Bored in Cali

[Batescutie86]

I’m not sure how to go about this but I figured I can’t be the only one with this problem.
Without getting too much into a rant I want to say that my home life is pretty great. Married my high school sweetheart, got a house, kids, a dog. All perfect right?
My question is what happens when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t had sex in 8 months. That the ‘love of your life’ has turned into your best friend and roommate?
And I know that someone is going to say I should talk to him about it, which I have. His response was ‘didn’t we have sex on our anniversary?’ (Our anniversary was in January and no, we didn’t)

 

[blue80driver]

Have you asked him “what turns you on?”

 

[4215]

An old Head

I’m not sure how to go about this but I figured I can’t be the only one with this problem.
Without getting too much into a rant I want to say that my home life is pretty great. Married my high school sweetheart, got a house, kids, a dog. All perfect right?
My question is what happens when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t had sex in 8 months. That the ‘love of your life’ has turned into your best friend and roommate?
And I know that someone is going to say I should talk to him about it, which I have. His response was ‘didn’t we have sex on our anniversary?’ (Our anniversary was in January and no, we didn’t)

Welcome to Lit first off ...". You guys are typical of most marriages ..... I've had two , and both had periods like this and it's not easy to get out either . Have you tried joint interests in one field or another , a holiday without kids at an adult resort can spark things again .
Now you are on your Lit adventure there are many ideas in this community , sex being a forte , new ideas abound here , maybe treat yourself to a lover FWB style because your marriage in most ways seems sound .
I wish you good luck in your search and I admire you in reaching out rather than giving up like so many do .

 

[Hue_G_Rection469]

Bored in Boston

I’m not sure how to go about this but I figured I can’t be the only one with this problem.
Without getting too much into a rant I want to say that my home life is pretty great. Married my high school sweetheart, got a house, kids, a dog. All perfect right?
My question is what happens when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t had sex in 8 months. That the ‘love of your life’ has turned into your best friend and roommate?
And I know that someone is going to say I should talk to him about it, which I have. His response was ‘didn’t we have sex on our anniversary?’ (Our anniversary was in January and no, we didn’t)

You are not alone whatsoever. Very similar situation here in Boston... Want to chat??

 

[maveric74]

Hi BatesCutie,
Sorry to hear and I can relate to this. I love my wife but we have not had sex in like 6-7 months. We have a 7 month old. She is my best friend but our sexual compatibility has dimmed over the years. It's frustrating because I have a high libido and would love to have sex multiple times a week!
And sorry to offend some of the other posters..BUT..stuff like taking a holiday without your kids, re-igniting the love, what turns you on etc. is not real. It doesn't work. Things fall back to the way they were.
I'm not sure what the options are? We are both in our 40s and I am resigned to living a celibate lifestyle for the moment. And don't even get me started on posters here who recommend we seperate and find someone else. In an ideal world, yes but not prepared to hurt my wife, my 7 month old and myself. Figuring out the logistics of the financial, real estate and emotional separation would be too stressful and emotionally draining.

I wish you well..

 

[Midwest50Guy]

sounds like you need to find a sitter for the kids and plan a romantic date night.

 

[Jada59]

Does he like sex? I found out after we married that my ex not only did not like sex but thought it was disgusting. Apparently sex outside of marriage was fine. But he saw me, his wife as someone who should do nothing but cook and clean for him. That's pretty much all he wanted out of me. And no, we were not best friends or even friends. He felt that sex while married was only for procreation. So... Any attempts I made at having sex with him were met with disgust and in later years, I guess, remembering how it used to be, with him calling me nasty names relating to various sexual things that I like.

I have had male friends who had various problems. One of which was erectile dysfunction. The harder they tried, the worse it got. They became embarrassed about it and didn't want their SO to know.

Or... They had a medical problem. Such as low testosterone that killed their sex drive. Or prostate problems. Or nerve damage from diabetes. Or a side effect of a medication. Even something like depression or anxiety can cause a man to lose his sex drive.

A female friend had a husband who was fooling around like crazy with other women, I think in an attempt to try to make himself feel more masculine and to deny his homosexuality. He wasn't bisexual. He didn't really want to have sex with women but he was uncomfortable for many years with having sex with men. They wound up divorcing and sadly he died of AIDS.

