Boring movies

[pixiesjuice]

The only thing that keeps me awake during any movie Slyvester Stallone is in, is that my kids love him and their excited chatter at watching his movies keeps me awake... unfortunately.

I can't stand to look at him, he reminds me of a cheaply made combat doll, with a pull-string at the back so that he can talk... and when he does, ya get treated to a... im stopping there, Monday mornings are bad enough without thinking about it.

 

[raphy]

Poor Sly. I swear his speech impediment doesn't do him any favors.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

I saw the first one and thought it was mildly amusing. Never saw the others. The first was a bit of a cult movie for a while. I almost have to like someone with the audacity to make a movie like that. I would love to have been there when they were pitching the idea to prospective investors.

Well if ya like we can get together and watch two and three!

Do you really think they needed investors to film tomatos? My God I can't imagine investors giving up money for filming a tomato in the garbage disposer. Then making his buddies get angry enough to kill the woman Kamakazi style. I know this is America there is a sucker for everything.

 

[Madame Manga]

A local TV news film critic once played a brief clip from the latest Stallone movie--a prison flick, if memory serves. Sly was gargling his words even more than usual; the clip ran three times with completely different captioning for his dialogue each time, and every wild guess at what he said seemed equally plausible.

MM

 

[Icingsugar]

2 films that should had been able to keep me awake. Good actors, decent concept, high budget cinematography. But gawd almoyty how dull:

Avengers - Uma Thurman, Ralph Fiennes and Sean Connery in a cool comic book-ish adventure. Should work. Didn't.

The Legend of Bagger Vance - Will Smith, Matt Damon and Chalize Theron in a polished, Hallmark-smelling, nice little tale. Should work. Didn't.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

You'll have to do some digging for this one, but the most wonderfully boring film I ever say was "The Benny Goodman Story", which is too bad, because it starred the late Steve Allen, who was one of my all-time favorite people.

See, nothing bad ever really happened to Benny Goodman, so there's not much to hang a movie on. Success came fairly easy, and after that it was just one good thing after another. Add to this the fact that Benny Goodman was pretty quiet and inarticulate without a clarinet in his hands, plus that Steve plays him as if he's just gobbled a bunch of major tranquilizers, and you've got a real snoozer.

The high point is waiting for Benny to pop the question to June Allison. She's sitting at one of Benny's concerts with Benny's Mom, wondering whether he'll ever ask her to be Mrs. Goodman, when Mom leans over after a blazing Benny cadenza and says "He just did. With his clarinet!"

Music up and out and the movie ends. The audience rouses itself, wipes the sleep-drool from its collective mouth, and staggers out, wishing Benny Goodman had never been born.

---dr.M.

P.S. If you like this kind of thing, check out the bio of Canadian songstress Anne Murray, who also had an easy and successful career. No struggles, no unhappy love affairs, no drug or booze problems; no story. About as exciting as a dish of snow.

 

[whispering_surrender]

A local TV news film critic once played a brief clip from the latest Stallone movie--a prison flick, if memory serves. Sly was gargling his words even more than usual; the clip ran three times with completely different captioning for his dialogue each time, and every wild guess at what he said seemed equally plausible.

MM

Pardon the momentary thread-jacking, but I don't have much of a problem understanding what Stallone says. I'm partially hearing impaired, and read lips for a lot of male actors, and I've just gotten used to the way he forms his words.

For a minor fee....I am available for Sly translations....*grin*

Whisp

 

[Vincent E]

In the Company of Wolves simultaneously bored and frustrated me. I don't ask for much when I go to a movie; just 120 minutes of entertainment. Just given me something that keeps me awake and doesn't make me want to spit at the screen. During this so-called werewolf film I felt like tearing out my seat and throwing it at the screen in between bouts of nodding off.

 

[kellycummings]

In the Company of Wolves simultaneously bored and frustrated me. I don't ask for much when I go to a movie; just 120 minutes of entertainment. Just given me something that keeps me awake and doesn't make me want to spit at the screen. During this so-called werewolf film I felt like tearing out my seat and throwing it at the screen in between bouts of nodding off.

You're not alone. That movie pissed me off. Good premise, poor execution.

 

[oggbashan]

Lair of the White Worm was based on a book by Bram Stoker - he of Dracula fame. The book was reasonable. The film wasn't.

I have a collection of boring films. I used to buy them from my local video rental store as used.

Some of the worst -
The Bull Dance - the slow motion dancing with a comatose bull is not exciting yet is the climax;
Millie's Willy - teenage girl wants to do what the boys do so wishes on a juju and gets a willy: then doesn't know what to do with it except freak out; and
Beach Blanket Bingo - Annette Funicello as the most desirable babe on the beach even though she is vastly pregnant and spends most of the time sitting still wearing floral coveralls.

