Boyfriends

[BlackSnake]

Who hooked up with a cute jerk instead of the nerd who was dying for your affection?

Sorry ladies, I would say that I feel sorry for you, but even when he is beating the crap out of you or calling you fat, you'll stand by his side, because his dog died or some other lame excuse. Don't think that people don't under stand. They understand that you have become terminally stupid and no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

 

[hugo_sam]

Who hooked up with a cute jerk instead of the nerd who was dying for your affection?

Sorry ladies, I would say that I feel sorry for you, but even when he is beating the crap out of you or calling you fat, you'll stand by his side, because his dog died or some other lame excuse. Don't think that people don't under stand. They understand that you have become terminally stupid and no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

As a card carrying member of the 'good guys" "big brother' corps, I never understood that one either Blacksnake. The easiest hurt seem to attract the 'bad' boys and chase them like magnets. I can't understand either.

 

[elsol]

I take offense.

I am not a jerk... I'm nice-challenged.


Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[entitled]

Yanno, i could put up a great big long post here, but would probably be blasted for being open and honest with my opinions and personal experiences. IF and ONLY if i have people's word that it won't happen, that it can open a discussion instead of something nasty, i would be willing to offer what i've got for people to peruse.

 

[hugo_sam]

Yanno, i could put up a great big long post here, but would probably be blasted for being open and honest with my opinions and personal experiences. IF and ONLY if i have people's word that it won't happen, that it can open a discussion instead of something nasty, i would be willing to offer what i've got for people to peruse.

YOu know I am never nasty
I don't speak for others

 

[entitled]

YOu know I am never nasty
I don't speak for others

i know you're not. Just dirty minded, like the rest of us.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Yanno, i could put up a great big long post here, but would probably be blasted for being open and honest with my opinions and personal experiences. IF and ONLY if i have people's word that it won't happen, that it can open a discussion instead of something nasty, i would be willing to offer what i've got for people to peruse.

I'm never nasty. A little argumentative, sometimes, but always in a nice way. I never call anybody anything worse than a foofoo head. On this subject, I tend to think like Hugo Sam.

 

[Blackie Malone]

Who hooked up with a cute jerk instead of the nerd who was dying for your affection?

Sorry ladies, I would say that I feel sorry for you, but even when he is beating the crap out of you or calling you fat, you'll stand by his side, because his dog died or some other lame excuse. Don't think that people don't under stand. They understand that you have become terminally stupid and no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

What you don't understand about abuse could fill the Grand Canyon.

 

[entitled]

OK, guess i'll bite...

i hooked up with a cute jerk once. Actually, he's not that cute. He's just average, but was in a little bit better shape back then. Then i ended up marrying him, we moved back to where he's from, and things went downhill.

See, when we first hooked up, he was nice. He was a gentleman for the most part. i wrote certain things off as eccentricities. He was from a different area of the US, after all, and things are done different ways in different areas.

Both he and the even more average other guy both had steady jobs. He worked on a ranch, the other guy tended bar. To be honest, neither one of them really interested me at all until after everybody in that little town figured out i was pregnant. Maybe the big belly gave it away. Goodness knows they never would have figured it out otherwise. Anyway, these were the only two guys that believed i knew who the father of the baby was. Plus they were both interested in me despite the big belly. So i got interested.

i ended up with the jerk because i was around him more often. With the other guy tending bar at a different place than i worked (and yes, i did work, a full eight hour shift waiting tables five days a week until i gained literally half my normal body weight and the doc told me that if i didn't quit there was a possibility i would crack the bones in my hips from walking around so much) it made it hard for us to get together. The jerk took me in, let me borrow his truck so i wouldn't have to walk everywhere, he was there when my son was born, the whole bit.

He was a nice guy - to begin with.

Then we moved down here. Where he's from. We moved in with his parents and he immediately swore he would get a good job with benefits that would cover the whole family, get us in a house of our own, do everything that needed done. When he started acting childish i blamed it on living with his parents. Every adult acts more like a child around his or her parents. It's just what happens.