Now I'm just throwing that all out there. I have no clue if any of those things might apply to your guy. But I do know that most guys do not like talking about these things with their SO. They may talk to someone else about it but probably not you. Why? They might feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or think that you might leave them.

What I would do if I were you is initiate sex. Don't make a big deal of it. Don't do a date night or tell him in advance or anything like that. If he is having some of the above issues, knowing in advance that you are expecting sex could backfire and make him more uncomfortable.

Wait until you are alone. Either on the couch or in bed. Put on lingerie if he likes it. Or even if you like it.

From there, touch him in a way that you know he likes. Don't go for sex right away. Maybe a back rub or massage. Or just put your arm around him and cuddle. Kiss him. Doesn't even have to be a French kiss if he seems to balk at that. Kiss him all over and pay him compliments as you do so. Make the compliments genuine and simple. Such as how you like how his arms look in that shirt or how his butt looks in those jeans. Or that he smells good. Something small like that.

Work your way down to his cock. What you do from there depends on what he used to like and what you're comfortable with. Again, keep it simple and take baby steps. Try putting your hand on his cock. Just leave it there. Squeeze his cock gently, even if through his clothes. If he doesn't balk, then progress to stroking it gently, and perhaps if he allows you to free it, kiss it. Take your time to love his cock but don't comment on it or get upset if he doesn't get hard. If he doesn't get hard, say something nice to him, perhaps another compliment and move your hands and/or lips to another area of his body. Or you might try just holding his cock gently if doesn't object.

If it appears that he's not going to get hard, then you might make a comment about how sleepy you are and how you feel so good with his arms around you. This will give him the opportunity to play it off like he's just sleepy too, even if that isn't the case.

Keep trying this technique but not every night. You don't want to make him fearful that you find him to be nothing but a sex object or anything like that. Do remember to use your lips and hands/arms on him every day. Just don't go for his cock every day. Maybe every 2-3 days, let your hands and mouth wander to his cock. If he still isn't getting hard, see if he will let you hold it gently as you drift off to sleep.

If you haven't seen any progress in about two or three weeks, then it's rather out of your hands. And by progress, I don't necessarily mean him having sex with you. If he opens up to you and addresses the issue in any way, then that's progress. Keep in mind that the real issue might be more complicated than you think and he and/or the two of you might need professional help.

Another issue could be that the spark is just gone. Maybe he truly does like you or even love you but the lust just isn't there any more. Alas this is common in many relationships. Sometimes people marry for the wrong reasons or at the time, think they are marrying for the right reasons.

But whatever the case is, it's not your fault. You didn't cause it. It's something within him. And it's likely not to get better unless/until he decides to address it. Try to find ways to show him that you're there for him and are willing to help him through this if that's what he wants. Just try to find ways that aren't flat out verbally confronting the issue and making a big deal out of it.

 

[glBock]

an apology to you, Jada

Good morning Jada, please take this post as an apology from me to you. Frankly speaking, I had never thought before that you'd be capable of writing a post like you did with #7 above. And develop the thoughts necessary to write it.

I underestimated you, for which I am sorry.

Regarding the OP, Cutie in California, my main thought was: you can be thankful, I believe, for still being as young as you are. For in case all the efforts Jada mentions should fail (and they very well might), you have one option available to yourself: start your life anew with another man. And the next time pick one with a stronger sex drive.

 

[Sanadack]

My question is what happens when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t had sex in 8 months. That the ‘love of your life’ has turned into your best friend and roommate?

You realize life is too short. Trust me. Your sexual and therefore spiritual equal is out there. Your heart should be racing for reasons other than frustration and possibly anger. Life is meant to be experienced, not just dreamt about.

 

[jasondub]

You could be my wife...

Honey, is that you??

 

[Jada59]

Good morning Jada, please take this post as an apology from me to you. Frankly speaking, I had never thought before that you'd be capable of writing a post like you did with #7 above. And develop the thoughts necessary to write it.

I underestimated you, for which I am sorry.