Og

 

[SnoopDog]

Ok I'll name some that I found way too boring
- The Excorcists (this is supposed to scare people? maybe gross them out, but scare???)
- Solaris (in this film, nothing happened, I mean it, NOTHING)
And the most boring in my opinion '2001' (YAWN, I mean, if you're high on coffee or something and actually DO make it to the Intermission, that one will clearly bring you to sleep)
I guess there are more, if I recall them I'll let you know
Snoopy, zzZZzZzZzzzzzZZZZZZZzZzzzzzZZ

 

[kellycummings]

- Solaris (in this film, nothing happened, I mean it, NOTHING)
[/B]

Which version of Solaris? The Andrei Tarkovsky '72 version or the Soderbergh '02 version?
Personally, they both bored me but the original had some decent moments. The only thing I liked about the remake was Clooney cuz I always like him.

 

[SnoopDog]

Which version of Solaris? The Andrei Tarkovsky '72 version or the Soderbergh '02 version?
Personally, they both bored me but the original had some decent moments. The only thing I liked about the remake was Clooney cuz I always like him.

Oh, I didn't know there was an older version. I only saw the Soderbergh version. I know someone who said the book was alright, so I decided to watch the movie. I usually like Clooney, he's a cool actor. But I think in this film he sucked. Well I guess one might blame the movie itself for that.
Snoopy

 

[oggbashan]

The Bull Dance - plug

Director: Zelda Barron

Executive Producer: Robin Hardy / Timothy Woolford

Producer: Peter Watson-Wood

Writer: Robin Hardy / Jesse Lasky Jr. / Pat Silver

Principal Cast: Robert Beltran / Cliff De Young / Lauren Hutton

Genre: Romance

Language: English

Run Time: 88 minutes

Country of Origin: USA

Production Year: 1988
Alternative Artwork 1 2

Synopsis:

The American school in Crete is a specialist Summer School for girls where young gymnasts seek excellence against the backdrop of the splendid scenery and ancient mythology of the Greek Islands.

The school's intake this year, a vivacious group of young Americans, become dangerously preoccupied with the Cretan mythology surrounding the Goddess and the Man-Bull - the "Minotaur". Under the influence of Jane, a wayward pupil, who in turn is affected by the charismatic teachings of the sensual principal Mrs. Lake, they are drawn into a re-enactment of the Bulldance. This is a death-defying leap over the horns of a live Bull, as practiced over 3,000 years ago by young female athletes in Crete sometimes in celebration, sometimes sacrifice.

Deeply disturbing events arise from the tension that develops when the scantily clad Gymnasts conflict with the machismo locals - a girl is raped and despite being under threat of expulsion by Professor Lake, the unstable Jane prompts a bizarre vigilante response. A bull mask manufactured for a pageant, is used by the girls to entrap their suspect and bait him. Inevitably Jane goes too far, and is just prevented from actually destroying the Man-Bull. The victim is revealed as totally innocent, but Jane is undaunted.

Driven by envy, as a passionate affair develops between her friend Elaine and Steve the lead singer from the band, she pursues an ambiguous and flirtatious relationship with Jack, the school's handsome Gym coach. When she discovers Mrs. Lake and Jack making love, the Lakes' relationship being less than satisfactory, the balance of Jane's delicate mind is destroyed: the man she loves in bed with the woman she so admires. In vengeful jealousy she turns once again to her obsession - the BuIldance. This time Jack is entrapped in the mask and baited, but also framed by Jane so as to appear to be the rapist.

She incites her classmates to pursue a confused and panic stricken Man-Bull into the labyrinth of tunnels and cellars beneath the School, mirrored by the Ancient Legend as it is re-enacted at the village festival in a nearby Amphitheatre. As Jack staggers into the light high up on a cliff top Jane is waiting and with a blow from behind sends him plunging to the sea below weighed down by the heavy mask.

As the troubled Professor expresses remorse for the rape before his still unconscious victim, Jane is now completely out of control. Fixated on performing a real life Bulldance she has set loose the Bull from the village pageant. The Lakes arrive at the Amphitheatre as she is preparing to leap the bellowing animal. The Professor runs forward to distract the beast, only to be fatally gored. As Jack, battered but alive, comes upon the scene having survived his ordeal, Jane makes her final run and at last succeeds, performing the Bulldance to land in triumph - oblivious to the shattered lives of those around her.

***
Which shows that almost anything can have a write-up.

Og

 

[kellycummings]

Has anyone seen 'Brown Bunny'? It was booed pretty bad at Cannes and has built a big rep for being incredibly boring but I haven't seen it. Curious if the critics are right about it.

