for dessert you’re stuffing yourself like a thanksgiving turkey”, Amy scolded Ben playfully.

“Now mother, let the boy eat in peace hes been dreaming about this for months”, the Colonel’s rebuke came with a chuckle.

 

[wideeyedone]

Jamie found herself fading from the food and the conversation. They had all sat around this table so many times. Dan should have been there with her. Dan and Ben should be play fighting about whether it is better to be a leg man or a breast man. She tried to eat and she tried to keep up with the banter at the table. However, there were silent tears streaming down her face and dropping onto her lap.

She tried to swipe them away without anyone noticing. She wanted to excuse herself from the table, but she knew if she opened her mouth the sob she was suppressing would bubble out.

She held onto the edge of the table, her knuckles turning white.

 

[Rick345]

Just as Ben was deciding on whether or not to grab the last piece of chicken his glance met Jamie’s and as he watched a tear sneak out of the corner of her ice blue eye. His heart sank lower and lower as he followed the path of her teardrop rolling silently down her cheek until it dropped into her lap. He wanted to hold her and comfort her somehow.

“Miss Amy that was the finest chicken I’ve ever had but before you bring on dessert I think I need a little fresh air and I need to give my stomach a little rest before I will be able to do your dessert it due respect. If you’ll excuse me, Jamie you look like you could use a little fresh air as well care to join me on the porch swing?”

With that Ben grabbing the edge of the table using his arms to ease himself up taking the weight off his leg as much as possible…

“OK Benjamin I’ll get this ol’ coot to help me clear the table and brew some coffee, come on Colonel you have KP duty”, Amy giving her hubby a wink

Yes, Ma’am KP duty it is”, as he rose and started gathering the dishes…

With Amy following him into the kitchen, “Double time it, hut one, two three four.”

 

[wideeyedone]

Jamie allowed Ben to guide her out to the front porch. She let him sit down first and she held the swing steady for him. Then she snuggled in beside him. She curled up against the crook of his arm.

"Ben, I don't think I can do this. I am not going to get through this. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to sleep. I don't think I can do this. " her words were lost in sobs after that. She cried against his chest, holding on for dear life.

At first she tried to fight it, but she finally let go. And she cried herself to sleep there on the porch in Ben's arms.

 

[Rick345]

“I know it hurts I feel your pain I do you know that but I’ll do whatever, it takes to help you get though this J..”, he whispered in her ear, as she slept, her breaths coming slow and rhythmically causing her bosoms to raise and fall with each breath. The soft warm of her body comforted him as he hugged her a little closer, it was the first time since Dan’s death he felt any kind of peace.

As he took a deep breath his nostrils flared at the hint of Magnolia and Angle Trumpets in the air, even through it was only March the weather had been unseasonably warm and he could see the miniature flashes of lightening bugs hovering over the fleshly cut grass.

His thoughts traveled back to simpler times when he and Dan used to catch lightening bugs in mason jars. The same mason jars Dan’s Daddy used to sell his own special brand on moonshine whiskey. It seemed like centuries ago.

Amy appeared at the door, “I was about to tell y’all dessert is on the table, but I think its best jest to let her sleep. Let get a throw to cover her or the poor thing will catch the damp.”, Moments later Amy returned with an hand knitted afghan and gently covered Jamie.

“In a short while I’ll come back to check on you two, if she is awake I’ll show you where her room is and you can carry her up to bed”, Amy whispered in the quietest of tones.

 

[wideeyedone]

Jamie stirred a little when Amy covered her. She clung to him as she slept. Ben lightly moved the swing and she slept for quite a while. She awakened gently.

"I am sorry, Ben. I didn't mean to go to sleep." She whispered as she stretched and sat up. "I either can't sleep or all I can do is sleep. I am glad you are here." She offered.

She looked out at the fireflies. "Lightening bugs." She whispered and her voice broke. She looked over at Ben. "Lightening bugs. He used to say he would love me as long as butterflies fly and lightening bugs glow. He sent me lightening bugs." She whispered. She knew it might sound ridiculous but she didn't care, she would take the comfort, even if it didn't make sense to anyone else.

 

[Rick345]

“Its OK J, I’m glad you got a little shut eye. Well, he must have loved you bunches look at all those lightening bugs and it it is weird to see them out this early in the year come to think of it.”, taking his arm from around her shoulders and taking a long deep breath Ben reached down and rubbed his leg.

“I don’t want to disturb you but make leg has kind’a stiffened up on me”, stretching out his leg as his spoke his lips pull tightly together as his hands kneaded out the stiffness in his muscles as the smallest of whimpers escape his lips when he touched a especially tender spot. Deciding that wasn't the best course of action he placed his hands on his knees bracing himself to get up.

“Now that you’re well rested you want to go inside and see what that dessert was?”, glancing down into J’s pale blue eyes, it was the first time he ever really noticed what beautiful eyes she had, ice blue with little speaks of gold and the round plumpness of her breasts seemed to drag his eyes toward them.

What was he doing, he thought to himself she was his best friend wife, his dead best friend at that. As he tucked his thoughts about Jamie safely away his stomach rumbled.

“Excuse me...” he half muttered.

 

[wideeyedone]

Jamie lead him back inside. Amy had dished up peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream. Jamie picked up one of the dishes and handed it to Ben. They went into the living room where Amy and the Colonel were snuggling on the couch. The Colonel smiled at them both.

"Have a seat and enjoy the cobbler, kids." He said with his wide grin.

Jamie had a few bites, but then she excused herself to go read the letter from Dan. She wasn't surprised by the contents. She knew he had written them before other missions. She tucked the paper close to her heart and laid down on her bed.

She didn't have any more tears, but she needed to soak in his words. She turned out the light and laid in the dark, holding his letter close.