When i got a job first, i blamed it on the tight job market. He got a job, with benefits, though he insisted that both my son and i be put on the insurance available from my employer. It made sense - it was cheaper, and had better coverage. i found out i was pregnant again, confronted him with it, and made him swear we would get married, in the way i wanted. He agreed. Then the time came, and it ended up being nothing more than his family (i didn't even get to invite mine) sitting in the living room of his parents' house. i got married in jeans and a flannel shirt. Not exactly what i had envisioned.

Little by little more of this type of thing happened. Broken promises became the norm instead of the exception. He started belittling me for things that i was unable to do because my health quickly declined with the pregnancy. There was one point, after i was given medical leave from work, that i was literally unable to walk around the house without help. He still left me alone to take care of my year old son while he went to work, then came home and bitched at me for not keeping the house cleaner. At that point there was nothing i could do. It wasn't physical abuse, so i couldn't take my son and go to the battered women's shelter. i wouldn't be able to find a job. i knew that even after the one i was pregnant with was born, it would take months to recover enough to be able to find a job. So i stayed.

She was born with no problems. Life went on as it had been, with things slowly but steadily getting worse, until she was about six months old. When you have two very young children (they were born 14 months apart), you're unhealthy, and have a chance to sleep, you sleep hard. One morning i woke up because he had decided to roll over and rape me. It was less than wonderful. For over a year after that i refused to be in the same room with him. i couldn't trust him. i still can't.

i couldn't leave him, either. i was physically unable to work because of what the pregnancies had done to my body. Since i wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, there was no way i was going to give them up because i had no income, so i stayed.

Eventually hormones took over and i went back to his bed for one night. And got pregnant again. Another excessively hard pregnancy and a labor that almost sent me to the grave, another long recovery, and more mental abuse followed. i still can't do much more than sit in one spot whenever i get my period because the cramping when it starts throws my back out. It makes it nearly impossible to walk. That makes just about anything except working from the home impossible. It's also hard to find a job when you've been out of the workforce for five and a half years raising children. Employers around here don't ask. They see that large gap and throw your resume in the trash. i know because i've been trying to find a job for the past year and a half so i can get away from this asshole.

i just can't do it without a job for the same reason i couldn't that four and a half, almost five years ago. i won't leave my children here with him. i can't leave them to suffer through what i've gone through with him. i find it to be my duty to stay and do what i can to protect them from him as much as possible. If it weren't for them, i would have left him a long time ago and never looked back.

So you see, sometimes it's not something immediately apparent when you get into an abusive relationship. A lot of times it starts with the most insignificant thing and grows until it's a way of life. A lot of times the person that's with the jerk, the abuser, doesn't even realize it's abuse.

It's not stupidity at all.

 

[hugo_sam]

OK, guess i'll bite...

i hooked up with a cute jerk once. Actually, he's not that cute. He's just average, but was in a little bit better shape back then. Then i ended up marrying him, we moved back to where he's from, and things went downhill.

See, when we first hooked up, he was nice. He was a gentleman for the most part. i wrote certain things off as eccentricities. He was from a different area of the US, after all, and things are done different ways in different areas.

Both he and the even more average other guy both had steady jobs. He worked on a ranch, the other guy tended bar. To be honest, neither one of them really interested me at all until after everybody in that little town figured out i was pregnant. Maybe the big belly gave it away. Goodness knows they never would have figured it out otherwise. Anyway, these were the only two guys that believed i knew who the father of the baby was. Plus they were both interested in me despite the big belly. So i got interested.

i ended up with the jerk because i was around him more often. With the other guy tending bar at a different place than i worked (and yes, i did work, a full eight hour shift waiting tables five days a week until i gained literally half my normal body weight and the doc told me that if i didn't quit there was a possibility i would crack the bones in my hips from walking around so much) it made it hard for us to get together. The jerk took me in, let me borrow his truck so i wouldn't have to walk everywhere, he was there when my son was born, the whole bit.

He was a nice guy - to begin with.

