Brand New Author needs some feedback

[silentscribe14]

Hi, I posted my first story on Literotica a few days ago and eveything is going great, lots of views and few ratings but no comments. I would really appreciate some feedback on the plot, the charcaters & overall style of writing. Before you say anthing, I am aware of some grammar errors that are in story, I have fixed them and I will fix them just as soon as my computer gets fixed.
Feel free to comment on this thread or in the comment box. Thanks.

http://www.literotica.com/s/neapolitan-ch-01

 

[estragon]

You Asked For It, You Got It

As Toyota used to say. I sent it privately, as I may have been a wee bit rough, but it was meant constructively. And if anyone wants to take my stories apart, privately or publicly, I won't whine (but I might respond vigorously).

 

[silentscribe14]

As Toyota used to say. I sent it privately, as I may have been a wee bit rough, but it was meant constructively. And if anyone wants to take my stories apart, privately or publicly, I won't whine (but I might respond vigorously).

Thanks alot for the feedback. I have had one other person point out some of the things you mentioned, but they were very vague. I'm really glad you put up some examples for me to get a sense of what needs to be fixed. Thank you for taking your time out in reading my work.

 

[estragon]

If You Didn't Have a Good Story

I wouldn't have wasted my time. I like to copy edit--I started on my college newspaper fifty-plus years ago. And I enjoy good writing. So much of what passes for "erotica" is, and has been, trash. I think we all can do better.