Boss?

[CheekyGiRL07]

I have a story I have written but I don't know if it's on here...I would like either a story about a girl *young* working at lets say KMart and her older boss fucks her.....and or a guy getting yelled at by his x wife
Weird I know.

 

[gsmith129]

Need more info.

I have a story I have written but I don't know if it's on here...I would like either a story about a girl *young* working at lets say KMart and her older boss fucks her.....and or a guy getting yelled at by his x wife
Weird I know.

Maybe weird maybe not....Care to elaborate? About the KMart thing, Her 18, him say, 45?... And what's this about a guy getting yelled at by his xwife? What's erotic about that?...Yelled at for what reason?...Is it because he's fucking 18 yr old clerks at work?...Why does she care?... I she still in love with him?... Is this one idea or two?

You've already written a story? If it is on here I would think you should be able to find it. If not resubmit it. It couldn't be any worse than some I've read here, and it has been my experience that any criticism you might receive would be only to help you improve your skills, not to demean your talent or discourage you from your goal of being successful at writing good quality erotica.

Let's keep this conversation going. I think that you might have some good ideas, but like all of us, you may need some one for feedback, and that is what this forum is all about!

 

[CheekyGiRL07]

Maybe weird maybe not....Care to elaborate? About the KMart thing, Her 18, him say, 45?... And what's this about a guy getting yelled at by his xwife? What's erotic about that?...Yelled at for what reason?...Is it because he's fucking 18 yr old clerks at work?...Why does she care?... I she still in love with him?... Is this one idea or two?

You've already written a story? If it is on here I would think you should be able to find it. If not resubmit it. It couldn't be any worse than some I've read here, and it has been my experience that any criticism you might receive would be only to help you improve your skills, not to demean your talent or discourage you from your goal of being successful at writing good quality erotica.

Let's keep this conversation going. I think that you might have some good ideas, but like all of us, you may need some one for feedback, and that is what this forum is all about!

This is the story I am trying to submit

My Fantasy

“God, this feels so good.” I though as I was standing behind the counter with is dick pressed against my ass. As he went to open the cash drawer I softly told him “Do you press your hard dick against everyone or is this just for me?” He grinned and replied “Only for a sexy girl like you.”

The person I am describing is my fucking hot boss. He’s quite a bit older around 30 while I am 18. I have always been the girl who has a crush on the teacher or some older guy so this wasn’t to surprising when I thought this up. At this point if he asked me, I would fuck him as hard as he wanted and blow him till he cummed. He’s not good looking just an overweight middle aged man, but he makes my pussy wet.

I went into the office to clock out and saw Mr. D sitting there. “M do you have a crush on me?” he asked. My face turned bright red. “Well I mean if you do that would be extremely good for me and I suppose you and maybe I could take you out for dinner.” I went behind Mr. D and said “We could just skip dinner and just go to the bedroom.” He grinned and said “Great idea, but will you give me a hand job right now?” I grinned. I was really exictied about doing it somewhere were people could see us. By surprise he took my hand and we started walking. We went to the mens room for me to do the deed. I kneeled down and took my shirt off. I could see how hard Mr. D was already. I unzipped his pants and took an 8 inch dick out of his boxers. I looked up and smiled saying “ Be careful with me tonight….I don’t want to get hurt with this big thing.” I opened my mouth and licked the head of his dick then took a deep throat of dick. I slid my lips up and down his huge cock licking and cupping his balls in my hands. He was moaning and has to sit down on the toilet. “O fuck yes, damn it!” I laughed “Ssshhh, don’t be too loud!” His balls were now in his mouth and I was giving him a hand job when suddenly he said almost in a wisper “I need to cum, I am going to start to cum.” and my lips covered his dick. I got a huge mouth full and it kept coming. When I thought he couldn’t have any cum left I opened my mouth for him to see but he came on my face. “Shit M, I’m sorry.” I just smiled and took the cum that went on my face and undid my bra and rubbed my tits. He came down to kiss me and we shared his cum that was in my mouth. “Ok, I am ready for tonight, have you done that before M?” “No, it’s my first time however I did pratice blowjobs on veggies at home.” He grinned, “before we go can I see how tight you are?” “Well ok sure Mr. D” I layed on the ground and he undid my pants and took my thong off to the side. I was drenched with cum but when he put his finger in me I yelped. “M, my god! Your so tight!” “Well I’ll get some lube and condoms Mr D.” “Ok, M you get the lube but not any condoms.” He smacked my bare ass and we cleaned up.

So there I was standing in the mirror of the bathroom in the hotel were I was going to get my first fuck. I was there flat bellied, nice ass, and long legs. I was wearing a black corset with pink trimming with a matching thong. I had on my fish nets and black high heels. To top it all off I had a tie on. I had to say to myself “I look fucking hot.” I walked out of the bathroom and his jaw dropped. “Can I, um, take, um pictures of you M?” “Here.” I threw my digital camera at him. I did standard poses tie between my legs, me with my ass bent over spanking myself. I gave Mr D a lap dance. He was in awe. “Why are you so amazed Mr. D?” “Well, I haven’t done this before. Well I have but not with someone who could be in Playboy.” I just smiled. I knew I was the best he had and he knew I knew. He began taking all my clothes off until I was just in my heels and tie. I pushed him onto the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. His hands went up to touch my boobs and he cupped them like he hadn’t seen boobs before. I had him naked and he looked like a horny teen, and I liked that. I took my tie off and rubbed it between my legs. I got it all wet and whispered “Lick it.” He licked all the cum off and managed to jack himself off.

He fucked me every way. He went to put his dick in me and I screamed. It was the most painful thing I ever felt. “M, are you OK?” “Mmmhmmm” I was in tears of pleasure but it hurt. “Here let us lube up.” He did it and then took me in missionary style “O fuck Morgan! Your so fucking tight!” I did everything doggy, up against the wall, sixty nined, etc.

He gave me my first orgasm. “M, I want to take you out. You know how to fuck but damn it I want to be with you.” “What about your wife Mr. D?” “Well, she’s a bicth and I just married her because she said she was pregnant. You have a boyfriend anyways M…..” I interrupted quickly “But I don’t like him physically.’’ Seven months passed. We are still together and every morning when I wake up he gives me head….fuck life is great.

 

[mjl2010]

Are you just posting it here, or are you going to submit it for listing in the story indexes?


You might want an editor and please, break up those long paragraphs. 8-10 screen lines maximum please.

MJL

 

[CheekyGiRL07]

Are you just posting it here, or are you going to submit it for listing in the story indexes?


You might want an editor and please, break up those long paragraphs. 8-10 screen lines maximum please.

MJL

I am trying to submit and I am a really bad writer so I am glad you have given me some advice!