Then we moved down here. Where he's from. We moved in with his parents and he immediately swore he would get a good job with benefits that would cover the whole family, get us in a house of our own, do everything that needed done. When he started acting childish i blamed it on living with his parents. Every adult acts more like a child around his or her parents. It's just what happens.

When i got a job first, i blamed it on the tight job market. He got a job, with benefits, though he insisted that both my son and i be put on the insurance available from my employer. It made sense - it was cheaper, and had better coverage. i found out i was pregnant again, confronted him with it, and made him swear we would get married, in the way i wanted. He agreed. Then the time came, and it ended up being nothing more than his family (i didn't even get to invite mine) sitting in the living room of his parents' house. i got married in jeans and a flannel shirt. Not exactly what i had envisioned.

Little by little more of this type of thing happened. Broken promises became the norm instead of the exception. He started belittling me for things that i was unable to do because my health quickly declined with the pregnancy. There was one point, after i was given medical leave from work, that i was literally unable to walk around the house without help. He still left me alone to take care of my year old son while he went to work, then came home and bitched at me for not keeping the house cleaner. At that point there was nothing i could do. It wasn't physical abuse, so i couldn't take my son and go to the battered women's shelter. i wouldn't be able to find a job. i knew that even after the one i was pregnant with was born, it would take months to recover enough to be able to find a job. So i stayed.

She was born with no problems. Life went on as it had been, with things slowly but steadily getting worse, until she was about six months old. When you have two very young children (they were born 14 months apart), you're unhealthy, and have a chance to sleep, you sleep hard. One morning i woke up because he had decided to roll over and rape me. It was less than wonderful. For over a year after that i refused to be in the same room with him. i couldn't trust him. i still can't.

i couldn't leave him, either. i was physically unable to work because of what the pregnancies had done to my body. Since i wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, there was no way i was going to give them up because i had no income, so i stayed.

Eventually hormones took over and i went back to his bed for one night. And got pregnant again. Another excessively hard pregnancy and a labor that almost sent me to the grave, another long recovery, and more mental abuse followed. i still can't do much more than sit in one spot whenever i get my period because the cramping when it starts throws my back out. It makes it nearly impossible to walk. That makes just about anything except working from the home impossible. It's also hard to find a job when you've been out of the workforce for five and a half years raising children. Employers around here don't ask. They see that large gap and throw your resume in the trash. i know because i've been trying to find a job for the past year and a half so i can get away from this asshole.

i just can't do it without a job for the same reason i couldn't that four and a half, almost five years ago. i won't leave my children here with him. i can't leave them to suffer through what i've gone through with him. i find it to be my duty to stay and do what i can to protect them from him as much as possible. If it weren't for them, i would have left him a long time ago and never looked back.

So you see, sometimes it's not something immediately apparent when you get into an abusive relationship. A lot of times it starts with the most insignificant thing and grows until it's a way of life. A lot of times the person that's with the jerk, the abuser, doesn't even realize it's abuse.

It's not stupidity at all.

 

[Liar]

Who hooked up with a cute jerk instead of the nerd who was dying for your affection?

Sorry ladies, I would say that I feel sorry for you, but even when he is beating the crap out of you or calling you fat, you'll stand by his side, because his dog died or some other lame excuse. Don't think that people don't under stand. They understand that you have become terminally stupid and no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

Mr Flamebait today, are we?

In a world where People were as logic and simple as Stuff, what you said would be true. But that is not this panet.

 

[English Lady]

Mr Flamebait today, are we?

In a world where People were as logic and simple as Stuff, what you said would be true. But that is not this panet.

*nods vigourously*

What he said x2


*hugs* entitled

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Who hooked up with a cute jerk instead of the nerd who was dying for your affection?

Sorry ladies, I would say that I feel sorry for you, but even when he is beating the crap out of you or calling you fat, you'll stand by his side, because his dog died or some other lame excuse. Don't think that people don't under stand. They understand that you have become terminally stupid and no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

One of the more interesting attiributes of a sociopath is the ability to lie convincingly. So convincing, they can beat lie detector tests. In many cases a serial killer will have been questioned multiple times by th epolice, but they are so adept at deciet even trained officers don't realize they are being lied to.