 

[SnoopDog]

Oh I just thought of another one. A lot of people say it is great but I found it sooooooo boring.
'Gosford Park'
Snoopy

 

[Madame Manga]

Re: The Bull Dance - plug

The Bull Dance? Oh, man--it's a long story, but I heard Robert Beltran say terrible things about that movie, and he was IN it.

MM

 

[CharleyH]

You'll have to do some digging for this one, but the most wonderfully boring film I ever say was "The Benny Goodman Story", which is too bad, because it starred the late Steve Allen, who was one of my all-time favorite people.

See, nothing bad ever really happened to Benny Goodman, so there's not much to hang a movie on. Success came fairly easy, and after that it was just one good thing after another. Add to this the fact that Benny Goodman was pretty quiet and inarticulate without a clarinet in his hands, plus that Steve plays him as if he's just gobbled a bunch of major tranquilizers, and you've got a real snoozer.

The high point is waiting for Benny to pop the question to June Allison. She's sitting at one of Benny's concerts with Benny's Mom, wondering whether he'll ever ask her to be Mrs. Goodman, when Mom leans over after a blazing Benny cadenza and says "He just did. With his clarinet!"

Music up and out and the movie ends. The audience rouses itself, wipes the sleep-drool from its collective mouth, and staggers out, wishing Benny Goodman had never been born.

---dr.M.

P.S. If you like this kind of thing, check out the bio of Canadian songstress Anne Murray, who also had an easy and successful career. No struggles, no unhappy love affairs, no drug or booze problems; no story. About as exciting as a dish of snow.

 

[CharleyH]

You'll have to do some digging for this one, but the most wonderfully boring film I ever say was "The Benny Goodman Story", which is too bad, because it starred the late Steve Allen, who was one of my all-time favorite people.

See, nothing bad ever really happened to Benny Goodman, so there's not much to hang a movie on. Success came fairly easy, and after that it was just one good thing after another. Add to this the fact that Benny Goodman was pretty quiet and inarticulate without a clarinet in his hands, plus that Steve plays him as if he's just gobbled a bunch of major tranquilizers, and you've got a real snoozer.

The high point is waiting for Benny to pop the question to June Allison. She's sitting at one of Benny's concerts with Benny's Mom, wondering whether he'll ever ask her to be Mrs. Goodman, when Mom leans over after a blazing Benny cadenza and says "He just did. With his clarinet!"

Music up and out and the movie ends. The audience rouses itself, wipes the sleep-drool from its collective mouth, and staggers out, wishing Benny Goodman had never been born.

---dr.M.

P.S. If you like this kind of thing, check out the bio of Canadian songstress Anne Murray, who also had an easy and successful career. No struggles, no unhappy love affairs, no drug or booze problems; no story. About as exciting as a dish of snow.

OMG - yes - say that film - and Anne Murray? Being Canadian I can say with certainty that the Doc is right, and her music is as exciting as Zamfir - but that's 'just' me

 

[CharleyH]

Lair of the White Worm was based on a book by Bram Stoker - he of Dracula fame. The book was reasonable. The film wasn't.

I have a collection of boring films. I used to buy them from my local video rental store as used.

Some of the worst -
The Bull Dance - the slow motion dancing with a comatose bull is not exciting yet is the climax;
Millie's Willy - teenage girl wants to do what the boys do so wishes on a juju and gets a willy: then doesn't know what to do with it except freak out; and
Beach Blanket Bingo - Annette Funicello as the most desirable babe on the beach even though she is vastly pregnant and spends most of the time sitting still wearing floral coveralls.

Og

Ogg, White Worm was HILARIOUS!!!! And the only good novel to film that I have read and seen was Polanski's Tess. It stayed true to the novel, and that is a FEAT. I loved The Hours, but never read the book, what can I say. Crossing to book club I guess?

Basic Instinct was incredible from a femme perspective, and I will argue it with anyone ,

The only second chapter film so far, (since Kill Bill 2 isn't out yet ) that was better than the first film was Terminator 2 , and well - I could go on But will save you all from my long list . . .

 

[kellycummings]

OMG - yes - say that film - and Anne Murray? Being Canadian I can say with certainty that the Doc is right, and her music is as exciting as Zamfir - but that's 'just' me

Growing up, my mom was a huge Anne Murray fan and I used to know all her songs by heart. Her and Barry Manilow. If I never hear another song by either of them I'll die happy.

 

[CharleyH]

Growing up, my mom was a huge Anne Murray fan and I used to know all her songs by heart. Her and Barry Manilow. If I never hear another song by either of them I'll die happy.

LOL - Barry - ya -uh huh - now theres another name I have't heard since disco once used to suck but doesn't anymore