Regarding the OP, Cutie in California, my main thought was: you can be thankful, I believe, for still being as young as you are. For in case all the efforts Jada mentions should fail (and they very well might), you have one option available to yourself: start your life anew with another man. And the next time pick one with a stronger sex drive.

Sorry to have drama in the OP's thread, but if you think that's an apology, you would be wrong. Whatever! I'll speak to the OP if she wants me to. Not you. Clearly you and I are on different planets if not in different universes.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

Does he like sex? I found out after we married that my ex not only did not like sex but thought it was disgusting. Apparently sex outside of marriage was fine. But he saw me, his wife as someone who should do nothing but cook and clean for him. That's pretty much all he wanted out of me. And no, we were not best friends or even friends. He felt that sex while married was only for procreation. So... Any attempts I made at having sex with him were met with disgust and in later years, I guess, remembering how it used to be, with him calling me nasty names relating to various sexual things that I like..

That almost sounds like my ex wife....aren't you glad you are not living that any longer.

 

[Jada59]

That almost sounds like my ex wife....aren't you glad you are not living that any longer.

Ayup!

 

[Midwest50Guy]

Ayup!

I know that you have to be doing much better than that nowadays..just laws of science

 

[Jada59]

I know that you have to be doing much better than that nowadays..just laws of science

Indeed I am!

 

[Littletoo]

I’m not sure how to go about this but I figured I can’t be the only one with this problem.
Without getting too much into a rant I want to say that my home life is pretty great. Married my high school sweetheart, got a house, kids, a dog. All perfect right?
My question is what happens when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t had sex in 8 months. That the ‘love of your life’ has turned into your best friend and roommate?
And I know that someone is going to say I should talk to him about it, which I have. His response was ‘didn’t we have sex on our anniversary?’ (Our anniversary was in January and no, we didn’t)

You certainly aren't the only one with this problem.*I can tell just by perusing the posts. I'm surprised by the number of posts that feature "bored ."I fail to see the eroticism in being bored. I find that "bored" people tend to be bor-ing. I don't mean you personally. From the brief bio on your post, I believe you are an interesting person. If nothing else, you appear to have a rather clear vision of what you are NOT getting from your husband. I doubt that the erotic details of that vision are boring at all. There are people here who have already posted on your thread who would engage with you on what you lack in your marriage. (See #8 for example) Would engaging with someone on Literotica "fix" things? Who knows? But at least you'd be less bored.

Love,

Jamie

 

[Specula]

I’m not sure how to go about this but I figured I can’t be the only one with this problem.
Without getting too much into a rant I want to say that my home life is pretty great. Married my high school sweetheart, got a house, kids, a dog. All perfect right?
My question is what happens when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t had sex in 8 months. That the ‘love of your life’ has turned into your best friend and roommate?
And I know that someone is going to say I should talk to him about it, which I have. His response was ‘didn’t we have sex on our anniversary?’ (Our anniversary was in January and no, we didn’t)

The answer to his question? 'Well, that's lovely! - We'll see you the next time it comes around! -

Meanwhile, you are free to play and .... whatever you fancy.... (they don't provide a devil emoji here).

 

[abvt75]

You have a serious problem. You need to have sex. You have many options , explore on this forum to know more.

Cuckolding
Cheating
Open Marriage

Ron

 

[WillJ8787]

I’m not sure how to go about this but I figured I can’t be the only one with this problem.
Without getting too much into a rant I want to say that my home life is pretty great. Married my high school sweetheart, got a house, kids, a dog. All perfect right?
My question is what happens when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t had sex in 8 months. That the ‘love of your life’ has turned into your best friend and roommate?
And I know that someone is going to say I should talk to him about it, which I have. His response was ‘didn’t we have sex on our anniversary?’ (Our anniversary was in January and no, we didn’t)

You took the first step which is to talk about what is wrong as you see it. The next step is to communicate with him what it is you need to be in a healthy relationship. If you need more physical contact and sex, then you need to start communicating what it is you need and being clear about what it means for you. And what it means to you if the current situation doesn't change. Have you thought about what you are going to do if he doesn't change? Would it be a deal breaker, or is an alternative arrangement workable for you to continue to be married?

Always start with what you need and what happens if you don't get that...this is the way to go in my book.