Most abusive males I have known could lie to your face without any indication. Much like a ture tyoe A personality, they are remorseless and conciousless. So they can decieve even those who are trained to look for deciet.

Most women who end up in abusive relationships had no idea the guy was abusive in th ebegining. And like it or no, society is set up to enable abusers. Everyone from guidance counsellors to your local priest to mom & dad will try to get you to stay in the marriage and "make it work". By the time they realize how abusive itis, the wopman has had her self esteem so beat down, she's incapable of helping herself.

ANd society dosen't help. If she's been married and not working a year otr two she can't get credit, she cant get a job, the house is probably in his name, so she has few if any personal assets to rely upon if she walks. If there are children, the threat of taking them from her is a powerful mindfuck.

I've never been in an abusive relationship with a guy. I have abuse insurance you see. It's called three brothers. two of whom are impressive and intimidating physical specimins. The third is smaller, average height, average build, but he's posion when he's crossed. the really dangerous one of them when crossed. the two youngest might give you a serious ass whipping and tell you to stay away from me. the older one will fuck your world from top to bottom.

I also grew up in a family where my self esteem wasn't tied to my ability to have children. So the bad boys never appealed anyway.

Not everyone has any of those advantages, much less all of them.

When it come sto abusive relationships, I think the old adage is turly applicable.

"Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their moccasins"

 

[Recidiva]

There are cute nerds. I didn't discriminate either way.

I met guys on the internet and if one of them that loved Star Trek ended up being drop dead gorgeous I'd be disappointed and intimidated, but...I'd sleep with them anyay.

 

[Liar]

Most abusive males I have known could lie to your face without any indication. Much like a ture tyoe A personality, they are remorseless and conciousless. So they can decieve even those who are trained to look for deciet.

And themselves. Most abusers or general jerks does probably not precieve themselves as such. Which is part of the lying routine. If you believe you do nothing bad, saying "I do nothing bad." is easy. Even if you're wrong.

 

[carsonshepherd]

And themselves. Most abusers or general jerks does probably not precieve themselves as such. Which is part of the lying routine. If you believe you do nothing bad, saying "I do nothing bad." is easy. Even if you're wrong.

Yes, and whether they will see the truth depends solely on how honest they can be with themselves. Maybe something will eventually open their eyes or maybe they'll scream "Look what you made me do" till the very end. People can change, but most of them won't.

 

[cloudy]

"Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their moccasins"

Amen, sister.

As an aside, I honestly don't think that anyone that knows me would agree with the "stupid" assessment.

 

[hugo_sam]

Amen, sister.

As an aside, I honestly don't think that anyone that knows me would agree with the "stupid" assessment.

Not by the farthest stretch of the imagination Cloudy. Never.

 

[yui]

And themselves. Most abusers or general jerks does probably not precieve themselves as such. Which is part of the lying routine. If you believe you do nothing bad, saying "I do nothing bad." is easy. Even if you're wrong.

Right, as usual, Liar.

they'll scream "Look what you made me do" till the very end.

Been there. Done that. That's my personal favorite to hear when someone who weighs 100lbs more than you is sitting on your chest choking you.

God knows that's a good time, Blacksnake, and I sure deserved that for saying I wanted to leave.

Ent.

 

[cloudy]

Right, as usual, Liar.

Been there. Done that. That's my personal favorite to hear when someone who weighs 100lbs more than you is sitting on your chest choking you.

God knows that's a good time, Blacksnake, and I sure deserved that for saying I wanted to leave.

Ent.

Guess you're "stupid" just like me, little sister.

 

[hugo_sam]

I believe I need to clarify myself
I was speaking of the dating end of couples, no further
I have become the 'brother',' you're a good guy' more times than
I could count after the girl/woman went off chasing the 'bad boy' and then after that falls apart, again the 'good guy' until the next 'bad boy' comes along.
As I said I was speaking of dating.

