Bondage under the gun

[Croctden]

Has anyone ever had trouble getting pumped for play? I don’t mean performance anxiety, I mean your partner wanting to play and you thinking that you are not at the top of your game in this moment. You haven’t planned, are distracted by other matters, just not ready, etc. As I Dom I can just say we’re not playing now, but subs can’t. Do they get self-conscious?

As a Dom, because I’m charge it basically falls to me to make sure it’s fun. Under a certain light I imagine that could cause major pressure.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have experienced this, sometimes more often than others. You are right in that the submissives not having the right to decline cna be a problem, though there is also a lesson in that for me. In the past year, on top of adjusting to aspects of my journey as a slave, I have found many invasive pressures, thoughts, and moods provoked by my moving so far from my home, leaving behind a loved child and grandchild, and dealing with the pressure of knowing both my parents are medically on death's door. It tends to overpower all thoughts and desires of being the perfect slave at times.

With Master's gentle guidance I am learning those times when he is ready to session and I am not, are open for discussion, but not always negotiable. Part of the lesson is in ensuring at all times I confide my innermost thoughts, fears, and feelings to him instead of adopting my lifelong pattern of dealing with them alone and in silence. In opening my most vulnerable part of self to him, as is his right in owning me, I am allowing him the insight he needs to gauge the safety of placing more pressure on me, as well as giving him the opportunity to support me through my issues.

I am also learning to trust his judgement when he has that information, and still at times insists on my submitting fully to his wishes. It is a lesson in learning to say you trust someone, is sometimes well meant, but not always fully realised just how deep that trust has to go to be real. He sometimes demands more of me at those times, and I sometimes inwardly rage at his seemingly insensitivity when he takes this track, but in the end I learn a much more valuable lesson about submission, love, trust, and myself.

He helps me realise I am more than I give myself credit for most times, I am able to place myself in his hands and let go of all control and responsibility, and most beautifully come out the other side feeling my spirits renewed and annointed by the balm of our TPE where I am nurtured and cared for by him more than anything else on this planet. It is indescribable to explain how rejuvenating such an experience can be when you go into it feeling invalidated, and then experience the release his wisdom in judgement, and his strength in insisting on continuance despite his own desire to cradle me in his arms, can give through the physical, mental, and spiritual growth he engenders. For this I love him more each day.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

Nope, I do not have that problem. But I do not live with any of My submissives, so that is probably a huge factor. 24/7 is more exacting for a dominant.

 

[Shadowsdream]

It is the way it is.
On both sides of the whip.
When My mind is on other matters or ill health My mind is a million miles away from play. I can feel the desire in My toy, to be played with and both he and I know at this time he better keep a pretty tight rien (sp?) on that desire. If I feel any pressure to play you can bet your ass it is not going to happen anytime soon.

When I have a desire to play and the slave may not have a matching desire I will consider his reasons. If they are valid in the moment and not just an off moment I will often step back and allow him the space he needs to cope with the work or illness, stress factors.
If his reasons are simply laziness or lack of umph he will find his ass red before he knows what hit him ~~grin~~

W/we all have off moments where play is the last thing desired. It would be counter productive not to listen to the reality and go with the flow some days.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is the way it is.
On both sides of the whip.
When My mind is on other matters or ill health My mind is a million miles away from play. I can feel the desire in My toy, to be played with and both he and I know at this time he better keep a pretty tight rien (sp?) on that desire. If I feel any pressure to play you can bet your ass it is not going to happen anytime soon.

When I have a desire to play and the slave may not have a matching desire I will consider his reasons. If they are valid in the moment and not just an off moment I will often step back and allow him the space he needs to cope with the work or illness, stress factors.
If his reasons are simply laziness or lack of umph he will find his ass red before he knows what hit him ~~grin~~

W/we all have off moments where play is the last thing desired. It would be counter productive not to listen to the reality and go with the flow some days.

I knew you would post the definitive answer for Me. I recognized that living with one's sub/slave makes a big difference.

 

[Quint]

I've been having a terribly stressful time recently. I need to find a job and take care of other obligations; I only see T when we both return home exhausted from our respective days and the thought that the next morning we need to wake up and do it all over again NEVER leaves my mind. It's so hard to keep my thoughts focused on him, even when we're playing. It's really frustrating for both of us and as of yet I haven't found a solution, other than getting a job and reducing the number of obligations to other people I have. And maybe taking up meditation to give me a little bit of mental self-discipline.

I second everything that Catalina said about conveying these fears and stresses to the dominant; especially now, when my mind is going everywhere so fast that I can barely name the cause for all this distress, communication is vital. Talking through it always helps us. I don't expect that my stress should prevent us from playing if he desires to break through it, but it is only fair that he know my mind may not be easy to reach.

 

[D's mariposa]

We've had this problem too. When he's ready to play and I'm not, it sort of becomes something that really tests your submission. I always try to please him even if my hearts not in it. Usually I find myself responding to him anyway.

On the other hand, we've been together for some time and living together since this spring. He can read me well enough to know when I really can't handle play. On one hand, that's really cool; it's takes a lot of the pressure off. Of course, him being able to read me so well causes problems of its own!

 

[Krinaia]

Catalina, Quint i love hearing about your relationship. I hope that some day I am able to find something similar for myself. It must be so rewarding to be able to grow with someone in these ways. It is a fulfillment that I think many of us still seek.

 

[InnerDarkness]

I have been in this position before...I didnt really want to be intimate with Sir...my problem was that I was not really clear with him what my issue was...I didnt speak up or explain myself, so it was no wonder that he didn't understand and was quite confused as to why I would shy away from his advances.

Ultimately I was able to continue, because for me....I can not stand to know that I have disappointed him in any way. Pleasing him is so incredibly important to him, and I am learning to trust that he already knows me almost as well as I know myself....maybe more so.

He would never push me too far if I truly wasnt able or emotionally capable of being with him, but the real lesson for me is being able to be totally open and fully explain myself to him so he has all the proper information for making a decision about whether to continue or stop.

Now...as to whether HE has ever not been in the mood when I was...not sure that has happened yet LOL

 

[Netzach]

I might be just kind of unusual for a D. Every time I've tried to push through one of M's off nights, the scene has been shitty, I've felt guilty and lousy. It's like making someone say "I love you" instead of them just saying it to you, it loses all satisfaction, for me anyway.

We scene when we both are in the mindset to scene. It works well for us.