Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,333
Ok, I started a new thread (which I might have to kick you under the table for: now I have to go back and forth to review what you say). 
Your points are interesting not only because of discussing Leśmian, but also because of the discussion of translation. As you might know, one of my favorite poets is Forough Farrokhzad, an Iranian woman. I can't read Farsi so I've only read her in translation and in many ways those translations aren't very good as poems. Yet there is something essential in them that transcends the translation shortcomings and still manages to communicate. And that quality made me love her poetry. So I wonder whether you think the Leśmian translations still can communicate some of what you think of as his voice.
I think you've already answered that to some extent in your example of the English neologism in the translation compared to the Polish word choice that Leśmian switches from noun to adjective to make a neologism. The latter, as you describe it, is richer. And of course as you said it's difficult to translate rhyme and rhythm.
Anyway here are a few poems I found on the web. There's no credit given for translation so I can't say who did them. And I believe they are mostly lousy translations (because there are phrasings I read that make me wince!), but there were still qualities there that communicated enough to me to raise my interest in the poet after you mentioned him.
I also should apologize in advance if I am not so available to respond much for the next few days. I have a lot of cooking to do.
The first of these two poems works better in my opinion, but I prefer the second one even though I think it has a lot more flaws.
Tango
A nowhere sailing golden boat,
A lilac shore – and my dismay.
Let’s glide in tandem, like two ships,
Not looking at the gleaming floor.
*
In The Dark
The lip is the lip's friend, the hand the hand's
Lying next each other each one understands
To whom he belongs - each one of the buried dead.
Unwillingly the night goes overhead;
The earth asserts itself, but hesitantly;
And leaflessly the leaves move on a tree.
God stirs the wind and space: but He is high
Above the forest's distant forest sigh.
The wind says this to space:
"I'll not be back
Across this forest while the night shines black."
Still darkness thickens, pierced by small starlight.
The seagulls flying over the sea are white.
One says: "I've heard the fate of stars foretold."
The next: "I've watched the heavens themselves unfold."
The third is silent, but because it knew
Two bodies, glowing in the darkness, who
Wove darkness into their embrace: it found
Them made of the caress in which they wound.
Your points are interesting not only because of discussing Leśmian, but also because of the discussion of translation. As you might know, one of my favorite poets is Forough Farrokhzad, an Iranian woman. I can't read Farsi so I've only read her in translation and in many ways those translations aren't very good as poems. Yet there is something essential in them that transcends the translation shortcomings and still manages to communicate. And that quality made me love her poetry. So I wonder whether you think the Leśmian translations still can communicate some of what you think of as his voice.
I think you've already answered that to some extent in your example of the English neologism in the translation compared to the Polish word choice that Leśmian switches from noun to adjective to make a neologism. The latter, as you describe it, is richer. And of course as you said it's difficult to translate rhyme and rhythm.
Anyway here are a few poems I found on the web. There's no credit given for translation so I can't say who did them. And I believe they are mostly lousy translations (because there are phrasings I read that make me wince!), but there were still qualities there that communicated enough to me to raise my interest in the poet after you mentioned him.
I also should apologize in advance if I am not so available to respond much for the next few days. I have a lot of cooking to do.
The first of these two poems works better in my opinion, but I prefer the second one even though I think it has a lot more flaws.
Tango
A nowhere sailing golden boat,
A lilac shore – and my dismay.
Let’s glide in tandem, like two ships,
Not looking at the gleaming floor.
*
In The Dark
The lip is the lip's friend, the hand the hand's
Lying next each other each one understands
To whom he belongs - each one of the buried dead.
Unwillingly the night goes overhead;
The earth asserts itself, but hesitantly;
And leaflessly the leaves move on a tree.
God stirs the wind and space: but He is high
Above the forest's distant forest sigh.
The wind says this to space:
"I'll not be back
Across this forest while the night shines black."
Still darkness thickens, pierced by small starlight.
The seagulls flying over the sea are white.
One says: "I've heard the fate of stars foretold."
The next: "I've watched the heavens themselves unfold."
The third is silent, but because it knew
Two bodies, glowing in the darkness, who
Wove darkness into their embrace: it found
Them made of the caress in which they wound.