Long./longish established relationships are an entirely different dynamic and that was not how I interpreted the original post. If I was wrong I appologize.

Abuse is Abuse whether physical or mental. the is no excuse for doing it in any circumstance.

 

[Guest]

My mom grew up in Missouri in the 60s. There it was a big no no to remarry no matter the circumstances. Her mom remarried when her husband (my maternal grandfather) died of a heart attack at age 37.

From that point forward my grandmother remarried several times (she could give Liz Taylor a run for her money). With each new marriage came a new child. With each new marriage came abuse for my mother.

By the time she was 18 she was so mentally smashed down that she believed she was completely worthless. She married my father, someone of a completely different ethnicity which only managed to cause her many more huge problems. They had me. I was their only child because neither of them could stay faithful. My mother's reason.... because another abuser managed to find her and convince her that she needed to be with him. He convinced her with his fists.

Wanna know the kick in the pants... My mother was an MP for the US Army while this was going on.... and MP... think about how tough she had to be, a female MP stationed overseas in the 70s.

I learned the abuse early on... broken bones that don't need to be set that no one can see. I watched as my mother was beat until I was old enough to walk into the middle.

See... I wasn't made like her... something inside of me refused... so when I was old enough I would walk in front of her when he took a swing, she was my 'mama' and I was going to be damned if anyone harmed her especially that man that delighted in kicking the shit out of me.

He pretty much stopped hurting her... pretty much stopped harming anyone but me. I watched him while we were in public, he was the "bad boy" he had alot of money to throw around and alot of weight behind it, his parents were loaded. He could do anything he wanted to and no one blinked an eye.

My mother always turned a blind eye, she didn't want to see. I believe in my heart that she couldn't believe that she had married someone just like her mother had repeatedly. I asked her about it, years later, and she just looked at me and said that I didn't remember correctly that things had not been that bad. That was the day that I walked out of my mother's life for good.

See the bad boys don't do a damn thing for me....
I have enough experience with them to last me this life time and the next.

I married two friends.... two different men that were not the bad boys but they were the NICE guys, the ones that I could talk to, wrestle with and just have fun and relax... they were also the ones that I caught cheating on me. Both of them I walked out on.

I had one bad boy boyfriend in high school.... my cousins who happened to be home... all four of the 'Boys' broke his collar bone for him, in repayment for pushing me down a flight of stairs.

I don't put up with the bad boys. I don't put up with the crap. However, I am a single woman. I do not have children that I need to worry about. There is only me and I can get up and leave. It took me some time a few times to get myself together enough to be able to walk out... even if it meant walking out with nothing but my shirt on my back and my ID in my pocket.

******************

It's not about the bad boys vs the nice guys.
The nice guys can be just as big of an asshole as the bad boys... they just hide it better.

Oh... and as long as we are there.....
Wanna know why some of us women don't look at the nice guys.... or guys that others think are nice guys.... throw us into a crowded room with a bunch of people... make sure there are PLENTY of those waif skinny girls running around that for some reason seem to turn heads... and then ask us plumper girls again why we at times take 'what we can get' even if its the bad boy.

Take off your blinders.... sometimes the nice girls are packaged inside of something that you might not look at..... when guys start seeing with their hearts instead of their cocks.... maybe... some of this will stop.

 

[elsol]

Stepfather threw a slipper at my mother...missed
My mother threw a pot of boiling water at him... no miss.

I'll stick to hitting boys... afterwards we can go have a beer and things are cool.

Girl-people are craaaaazy!

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[LadyCibelle]

Who hooked up with a cute jerk instead of the nerd who was dying for your affection?

Sorry ladies, I would say that I feel sorry for you, but even when he is beating the crap out of you or calling you fat, you'll stand by his side, because his dog died or some other lame excuse. Don't think that people don't under stand. They understand that you have become terminally stupid and no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

Snakey I love you to pieces...but with this comment you've just made your entry into my "assholes/shit-head/good for nothing pig" list.

 

[LadyCibelle]

"Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their moccasins"

Couldn't have said it better ever if I tried.